# NYT article - Do Swedish People Feed Their Guests? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 2, 2022, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nyt-article-do-swedish-people-feed-their-guests/965574 "2022-06-02T15:05:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2022, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nyt-article-do-swedish-people-feed-their-guests/965574/81 "2022-06-04T01:29:40Z")
> [@doreen](#): > > there’s also a sort of convention in the US that you go home when meal time approaches so that a kid who wasn’t invited to dinner wouldn’t still be in the house when the family was eating dinner Or, your friend’s parents would call your parents and ask if it’s okay for you to stay for dinner. If not, you would be told that your parents are expecting you at home. Either way, you wouldn’t be sitting around while the household dined. ---
**Author:** ![Esprise\_Me](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprise_me/32/2947_2.png) [@Esprise\_Me](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprise_Me)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2022, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nyt-article-do-swedish-people-feed-their-guests/965574/82 "2022-06-04T02:38:36Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > In India, French toast is white thin toasting bread dipped in beaten egg (with salt only) and pan fried. It is served with raw green chilis, chopped cilantro leaves, crispy fried onions, and ketchup (either regular or chili ketchup). That actually sounds quite tasty–and I’m another who blanched at the mention of ketchup on French toast. We always make ours with cinnamon raisin bread, so it probably wouldn’t work so well as a savory dish even without the powdered sugar and syrup. My mom used to make pancakes when I had friends sleep over. Everyone except my best friend loved them. My best friend would refuse the butter and syrup and just sullenly pick at a single dry pancake. Her mom made waffles all the time and she liked those; I could never figure out why this was so different. Eventually my mom stopped making pancakes when she came over and bought mini donuts or other things my friend would eat. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2022, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nyt-article-do-swedish-people-feed-their-guests/965574/83 "2022-06-04T03:22:27Z")
> [@thorny\_locust](#): > > For people who aren’t being as strict, ordinary washing is enough; but for the really strict, it isn’t – so they’re not intending any insult if they refuse even water. And yet…i have fed Orthodox Jews, even a Lubuvitcher friend. I used to know the rules, even. Like, i think they can eat cold dry food off my dishes (potato chips from my bowl, so long as they see the chips coming from a bag that’s marked kosher.) And yes, I’ve served drinks to Orthodox friends who cared about the plates. Maybe i had a paper cup? Maybe a glass was okay? It’s been years since it mattered to me, so i don’t remember the details. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2022, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nyt-article-do-swedish-people-feed-their-guests/965574/84 "2022-06-04T03:27:13Z")
I’m one of those who didn’t like syrup on pancakes. I mean, not always, but if I got pancakes at a diner, (most breakfast plates would come with an ungodly amount of them), I would dip them in the egg yolk, no syrup (well, when I was really young I liked the syrup, but after about, say, ten years old my breakfast tastes took a hard turn towards the savory. Similarly, I like my oatmeal with green onions, a fried egg, cheese, and hot peppers.) I make pancakes reasonably regularly for the wife and kids – I won’t eat them, though (unless I make ones with cornmeal, bacon, and jalapenos for myself, which I generally can’t be arsed to do.) ETA: Oh, and I’m like your childhood best friend – I do actually like waffles, though go very light on the syrup, if any, with them. The texture makes a huge difference in my enjoyment of two foods made from identical batters. I do not own a waffle iron, though, and have no intention of ever buying one, so it’ll be pancakes for the kids and something else for daddy. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2022, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nyt-article-do-swedish-people-feed-their-guests/965574/85 "2022-06-04T03:39:59Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > I mean, not always, but if I got pancakes at a diner, (most breakfast plates would come with an ungodly amount of them), I would dip them in the egg yolk, no syrup (well, when I was really young I liked the syrup, but after about, say, ten years old my breakfast tastes took a hard turn towards the savory. I rarely eat pancakes, but if they come with a breakfast order, I often have a little with just butter. It helps that most “maple syrup” available in restaurants and diners is fake and disgusting. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2022, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nyt-article-do-swedish-people-feed-their-guests/965574/86 "2022-06-04T03:48:14Z")
