# Odd Ways To Answer The Phone **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 8, 2015, 9:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/odd-ways-to-answer-the-phone/709297 "2015-01-08T09:57:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Flywheel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Flywheel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flywheel)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/odd-ways-to-answer-the-phone/709297/61 "2015-01-09T01:15:14Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > Remembered one I used to do back in the early days of answering machines. This must have been in the 1970s: > > “Hello. [Pause] Haha! Fooled you! This is just an answering machine.” “Doesn’t bother me. I’m a hologram.” ---
**Author:** ![PurpleClogs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f04885/32.png) [@PurpleClogs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PurpleClogs)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/odd-ways-to-answer-the-phone/709297/62 "2015-01-09T01:17:31Z")
“Jello?” ---
**Author:** ![notfrommensa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f14d63/32.png) [@notfrommensa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/notfrommensa)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/odd-ways-to-answer-the-phone/709297/63 "2015-01-09T02:08:32Z")
At one time my answering machine message was a recording of the lyric “Who the F\*\*\* are You?” from The Who. That was it. ---
**Author:** ![Weedy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/weedy/32/301_2.png) [@Weedy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weedy)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/odd-ways-to-answer-the-phone/709297/64 "2015-01-09T02:11:48Z")
For a while, my teenage daughter’s voicemail said: “Oh it’s you…I’m not speaking to you any more.” Her boyfriend’s dad got it once and flipped. It was pretty unfriendly. ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/odd-ways-to-answer-the-phone/709297/65 "2015-01-09T02:43:32Z")
I once had this answering machine message that made people mad: “Hi there! I may or may not be home right now. So you may or may not want to leave a message. And…I may or may not get back to you.” In the movies, I love the way Tom Atkins’ detective character answers the phone in Night of The Creeps: _“Thrill me!”_ ---
**Author:** ![ataraxy22](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ataraxy22/32/307_2.png) [@ataraxy22](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ataraxy22)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/odd-ways-to-answer-the-phone/709297/66 "2015-01-09T02:44:12Z")
“Go!” ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/odd-ways-to-answer-the-phone/709297/67 "2015-01-09T03:34:53Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > I had a roommate once who answered with, “House of God, may I help you?” 🙂 Apparently, this is a pretty common one. One of my college roommates liked to answer “God speaking” in the most booming voice he could muster. He was also the one who randomly called other classmates when he got bored during study sessions in the wee hours of the morning. (He rarely woke anyone; we were engineering students, so most were up that late when we were.) > [@Stana\_Claus](#): > > Said in the deepest, gruffest, manliest voice you can muster, “Joe’s pool hall, Mabel speaking.” I used “Joe’s Diner. Joe ain’t here.” > [@Simplicio](#): > > [radio-guy voice]“Your on the mic with **Simplicio** , bringing you all the best hits from the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s”[/radio guy voice] “This is [random call letters], and _you’re_ on the air!” I didn’t answer with it often, but I also had it on my answering machine. Got lots of stammering and abrupt hang-ups. Random coincidence with a weird answer: In college, a friend of mine roomed for a while with his cousin, and she had a spare room she let us set up a workbench in, so we did our hardware projects there. We were waiting on the third member of our team one night, and from his usual habits, we figured he’d fallen asleep on his couch after class. We called and left a message yelling at him to get up and get his ass in gear. A couple of minutes later, the phone rang. I was still sitting next to it, and assuming it was him calling back to make excuses, I answered it, “I _know_ where you are…” That’s as far as I got before I heard panicky babbling, quickly followed by a click. See, I had had a cold, and my voice sounded like a giant gargling gravel, and pissed off to boot. And when Cuz checked the caller ID log, she discovered that it had not been our tardy teammate, but her stalkerish ex-boyfriend. We amused ourselves for quite a while with notions of him flinging down the phone and hiding in various ridiculous places, and she never saw or heard from him again. ---
