# Obsolete jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 10, 2006, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087 "2006-08-10T01:14:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2006, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/101 "2006-08-14T00:24:31Z")
[QUOTE=Johnny L.A.] Yeah, I remember there was a toxic shock-rock group. They only played ragtime. [/QUOTE] Weren’t they a string quartet? ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2006, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/102 "2006-08-14T00:29:12Z")
[QUOTE=sneezy5660] Did you know that the first girl killed in **Jaws** had dandruff? Yup, they found her Head and Shoulders on the beach.😃 [/QUOTE] Or Lord Mountbatten ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2006, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/103 "2006-08-14T00:30:29Z")
[QUOTE=Peter Morris] What is the world’s thinnest strip of beach? Bobby Sands. Not many people get that one these days. [/QUOTE] Ouch ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2009, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/104 "2009-07-28T00:39:22Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > How do you get the Jackson Five in a mini? > > Two in the front, two in the back, and Michael in the ashtray. > (Substitute “Indians” for “the Jackson Five” for use with Indira Gandhi if required.) I’m not sure why this was obsolete back in '06, but it’s certainly become topical now. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2009, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/105 "2009-07-28T00:52:03Z")
How do we know Nixon was a slow learner? He had to watch Deep Throat four times before he had it down Pat. ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2009, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/106 "2009-07-28T00:58:46Z")
Remember the zombie thread rules, "it is acceptable to revive an old thread if you have some substantive comment to add. " which I believe allows us to discuss the Michael Jackson joke, but probably not to add new jokes, right? ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2009, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/107 "2009-07-28T01:53:32Z")
[jedi mind trick] This is not a zombie thread. The mods will not shut it down. [/jedi mind trick] Anyhow, one of my favorite jokes applied during a brief period in 2003, before the invasion of Iraq. It is now obsolete, and I mourn its passing: > [@](#): > > What’s the difference between Bush, Saddam, and Sharon? > > Bush wants to finish off Bavli, Saddam wants to finish off Yerushalmi, and Sharon wants to finish off Shas. ---
**Author:** ![willthekittensurvive](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/91b2a8/32.png) [@willthekittensurvive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/willthekittensurvive)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2009, 9:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/108 "2009-07-28T09:53:58Z")
I like the old soviet jokes > [@](#): > > During Soviet times, the government required to intellectuals (scientists, researchers, etc.) to show that they did they did not shun manual work in the service of the people. For this reason, they were periodically required to move to the countryside to perform such tasks as, for instance, separate spoiled fruit from the good. These periods of work were known as “kagate” and, as understandable, they were not popular with intellectuals. > > ``` > Now the story has it that the Americans had sent a spy to Russia. This spy was disguised as a scientist and was provided a false identy to work in a major research center in order to steal the secrets there. The spy was American born, but was so well trained in Russian that he had absolutely no accent, knew practically everything about Russian culture and ways, so nobody could detect him. > One day, the boss of the American spy called him in his office and told him: "Very well, Ivan, now it is your turn to perform "kagate". You will go tomorrow for two weeks". Ivan the American said yes, but was baffled since his trained had not included the concept of "kagate", which could not be found in regular dictionaries. So he was rather worried. Went to see a coworker of him, and said "Well, Boris, I'll work in your lab for the next two weeks, do your work, clean everything, just go in my place for this kagate for two weeks". But Boris says that he'd rather resign or clean up everybody'd glassware in the whole research insitute. So, the American goes to see his girlfriend and says" Irina, if you go in my place for the kagate I'll clean up the house, renew the carpet, and do everything you ask me". But Irina says shed'rather shoot herself. > After several more attempts the American is so worried and baffled that he decides to give himself up. He goes to the local KGB office, rings the bell and says "I am an American spy. Arrest me". The local police interrogate him and write down his confession with all the details. Understandably, the KGB men are happy for such an easy catch, but they ask to their prisoner: "Why did you give yourself in now?" The American answers: "you know, today my boss told me that tomorrow I have to go for "kagate"......." > At this point the KGB men look at each other in the face. Then they grab the American and they throw him out of the door, free. As they close the door in the face of the baffled American, one of them says to the others: [spoiler]"it is unbelievable what they won't do just to avoid kagate........"[/spoiler] > > ``` ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2009, 11:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/109 "2009-07-28T11:14:22Z")
When I was a kid, I was reading an old book of jokes and one of them went like this: What do you call one white man with ten black men? Quarterback. What do you call one white man with one hundred black men? Warden. What do you call one white man with ten million black men? The Prime Minister of Rhodesia. I had absolutely no idea what Rhodesia was at the time. ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2009, 11:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/110 "2009-07-28T11:19:40Z")
> [@willthekittensurvive](#): > > I like the old soviet jokes I do not get that joke about the “kagate” at all. Please explain it to me! ---
