# Of course I don't worship Satan, moron! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 28, 2011, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317 "2011-01-28T17:53:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![SenorBeef](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senorbeef/32/2220_2.png) [@SenorBeef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SenorBeef)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2011, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/41 "2011-01-28T23:36:37Z")
> [@El\_Kabong](#): > > Hell, I imagine to some of them, atheists ARE child molesters. I mean, what’s holding them (atheists) back? Are you saying you, or other Christians, are always tempted to rape children but only your fear of afterlife punishment holds you back? And this makes you morally superior people? I remember when I was about 7 or 8 years old, I recall an adult friend of my family saying something negative about atheists. I asked what atheists were, and she told me “Atheists don’t believe in god, they worship satan”, and I remember thinking even at age 7: “If they don’t believe in god, why would they believe in satan?” Lots of adults weren’t as critical as I was at age 7 though, apparently. ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2011, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/42 "2011-01-28T23:39:14Z")
Ah, a real computer! Firstly, I didn’t call her a moron because she’s a very nice lady and she wasn’t being mean or wishing something ill upon me and my son. She was genuinely concerned. She likes both me and my son and didn’t want anything bad to happen to us. She’s also an intelligent person. Or she’s usually an intelligent person. Which was why I was shocked that she believes that someone who has no belief in any gods would worship anything at all, much less an evil angel cast from heaven. I did tell her that he doesn’t believe in Satan either. In another conversation a long while ago, she did state that she believes a person can’t be good unless they believe in God. So she’s sure that I do believe, deep down, because I’m good. I told her that I find it a lot more scary to think that the only thing keeping everyone from killing and stealing and raping the crap out of everyone else is fear of retribution. My world-- where people are good for the sake of being good-- is far more comforting. Also, it was my son’s fault I had this conversation in the first place by answering her farewell “God bless!” with “Nah, I’m chillin’ with Xenu today.” She knew he was joking but. . . she couldn’t help but warn me about how, without God in his life, he may very well end up worshiping Satan. And I didn’t say, “That’s gotta be the stupidest thing you have ever said to me.” which is proof positive you don’t need God to be good. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2011, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/43 "2011-01-29T00:12:27Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > I sincerely doubt the little old lady in question was referring to the Church of Satan[sup]®[/sup], or even knows what it is. She was much more likely talking about the Satan \*she \*believes in - The Adversary, Lucifer, Abaddon, Belail, The Antichrist, Beezlebub, Dragon, The Lord of This World, The Prince of Tyrus, Old Scratch, The Lord of the Flies, etc. (Of course, these may not all be the same entity, but I don’t think she’s letting facts get in the way of her hunch.) That part of my post was because, for the longest time, I thought Satanists did worship the Satan you described. It’s something so prevalent in the evangelical community that plays are made about the dangers of Satanism–and they always include human sacrifice. So I still think it’s funny that Satanists don’t believe in Satan. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2011, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/44 "2011-01-29T00:19:13Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > So I still think it’s funny that Satanists don’t believe in Satan. Well, they believe all sorts of things. 😉 But yeah, generally speaking, Satanists “believe in” Satan like you an I believe in Uncle Sam. As a fictional character who stands in our minds for a certain group of characteristics. In the case of Satan in the view of Satanists, those characteristics would be individuality, personal accountability and being your own master, not the slave of anyone else, no matter how good or powerful they seem to be. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2011, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/45 "2011-01-29T00:26:56Z")
> [@Cyningablod](#): > > In Revelation 3:16, Jesus is portrayed by John as being pretty black-and-white on the subject: “Because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.” I thought it was Jerry Lee Lewis who said that. Thank God for one thing - haven’t seen the 3:16 guy with his dopey sign sitting behind home plate at the televised baseball games in quite awhile. > [@CPomeroy](#): > > Is anyone else seeing the add for the “Satanic Superstore”? I really want to click on it, but I’m afraid to. I’ve got the ad inviting me to train to be a motorcycle mechanic, which fits the thread, kind of. ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2011, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/46 "2011-01-29T00:55:37Z")
> [@Biggirl](#): > > Ah, a real computer! > > Firstly, I didn’t call her a moron because she’s a very nice lady and she wasn’t being mean or wishing something ill upon me and my son. She was genuinely concerned. She likes both me and my son and didn’t want anything bad to happen to us. > > She’s also an intelligent person. Or she’s usually an intelligent person. Which was why I was shocked that she believes that someone who has no belief in any gods would worship anything at all, much less an evil angel cast from heaven. I did tell her that he doesn’t believe in Satan either. > > In another conversation a long while ago, she did state that she believes a person can’t be good unless they believe in God. So she’s sure that I do believe, deep down, because I’m good. I told her that I find it a lot more scary to think that the only thing keeping everyone from killing and stealing and raping the crap out of everyone else is fear of retribution. My world-- where people are good for the sake of being good-- is far more comforting. > > Also, it was my son’s fault I had this conversation in the first place by answering her farewell “God bless!” with “Nah, I’m chillin’ with Xenu today.” She knew he was joking but. . . she couldn’t help but warn me about how, without God in his life, he may very well end up worshiping Satan. > > And I didn’t say, “That’s gotta be the stupidest thing you have ever said to me.” which is proof positive you don’t need God to be good. Oh heck…I take your co-worker’s comments to mean: [ol] [li]One way to interpret this is like if it were raining outside, and she told you to take an umbrella, or else you’ll get wet. And you reply, “I don’t need an umbrella, it’s not raining, I won’t get wet!” To her, of course it’s raining! Of course you’ll get wet! Substitute (sorta) Satan for raining, and God for an umbrella.[/li][li]When she says “worship Satan”, she doesn’t mean literally put on special clothes, show up at the worship place, and repeat special phrases. She just means one would inadvertently follow the path of Satan. Which to her is quite clear (sin, etc.).[/li][/ol] ---
