# Offendapalooza! Let's post our most tasteless jokes here **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 21, 2010, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/offendapalooza-lets-post-our-most-tasteless-jokes-here/536876 "2010-04-21T16:53:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2010, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/offendapalooza-lets-post-our-most-tasteless-jokes-here/536876/121 "2010-04-26T13:56:56Z")
> [@ivan\_astikov](#): > > Q. What is black and white, and red all over? > > A. A nun with her throat slit. What’s black and white and can’t go through a revolving door? A nun with a spear through her head. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2010, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/offendapalooza-lets-post-our-most-tasteless-jokes-here/536876/122 "2010-04-26T14:12:03Z")
> [@ElvisL1ves](#): > > Helicopters must be Italian. De big rotor, she go “Wopwopwopwop”, and de little rotor, she go “Guineaguineaguineaguinea”. No, it’s motorcycles that are Italian. Specifically, the big, oversized motorcyle tires. Because dago through mud, dago through snow and when dago flat, dago “Wopwopwop…”. ---
**Author:** ![Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de053/32.png) [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackknifed_Juggernaut)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2010, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/offendapalooza-lets-post-our-most-tasteless-jokes-here/536876/123 "2010-04-26T14:39:24Z")
> [@Amber\_in\_Treasury](#): > > Lawn sprinklers are racist. It’s true, just listen to one: _Spic spic spic spic spic CHINK! Niggerniggerniggernigger…_ I heard this one in a different format: “What do you call 4 Puerto Ricans, A Chinese guy and 4 black guys standing in a line?” “A water sprinkler.” Once your audience gives you a blank stare, you follow with the sound. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2010, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/offendapalooza-lets-post-our-most-tasteless-jokes-here/536876/124 "2010-04-26T15:01:47Z")
Lord, forgive me: [FONT=Trebuchet MS][SIZE=2]One day two black women were visiting the zoo. They came to the gorilla exhibit; this big, angry male gorilla was there. While looking at the gorilla exhibit, one of the women got a little close to the edge, and the gorilla grabbed her, dragged her over the moat and raped her violently, over and over. She ended up in the hospital. Her friend came to visit her and said “I’m so sorry…is you a hurtin’?” And the injured woman sobbingly replied “Is I hurtin?? He don’t call, he don’t write….” [/SIZE][/FONT] ---
**Author:** ![Torpor\_Beast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/71e660/32.png) [@Torpor\_Beast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Torpor_Beast)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2010, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/offendapalooza-lets-post-our-most-tasteless-jokes-here/536876/125 "2010-04-26T15:16:27Z")
The latest research shows that the most popular sexual position among married couples is the doggy style: The man sits and begs. And the wife lays on her side and plays dead. ---
**Author:** ![Chicagojeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b19c9b/32.png) [@Chicagojeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chicagojeff)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2010, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/offendapalooza-lets-post-our-most-tasteless-jokes-here/536876/126 "2010-04-26T18:14:01Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > What were Christa McAuliffe’s last words? > > “What’s this button do?” What were Christa McAuliffe’s last words?? I wanted a BUD light.. Where did she spend her vacation? All over Florida.. Whats Al Queda’s favorite football team?? ``` The New York Jets.. ``` ---
**Author:** ![Chicagojeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b19c9b/32.png) [@Chicagojeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chicagojeff)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2010, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/offendapalooza-lets-post-our-most-tasteless-jokes-here/536876/127 "2010-04-26T18:15:40Z")
How many Jews can you fit into a Mercedes?? Two in the front… three in the back… and 200 in the ashtrays… ---
**Author:** ![Khaki\_Campbell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9de053/32.png) [@Khaki\_Campbell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khaki_Campbell)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2010, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/offendapalooza-lets-post-our-most-tasteless-jokes-here/536876/128 "2010-04-26T18:34:40Z")
Two holes in one hole… What is this ? Your nose in my ass. ---
**Author:** ![Turble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Turble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Turble)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2010, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/offendapalooza-lets-post-our-most-tasteless-jokes-here/536876/129 "2010-04-26T18:42:20Z")
How many cops does it take to beat up a black guy? None. He fell. ---