It’s funny, because when I was really little and enjoyed anything sweet, the idea of butter on pancakes just baffled me. I know I saw it on cartoons (I’m specifically thinking of a Chilly Willy flapjack episode), but it just was never served that way in my house, and I often forget that butter is “normal” on a pancake, at least in the US. (I still need my wife to remind me to bring it out when I make it for them.) That said, my uncle, when he was visiting from Poland, would make the Polish version of crepes called _naleśniki_ and serve them rolled up with apricot jam or whatever fruit preserve we had on hand. Sometimes also with curd cheese (akin to a ricotta or a small curd cottage cheese). Now those were killer. (There’s a ham and cheese version that’s great, too.) ---
**Author:** ![Esprise\_Me](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprise_me/32/2947_2.png) [@Esprise\_Me](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprise_Me)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2022, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nyt-article-do-swedish-people-feed-their-guests/965574/87 "2022-06-04T03:54:36Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > It helps that most “maple syrup” available in restaurants and diners is fake and disgusting. Oh I’m with you there. Nothing but real maple syrup in our house. ---
**Author:** ![octopus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/octopus/32/3716_2.png) [@octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/octopus)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2022, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nyt-article-do-swedish-people-feed-their-guests/965574/88 "2022-06-04T04:10:19Z")
When I read the commentary on that article I found it unfathomable that folks could be so stingy or transactional. Where I grew up, which was in a poor neighborhood, if we were visiting or had guests meals were part of the visit. It just seems polite if you are invited to a place and the invitation extends throughout meal times or over a night that food would be provided. Now that I have read about this I won’t be surprised visiting Sweden if you’re expected to call for your own pizza delivery or hop on a bus to the public toilet. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2022, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nyt-article-do-swedish-people-feed-their-guests/965574/89 "2022-06-04T04:21:49Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > i have fed Orthodox Jews, even a Lubuvitcher friend. I used to know the rules, even. Like, i think they can eat cold dry food off my dishes (potato chips from my bowl, so long as they see the chips coming from a bag that’s marked kosher.) And yes, I’ve served drinks to Orthodox friends who cared about the plates. Maybe i had a paper cup? Maybe a glass was okay? Kosher food from previously unopened packages, with paper/plastic or other new plates/cups/utensils, would generally be fine, yes. I just meant that a refusal to eat/drink anything might be for that reason, and the people in some cases might not want to explain the workaround or to put hosts to the trouble if they weren’t sure such things were on hand. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2022, 10:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nyt-article-do-swedish-people-feed-their-guests/965574/90 "2022-06-04T10:00:03Z")
No, I’ve dumped kosher food into my own bowl, that I’ve used before, and that was still acceptable to an Orthodox Jew who dunked all their own pots into a mikvah. I think the food had to be cold (room temp) and possibly dry. Back when i entertained kosher Jews more often, i knew the rules. ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2022, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nyt-article-do-swedish-people-feed-their-guests/965574/91 "2022-06-05T04:22:26Z")
Sometimes dinner is planned for a family. Mom might cook 4 pieces of chicken and 4 ears of corn for a family of 4. A unplanned extra guest would create problems. It depends on the meal. Meatloaf can feed extra guests, but Mom might have planned leftovers for the next night. The old joke about adding water to the soup is true. That was always helpful when relatives stopped by. I remember eating snacks at my friends house. Usually kool-aid or ice tea with cookies or a few m&m’s. That’s not a big deal. I _never_ went into the family’s fridge. My friend would do that if needed. Supper-time meant it was time to go home. The only exception was sleep overs. That was planned and it was understood the guest ate dinner and breakfast. Usually homemade burgers & fries for dinner and cereal the next morning. I don’t remember many sleep overs. ---
**Author:** ![hibernicus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hibernicus/32/2802_2.png) [@hibernicus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hibernicus)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2022, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nyt-article-do-swedish-people-feed-their-guests/965574/92 "2022-06-05T21:53:51Z")
In Irish culture it is almost literally unthinkable that you would not offer food to a person who is in your home when you are having a meal. It would be an extraordinary violation of social norms. That hospitality expectation would have applied in past generations when sharing your food might mean going hungry yourself. Of course a considerate guest would avoid putting their host in a difficult position. For me it is so unthinkable that someone would be allowed to sit at the dinner table without being offered food, or left in another room of the house without being invited to join the meal, that I thought I must be misunderstanding the OP. ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2022, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nyt-article-do-swedish-people-feed-their-guests/965574/93 "2022-06-05T22:02:25Z")
