# Ocean's Twelve and Julia Roberts – simply pathetic **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 29, 2005, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oceans-twelve-and-julia-roberts-simply-pathetic/319049 "2005-08-29T02:36:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![roger\_thornhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@roger\_thornhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roger_thornhill)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oceans-twelve-and-julia-roberts-simply-pathetic/319049/1 "2005-08-29T02:36:44Z")
No spoilers here, since it’s impossible to spoil this thrash. So, why did I watch it in the first place? Well, my wife took it out from her University library, and we fancied watching a bit of fluff last night before I got into a serious bit of late-night action in bed. (We only have Broadband in the bedroom, in case you were wondering, and the cricket’s only on Broadband.) Fluff I can take. But this is pure shite. The whole thing is crap, but when they tried and pull the “why don’t you Julia Roberts pretend to be Julia Roberts thing?” we just looked at each other and shook our heads. It was, we agreed, the single worst idea we’d ever seen in a film. Pure self-indulgence. These people need to get out of L.A. Who gives a flying fuck about their cretinous in-jokes? ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oceans-twelve-and-julia-roberts-simply-pathetic/319049/2 "2005-08-29T02:45:28Z")
Yeah, that was one of the worst, laziest plot devices I’ve ever seen in a movie. The whole movie has the same laziness to it, but that’s where it enters the pantheon of awfulness. If Tess was played by someone not very famous, and they had her pretend to be Julia Roberts, I could probably accept that. But nobody looks like Julia Roberts, and it fucks with the audience in the most ridiculous way. Tess doesn’t _resemble_ Julia Roberts, she looks _exactly like_ Julia Roberts because she _is_ Julia Roberts! And you know what else? Danny Ocean looks like George Clooney! And Rusty looks like Brad Pitt! This movie - any movie - tries to make you forget that the characters look like, and are, really famous people acting like other people. And _Ocean’s Twelve_ was so bankrupt and bereft of ideas that the only way they could end the thing was by throwing it out the window. I liked _Ocean’s Eleven_, and that crap made me so mad. I sort of hope it’s the death of the resurgence in heist films, because it’s the ultimate in plot twists that are so bad they become self-parody. ---
**Author:** ![Stephe96](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Stephe96](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stephe96)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oceans-twelve-and-julia-roberts-simply-pathetic/319049/3 "2005-08-29T02:49:05Z")
I thought the first one sucked, too. ---
**Author:** ![Stephe96](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Stephe96](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stephe96)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oceans-twelve-and-julia-roberts-simply-pathetic/319049/4 "2005-08-29T02:50:54Z")
Oh, and just let me add: I think Steven Soderbergh is a wildly overrated hack. His movies are unwatchable. This guy must have pictures of some influential film critics. Nothing else can explain his success. ---
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oceans-twelve-and-julia-roberts-simply-pathetic/319049/5 "2005-08-29T02:51:01Z")
It’s a sequel to a bad remake. Even “fluff” is not visible at that distance. ---
**Author:** ![roger\_thornhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@roger\_thornhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roger_thornhill)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oceans-twelve-and-julia-roberts-simply-pathetic/319049/6 "2005-08-29T03:00:28Z")
> [@Stephe96](#): > > Oh, and just let me add: I think Steven Soderbergh is a wildly overrated hack. His movies are unwatchable. This guy must have pictures of some influential film critics. Nothing else can explain his success. I thought _Traffic_ was pretty good - and I’m enough of a non-movie buff to have watched it without knowing much about it, certainly not who it’s director was. Back to _Ocean’s Twelve_, the “backpack” switch thing was pathetic too. And I just don’t get off on Catherine Jones. Stuck-up Welsh dwarf. As for Roberts, she really is plain. So the film making jokes about her being plain I actually found funny. But not the way they intended. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oceans-twelve-and-julia-roberts-simply-pathetic/319049/7 "2005-08-29T03:24:12Z")
> [@](#): > > It’s a sequel to a bad remake. Of an original that was awful to begin with. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oceans-twelve-and-julia-roberts-simply-pathetic/319049/8 "2005-08-29T03:33:24Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > But nobody looks like Julia Roberts [Monica Potter does](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005321/). Not that I’m defending this little plot twist, or the movie in which it was contained. I thought it was pretty poor but I didn’t hate it the way some of you apparently did. As for the Ocean’s 11 remake, though, I thought that was a pretty good movie. I went into it expecting to be entertained, and by god, I was entertained. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oceans-twelve-and-julia-roberts-simply-pathetic/319049/9 "2005-08-29T03:41:58Z")
**Otto** , when you’re right you’re right. Monica Potter looks kind of like her, and I found the remake entertaining and stylish. Heist fluff, sure, but done about as well as you can do it. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oceans-twelve-and-julia-roberts-simply-pathetic/319049/10 "2005-08-29T03:58:04Z")
I really enjoyed “Ocean’s 11,” and I enjoy most Soderbergh films, but I agree wholeheartedly; Ocean’s 12 sucked octopus balls. ---
**Author:** ![TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/51bf81/32.png) [@TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oceans-twelve-and-julia-roberts-simply-pathetic/319049/11 "2005-08-29T04:01:44Z")
Wait - are you guys saying that there’s actually a plot device in _Oceans 12_ in which Julia Roberts’ character, Tess, is ordered to “pretend that she’s Julia Roberts?!” _Head Explodes_ ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oceans-twelve-and-julia-roberts-simply-pathetic/319049/12 "2005-08-29T04:22:48Z")
