# Obsolete jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 10, 2006, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087 "2006-08-10T01:14:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![fishbicycle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aeb1de/32.png) [@fishbicycle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fishbicycle)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2006, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/81 "2006-08-12T18:26:26Z")
And a little further back: What’s a dog with wings? Linda McCartney. ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2006, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/82 "2006-08-12T21:10:09Z")
How is Yoko Ono like a starving Ethiopian? They both live off dead beetles. ---
**Author:** ![amijane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f0a364/32.png) [@amijane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amijane)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2006, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/83 "2006-08-12T21:29:48Z")
[QUOTE=jjimm] Apparently, when Queen Victoria was told the following:she is reputed to have said when told this, “OMFG we are not ROTFLOAO”. [/QUOTE] SRSLY she was totally PHSL. [QUOTE=dwc1970] And this one following the Space Shuttle explosion in 1986: What does NASA stand for? Need Another Seven Astronauts [/QUOTE] What were the last words heard over the Challenger radio? _What does this button do?_ (for the non-astronaut teacher on board). What do you call a man with 3 bits of wood on his head? \*Edward Woodward. \* (It’s been a long time since The Equalizer). ---
**Author:** ![kellner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c2a13f/32.png) [@kellner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kellner)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2006, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/84 "2006-08-12T21:39:28Z")
You got lost in Berlin. How do you find the correct direction? You take a banana, put it on top of the wall and wait. The side where a chunk gets bitten off is east. ---
**Author:** ![Kilvert\_s\_Pagan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c37758/32.png) [@Kilvert\_s\_Pagan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilvert_s_Pagan)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2006, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/85 "2006-08-13T00:18:00Z")
OK, really _really_ obsolete joke comng… Many of the above still work, btw. A guy with a wooden eye goes to a dance. He attempts to get several girls to dance, with no luck. Finally, the only other wallflower is a lonely looking with a cleft lip. Sucking up his curage, he asks, “Would you like to dance?” She says, “Would I!” Would I!" Indignantly he replies, “Hare Lip! Hare lip!” ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2006, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/86 "2006-08-13T01:10:46Z")
Remember rape jokes? I remember Larry Wilde’s [_The Official Virgins/Sex Maniacs Joke Book_](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1558171541/sr=1-16/qid=1155431391/ref=sr_1_16/103-3687223-1351864?ie=UTF8&s=books) had a whole section of rape jokes. JUDICIAL JUDGMENT Rape is impossible. A woman with her skirt up can run faster than a man with his pants down. Why have such jokes gone out of fashion, I wonder? ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Knig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@Typo\_Knig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Knig)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2006, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/87 "2006-08-13T01:42:13Z")
[QUOTE=amijane] What were the last words heard over the Challenger radio? _What does this button do?_ (for the non-astronaut teacher on board). [/QUOTE] What were Christa McAulliffe’s last words? "No - ```auto BUD ``` light!" I am sooooo going to Hell - where they repeat the same commercials over and over and over … ---
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2006, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/88 "2006-08-13T01:52:21Z")
There’s the one in “The Blues Brothers” where they’re waiting to get into the fancy restaurant where their old horn player is now the Maitre D’. He’s speaking on the phone with someone and says “No sir, Mayor Daley no longer dines here. He’s dead, sir.” ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2006, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/89 "2006-08-13T02:06:22Z")
[QUOTE=BrainGlutton] I remember that from one of Larry Gonick’s ethnic joke books from the '70s, and I alwas wondered what stereotype it was based on – until I read one of Isaac Asimov’s popular histories, describing how the performance of Mussolini’s troops in WWII was so inept it provided one of the few notes of comic relief. [/QUOTE] Sorry, that was Larry **Wilde.** Not [Larry Gonick.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Larry_Gonick) ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2006, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/90 "2006-08-13T02:12:31Z")
