# Obnoxious things to teach a 3 year old \[NEED ANSWER FAST\] **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 11, 2012, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855 "2012-06-11T21:06:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2012, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/21 "2012-06-11T22:52:43Z")
Teach her to say “Vote for [insert name of whichever politician parents hate here].” ---
**Author:** ![StuffLikeThatThere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc8723/32.png) [@StuffLikeThatThere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StuffLikeThatThere)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2012, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/22 "2012-06-11T22:55:14Z")
My three-year old is currently driving me insane with his obsession about nipples. “Are those your nipples?” “Hey, [18-year-old female cousin], can I see your nipples?” “Hey Mom, are you wearing that [bra] to hide your nipples?” That, or another body part that is not for public consumption (but not really horribly embarrassing) might do nicely. ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2012, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/23 "2012-06-11T22:56:17Z")
Get her something loud and tell her every time she makes the noise, Santa will bring her an extra present at Christmas. ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2012, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/24 "2012-06-11T23:02:53Z")
Teach them to yell, “It’s the COPS!!” every time the doorbell rings. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2012, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/25 "2012-06-11T23:08:40Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Teach her to say “that’s what she said” in response to everything. LOL This is a personal favorite, but I feel like when they go visit grandma next week, I’d be in a world of trouble. Grandma is very sweet and Catholic, you see. ---
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2012, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/26 "2012-06-11T23:19:32Z")
Teach her old-time slang. A 3-year old saying “Sure thing, Daddy-O” is _hilarious_. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2012, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/27 "2012-06-11T23:25:40Z")
> [@Antigen](#): > > Teach her old-time slang. > > A 3-year old saying “Sure thing, Daddy-O” is _hilarious_. I was literally just Googling old timey slang to teach her. My personal favorite I found is, “some pumpkins!” (which, apparently, means an admirable person or thing- as in: “Princess and the Frog is some pumpkins!”) ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2012, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/28 "2012-06-11T23:39:31Z")
Teach her the alternate version of Mary Had A Little Lamb: Mary had a little lamb It’s fleece was white as snow Mary walked past the butcher shop But her lamb went by too slow. ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2012, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/29 "2012-06-11T23:57:52Z")
Teach her to flex and say “Welcome to the gun show!” ---
**Author:** ![Lasciel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e79b87/32.png) [@Lasciel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lasciel)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2012, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/30 "2012-06-12T00:08:16Z")
One word: [“valspeak”](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHDcD_xhwAo&feature=related) Your work is finished. Oh, bonus points for the use of “tubular.” ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2012, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/31 "2012-06-12T00:11:36Z")
Teach her to be an old timey British imperialist. That way she can rant, “about the colonies.” Her dad should find that amusing. “This is the song that doesn’t end…and it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because this is the song that doesn’t end, and it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because this is the song that doesn’t end, and it goes…” Teach her to use _argo_, _vis a vis_, _ex post facto_, etc. Oh, and teacher the very important court case _finders/keepers v losers/weepers_. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2012, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/32 "2012-06-12T00:13:35Z")
> [@voltaire](#): > > Teach her how to make fart sounds by putting her hand in her armpit. I must’ve driven my parents batty when I discovered that one. I second this. Also: “I wanna smoke some WEED!” “I’ve got the munchies.” “I’m holding for my mom.” “Opps, that wasn’t the fart I thought it was going to be.” ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2012, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/33 "2012-06-12T00:37:26Z")
> [@RandMcnally](#): > > “This is the song that doesn’t end..and it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because this is the song that doesn’t end, and it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because this is the song that doesn’t end, and it goes…” If she can count, 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall; it’s simpler & annoyingly repetitive. ---
**Author:** ![MissTake](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misstake/32/3189_2.png) [@MissTake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissTake)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2012, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/34 "2012-06-12T01:39:31Z")
_The old cow flew into the county store And he (RASPBERRY) on the counter And he (RASPBERRY) on the floor And he (RASPBERRY) in the coffee And he (RASPBERRY) in the tea And if I hadn’t moved he’da (RASPBERRY) on me!_ Best if child has just had a glass of milk so the raspberries are especially juicy. Or you can do what TheKid’s dad did… teach her to call everyone “butthead”. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2012, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/35 "2012-06-12T01:43:20Z")
Secret word! ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2012, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/36 "2012-06-12T02:11:58Z")
> [@MissTake](#): > > _The old cow flew into the county store > And he (RASPBERRY) on the counter > And he (RASPBERRY) on the floor > And he (RASPBERRY) in the coffee > And he (RASPBERRY) in the tea > And if I hadn’t moved he’da (RASPBERRY) on me!_ > > Best if child has just had a glass of milk so the raspberries are especially juicy. > > Or you can do what TheKid’s dad did… teach her to call everyone “butthead”. Is that supposed to read “the old **crow** ”? Because I’m having a mental image of a flying bovine dropping cowpatty after cowpatty with a juicy splat all over the place. _snerk_ ---
**Author:** ![Lasciel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e79b87/32.png) [@Lasciel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lasciel)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2012, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/37 "2012-06-12T02:28:08Z")
> [@Chef\_Troy](#): > > Is that supposed to read “the old **crow** ”? Because I’m having a mental image of a flying bovine dropping cowpatty after cowpatty with a juicy splat all over the place. _snerk_ I dunno, I’m really liking **MissTake** ’s version more and more the longer I think about it, actually. ---
**Author:** ![cwthree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@cwthree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cwthree)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2012, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/38 "2012-06-12T02:47:33Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > I was also thinking of trying to teach her to say something super creepy in Latin, totally straight faced without blinking. Teach her to sing “What Shall We Do With The Drunken Sailor” in Latin: _Ebrio quid faciamus nauta Ebrio quid faciamus nauta Ebrio quid faciamus nauta Hora matutina?_ ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2012, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/39 "2012-06-12T03:10:16Z")
Teach her that little children who suck their thumbs will blow up like a balloon and burst from doing that! Then, when the Ladies Bridge Club is there one day, and one of the ladies is very obviously pregnant, Little Kiddo will point to her and say loudly: “I know what YOU’VE been doing!” ---
**Author:** ![romansperson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/romansperson/32/17100_2.png) [@romansperson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/romansperson)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2012, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/40 "2012-06-12T03:13:01Z")
This, of course: [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/58YNYqN6lko/maxresdefault.jpg "Parenthood (1/12) Movie CLIP - The Diarrhea Song (1989) HD") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=58YNYqN6lko) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855.md?page=3)