# Obvious fashion tips **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 3, 2002, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obvious-fashion-tips/101609 "2002-04-03T17:23:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![grettle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/aeb1de/32.png) [@grettle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grettle)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2002, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obvious-fashion-tips/101609/41 "2002-04-04T14:40:15Z")
DO NOT WEAR KNEE HIGH BOOTS WITH CAPRI PANTS so tacky, maybe its just New Jersey, but. . . . ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2002, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obvious-fashion-tips/101609/42 "2002-04-04T14:41:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ferrous \* > \*\*Kids: Those huge pants with the waistline at mid-ass and the crotch at knee level make you look like a COMPLETE IDIOT! \*\* Are any women (girls) actually giving these guys any action? ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2002, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obvious-fashion-tips/101609/43 "2002-04-04T14:43:19Z")
Men, please, sneakers that you cut the grass in, please, only wear them to cut the grass. That greenish looking tint doesn’t mach anything you own…really. ---
**Author:** ![Legomancer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/779978/32.png) [@Legomancer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Legomancer)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2002, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obvious-fashion-tips/101609/44 "2002-04-04T14:51:20Z")
To the fellow in out IT department: I have a helpful tip for saving money. Instead of wearing the black trenchcoat, sandals, Osborne books t-shirt, and sun hat with “got root?” on it, instead get a t-shirt that says “I AM A BIG HONKIN GEEK.” **I’m** telling you this, and I wear Boba Fett t-shirts. Take the hint. ---
**Author:** ![Ruffian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/71e660/32.png) [@Ruffian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruffian)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2002, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obvious-fashion-tips/101609/45 "2002-04-04T15:20:06Z")
Ladies: A white bra and a white shirt DON’T match. Flesh tone is what’s appropriate. Unless, of course, you _want_ us to admire the lace, straps, and hooks that are all clearly visible through your shirt. ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2002, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obvious-fashion-tips/101609/46 "2002-04-04T15:20:54Z")
Honey, if your feet are as WIDE as they are LONG, those skinny, strappy sandals are _not for you_. Same goes for sandals that leave an inch and a half of space between the front end of your foot and the front end of your sandal. On the flip side, if your toes are touching the ground _in front of_ your sandals, either chop those bad boys off or get a bigger size! Also, can we talk about the boots? I have toothpoicks for calves, and I have accepted that knee-high boots that don’t leave enough extra space for me to smuggle a litter of kittens in each boot are going to be a rarity for me. So should Ye Of Ample Calves accept that knee-high boots that don’t function more like sausage casings (squeezing the excess up into your knees) are going to be a rarity for you. Oh my. This really does feel rather pleasant. So, to my ex-coworker: Those matte jersey pants you love so much make you look pregnant (how could you not know this, as concerned as you always are with whether or not you look fat?). And I’m not the only one who noticed, so don’t wear them to any more meetings or parties, especially not with those cropped sweaters and baby tees, mmmmkay? Ahhhhhhhhhh. I feel better. ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2002, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obvious-fashion-tips/101609/47 "2002-04-04T16:05:56Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by SexyWriter_ > Just say no… > > to white shoes > > \*Originally posted by lieu \* > \*\*Say what? > Billy Johnson \*\* ::standing ovation:: Best 70s reference of the month! ---
**Author:** ![Gundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b782af/32.png) [@Gundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gundy)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2002, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obvious-fashion-tips/101609/48 "2002-04-04T16:26:55Z")
**lorinada:** > [@](#): > > Oh, and Gundy, some of us “older gals” were raised to believe only whores and little girls went bare-legged unless she was wearing shorts. Which is why I’ve never worn open-toed shoes. Understood. And your method of dealing sounds perfect to me. Especially because I refuse, I utterly _refuse_, to wear slips. I think they’re superfluous, especially in the summer when the goal is to wear as little clothing as is decent. So I only buy skirts and dresses that are patterned