# Of anal retentivenss and emotion **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 11, 2005, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-anal-retentivenss-and-emotion/316540 "2005-08-11T01:56:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2005, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-anal-retentivenss-and-emotion/316540/1 "2005-08-11T01:56:29Z")
I’m fairly anal retentive. If something can be put in order, I like it to be in order. I like for things to be black & white wherever possible, but I will accept the fact that that doesn’t apply to everything. I also hate surprises. I’m not a control freak by any means, but I don’t like situations where I don’t all the facts. I think a side effect of this way of thinking is a lack of emotion. I’m not a very emotional person. It takes a lot to get to me. I’m sure I’m not the only one. ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2005, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-anal-retentivenss-and-emotion/316540/2 "2005-08-11T07:29:39Z")
Do you prefer not having a lot of emotions? ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2005, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-anal-retentivenss-and-emotion/316540/3 "2005-08-11T12:10:02Z")
> [@Zoe](#): > > Do you prefer not having a lot of emotions? At times I think I’m missing something and at others, not so much. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2005, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-anal-retentivenss-and-emotion/316540/4 "2005-08-11T12:23:37Z")
> [@Mr. Blue Sky](#): > > At times I think I’m missing something and at others, not so much. Rare real highs, more lows but the lows are more like a calmness or mild funk rather than a really depressed state of mind? Do you laugh very easily? I mean out loud, gut cramping laughing. Or are you just amused and appreciative of the good joke/humourous situation? ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2005, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-anal-retentivenss-and-emotion/316540/5 "2005-08-11T13:07:14Z")
Congratulations, you’re me. Which works out wonderfully, we have this credit card bill to take care of - you have fun with it. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2005, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-anal-retentivenss-and-emotion/316540/6 "2005-08-11T13:57:54Z")
> [@Mr. Blue Sky](#): > > I think a side effect of this way of thinking is a lack of emotion. Us anal retentive types might be able to control how much emotion we _show_, but I don’t believe that anyone can control how much emotion they _feel_. IANA shrink, but I’d say that your “lack of emotion” is not connected to your anal retentiveness. I’m quite anal retentive, too (my realtor once diplomatically referred to me as “meticulous”), but I’m neither over- nor under-emotional. I agree with you about surprises, though. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2005, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-anal-retentivenss-and-emotion/316540/7 "2005-08-11T15:13:12Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Rare real highs, more lows but the lows are more like a calmness or mild funk rather than a really depressed state of mind? More like a “meh” moment. > [@](#): > > Do you laugh very easily? I mean out loud, gut cramping laughing. Or are you just amused and appreciative of the good joke/humourous situation? Yes. 😃 I do all of that. I enjoy a good laugh. Hell, I enjoy a bad laugh, too. Maybe what I’m talking about is passion. Some people are extrremely passionate about things. Whether it’s their job (I like my job a lot, but I’m not gonna go Tom Cruise about it), or their hobbies and outside interests. I’ve never found any activity that I wanted to go nuts over. I tend to get bored easily, so my passion for any given thing wanes after I’ve absorbed (assimilated?) whatever it is I found interesting about the subject. Afterwards, it just beomes part me (like the Borg). Hmmmm…maybe I am a Borg. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2005, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-anal-retentivenss-and-emotion/316540/8 "2005-08-11T15:23:36Z")
Crap, I’m trying to post from work, so please excuse the rambling. Also, I’d rather be an observer than a participant. I like to know why people do the things they do. Just because I don’t go nuts over that cute picture of a little kid and a bunny doesn’t mean I don’t think it’s cute. I just don’t think it’s that big a deal. I have been called cold and inhuman (!) because of this. ---
**Author:** ![Small\_Clanger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc348/32.png) [@Small\_Clanger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Small_Clanger)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2005, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-anal-retentivenss-and-emotion/316540/9 "2005-08-11T15:29:48Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > Us anal retentive types might be able to control how much emotion we _show_, but I don’t believe that anyone can control how much emotion they _feel_. [Spock] I _am_ in control of my emotions. I am in _control_ of my emotions.