# NYT article - Do Swedish People Feed Their Guests? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 2, 2022, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nyt-article-do-swedish-people-feed-their-guests/965574 "2022-06-02T15:05:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2022, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nyt-article-do-swedish-people-feed-their-guests/965574/121 "2022-06-12T15:46:30Z")
I think what the person in that article is talking about is something a little different from the “man who buys a woman dinner or drinks expects something in return”. On some level, I think almost everybody who buys dinner/drinks/does a favor for someone expects something in return on some level. Not sex necessarily - but I think most people would be annoyed if they were always paying for dinners out and the other person never reciprocated in any way, not even with a home-cooked meal. Or if I covered your shift at work and you never covered for me when I ask and so on. Or if there are three of us who hang out at a bar- and one never buys a round. But there are some people who operate little differently, and I think that is what the person in the article was trying to get at. I had an acquaintance who one time borrowed a dollar from me to use a vending machine ( in the days before they took credit cards or gave change). At some point before the end of the day , he handed me a dollar and I had to ask him why. Neither of us was in a financial situation where a dollar mattered - if I had been in that situation, I wouldn’t have forgotten all about it. I couldn’t figure out why he was so intent on repaying me - in our circle, for small amounts of money and minor favors , we operated on a basis of “today I give you a dollar, at some point, I’ll need a dollar”. After thinking about it for a while , and based on this guy’s other behaviors, I realized what it was - he didn’t want to be in debt to anyone , because he might be expected to repay that debt at a time or in a way that wasn’t convenient to him. And I think that may have been what the person was talking about in that article - if there are ten of us and I don’t buy a round , any opportunity I have to repay the generosity might be more of a burden that simply repaying people for my drink today. ---
**Author:** ![Esprise\_Me](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprise_me/32/2947_2.png) [@Esprise\_Me](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprise_Me)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2022, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nyt-article-do-swedish-people-feed-their-guests/965574/122 "2022-06-12T17:02:22Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > I don’t think that what you have described is all that uncommon in dating situations, but it doesn’t seem to me that it relates to the situations here. Unless think that by accepting a friend’s hospitality, Swedes fear creating the impression that they might owe sex in return? You’re being quite dismissive of everyone participating in or being spoken of in this thread. I’m enjoying the discussion otherwise, but I think I’m going to bow out rather than subject myself to this. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2022, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nyt-article-do-swedish-people-feed-their-guests/965574/123 "2022-06-12T17:14:27Z")
> [@Esprise\_Me](#): > > You’re being quite dismissive of everyone participating in or being spoken of in this thread. I’m enjoying the discussion otherwise, but I think I’m going to bow out rather than subject myself to this. I apologize. In my culture, this is how we have a conversation. We can use hyperbole but it’s all part of a sincere exchange of ideas. ---
**Author:** ![carrps](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carrps/32/2957_2.png) [@carrps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrps)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2022, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nyt-article-do-swedish-people-feed-their-guests/965574/124 "2022-06-12T21:10:14Z")
> [@doreen](#): > > But there are some people who operate little differently, and I think that is what the person in the article was trying to get at. I had an acquaintance who one time borrowed a dollar from me to use a vending machine ( in the days before they took credit cards or gave change). At some point before the end of the day , he handed me a dollar and I had to ask him why. Neither of us was in a financial situation where a dollar mattered - if I had been in that situation, I wouldn’t have forgotten all about it. I couldn’t figure out why he was so intent on repaying me - in our circle, for small amounts of money and minor favors , we operated on a basis of “today I give you a dollar, at some point, I’ll need a dollar”. I think that is the more negative interpretation of that. I grew up poor. I always repaid my debts (even a dollar!) as soon as I could so I wouldn’t be thought of as one of those chiselling poors. More a form of low self esteem than anything else! And I was certainly happy to lend money if I had it. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2022, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nyt-article-do-swedish-people-feed-their-guests/965574/125 "2022-06-12T21:59:10Z")
Like I said, my view was also based on his other behaviors , the list of which would be too long for this post. Let’s just say he once got caught getting a free hotel room on a trip and trying to charge his roommate half of what the room would have cost if it hadn’t been free- he didn’t much care what people thought of him as far as being chiseling. ---
**Author:** ![carrps](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carrps/32/2957_2.png) [@carrps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrps)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2022, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nyt-article-do-swedish-people-feed-their-guests/965574/126 "2022-06-12T22:48:30Z")
O.k. _that_ guy sounds like a chiseller. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nyt-article-do-swedish-people-feed-their-guests/965574.md?page=6)