# Obnoxious things to teach a 3 year old \[NEED ANSWER FAST\] **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 11, 2012, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855 "2012-06-11T21:06:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2012, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/61 "2012-06-14T03:21:05Z")
That Thor’s hammer, Moljanir, first started as a metal meat tenderizer energized for an hour in a microwave. Its how it got its lightning powers… What…? ---
**Author:** ![manila](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e5b9ba/32.png) [@manila](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manila)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2012, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/62 "2012-06-14T04:02:17Z")
When any adoring aunt, uncle or granma comes round to take a family photo, teach her to pose and flash gang signs at the camera! ---
**Author:** ![Double\_Foolscap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/85e7bf/32.png) [@Double\_Foolscap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Double_Foolscap)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2012, 9:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/63 "2012-06-14T09:57:34Z")
Teach her Mousetrap: You present your fist to somebody and invite them to “smell the cheese”. When they oblige, you flick them in the nose and yell, “Mousetrap!” Knock knock. Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Banana banana. Knock knock. Who’s there? Banana… And so on, until you get to the “Orange you glad I didn’t say Banana?” punchline. A toddler once kept this joke up for about thirty miles when I was on a bus to Wales. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2012, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/64 "2012-06-14T13:41:02Z")
“Guess what?” “What?” “Chicken butt!” (laugh) Hours and hours of fun. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2012, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/65 "2012-06-14T14:32:40Z")
> [@postcards](#): > > Teach her to read. Use a copy of [this book](http://curiouspages.blogspot.com/2010/02/uncle-shelbys-abz-book.html)as her primer. I knew which book you meant before even checking the link. 😃 My husband babysat his older sister’s young girls, and taught the 3-yo to move her eyes independently. His sister was **pissed** at him, especially since her daughter discovered how funny it was to freak Mom out by rolling one eye or rolling them up into her head. ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2012, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/66 "2012-06-14T15:01:33Z")
It might be funny to teach her to sing [Old Plank Road](http://www.traditionalmusic.co.uk/folk-song-lyrics/Old_Plank_Road.htm). The chorus features the line, “Won’t get drunk no more”. ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2012, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/67 "2012-06-14T19:48:09Z")
> [@cwthree](#): > > Teach her to sing “What Shall We Do With The Drunken Sailor” in Latin: > > _Ebrio quid faciamus nauta > Ebrio quid faciamus nauta > Ebrio quid faciamus nauta > Hora matutina?_ Or even the English version as heard in this trailer: [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUtX8pFl6Wc&list=UUrstvVjN1FYwuSm8IPSuyow&index=2&feature=plcp](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUtX8pFl6Wc&list=UUrstvVjN1FYwuSm8IPSuyow&index=2&feature=plcp) (I’m late to the thread, but I thought you might like the link, assuming it’s not what inspired your post in the first place.) ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2012, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/68 "2012-06-14T20:33:07Z")
Mr. Shoe once heard a little wee tyke - 2.5, maybe 3 - who had learned to say that sitcom-y singsong “awwww-kward” at opportune moments. He doesn’t normally like kids all that much, but I think he wanted to bring that boy home. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![slitterst](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecc23a/32.png) [@slitterst](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slitterst)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2012, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/69 "2012-06-16T21:10:28Z")
> [@Max\_Torque](#): > > “Guess what?” > “What?” > “Chicken butt!” (laugh) > > Hours and hours of fun. “Guess Why?” “Why?” “Chicken Thigh!” “Guess how!” “How?” “Chicken Kung Pao.” ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2013, 7:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/70 "2013-04-02T07:27:09Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > […] So, now, she hides under the stairs at my house, pretend shouting that the Nazis are coming). _The Nazis are coming, hooray, hooray, The Nazis are coming, hooray, hooray…_ 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2013, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/71 "2013-04-02T12:48:43Z")
> [@slitterst](#): > > “Guess Why?” > “Why?” > “Chicken Thigh!” > > “Guess how!” > “How?” > “Chicken Kung Pao.” Guess who? Chicken YOU! ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2013, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/72 "2013-04-02T14:24:09Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > Teach her that little children who suck their thumbs will blow up like a balloon and burst from doing that! > > Then, when the Ladies Bridge Club is there one day, and one of the ladies is very obviously pregnant, Little Kiddo will point to her and say loudly: “I know what YOU’VE been doing!” Ladies Bridge Club? Is that still a thing? Do modern ladies have time to go around playing bridge? I work for a living, I don’t have time for that. 😕 ETA: Teach her some Yo Mamma jokes. “Yo Mamma so dumb, she thinks food stamps are for mailing food!” ---
**Author:** ![Mavic\_Chen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e56c9b/32.png) [@Mavic\_Chen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mavic_Chen)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2013, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/73 "2013-04-02T14:25:21Z")
Interrupting Cow? ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2013, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/74 "2013-04-02T15:15:38Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > I recently taught a friend’s child to make PBJ crackers. I told her we were cooking. And I called the cracker sandwiches “meth”. She went home and went on and on about how much she enjoyed her visit, the nice dogs, and cooking meth. [Here’s](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z7dhhr5A8Lc) a cooking project for her next visit. Send her home with a sample in a Ziploc baggie. ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2013, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/75 "2013-04-02T15:48:55Z")
The [Mahna Mahna](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8N_tupPBtWQ) song. ---
**Author:** ![TwoCarrotSnowman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/twocarrotsnowman/32/15879_2.png) [@TwoCarrotSnowman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwoCarrotSnowman)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2013, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/76 "2013-04-02T19:43:49Z")
Hi, I’m new - first post. 🙂 My (at the time) four year old nephew and I were in the back of his dad’s car on the way to somewhere, and I was trying to keep him entertained. Somehow we hit on the idea of a secret club called “The Troublemakers”. This was an instant hit, and by the end of the journey we had a secret handshake, and a motto (“Troublemakers! Troublemakers!” repeated ad infinitum). The next time I saw them, about half a year later, I was greeted with a hearty “Troublemakers!” and a demand to do the handshake. Later, I expressed amazement that the nephew had remembered the secret club, to which my brother replied: “We’ve… had… six… MONTHS… of… this…” It’s great being an uncle. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2013, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/77 "2013-04-02T20:41:44Z")
Now I want to know what **Diosa** actually did… ---
**Author:** ![Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de053/32.png) [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackknifed_Juggernaut)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2013, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/78 "2013-04-02T20:47:38Z")
I taught my friends’ daughter to say “You better check yourself before you wreck yourself!” to any visitors in their home. They weren’t very happy, but she loved saying it, over and over. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2013, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/79 "2013-04-02T23:30:12Z")
Teach her how to load and fire a pistol as a means or resolving arguments. ---
**Author:** ![kjbrasda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/74df32/32.png) [@kjbrasda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kjbrasda)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2013, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855/80 "2013-04-03T02:10:07Z")
My dad taught all the grandkids Monty Python quotes. Especially the French Guard taunts. My nephew was saying “I fart in all directions” for months. (yeah, he got it a little wrong…) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obnoxious-things-to-teach-a-3-year-old-need-answer-fast/624855.md?page=5)