**Author:** ![pope\_hentai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ee59a6/32.png) [@pope\_hentai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pope_hentai)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2010, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/offendapalooza-lets-post-our-most-tasteless-jokes-here/536876/130 "2010-04-26T18:48:54Z")
did you hear about the jew visiting thailand? yeah, he brought hs own kids. ---
**Author:** ![Agent\_Foxtrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2010, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/offendapalooza-lets-post-our-most-tasteless-jokes-here/536876/131 "2010-04-26T19:15:29Z")
Why do Jews have such big noses? Because air is free. What’s a Jew’s biggest dilemma? Free ham. A priest and a rabbi are walking through the park. The priest spots a young boy, points, and says, “There’s a little boy! Let’s fuck him!” The rabbi asks, “Out of what?” ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2010, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/offendapalooza-lets-post-our-most-tasteless-jokes-here/536876/132 "2010-04-26T19:17:50Z")
How did they know that Christa McCaulliffe had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders on the beach. What’s the similarity between Christa McCaulliffe and Donna Rice? They both went down on the challenger. Did you know that NASA has a new space drink? Ocean Spray - It was their second choice because they couldn’t get 7-UP. ---
**Author:** ![black\_rabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f19dbf/32.png) [@black\_rabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/black_rabbit)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/offendapalooza-lets-post-our-most-tasteless-jokes-here/536876/133 "2010-04-27T18:50:08Z")
> [@Agent\_Foxtrot](#): > > A priest and a rabbi are walking through the park. The priest spots a young boy, points, and says, “There’s a little boy! Let’s fuck him!” > > The rabbi asks, “Out of what?” A rabbi’s walking down the street, and a little boy comes up and says: “He mister, fuck me for a quarter?” The rabbi thinks about it for a second, and then says, “Sure. But let me see the quarter first.” ---
**Author:** ![I\_know\_nothing\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/d78d45/32.png) [@I\_know\_nothing\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_know_nothing_1)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2010, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/offendapalooza-lets-post-our-most-tasteless-jokes-here/536876/134 "2010-04-27T23:35:52Z")
How do you make a little boy cry twice? Wipe your bloody cock on his teddy bear. ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2010, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/offendapalooza-lets-post-our-most-tasteless-jokes-here/536876/135 "2010-04-28T04:52:17Z")
Two guys knock on the door of a nunnery very early in the morning. One looks slightly anxious and the other has a smirk. The Sister Superior opens the door and asks what they want. The anxious guy says “Sorry to disturb you but my name is John and I was wondering, do you have a nun here who was out last night? Quite a petite lady?” The Sister Superior thinks for a second and says, “Well there is Sister Mary, she was out yesterday evening and she’s only about five two”. “Great,” says the anxious guy, “could we see her?” Sister Mary is brought to the door and the anxious guy says, “No, you see the nun I’m talking about was really very small. Outstandingly so. Could there perhaps be someone else?” Sister Superior thinks for a bit then says, “well there is Sister Kathleen, she’s smaller but I didn’t _think_ she went out yesterday evening…” Sister Kathleen is brought out but again the anxious guy who is by now looking really quite upset says, “no, no I’m looking for a nun who is _really_ small. Look, not to be impolite but what I mean is someone who is a dwarf. Do you have any dwarf nuns?” Sister Superior says, “Well yes, there is Sister Wendy, but I’m basically certain she was here last night so…” The anxious guy, who is visibly sweating by now, interrupts and says, “That will be her. Please bring her out. She must be the one.” Sister Superior disappears for a few moments but then comes back, “I’ve checked and Sister Wendy was definitely here all night, she hasn’t been out for days, everyone agrees, so it can’t be her. Look, why do you want to find this person anyway?” At this point the smirking guy can stand it no longer and bursts out, “_John fucked a penguin, John fucked a penguin_!” ---