**Author:** ![President\_Johnny\_Gentle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5f9b8f/32.png) [@President\_Johnny\_Gentle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/President_Johnny_Gentle)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2011, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/47 "2011-01-29T00:57:21Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > Thank God for one thing - haven’t seen the 3:16 guy with his dopey sign sitting behind home plate at the televised baseball games in quite awhile. There’s a good reason for that - he’s [serving life for kidnapping](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rollen_Stewart). ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2011, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/48 "2011-01-29T00:59:34Z")
You should worship me, instead. ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2011, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/49 "2011-01-29T01:13:05Z")
> [@Hades](#): > > You should worship me, instead. I refuse to worship a place with so many useless commas. ---
**Author:** ![Kolga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e56c9b/32.png) [@Kolga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolga)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2011, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/50 "2011-01-29T01:14:20Z")
> [@President\_Johnny\_Gentle](#): > > There’s a good reason for that - he’s [serving life for kidnapping](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rollen_Stewart). :eek::D:cool: ☹ what is that I don’t even I don’t mean to be cruel, but there really is something kinda weirdly awesome and concurrently tragic about that whole story. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2011, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/51 "2011-01-29T02:40:57Z")
> [@President\_Johnny\_Gentle](#): > > There’s a good reason for that - he’s [serving life for kidnapping](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rollen_Stewart). Well, that explains it then. Satan is _evahwhere_. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carol_the_Impaler)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2011, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/52 "2011-01-29T02:52:00Z")
I thought [Elvis was everywhere](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_hkIN38qnY)? ---
**Author:** ![Euphonious\_Polemic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/euphonious_polemic/32/3002_2.png) [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2011, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/53 "2011-01-29T02:55:04Z")
I don’t worship Satan, because his stats in [2009/10 were really not that great.](http://www.nhl.com/ice/player.htm?id=8459534) ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2011, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/54 "2011-01-29T03:00:45Z")
> [@Biggirl](#): > > I refuse to worship a place with so many useless commas. You will pay for your petty insolence. ---
**Author:** ![Ale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@Ale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ale)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2011, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/55 "2011-01-29T03:25:02Z")
> [@runner pat](#): > > If someone doesn’t believe in God, why would they believe in Satan? Your puny attempts at logic are doomed to failure. ---
**Author:** ![Ale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@Ale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ale)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2011, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/56 "2011-01-29T03:31:06Z")
Aaaaand, let me add. > [@beartato](#): > > To be honest, this is what I always wonder. People who believe in God believe in Satan; that he exists, is evil, and so on. > … This. God, Satan. I’m not buying this monotheistic claptrap. There’s at the very least two super dudes at work here. It just happens that one beat the other at having a fluff piece ghost written by a bunch of goat shepherds. ---
**Author:** ![Try2B\_Comprehensive](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/try2b_comprehensive/32/65_2.png) [@Try2B\_Comprehensive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Try2B_Comprehensive)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2011, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/57 "2011-01-29T03:33:12Z")
Seems foolish to be angry with God either way. An actual God would take you for a fool and cut you some slack if you were somehow angry with it. And what are you going to do, smite God? Seems logically impossible for theist and atheist alike. ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2011, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/58 "2011-01-29T03:35:22Z")
> [@Carol\_the\_Impaler](#): > > I thought [Elvis was everywhere](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_hkIN38qnY)? I’m sorry but just like God, [Elvis is dead.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nvpRkn_R5g) ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2011, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/59 "2011-01-29T03:50:15Z")
> [@runner pat](#): > > If someone doesn’t believe in God, why would they believe in Satan? Well for one thing, I’ve noticed that there’s a subset of Christians who divide the world into two, and only two groups. Christians exactly like themselves, and Atheistic Liberal Satanic Communist Muslim Homosexuals. There’s Us and Them, and everyone who isn’t Us is all part of the same evil group of Them. The Christians are Right, _everyone knows_ they are Right, and those who oppose them are all part of the same vague conspiracy that knowingly opposes the One True Way. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2011, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/60 "2011-01-29T03:54:36Z")
> [@SenorBeef](#): > > Are you saying you, or other Christians, are always tempted to rape children but only your fear of afterlife punishment holds you back? And this makes you morally superior people? Er, no, and no. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317.md?page=4)