**Author:** ![Abby\_Emma\_Sasha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e68b1a/32.png) [@Abby\_Emma\_Sasha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abby_Emma_Sasha)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2009, 11:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/111 "2009-07-28T11:30:39Z")
Back in the day(1980ish) I had an Irish/Jewish jokebook. One particular joke stands out although I cannot remember the lead up to the punchline. I’ll try to lay it out. Something about an old lady who lived in the penthouse and some old man who was maybe an elevator operator. It seems he thought she was Catholic because she always made the sign of the Cross when she got in the elevator. It turns out, no, she was not Catholic, but was checking her jewelry. "My tiara, my brooch, my earrings… oooh, my earrings! Something like that. ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2009, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/112 "2009-07-28T11:59:40Z")
> [@Argent\_Towers](#): > > I do not get that joke about the “kagate” at all. Please explain it to me! I think the point is they don’t believe he’s a spy, they think he’s a soviet intellectual who is trying extreme measures to avoid his obligation to public service. ---
**Author:** ![BobArrgh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bobarrgh/32/2881_2.png) [@BobArrgh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobArrgh)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2009, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/113 "2009-07-28T20:38:36Z")
> [@fishbicycle](#): > > Got Prince Albert in a tin? > > Better let him out, or he’ll suffocate! When I was a kid and making prank phone calls was the rage, the joke was calling up a tobacco store and asking “Do you have Prince Albert in the can?”, and then answering “Better let him out” if they answered yes. Prince Albert is (or was) a type of tobacco. I believe the “in a can” meant the loose tobacco (either roll-your-own or pipe, I don’t recall which), as opposed to rolled cigarettes or cigars. The phrase “the can” is also a slang reference to “the bathroom”. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2009, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/114 "2009-07-28T20:49:57Z")
> [@Argent\_Towers](#): > > When I was a kid, I was reading an old book of jokes and one of them went like this: > > What do you call one white man with ten black men? Quarterback. > > What do you call one white man with one hundred black men? Warden. > > What do you call one white man with ten million black men? > > The Prime Minister of Rhodesia. > > I had absolutely no idea what Rhodesia was at the time. Rhodesia (now Zimbabwe) was a white-run black African country, very near South Africa in both senses of the word. They suffered from the unreasonable fear that if the black indegenes were allowed to run the country, it would disintegrate into a mass of corruption, crime and a busted economy. And now Zimbabwe is… well, surely you know. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2009, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/115 "2009-07-28T22:38:21Z")
> [@Abby\_Emma\_Sasha](#): > > Back in the day(1980ish) I had an Irish/Jewish jokebook. One particular joke stands out although I cannot remember the lead up to the punchline. I’ll try to lay it out. > > Something about an old lady who lived in the penthouse and some old man who was maybe an elevator operator. It seems he thought she was Catholic because she always made the sign of the Cross when she got in the elevator. > > It turns out, no, she was not Catholic, but was checking her jewelry. "My tiara, my brooch, my earrings… oooh, my earrings! > > Something like that. The version I’ve heard is the Jewish man was riding the elevator everyday with someone who thought he was scared of elevators and Catholic. But it turns out the Jewish man was just forgetful, so whenever he got on the elevator he checked to make sure he had his spectacles, testicals, wallet and watch (joke-teller’s hand moves to gesture to head, tummy, then side to side.) Obsolete because who wears watches anymore? Time’s on your cell phone! ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2009, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/116 "2009-07-28T23:04:03Z")
In \*The Colour of Magic \*, Rincewind spends a short time on a real world aircraft, and ends up back on Discworld along with the Luggage which is now marked with “the powerful travelling rune TWA”. Rendered obsolete when TWA went away. ---
**Author:** ![Canadjun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/76d3ee/32.png) [@Canadjun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Canadjun)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2009, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/117 "2009-07-28T23:23:43Z")
From back in the early days of AIDS: Q: What is the worst thing about having AIDS? A: Persuading your mother that you are Haitian! ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2009, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/118 "2009-07-28T23:31:09Z")
> [@KlondikeGeoff](#): > > Been a long time since I’ve heard one. Some of them were really hilarious, but in repeating them, for the sake of PC (long before it was invented), I’d substitute “Ethnic.” > > As in, How many Ethnics does it take to change a light bulb? A guy walks into a bar. He sits down, gets a cold one, and asks the bartender, “Hey, wanna hear an ethnic joke?” The bartender says, “Well buddy, I’ll have you know that I’m ethnic. And those bikers down the bar are ethnic too. In fact we’re all ethnic here. This is an ethnic bar. So maybe it ain’t such a good idea for you to tell ethnic jokes.” “Ah, don’t worry. I’ll tell it slowly.” ---
**Author:** ![racer72](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/racer72/32/3075_2.png) [@racer72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racer72)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2009, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/119 "2009-07-29T01:48:10Z")
> [@Mindfield](#): > > I was going to google up a picture of the tin. > > Lesson learned. > > Never google “Prince Albert.” > > So here’s its [Wiki](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prince_Albert_in_a_Can) instead. I had to look. Who would want to do that? ---
**Author:** ![Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a9a28c/32.png) [@Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oslo_Ostragoth)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2009, 7:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087/120 "2009-07-29T07:35:36Z")
> [@Mindfield](#): > > I was going to google up a picture of the tin. > > Lesson learned. > > Never google “Prince Albert.” :eek: :eek: :eek: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obsolete-jokes/368087.md?page=7)