**Author:** ![Aquadementia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aquadementia/32/555_2.png) [@Aquadementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aquadementia)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/odd-ways-to-answer-the-phone/709297/68 "2015-01-09T03:44:42Z")
“WHAT is it now?” in an angry voice is my phone message. I sound more put out then angry when answering live. I realized most of my calls are from people I kind of hate and probably more automated appointment reminders then people I actually like. I told the people I like not to get offended. The people I kind of hate I want to know I resent the call and probably will not be getting back to them, but stay focused and keep it to the point. I probably should change it to “WHAT the HELL is it now?” It doesn’t matter though. I never left a message that people recognize as an answering machine/voice mail. They ALWAYS keep talking like I’m there. Even if I leave it with the default canned voiced phone company message they are still asking if I’m there. I really hate getting phone calls. > [@gregorio](#): > > Ahoy hoy! I’d love to go back to something nice like that. If only I got more good phone calls. Or “Here I am. Rock me like a hurricane.” ---
**Author:** ![jasg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f0a364/32.png) [@jasg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jasg)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/odd-ways-to-answer-the-phone/709297/69 "2015-01-09T04:10:30Z")
\ summer home. Some are here, some are not. ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/odd-ways-to-answer-the-phone/709297/70 "2015-01-09T04:33:23Z")
“Tidy Didy Diaper Service, you mess 'em, we press 'em. What’s the poop today?” On my last actual answering machine, sometime in the early 2000’s, I got inspired and my outgoing message was in my best cheerleader voice (as a well-trained ex-cheerleader should): “L!-E!-A!-V!-E!-A!-M!-E!-S!-S!-A!-G!-E! LeeeEAVE a message! LeeeEAVE a message!” Complete with jumping and clapping you could totally tell in the recording I was doing a complete routine. I thought it was funny, and that’s all that matters. ---
**Author:** ![DoggyDunnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5fc32e/32.png) [@DoggyDunnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DoggyDunnit)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/odd-ways-to-answer-the-phone/709297/71 "2015-01-09T04:34:32Z")
“Sergey’s Restaurant and Mortuary! You kill 'em, we grill 'em! Tell us about the body you wish to dispose of, please!” “Communist Party of Tarrant County, Comrade Sergey speaking. We’re glad to assist you (unless you’re bourgeois, in which case please screw off). How can we help you?” I also used to have the following voicemail greeting: “Hey, it’s Sergey. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to answer the phone. I’m probably out getting sucked between parallel dimensions and/or fighting horrendous abominations. But I promise you that I will get back to you as soon as possible–which will probably be when I return to Home Arni in my original body. Leave your name, number, and a brief message.” (E-cookies for people who get the reference.) ---
**Author:** ![Ken001](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/43a26b/32.png) [@Ken001](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ken001)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/odd-ways-to-answer-the-phone/709297/72 "2015-01-09T12:13:06Z")
Hi, this is the Abortion Centre. You rape em, we scrape em No foetus can beatus. From my university days. It became a bit awkward when someone’s mum phoned… ---
**Author:** ![Soylent\_Juicy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@Soylent\_Juicy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soylent_Juicy)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/odd-ways-to-answer-the-phone/709297/73 "2015-01-09T14:49:34Z")
Years ago my answering machine said “Juicy’s phone is busy right now. This is her refrigerator. Please leave a message and I’ll stick it to myself with one of these little magnets here.” ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/odd-ways-to-answer-the-phone/709297/74 "2015-01-09T18:10:00Z")
> [@swampspruce](#): > > “Hi, I’d like a large pepperoni pizza.” > Stole it from Calvin and Hobbes, works like a charm. Me too. I’ve only used it twice, knowing who the caller was. It really strips people’s gears. ---
**Author:** ![Hopeful\_Crow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/da6949/32.png) [@Hopeful\_Crow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hopeful_Crow)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/odd-ways-to-answer-the-phone/709297/75 "2015-01-09T22:00:13Z")
“Hi, I can’t answer the phone right now because I’m recording a new message for my answering machine. Also, please don’t leave a message because I’m not done yet.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/odd-ways-to-answer-the-phone/709297.md?page=3)