# Obnoxious things to teach a 3 year old \[NEED ANSWER FAST\] **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 11, 2012, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855 "2012-06-11T21:06:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2012, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/1 "2012-06-11T21:06:45Z")
I’m babysitting my friends’ 5 month old and 3 year old tonight. The baby is the nicest, most calm baby ever, so I’m not worried about that. The three year old, on the other hand, is a handful in all the best ways (seriously, she’s super smart and super funny). So, what obnoxious things can I teach the 3 year old (well, she’s almost 3) in a span of 3 hours? Ideas thus far: [ul] [li]I could teach her how to Dougie.[/li] [li]I could teach her to respond to everything with, “BUT DADDY, I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE HIM!”[/li][/ul] More ideas? (And before everyone thinks I’m a crappy friend, her parents already do things like this. For example, one day, she was playing a game where she decided she was hiding from snakes. Her dad taught her to say Nazis instead. So, now, she hides under the stairs at my house, pretend shouting that the Nazis are coming). ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2012, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/2 "2012-06-11T21:09:14Z")
Teach her the wrong words to nursery rhymes and children’s songs. Bonus points if they are just random words you sing to the tune. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2012, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/3 "2012-06-11T21:09:30Z")
My cousin taught a friends kid to point at people and say ‘Hamster Brain’. ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2012, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/4 "2012-06-11T21:09:54Z")
Dude-speak. As in “hey duuuuude!” or “I don’t - what do you think, duuuuuude?” I did that with a friend’s 3 year old and it was…very effective. I got in a bit of trouble because the kid would not stop. Face it, the word Dude is pretty funny on a few levels to a little kid… ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2012, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/5 "2012-06-11T21:13:11Z")
I was also thinking of trying to teach her to say something super creepy in Latin, totally straight faced without blinking. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2012, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/6 "2012-06-11T21:15:14Z")
“Milk milk lemonade” is a popular one. ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2012, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/7 "2012-06-11T21:21:11Z")
Teach him that if he wants something, the best way to get it is to scream “stop hitting me!” as loudly as possible. ---
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2012, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/8 "2012-06-11T21:23:05Z")
How about the “It’s a small world” song? ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2012, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/9 "2012-06-11T21:31:45Z")
“Redrum! Redrum!” ---
**Author:** ![emcee2k](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7bcc69/32.png) [@emcee2k](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emcee2k)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2012, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/10 "2012-06-11T21:34:16Z")
[This is an old favorite.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HNTxr2NJHa0) ---
**Author:** ![voltaire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voltaire/32/313_2.png) [@voltaire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voltaire)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2012, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/11 "2012-06-11T21:38:39Z")
Teach her how to make fart sounds by putting her hand in her armpit. I must’ve driven my parents batty when I discovered that one. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2012, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/12 "2012-06-11T21:39:38Z")
I like to teach kids how to do a Bronx cheer or raspberry. If the kid’s dad is a sports fan, teach her to follow it up with the name of his favorite team. When I was small, my uncle, who was a NY Giants fan, taught me to do that and go up to another uncle who was a Dodger fan and go _Thbbbbbbbbbt! Dodgers!_😃 ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2012, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/13 "2012-06-11T21:41:26Z")
Play the kazoo? ---
**Author:** ![Gagundathar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a183cd/32.png) [@Gagundathar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gagundathar)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2012, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/14 "2012-06-11T21:43:38Z")
The idea of teaching a 3-year-old girl do do ‘The Dougie’ amuses me immensely. I suggest you teach her to stare at someone, tilt her head at an odd angle and cheerfully say, “I… Must… Find… A… New… Host!” ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2012, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/15 "2012-06-11T21:57:37Z")
When my 4-year-old niece had her birthday, I taught “Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo” to her older sister. Older sisters need to know things like that for a younger sibling’s birthday. I’m her mother’s older sister, I know these things. ---
**Author:** ![UncleRojelio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unclerojelio/32/3160_2.png) [@UncleRojelio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleRojelio)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2012, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/16 "2012-06-11T22:09:00Z")
Show her where the cupholder is on the computer. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2012, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/17 "2012-06-11T22:09:31Z")
Teach her to sing the fight song/cheer of her dad’s hated sports rival. This works particularly well if the dad is a college football fan. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2012, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/18 "2012-06-11T22:23:03Z")
Teach her to say “that’s what she said” in response to everything. ---
**Author:** ![Capt\_Kirk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@Capt\_Kirk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capt_Kirk)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2012, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/19 "2012-06-11T22:35:03Z")
DRUMS, teach her to play the drums, you can get her a kids set cheap or even just a snare, be sure to send them home with her. Drums+Kid=Awesome **Capt** ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2012, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/20 "2012-06-11T22:37:04Z")
Teach her to call out “loser” and “sucker” to cars being passed while they’re on the highway. My son started doing that and it was pretty funny, until he started doing it to people’s faces. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855.md?page=2)