# Of course I don't worship Satan, moron! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 28, 2011, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317 "2011-01-28T17:53:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2011, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/61 "2011-01-29T03:54:37Z")
> [@President\_Johnny\_Gentle](#): > > There’s a good reason for that - he’s [serving life for kidnapping](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rollen_Stewart). I remember reading about that a while back. The thing that surprised me more than anything else was that it was just one guy who was doing all of that. I’d always assumed the John 3:16 thing was just something people did at sporting events, like “the wave,” or taking off your shirt in subzero temperatures. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2011, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/62 "2011-01-29T04:00:35Z")
I recall that Cecil wrote two articles about the Rainbow Man/John 3:16 Guy; [here](http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/457/whats-with-those-john-3) and [here](http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/848/is-the-guy-who-held-up-those-john-3). ---
**Author:** ![BaneSidhe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c5a1d2/32.png) [@BaneSidhe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BaneSidhe)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2011, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/63 "2011-01-29T05:21:26Z")
> [@Euphonious\_Polemic](#): > > I don’t worship Satan, because his stats in [2009/10 were really not that great.](http://www.nhl.com/ice/player.htm?id=8459534) I want you to know I am wiping tears of laughter from my eyes and trying not to wake the household with my manic giggling!😃 ---
**Author:** ![fumster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e9c0ed/32.png) [@fumster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fumster)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2011, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/64 "2011-01-29T05:41:54Z")
> [@Euphonious\_Polemic](#): > > I don’t worship Satan, because his stats in [2009/10 were really not that great.](http://www.nhl.com/ice/player.htm?id=8459534) I guess hell _did_ freeze over. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2011, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/65 "2011-01-29T06:15:36Z")
> [@Kolga](#): > > I’ve gotten this response from Christians regarding my spirituality, too. “If you’re not afraid of going to hell, then what’s stopping you from killing people or stealing or other things?” > > Um…the fact that I have a personal morality? Although I’m reconsidering the part about not punching people. I ran into this line of argument a few times, and it scares the shit out of me because it implies that if the guy asking the question didn’t believe in eternal punishment, \*he \*would see no particular reason not to murder me for the lulz. ---
**Author:** ![Kolga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e56c9b/32.png) [@Kolga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolga)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2011, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/66 "2011-01-29T06:19:20Z")
> [@Kobal2](#): > > I ran into this line of argument a few times, and it scares the shit out of me because it implies that if the guy asking the question didn’t believe in eternal punishment, \*he \*would see no particular reason not to murder me for the lulz. I know, right? It’s such a window into the mindset of the person asking the question. ---
**Author:** ![SenorBeef](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senorbeef/32/2220_2.png) [@SenorBeef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SenorBeef)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2011, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/67 "2011-01-29T06:30:48Z")
I actually made a [weak pitting](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=13407465) of the assholes who use the “OH GOD I WANT TO RAPE AND MURDER SO BAD BUT GOD WOULD PUNISH ME, THEREFORE I AM BETTER THAN YOU, ATHEIST, WHO DOES NOT FEAR GOD” bullshit. ---
**Author:** ![BrightNShiny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@BrightNShiny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrightNShiny)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2011, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/68 "2011-01-29T06:57:53Z")
> [@Kolga](#): > > I’ve gotten this response from Christians regarding my spirituality, too. “If you’re not afraid of going to hell, then what’s stopping you from killing people or stealing or other things?” You should just ask them the same exact question, since I doubt most people are afraid of actually going to hell. Here’s what I mean. I think it’s in Tom Sawyer where Tom and Huck are standing next to a character who is lying (I haven’t read it in 30 years). Tom and Huck have a belief that if you lie, you get struck down by lightning. So they keep moving away from the liar and waiting for the lightning strike to happen. Tom and Huck behaved as if they believed that lying = lightning strike. In my experience, most people (and I’m not just limiting it to Christians) don’t behave as if they believe that there is this book or books that lay out the only guidelines for avoiding eternal damnation. For starters, a lot of people don’t actually read the holy books of their own religion. You can’t tell me you believe that there is an eternal hell waiting to swallow people up when you don’t even take the time to read the guidelines for avoiding it. So, turn the question back around. See if their behavior is consistent with this belief that there is some eternal damnation just around the corner, and if it isn’t, turn the question back on them. ---
**Author:** ![Patch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a183cd/32.png) [@Patch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patch)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2011, 7:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/69 "2011-01-30T07:47:17Z")
> [@Cyningablod](#): > > In Revelation 3:16, Jesus is portrayed by John as being pretty black-and-white on the subject: “Because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.” That just sounds so wrong. It’s like bad porn. ---
**Author:** ![Patch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a183cd/32.png) [@Patch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patch)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2011, 7:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/70 "2011-01-30T07:53:35Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > How the hell does something like this even come up at work? Religious beliefs _really_ aren’t a work issue. I just don’t get why you would be volunteering that information knowing it will only bring headaches. I have coworkers whose cubicles are plastered with religious stuff. One had a bible on his desk the size of the Oxford English Dictionary. ---
**Author:** ![Patch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a183cd/32.png) [@Patch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patch)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2011, 8:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/71 "2011-01-30T08:01:18Z")
> [@Kolga](#): > > :eek::D:cool: ☹ > > what is that I don’t even > > I don’t mean to be cruel, but there really is something kinda weirdly awesome and concurrently tragic about that whole story. I used to have a newspaper photo of the hotel room he was holed up in that day, with SWAT outside on adjacent balconies. The internet is failing me in my attempts to find it on-line. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2011, 9:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/72 "2011-01-30T09:26:55Z")
