# Of course I don't worship Satan, moron! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 28, 2011, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317 "2011-01-28T17:53:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2011, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/1 "2011-01-28T17:53:45Z")
This would be a much longer and spittle-filled rant if I weren’t typing on my iPod but I had to get this out of my head. Dear co-worker You are a sweet woman even though you insist that, deep down, I surely must believe in God because I’m nice. But today when you showed such concern over my 24 year old son’s very hard atheism (I’m more agnostic-y) because he will probably end up worshipping the devil-- well, that’s just fucking stupid. The contortions I had to go through to hide my utter shock at your lack of comprehension made me pull a brain muscle. Excuse me. It’s noon and my lack of religious convictions dictates that I must perform a ritualistic yet evil blood dance. ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2011, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/2 "2011-01-28T17:56:30Z")
Oh, the people who think that “believes in God” is a synonym for nice, responsible, moral, giving, understanding, helpful, pretty much any other word with a positive connotation… No point in arguing with them, really. They don’t get it. Atheists are worse than child molesters, in their world. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2011, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/3 "2011-01-28T18:06:55Z")
If someone doesn’t believe in God, why would they believe in Satan? ---
**Author:** ![CPomeroy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ed8c4c/32.png) [@CPomeroy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CPomeroy)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2011, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/4 "2011-01-28T18:09:27Z")
Is anyone else seeing the add for the “Satanic Superstore”? I really want to click on it, but I’m afraid to. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2011, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/5 "2011-01-28T18:10:31Z")
What does God need with a starship? ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2011, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/6 "2011-01-28T18:14:16Z")
> [@runner pat](#): > > If someone doesn’t believe in God, why would they believe in Satan? Exactly! ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2011, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/7 "2011-01-28T18:14:31Z")
I’ve met some very nice Christians, who are indeed trying to live as Jesus taught. Them, I like. The ones who want to cherry-pick from the Bible and do only what suits them at the time, and the ones who use Christianity as a shield to do terrible things, and the ones who are concerned about the state of my soul, not so much. Hmm, I think I started out with a point. Uh, atheists and agnostics can be nice people, and Christians can be assholes? That might have been it. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2011, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/8 "2011-01-28T18:15:51Z")
“You believe in Jesus Christ. And you’re American. So I guess that means ultimately you’ll become a Mormon, right?” ---
**Author:** ![beartato](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9d8465/32.png) [@beartato](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beartato)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2011, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/9 "2011-01-28T18:17:27Z")
> [@runner pat](#): > > If someone doesn’t believe in God, why would they believe in Satan? To be honest, this is what I always wonder. People who believe in God believe in Satan; that he exists, is evil, and so on. People who don’t believe in God don’t usually believe in Satan either; if you don’t believe in a magical sky pixie why would you believe in a magical subterranean one? Atheistic beliefs most often involve no belief in higher powers; it’s not like I believe God exists but isn’t an awesome dude, and also Satan makes some good points. I just don’t believe either exist. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2011, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/10 "2011-01-28T18:17:40Z")
Throw her to the [del]lions[/del] human resources manager ---
**Author:** ![Rain\_Soaked](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e19adc/32.png) [@Rain\_Soaked](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rain_Soaked)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2011, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/11 "2011-01-28T18:22:30Z")
> [@runner pat](#): > > If someone doesn’t believe in God, why would they believe in Satan? Usually it is not phrased this way to me. It is phrased that by not believing in God, one will be easily manipulated by Satan. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2011, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/12 "2011-01-28T18:22:31Z")
I overheard a student say this recently: > [@](#): > > I think my roommates brother is into Satanism. He wears one of those Pentagon necklaces. I’m not sure if the necklace is pre or post 9-11 structural damage to the Pentagon. ---
**Author:** ![crowmanyclouds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crowmanyclouds/32/19884_2.png) [@crowmanyclouds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crowmanyclouds)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2011, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/13 "2011-01-28T18:26:41Z")
> [@runner pat](#): > > If someone doesn’t believe in God, why would they believe in Satan? His retirement community has a much better clientele? 😃 CMC fnord! ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2011, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/14 "2011-01-28T18:27:54Z")
