# Obsolete jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 10, 2006, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087 "2006-08-10T01:14:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2006, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/61 "2006-08-11T04:03:05Z")
[QUOTE=The Why Bird] please will someone explain this to me? I’ve heard it several times before but I don’t get it… Obviously I understand that if Prince Albert was in a tin he would suffocate but… is this the name of a product or something? I feel like I’m missing a double meaning here. [/QUOTE] It’s a prank call, and besides he told it wrong. See, what you do is, you call the drugstore, you ask, “Pardon me, do you have Prince Albert in a can?” When the clerk says “Yes,” you say,“Great, I’ll be right down there to buy some!” And then you DON’T GO! 😛😛😛 ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2006, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/62 "2006-08-11T04:04:41Z")
What is the world’s thinnest strip of beach? Bobby Sands. Not many people get that one these days. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2006, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/63 "2006-08-11T04:07:00Z")
Anyone remember the moron jokes? They’re subtly different from the Polack jokes. A bit more innocent, read like they were aimed at an audience of children (how times have changed!), and likelier to be based on puns. Like, “Why did the moron cut the noses off his fish? So they wouldn’t smell!” Or, “Why did the moron throw the alarm clock out the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!” ---
**Author:** ![E.Thorp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@E.Thorp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E.Thorp)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2006, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/64 "2006-08-11T05:49:15Z")
[QUOTE=Peter Morris] What is the world’s thinnest strip of beach? Bobby Sands. Not many people get that one these days. [/QUOTE] I must have heard that one the same year as: Where did Prince Charles spend his honeymoon? In-Diana. (in 9th grade in Ohio, 'twas teh funny…) ---
**Author:** ![Agonist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@Agonist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agonist)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2006, 9:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/65 "2006-08-11T09:06:48Z")
What does a man do standing up, a woman sitting down, and a dog on three legs? Shake hands. ---
**Author:** ![Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Airman_Doors_USAF)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2006, 9:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/66 "2006-08-11T09:25:26Z")
A couple was arguing. “I’m breaking up with you”, she said. He said, “Why?” She said, “Because you’re a pedophile!” He said, “Well, what do you know? You’re only 8 years old!” …and now for one of the worst jokes ever… [spoiler]Two necrophiliacs were talking. One asked the other whether he was still seeing the 80-year-old that he had been with the last time they talked. He said… wait for it… “No, the rotten bitch split on me!”[/spoiler] ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2006, 10:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/67 "2006-08-11T10:20:08Z")
[QUOTE=Johnny L.A.] Princess Grace was on the radio. On the radio, on the dashboard, on the steering wheel… (I recycled that one for Princess Diana.) [/QUOTE] What did Princes Grace have that Natalie Wood wished she had had? A Stroke ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2006, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/68 "2006-08-11T10:29:52Z")
What Wood doesn’t float? ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2006, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/69 "2006-08-11T14:58:23Z")
Not so much a joke as a cutesy one-liner that probably appeared on _Full House_. Little kid: If I won the lottery I’d go to McDonalds and buy a billion hamburgers so I could watch them change the numbers. ---
**Author:** ![freckafree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freckafree/32/3050_2.png) [@freckafree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freckafree)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2006, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/70 "2006-08-11T15:40:35Z")
[QUOTE=dwc1970] A joke from the Branch Davidian standoff in Waco, Texas: What does Waco stand for? 1. We All Cooked Ourselves or 1. We Ain’t Coming Out [/QUOTE] In the same vein… What was David Koresh wearing when they found his body? Charcoal pants, charcoal jacket… ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2006, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/71 "2006-08-11T21:41:52Z")
[QUOTE=Yllaria] Is anyone old enough to remember Woman Driver jokes? I remember that they existed, but don’t remember any specifics. [/QUOTE] In a _Simpsons_ episode, Homer is turned on to _Reading Digest_ magazine by a cartoon titled “Motoring Ms. Haps” depicting a car that has been crushed after being driving into a lamppost. The woman says to her husband, “Well, honey, you always said you wanted a compact!” ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2006, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/72 "2006-08-12T00:59:59Z")
A guy I knew had a box that said “David Koresh action figure!”. You opened it and it was full of ashes. ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2006, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/73 "2006-08-12T02:52:07Z")
How do you pick up Branch Davidian chicks? With a dustbuster. Why did Idi Amin kill 900 people? He wanted to keep up with the Joneses. ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2006, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/74 "2006-08-12T03:16:28Z")
Why did Begin invade Lebanon? He wanted to impress Jodie Foster. ---
**Author:** ![GIGObuster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gigobuster/32/421_2.png) [@GIGObuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GIGObuster)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2006, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/75 "2006-08-12T03:17:07Z")
Must have been funny in the original ancient Egyptian: This was told in Sneferu’s time: “How do you entertain a bored Pharaoh?” "Well, you sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishnets down the Nile, and urge the Pharaoh to catch fish!” Hard to beat 4000 years of obsolesce! ---
**Author:** ![F.U.Shakespeare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aca169/32.png) [@F.U.Shakespeare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/F.U.Shakespeare)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2006, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/76 "2006-08-12T03:39:24Z")
[QUOTE=BrainGlutton] What’s the difference between Dan Quayle and Jane Fonda? Jane Fonda went to Vietnam! Well, it seemed funny in 1988 . . . before we had Bill and W . . . [/QUOTE] A prominent Republican political strategist told me this one circa 1991: Q: What’s the difference between the elite Iraqi Republican Guard and Ted Kennedy? A: Ted Kennedy actually killed someone. Democrats, substitute Laura Bush. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![F.U.Shakespeare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aca169/32.png) [@F.U.Shakespeare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/F.U.Shakespeare)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2006, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/77 "2006-08-12T03:52:11Z")
## From a ca.1980 _National Lampoon_ comic strip: A honeymoon couple boards a train, and begins noisily arguing about two things: how they will have sex, and where their child will go to college. The wife insists, “I will get on top. And the child will go to Harvard!” The husband counters, “I will get on top. And the child will go to Yale!” (Back and forth ad nauseum). ## Finally, an annoyed passenger suggests, _“Why don’t you roll her over, stick it in her ass, and send the result to Princeton?!”_ ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2006, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/78 "2006-08-12T14:48:18Z")
What is white and flies across the ocean? Lord Mountbatten’s tennis shoes. What meal glows in the dark? Chicken Kiev. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2006, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/79 "2006-08-12T15:06:14Z")
Prediction: Menachem Begin will die on a Palestinian holiday. _Any_ day Begin dies will be a Palestinian holiday! ---
**Author:** ![Trillionaire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/aeb1de/32.png) [@Trillionaire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trillionaire)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2006, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/80 "2006-08-12T17:58:47Z")
only fairly recently obsolete: What’s got three legs and lives on a farm? Paul McCartney and his wife. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087.md?page=5)