> [@Patch](#): > > I have coworkers whose cubicles are plastered with religious stuff. One had a bible on his desk the size of the Oxford English Dictionary. There’s also the coworker who wants the radio turned to a religious station (either preaching or Christian music), and the one who wants everyone to attend a prayer breakfast/meeting before every workday, and the one who proclaims that s/he can do anything with God’s help. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2011, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/73 "2011-01-30T13:58:31Z")
Even if, given \*\*MwaG’s \*\* assertion that theists who equate atheists with satanists are (to use the SDMB’s favorite word of 2009) “outliers,” it’s still common to see atheists as “angry at God.” Not just at his fan club, but God Himslef. What’s the difference between an obnoxious atheist and a non-obnoxious atheist? ``` "Did you know that Slithy Tove is an atheist? "Why no I didn't. But now that you mention it, guess it makes sense." ``` (that’s Slithy Tove being identified as an obnoxious atheist.) But maybe there’s hope: we can be lik teenagers were in the 1950’s, or homosexuals in the 1960’s: originally demonized, but after a few years, comprising a targeted marketing demographic; as well as the focus of sexual curiosity. I’ll be too old for any of that when it comes. But, by virtue of my age, I do have the benefit of remebering when Christians demonized each other. Now, of course, they band together, and Fundamentalists, while they don’t agree with the pope, see a dirty joke at his expense as essentially at Jesus’s expense. A united front against the War on Christmas, rising secularism, any attempt to look at their bookkeeping, etc. It wasn’t always like that. I remember the early 70’s listening to two little girls singing/trashing [the ecumenical movement](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NKwlUmoiPVY) (at the 3:15 mark). (I now see that one of the girls went on to a prominent part on a 1990’s sitcom “Wings,” and was romantically involved with Danny Thomas’ son; from one of the US’s most liberal Catholic families. So at least we atheists brought the Christians together: doing Jesus’s work that they were unwilling to do. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2011, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/74 "2011-01-30T17:02:49Z")
That was a weird song. I never heard of the ecumenical movement trying to bring Jews, Muslims, Buddhists and Hindus together with the Protestants, Catholics and various Eastern rites. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2011, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/75 "2011-01-30T17:18:23Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > There’s also the coworker who wants the radio turned to a religious station (either preaching or Christian music), and the one who wants everyone to attend a prayer breakfast/meeting before every workday, and the one who proclaims that s/he can do anything with God’s help. Some of this stuff borders on harassment. Can’t HR do anything? ---
**Author:** ![Cyningablod](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc29f/32.png) [@Cyningablod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyningablod)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2011, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/76 "2011-01-30T17:27:44Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Some of this stuff borders on harassment. Can’t HR do anything? I worked at a company once where the HR director was the one _doing_ this sort of stuff. :eek: Not quite as bad as **Lynn** described above, but definitely using her position to proselytize folks and promote her faith. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2011, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/77 "2011-01-30T18:14:25Z")
Oh, this didn’t happen all at one place, but yeah, it was usually the boss who wanted to have a prayer breakfast or meeting, or who wanted the radio on the Christian station. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2011, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/78 "2011-01-30T20:25:46Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > Oh, this didn’t happen all at one place, but yeah, it was usually the boss who wanted to have a prayer breakfast or meeting, or who wanted the radio on the Christian station. Was it a personal radio? Because he was told he could listen to the radio at a reasonable volume from 9-11. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2011, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/79 "2011-01-30T22:27:44Z")
Since when is 11 a “reasonable” volume? Yes, I got the “Office Space” joke. And I morphed it into a “Spinal Tap” joke. So? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2011, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317/80 "2011-01-31T17:13:52Z")
> [@runner pat](#): > > If someone doesn’t believe in God, why would they believe in Satan? I think their mindset on this point is best summed up in this passage from [_The Screwtape Letters,_](http://members.fortunecity.com/phantom1/books2/c._s._lewis_-_the_screwtape_letters.htm) by C.S. Lewis: > [@](#): > > MY DEAR WORMWOOD, > > I wonder you should ask me whether it is essential to keep the patient in ignorance of your own existence. That question, at least for the present phase of the struggle, has been answered for us by the High Command. Our policy, for the moment, is to conceal ourselves. Of course this has not always been so. We are really faced with a cruel dilemma. When the humans disbelieve in our existence we lose all he pleasing results of direct terrorism and we make no magicians. On the other hand, when they believe in us, we cannot make them materialists and sceptics. At least, not yet. I have great hopes that we shall learn in due time how to emotionalise and mythologise their science to such an extent that what is, in effect, belief in us, (though not under that name) will creep in while the human mind remains closed to belief in the Enemy. The “Life Force”, the worship of sex, and some aspects of Psychoanalysis, may here prove useful. If once we can produce our perfect work—the Materialist Magician, the man, not using, but veritably worshipping, what he vaguely calls “Forces” while denying the existence of “spirits”—then the end of the war will be in sight. But in the meantime we must obey our orders. I do not think you will have much difficulty in keeping the patient in the dark. The fact that “devils” are predominantly comic figures in the modern imagination will help you. If any faint suspicion of your existence begins to arise in his mind, suggest to him a picture of something in red tights, and persuade him that since he cannot believe in that (it is an old textbook method of confusing them) he therefore cannot believe in you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/of-course-i-dont-worship-satan-moron/569317.md?page=5)