> [@crowmanyclouds](#): > > His retirement community has a much better clientele? > > 😃 > CMC fnord! But it’s hell getting in. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Kolga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e56c9b/32.png) [@Kolga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolga)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2011, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/15 "2011-01-28T18:36:03Z")
> [@Biggirl](#): > > The contortions I had to go through to hide my utter shock at your lack of comprehension made me pull a brain muscle. Why bother to hide it? It might be the way to begin the process of educating her about not being completely oblivious about other people’s beliefs (or lack thereof). ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2011, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/16 "2011-01-28T18:41:04Z")
There seem to be a lot these religious types who really don’t grasp it that atheists really don’t believe that God exists. They think it’s just an affect, or that atheists just don’t want to worship God, or that they’re “mad at God,” or that they don’t want to follow religious rules, but somehow, on some level, they know that God exists. It doesn’t compute to some people that others might really, honestly, truly think that God doesn’t exist at all. They see atheists as hostile to or in opposition to God, so Satanism sounds like a natural progression to them, but they think you don’t really mean it when you say you honestly have no belief in such entities whatsoever, and have no emotional feelings about them because you think they don’t exist. They won’t believe you when you say that. I’ve heard fundies say that atheists don’t really exist. I don’t know why it seems so impossible to them that they do, but it’s not unusual. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2011, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/17 "2011-01-28T18:42:41Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > There seem to be a lot these religious types who really don’t grasp it that atheists really don’t believe that God exists. They think it’s just an affect, or that atheists just don’t want to worship God, or that they’re “mad at God,” or that they don’t want to follow religious rules, but somehow, on some level, they know that God exists. I call this the “Touched by an Angel Syndrome” since I saw only bits and pieces of a few episodes and yet that seemed to be in every one. ---
**Author:** ![Cyningablod](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc29f/32.png) [@Cyningablod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyningablod)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2011, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/18 "2011-01-28T18:53:06Z")
The problem is that the Bible, when read literally–which is the way most uneducated, elderly, grandmotherly-type Christians interpret it–doesn’t leave room for nice, sincere atheists. One is either a follower of Christ, or a worshipper (or at least tool/victim/pawn) of Satan. Consider: Jesus, when speaking about his group of disciples in Mark chapter 9, says that “Whoever is not against us is for us,” (v. 40). Presumably the converse is true: Whoever is not “for” Jesus and his followers is “against” them. In Revelation 3:16, Jesus is portrayed by John as being pretty black-and-white on the subject: “Because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.” Not even people who are apathetic or agnostic are OK, in Jesus’ eyes: much preferable to be either zealously Christian, or zealously anti-Christian. John speaks similarly in 1 John 4:3: “[E]very spirit that does not acknowledge Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you have heard is coming and even now is already in the world.” So, don’t acknowledge Jesus? That’s cause you’re being inspired by the antichrist. Paul writes in his first letter to the Corinthians that, “For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God’s sight.” (3:19) He makes similar implications elsewhere, suggesting that there can be nothing good, holy, or wholesome outside of God/Christ. So, little or no room for decent atheists there. **James was even more direct on this point: “You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.” (4:4)** So don’t be angry at your co-worker; she’s just being a thorough, consistent Christian. Be angry at _Christianity_. ---
**Author:** ![Cyningablod](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc29f/32.png) [@Cyningablod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyningablod)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2011, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/19 "2011-01-28T18:54:13Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > There seem to be a lot these religious types who really don’t grasp it that atheists really don’t believe that God exists. They think it’s just an affect, or that atheists just don’t want to worship God, or that they’re “mad at God,” or that they don’t want to follow religious rules, but somehow, on some level, they know that God exists. […] They won’t believe you when you say that. I’ve heard fundies say that atheists don’t really exist. I don’t know why it seems so impossible to them that they do, but it’s not unusual. This. Well said. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2011, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/20 "2011-01-28T18:56:00Z")
> [@Sattua](#): > > They don’t get it. Atheists are worse than child molesters, in their world. Hell, I imagine to some of them, atheists ARE child molesters. I mean, what’s holding them (atheists) back? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317.md?page=2)