enough or opaque enough that a slip is not mandatory for underwear concealment. And I loathe pantyhose/stockings. Luckily, I’ve worked 5 out of 7 years in places where the dress code was relaxed enough that I could avoid pantyhose, and I’m in one of those places now. Guess that makes me a whore. Ah, well, I’ve been called worse. ---
**Author:** ![Kiki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dc4da7/32.png) [@Kiki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kiki)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2002, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obvious-fashion-tips/101609/49 "2002-04-04T17:10:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Gorgon Heap \* > \*\*Don’t wear spandex. Ever. > > That’s it, ‘cause I think y’all are just bein’ bitchy. > > If anything, this thread should be in the Pit. It’s not like these fashion offenders you are calling out to are sitting on the SDMB listening to you. And even if they were, it’s not like they’d be sitting there in their too-small pants and gross lipstick thinking, “Oh, wow. I had no idea I looked silly all my life. Thank you Dopers for showing me the error of my ways!” > > Feh. \*\* This wasn’t meant to be a rant though. I saw this woman walking around with knee highs and a high slit in her skirt and thought it looked stupid. It would be considered rude of me to tell her this to her face so I just shared it with everyone here. Don’t you ever see people wearing things that just make you roll your eyes and laugh? Have fun with it!! My next fashion tip is for the wannabe cowboys I’ve seen. Your cowboy hat isn’t supposed to be shaped like a taco and please buy _boot cut_ jeans! Straight leg doesn’t work with cowboy boots!! ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2002, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obvious-fashion-tips/101609/50 "2002-04-04T17:18:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kiki \* > \*\* > My next fashion tip is for the wannabe cowboys I’ve seen. Your cowboy hat isn’t supposed to be shaped like a taco and please buy _boot cut_ jeans! Straight leg doesn’t work with cowboy boots!! \*\* From Lyle Lovett’s _That’s Right You’re Not from Texas_ [quote] You say you’re not from Texas Man as if I couldn’t tell You think you pull your boots on right And wear your hat so well So pardon me my laughter … [snip] So won’t you let me help you Mister Just pull your hat down the way I do And buy your pants just a little longer … ---
**Author:** ![ralph124c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@ralph124c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ralph124c)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2002, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obvious-fashion-tips/101609/51 "2002-04-04T17:19:33Z")
Thong bikinis are NOT appropriate at public beaches, pools! You are NOT a SE swimsuit model!! ---
**Author:** ![Calliope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Calliope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Calliope)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2002, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obvious-fashion-tips/101609/52 "2002-04-04T18:12:08Z")
Men: Speedos are **never** a good idea. And they are an _especially_ bad idea when you are in your driveway washing the car. They don’t look sexy. They don’t look cute. They just look ridiculous. ---
**Author:** ![islandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8491ac/32.png) [@islandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/islandgirl)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2002, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obvious-fashion-tips/101609/53 "2002-04-04T18:58:58Z")
Underwear is NOT outerwear. ---
**Author:** ![Merlot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3e96dc/32.png) [@Merlot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merlot)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2002, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obvious-fashion-tips/101609/54 "2002-04-04T19:27:25Z")
Those pants (or other unsightly tight piece of clothing) are available in other sizes. ---
**Author:** ![LordVor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90ced4/32.png) [@LordVor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LordVor)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2002, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obvious-fashion-tips/101609/55 "2002-04-04T20:37:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Winnowill \* > \*\*Finally - if you can see the line of your undies under your pants or skirt, either wear looser clothes, or get a thong. A visible panty line is somewhat less than attractive. \*\* Caveat: If you do wear a thong, and people can STILL see the panty lines, then you should be buying pants that are either larger or less translucent. -lv ---
**Author:** ![madcat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/73ab20/32.png) [@madcat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madcat)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2002, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obvious-fashion-tips/101609/56 "2002-04-04T21:17:47Z")
“Mature” Men:If you constantly brag about wearing the same waist size you did in high school;please look in a mirror **NOW!** …there’s a 90% chance those pants are either up under your armpits or down around your knees. ---