**Author:** ![Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de053/32.png) [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackknifed_Juggernaut)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2010, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/offendapalooza-lets-post-our-most-tasteless-jokes-here/536876/136 "2010-04-28T14:06:53Z")
The new nun goes to confession and says she has a terrible secret. The priest urges her to reveal it, saying he would never violate the sanctity of the confessional. She says, “Father, I don’t wear panties under my habit.” The priest chuckles and says, “That’s not so serious, Sister. Just say five Hail Marys, five Our Fathers, and do five cartwheels.” There was a guy in a bar one night that got really drunk. When the bar closed he got up to go home. As he stumbled out the door he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk. So he went over to the nun and punched her in the face. Well the nun was surprised but before she could do or say anything he punched her again. This time she fell down and he stumbled over to her and kicked her in the butt, then he picked her up and threw her into a wall. By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn’t move very much so then he stumbled over to her, put his face right next to hers and said “You’re not so tough, Batman!” ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2010, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/offendapalooza-lets-post-our-most-tasteless-jokes-here/536876/137 "2010-04-28T16:49:13Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > Two guys knock on the door of a nunnery very early in the morning. One looks slightly anxious and the other has a smirk. The Sister Superior opens the door and asks what they want. The anxious guy says “Sorry to disturb you but my name is John and I was wondering, do you have a nun here who was out last night? Quite a petite lady?” > > The Sister Superior thinks for a second and says, “Well there is Sister Mary, she was out yesterday evening and she’s only about five two”. > > “Great,” says the anxious guy, “could we see her?” > > Sister Mary is brought to the door and the anxious guy says, “No, you see the nun I’m talking about was really very small. Outstandingly so. Could there perhaps be someone else?” > > Sister Superior thinks for a bit then says, “well there is Sister Kathleen, she’s smaller but I didn’t _think_ she went out yesterday evening…” > > Sister Kathleen is brought out but again the anxious guy who is by now looking really quite upset says, “no, no I’m looking for a nun who is _really_ small. Look, not to be impolite but what I mean is someone who is a dwarf. Do you have any dwarf nuns?” > > Sister Superior says, “Well yes, there is Sister Wendy, but I’m basically certain she was here last night so…” > > The anxious guy, who is visibly sweating by now, interrupts and says, “That will be her. Please bring her out. She must be the one.” > > Sister Superior disappears for a few moments but then comes back, “I’ve checked and Sister Wendy was definitely here all night, she hasn’t been out for days, everyone agrees, so it can’t be her. Look, why do you want to find this person anyway?” > > At this point the smirking guy can stand it no longer and bursts out, “_John fucked a penguin, John fucked a penguin_!” The version with the Seven Dwarfs that takes place in the Vatican is even funnier. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2010, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/offendapalooza-lets-post-our-most-tasteless-jokes-here/536876/138 "2010-04-28T18:19:29Z")
A woman goes to the doctors with a black eye, quite distraught. She says “It’s my husband. Every time he’s drunk he beats me.” The doctor says “The only cure for that is to hum. When he comes home ranting and raving just hum away to yourself. Come back and let me know if that has the desired result” The woman comes back 2 weeks later and says to the doctor “That was a great idea- he hasn’t hit me ONCE!” Doctor replies “Yes. I thought keeping your bloody mouth shut might help.” ---
**Author:** ![Agent\_Foxtrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2010, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/offendapalooza-lets-post-our-most-tasteless-jokes-here/536876/139 "2010-04-28T18:22:54Z")
What’s long, black, and smells like shit?The unemployment line.How do you starve a black man?Hide his food stamps under his work boots.What’s the difference between a black woman and a bag of garbage? The garbage gets taken out once in a while.What’s the difference between a black man and a toilet? The toilet has a job.What do the letters “BFI” on the side of a dumpster stand for? Black Family InsideWhat’s the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.How many Muslims does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They’d rather sit in the dark and blame the Jews for it.What’s the greatest thing about twenty five year olds? There’s twenty of them.A dated one, but still funny: What’s the opposite of Christopher Reeve? Christopher Walken. My God, I’m a horrible man. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2010, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/offendapalooza-lets-post-our-most-tasteless-jokes-here/536876/140 "2010-04-28T22:33:59Z")
What do you say to a black man in a suit? “Will the defendant please rise.” Regards, Shodan [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/offendapalooza-lets-post-our-most-tasteless-jokes-here/536876.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/offendapalooza-lets-post-our-most-tasteless-jokes-here/536876.md?page=8)