[/Spock] A former gf described me as living in a ‘shallow emotional landscape’, which she felt was rude enough to apologise for, where I hadn’t taken it as a critisism. But I’m not sure I’d say like **Mr Sky** ‘I’m not a very emotional person’, it’s just that I don’t readily express myself (I’m a middle class English bloke, I don’t do expressive) and I think there’s a positive feedback that goes on when someone starts emoting, if you keep a stiff upper lip you damp that out. I can relate to a lack of ‘passion’. I used to be like that about some things wheras now I tend to dabble in things I find interesting rather than (to utterly overstate) indulge in my passions (that’s probably against the law here anyway, we’re not like the Italians, anyway it’s usually too cold). ---
**Author:** ![kaiwik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaiwik/32/3978_2.png) [@kaiwik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaiwik)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2005, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-anal-retentivenss-and-emotion/316540/10 "2005-08-12T05:53:28Z")
IANA shrink, but I see one about 4 times a year (for medication management). I am anal retentive, obsessive/compulsive, I **hate** surprises, and circumstances out of my control. My shrink told me that, contrary to the usual advice he hands out, he wanted me to concentrate more on _feeling_ and less on _thinking._ It has been some of the best advice I have ever had, and my life is so much easier now that I allow myself to show the emotions I am feeling. YMMV ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2005, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-anal-retentivenss-and-emotion/316540/11 "2005-08-12T13:24:52Z")
Maybe you are depressed? Or your anal compulsiveness is an attempt by your psyche to fill the empty void where your emotions should be? Or your lack of emotions, like your compulsiveness is another way of trying to control your environment? Are you age 25-35? Because that would plant you squarely in “Generation X”. We don’t feel emotions like normal people. Just irony, righteous rage and sarcasm. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2005, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-anal-retentivenss-and-emotion/316540/12 "2005-08-12T15:30:31Z")
> [@Mr. Blue Sky](#): > > Also, I’d rather be an observer than a participant. I like to know why people do the things they do. > > Just because I don’t go nuts over that cute picture of a little kid and a bunny doesn’t mean I don’t think it’s cute. I just don’t think it’s that big a deal. > > I have been called cold and inhuman (!) because of this. Stop copying me! :eek: Actually, I have a tendency to be suspicious of people who are highly evocative and emotional. I keep thinking that they must be faking the enthusiasm and purposely creating drama. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2005, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-anal-retentivenss-and-emotion/316540/13 "2005-08-12T19:29:25Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > Us anal retentive types might be able to control how much emotion we _show_, but I don’t believe that anyone can control how much emotion they _feel_. IANA shrink, but I’d say that your “lack of emotion” is not connected to your anal retentiveness. I’m quite anal retentive, too (my realtor once diplomatically referred to me as “meticulous”), but I’m neither over- nor under-emotional. Shouldn’t “anal-retentive” be hyphenated? _d&r_ Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2005, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-anal-retentivenss-and-emotion/316540/14 "2005-08-12T19:53:53Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > Shouldn’t “anal-retentive” be hyphenated? Possibly at the start of the first sentence (where it could be argued that “anal retentive” is modifying “types”), but not anywhere else. Yes, I’m so anal retentive that I know the rule about hyphenating “anal retentive.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![ratatoskK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ratatoskk/32/2987_2.png) [@ratatoskK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ratatoskK)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2005, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-anal-retentivenss-and-emotion/316540/15 "2005-08-12T19:59:19Z")
My SO is quite… (anal-retentive)… but he’s not unemotional at all. So I don’t think the two characteristics are necessarily connected. (Although they may tend to be – I don’t know enough people like that to be able to generalize.) ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2005, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-anal-retentivenss-and-emotion/316540/16 "2005-08-12T20:12:17Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Maybe you are depressed? Or your anal compulsiveness is an attempt by your psyche to fill the empty void where your emotions should be? Or your lack of emotions, like your compulsiveness is another way of trying to control your environment? > > Are you age 25-35? Because that would plant you squarely in “Generation X”. We don’t feel emotions like normal people. Just irony, righteous rage and sarcasm. I’ll be 42 in a couple of weeks, so that puts me at the tail end of the Baby Boomer gang. I’m very cynical about a lot of things. That might have something to do with it. Or not. ---
**Author:** ![JohnBckWLD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@JohnBckWLD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnBckWLD)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2005, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-anal-retentivenss-and-emotion/316540/17 "2005-08-12T20:25:21Z")
You know you’re anal retentive and focused too much on keeping things in order (like cans of soup in the cabinet) when your ex-spouse (only half jokingly) refers to you as the _non-homicidal [Martin Burney](http://image.listen.com/img/170x170/1/9/6/2/612691_170x170.jpg)_ ---
**Author:** ![JohnBckWLD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@JohnBckWLD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnBckWLD)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2005, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-anal-retentivenss-and-emotion/316540/18 "2005-08-12T20:28:42Z")
> [@ratatoskK](#): > > …I don’t think the two characteristics are necessarily connected… I have a hunch you’ve never visited Germany