> [@VCO3](#): > > Wait - are you guys saying that there’s actually a plot device in _Oceans 12_ in which Julia Roberts’ character, Tess, is ordered to “pretend that she’s Julia Roberts?!” > > _Head Explodes_ Sorry about your head, but yes, that’s exactly what happens. Cleanup on Aisle Four! ---
**Author:** ![roger\_thornhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@roger\_thornhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roger_thornhill)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oceans-twelve-and-julia-roberts-simply-pathetic/319049/13 "2005-08-29T04:22:55Z")
[QUOTE=VCO3] Wait - are you guys saying that there’s actually a plot device in _Oceans 12_ in which Julia Roberts’ character, Tess, is ordered to "pretend that she’s Julia Roberts?!"QUOTE]The very same. And when the “impostor” is unveiled, there are “jokes” about “no, couldn’t be her - she’d never wear these clothes” etc. And Bruce Willis is dragged in, so that we can have a lot of jokes about “Julia” not being in with film stars. Oh, and the FBI agent who’s on to “Julia” asks her sign an autograph for her (to prove that she’s not Julia), and “Julia” starts signing it…wait…you’ll never guess - RIGHT-HANDED!! “The things you do when you’re pregnant,” mutters “Julia” (did we mention she’d stuffed a pillow down her frumpy clothing to feign pregnancy and make anotehr reference to the real Julia’s Letterman-mediated pregancy circus). And the cinematic cliches get better. On being unearthed as an impostor, “Julia” is thrown into a police cell with two gothic lesbos, who give her the eye! Okay - all four black-eyeshadowed eyes!! ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oceans-twelve-and-julia-roberts-simply-pathetic/319049/14 "2005-08-29T04:43:24Z")
> [@Otto](#): > > [Monica Potter does](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005321/). Nope. Ocean’s Eleven sucked sweaty gorilla balls. The flick is about watching the whole smarmy bunch get paid for the dramatic equivalent of jerking each other off for two hours. The entire movie is a gigantic in-joke about a bunch of guys having more fun fucking around on the set than the audience is having watching the whole tedious Hollywood frat party. Great. They recreated the spirit of the Rat Pack, of a bunch of drunken gangster-wannabes as they staggered through an expensive home movie where they dress up and pretend to rob a casino, as opposed to the audience. I’d rather have my scrotum nailed to cactus than see “O’s 12” I thank the OP for making me extra-certain if someone ever suggests renting the steaming load I will rip the disk from their hands slam a door on it. ---
**Author:** ![roger\_thornhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@roger\_thornhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roger_thornhill)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oceans-twelve-and-julia-roberts-simply-pathetic/319049/15 "2005-08-29T05:12:12Z")
> [@Loopydude](#): > > Nope. **Loopy** , I think your hands were shaking that much that you deleted the wrong bit from **Otto** ’s post. Else, there’s some connection between Ocean’s Eleven and an actress I’ve never heard of that I’m just not getting. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oceans-twelve-and-julia-roberts-simply-pathetic/319049/16 "2005-08-29T05:14:27Z")
He’s saying Potter and Roberts don’t look alike. I can see a passing resemblance. ---
**Author:** ![Cliffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cliffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cliffy)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oceans-twelve-and-julia-roberts-simply-pathetic/319049/17 "2005-08-29T05:27:13Z")
Also, Potter’s IMDB photo exaggerrates the resemblance. I think she’s generally prettier than Roberts. Anyway, I thought Ocean’s 12 was funny, including the Roberts as Roberts bit (although it did go on just a tad long). –Cliffy ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oceans-twelve-and-julia-roberts-simply-pathetic/319049/18 "2005-08-29T07:01:16Z")
So far I’ve enjoyed every Soderbergh I’ve seen, which include Ocean’s 12. If you didn’t like it though, I would recommend not watching the remake of _The Truth about Charlie_, as it is similar in style. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Angel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d26b3c/32.png) [@Johnny\_Angel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Angel)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 10:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oceans-twelve-and-julia-roberts-simply-pathetic/319049/19 "2005-08-29T10:20:29Z")
It’s like they didn’t get around to hiring a writer until the last 20 minutes of the film. Then the writer despirately wired and duct taped a victory together, which turned out to be based on shit the viewers never got to see. Furthermore, most of the team from the, if you’ll pardon the expression, original remake got written out of the story pretty quickly. Furthermore, so the guy found them, and then they feel obliged to do a caper instead of fleeing again even though the guy they ripped off made his money back already? The premise is weak. They felt like they could just run the first time. And is he going to feel like he has the right to keep shaking them down forever? Plus, it was Danny’s plan that if he was found he’d leave his girlfriend at the mercy of the mobster? Feh. This wasn’t a serious film project, it was some celebrities fucking around with some spare film they had. ---
**Author:** ![Idlewild](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8491ac/32.png) [@Idlewild](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idlewild)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 10:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oceans-twelve-and-julia-roberts-simply-pathetic/319049/20 "2005-08-29T10:46:52Z")
I enjoyed Ocean’s 12 a lot. It was entirely silly, the plot was so ridiculous that my husband and I have both worked out a much more plausible scenario for how things went down, the actors were pretty, pretty eyecandy, and the soundtrack was awesome. Was the movie any good? Meh. No, probably not. Did it tickle my funny bone? Heck yeah. There was a certain amount of “alright, wait, how ridiculous can we make this thing?” that might have annoyed me with a less pretty cast and less enjoyable soundtrack, but didn’t really bother me at all as it was. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oceans-twelve-and-julia-roberts-simply-pathetic/319049.md?page=2)