**Author:** ![Nightsong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nightsong/32/3083_2.png) [@Nightsong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nightsong)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2002, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obvious-fashion-tips/101609/57 "2002-04-04T21:29:35Z")
Ladies: If you do not have naturally thick, long eyelashes, clumping on gobs of mascara will not help matters at all. If you really want to have long and thick eyelashes, and applying mascara properly doesn’t do the trick: wear false ones and wear them properly. Long talons for fingernails if done properly aren’t that bad, if a bit scary. However, long talons that are very obviously fake, not taken care of, and look like they have three feet of nail-glue piled on them do not look good. Even if you are a drag queen. Addition to the above: long talons for **toenails** do not look good under any circumstances. Even more so when they extend past the tip of your footwear. If you are wearing short-shorts or a micro-mini, please do not bend over at the waist unless you really are intending to show off your underwear (or lack thereof). Addition to the above: if you are wearing a loose shirt and/or a low cut one, do not bend over unless you really want to show off your bra (or lack thereof). Not realizing that you’re showing off is one thing, not realizing it and getting offended when people attempt to politely point it out is another. Men: Your belt buckle should be pointing straight out. Not down at the ground. You merely look pathetic. If you’re big and flabby (read: you couldn’t fit into a booth even if they greased ya), do not wear bib overalls that are too big, either in their girth or length (or worse: too big in both dimensions). Even more so if you’re so white, you make milk look dirt colored. And an additional even more so if your ‘tight whites’ are neither. (But if you do… please, please, for the love of everything good, **do not bend over in any way, shape or form!!!** ) :eek: * * * \<\< Foo! \>\> ---
**Author:** ![sidle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee59a6/32.png) [@sidle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sidle)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2002, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obvious-fashion-tips/101609/58 "2002-04-04T21:31:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by auntie em \* > … if your toes are touching the ground _in front of_ your sandals, either chop those bad boys off or get a bigger size! can I get an amen? Same goes for the sole shelf hangin off the back. And if it’s nail fungus, yellow callouses and hammertime, might wanna skip those strappy little numbers all together! > [@](#): > > So should Ye Of Ample Calves accept that knee-high boots that don’t function more like sausage casings (squeezing the excess up into your knees) are going to be a rarity for you. Exactly! I am _of ample calvage_, and choose to spare myself, my esteemed peers and darling friends kielbasa sightings thoughout the duration of the knee-high boot craze. You’ve got to \* A-CC-ENT-UATE the positive!\* ---
**Author:** ![JessEnigma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/cdc98d/32.png) [@JessEnigma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JessEnigma)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2002, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obvious-fashion-tips/101609/59 "2002-04-04T22:08:44Z")
To my band director: You’re not fooling anyone. That shirt is clearly pink. Just admit it already. It’s not like you don’t own five other pink shirts…so why does the color of this particular shirt matter? And that brown jacket/black pants combination really doesn’t work. Really. No one will be disappointed if you break years of tradition and wear a black jacket instead. To the people who picked out a local marching band’s uniforms: Yellow jackets with reddish accents are bad enough. Why on Earth did you choose to add a _purple_ sequined sash on top? The poor students. jessica ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obvious-fashion-tips/101609/60 "2002-04-05T02:10:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Brynda \* > \*\*Oh, can we do haircuts, too? > > Lady with the shaved head with just a lock of bangs in the front and a tail in the back: You look idiotic. Shave your whole damn head if you must. \*\* What if I don’t have a tail in the back? [http://fff.fathom.org/pages/opalcat/baldpinksmile.jpg](http://fff.fathom.org/pages/opalcat/baldpinksmile.jpg) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obvious-fashion-tips/101609.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/obvious-fashion-tips/101609.md?page=4)