[QUOTE=BrainGlutton] Remember rape jokes? I remember Larry Wilde’s [_The Official Virgins/Sex Maniacs Joke Book_](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1558171541/sr=1-16/qid=1155431391/ref=sr_1_16/103-3687223-1351864?ie=UTF8&s=books) had a whole section of rape jokes. JUDICIAL JUDGMENT Rape is impossible. A woman with her skirt up can run faster than a man with his pants down. Why have such jokes gone out of fashion, I wonder? [/QUOTE] What’s happened to us? If I were to start a “Rape Jokes Thread” in any SDMB forum, how long before it would get shut down? George Carlin, BTW, did some **funny** rape material on one of his recent albums. > [@](#): > > People say rape isn’t funny – BULLSHIT! I say it’s hilarious! You don’t think it’s funny? Imagine Porky Pig raping Elmer Fudd! [audience roars with laughter] Well, why do you think they call him “Porky”? And then were was a routine about rape among Eskimoes . . . ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2006, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/91 "2006-08-13T02:21:58Z")
[QUOTE=BrainGlutton] JUDICIAL JUDGMENT Rape is impossible. A woman with her skirt up can run faster than a man with his pants down. Why have such jokes gone out of fashion, I wonder? [/QUOTE] Because Tex Antoine ruined it for everyone. Antoine was a weatherman in the NYC area. He told a similar joke – “If rape is inevitable, lie back and enjoy it” – immediately after a news story about a 5 year old girl being raped and was fired. ---
**Author:** ![Frostillicus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Frostillicus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frostillicus)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2006, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/92 "2006-08-13T02:25:10Z")
Both of these are circa 1990. Q: What do Marilyn Quayle and Marion Barry have in common? A: They both occasionally blow a little dope. Q: What do Woody Allen, Arm & Hammer baking soda, and Kodak film all have in common? A: They all come in little yellow boxes. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2006, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/93 "2006-08-13T03:30:57Z")
[QUOTE=Typo Knig] What were Christa McAulliffe’s last words? "No - ```auto BUD ``` light!" I am sooooo going to Hell - where they repeat the same commercials over and over and over … [/QUOTE] Didja know Christa McAuliffe had blue eyes? One blew that way, one blew that way . . . ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2006, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/94 "2006-08-13T03:41:36Z")
Q: Why do brides wear white? A: Well, the dishwasher has to match the stove and the fridge! ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2006, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/95 "2006-08-13T04:03:00Z")
Why did Jedediah fail to buy his buggy-whip? He spent all his money purchasing negroes! ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2006, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/96 "2006-08-13T04:35:44Z")
And of course, there’s the [“Confucius say . . .”](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=383264) jokes. ---
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2006, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/97 "2006-08-13T05:13:49Z")
Didja hear they just found a survivor from the Heaven’s Gate cult? Yea, the guy was Polish, they found him under the sink, looking for the comet. I told that joke one time to a guy who said “I’m from Warsaw and I didn’t find that funny at all”, so I told him “I’m sorry, I’ll tell it again slower”. He got pissed! I mean, he was steaming! He reached into his pocket and pulled out a razor and started chasing me around. I’ll tell you this, I would have been in real trouble if he’d have found an outlet to plug it in… Substitute blond/Aggie/moron/Democrat/whatever nowadays, but they are still the same jokes. ---
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2006, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/98 "2006-08-13T17:39:54Z")
[QUOTE=Frostillicus] Both of these are circa 1990. Q: What do Marilyn Quayle and Marion Barry have in common? A: They both occasionally blow a little dope. [/QUOTE] Oooh, that reminds me of one from around the 1988 Presidential election. Q. Why does Kitty Dukakis have sex slowly? A. She has a governor on her! ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2006, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/99 "2006-08-13T18:57:30Z")
[QUOTE=Weirddave] Substitute blond/Aggie/moron/Democrat/whatever nowadays, but they are still the same jokes. [/QUOTE] Blonde jokes are different. Poles are stereotyped as stupid, crude and slovenly. E.g., “How can you tell if a Polish woman is having her period? She’s only wearing one sock!”\* Blondes are stereotyped as stupid, oversexed and vain. “How do you drown a blonde? Glue a mirror to the bottom of a swimming pool!” As for moron jokes – discussed above. \*“And what’s the new plague sweeping Poland? Toxic sock syndrome!” (Remember that bad-tampon scare from the '80s?) ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2006, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/100 "2006-08-14T00:15:23Z")
[QUOTE=BrainGlutton] (Remember that bad-tampon scare from the '80s?) [/QUOTE] Yeah, I remember there was a toxic shock-rock group. They only played ragtime. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087.md?page=6)