This begat a follow-up article with many Swedes saying they remembered this occasionally from their youth and others denying it was a thing. The logic was that it would be insulting to the kid’s family to feed them as it implied they had increased needs. All argued it was a dated tradition. At that time, Swedish society was fairly homogeneous so presumably halal or kosher cutlery was not the issue. I was fed all the time at friends houses in Canada, usually with the simple foods of the day: bologna or peanut butter sandwiches. Occasionally fancier, a few times much fancier. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2022, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nyt-article-do-swedish-people-feed-their-guests/965574/94 "2022-06-05T22:42:45Z")
> [@aceplace57](#): > > Mom might cook 4 pieces of chicken and 4 ears of corn for a family of 4. A unplanned extra guest would create problems. In our culture, the adults would split a share so that the guest could get a full share, and then make up for it later with a late-night snack. Also, adults routinely would give up their own beds for visitors who were staying over, whether planned for or not. That’s how important hospitality is in some cultures: You sacrifice for guests, whether you want them there or not. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2022, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nyt-article-do-swedish-people-feed-their-guests/965574/95 "2022-06-05T22:49:08Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > > [@doreen](#): > > > > there’s also a sort of convention in the US that you go home when meal time approaches so that a kid who wasn’t invited to dinner wouldn’t still be in the house when the family was eating dinner > > Or, your friend’s parents would call your parents and ask if it’s okay for you to stay for dinner. If not, you would be told that your parents are expecting you at home. Either way, you wouldn’t be sitting around while the household dined. I definitely remember this; usually the visitor would call home to check if it’s OK to stay over for dinner, and his/her mother might ask to speak to the parent. This might be an opportunity for the hosts to become aware of any allergies or dietary quirks. ---
**Author:** ![carrps](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carrps/32/2957_2.png) [@carrps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrps)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2022, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nyt-article-do-swedish-people-feed-their-guests/965574/96 "2022-06-05T23:04:38Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > That said, my uncle, when he was visiting from Poland, would make the Polish version of crepes called _naleśniki_ and serve them rolled up with apricot jam or whatever fruit preserve we had on hand. My mom made palacsinta which we ate rolled up with strawberry or raspberry (my fav) jam. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2022, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nyt-article-do-swedish-people-feed-their-guests/965574/97 "2022-06-05T23:54:40Z")
Palacsinta places were quite popular in Hungary when I lived there, especially for the late night crowd, with plenty of sweet and savory choices! ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2022, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nyt-article-do-swedish-people-feed-their-guests/965574/98 "2022-06-06T00:39:19Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > Also, adults routinely would give up their own beds for visitors who were staying over, whether planned for or not. That’s how important hospitality is in some cultures: You sacrifice for guests, whether you want them there or not. lol, we gave up our bed for a visitor last weekend. It was sort of a mix-up on my part, and I had invited the visitor and intended to give him the guest bedroom, but we were fostering kittens in that room, and he’s allergic. So we gave him our bed. So I get the urge to be hospitable. ---
**Author:** ![stui\_magpie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stui_magpie/32/11010_2.png) [@stui\_magpie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stui_magpie)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2022, 10:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nyt-article-do-swedish-people-feed-their-guests/965574/99 "2022-06-06T10:45:19Z")
I have no idea how Swedish people operate, but when I was a teen if I had friends over and it was mealtime, mum would feed them. It was just a given. Bush hospitality. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2022, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nyt-article-do-swedish-people-feed-their-guests/965574/100 "2022-06-06T13:38:46Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > we gave up our bed for a visitor last weekend. It was sort of a mix-up on my part, and I had invited the visitor and intended to give him the guest bedroom, but we were fostering kittens in that room, and he’s allergic. I can’t resist coming in here to say that if I were a guest, I’d be very happy to be offered the bedroom that came with foster (or permanent-resident) kittens! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nyt-article-do-swedish-people-feed-their-guests/965574.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nyt-article-do-swedish-people-feed-their-guests/965574.md?page=6)