# Office tools which don't work
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/office-tools-which-dont-work/396954
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [March 22, 2007, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/office-tools-which-dont-work/396954 "2007-03-22T00:20:49Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)
#### Post date: [March 22, 2007, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/office-tools-which-dont-work/396954/1 "2007-03-22T00:20:49Z")
Okay, I’m trying to fix a student’s record book today, so I get out one of these:
[Correction Tape Dispenser](http://www.officedepot.com/ddSKU.do?level=SK&id=576481&N=200929&An=browse)
That didn’t work, so then I used a correction pen, similar to this:
[Correction Pen](http://www.officedepot.com/ddSKU.do?level=SK&id=471588&Nr=200000&N=2525278&An=browse)
The white fluid had solidified and stopped up the works, so no go there either.
The first item (and its many iterations) has a hidden flaw: here’s a hint, it has
something to do with movie reels:
The intake and outtake reels both turn at the same rate, due to the
interlocking sets of gears which connects both wheels. Sooner or later the two
reels will get out of synch, and extra tape will start spooling out uncontrollably
from the end of the dispenser.
But in my case (this time) it just refused to work at all-no matter how hard I
pushed down on the essobee, the tape just refused to come out and obliterate
the target area.
So what are your office supply horror stories?
---
### Author:  [@CaerieD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CaerieD)
#### Post date: [March 22, 2007, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/office-tools-which-dont-work/396954/2 "2007-03-22T00:33:06Z")
As far as office tools that don’t work go, I’ve got quite a list of former co-workers I could mention. 😃
I also had to deal with a fax machine that consistently jammed itself. It also was so ancient and crappy that it gave no indication of whether or not the fax had actually gone through, and so using the damned thing always involved numerous calls to verify that the fax really had worked. I’m sure all of the book vendors came to know me as that strange girl who always sent in her orders twenty times in an hour and then called frantically to make sure they’d been received.
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### Author:  [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)
#### Post date: [March 22, 2007, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/office-tools-which-dont-work/396954/3 "2007-03-22T01:26:08Z")
I really hate having to use the hole punchers at work. They don’t want to punch more than eight pages at a time, and often get stuck, clogged and just don’t work half the time.
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### Author:  [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)
#### Post date: [March 22, 2007, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/office-tools-which-dont-work/396954/4 "2007-03-22T01:29:48Z")
I am surrounded by tools who don’t work.
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### Author:  [@Mama\_Tiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Tiger)
#### Post date: [March 22, 2007, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/office-tools-which-dont-work/396954/5 "2007-03-22T01:31:56Z")
Staple removers. The staple remover that can remove a staple without tearing up the paper hasn’t been invented, although [this type](http://www.acco.com/productdetail.aspx?s=0&pid=S7037141P) does a bit better job than the traditional four-pronged paper ripper-upper.
---
### Author:  [@olmrfu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/olmrfu)
#### Post date: [March 22, 2007, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/office-tools-which-dont-work/396954/6 "2007-03-22T01:34:45Z")
Yes, they are all slightly off-target designs.
My bane is staplers that jam.
For correction tape, some brands have a screwdriver slot, where you can tighten the tape when it unreels. [http://images.ciao.com/iit/images/products/normal/569/Correction\_tape\_mono\_PCT\_YT4\_TOMBOW\_\_493569.jpg](http://images.ciao.com/iit/images/products/normal/569/Correction_tape_mono_PCT_YT4_TOMBOW__493569.jpg)
The trick to hole punchers is you have to shake them now and then while you are punching a lot, or the chads just stay under the holes and jam right away.
---
### Author:  [@Kevbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kevbo)
#### Post date: [March 22, 2007, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/office-tools-which-dont-work/396954/7 "2007-03-22T01:38:46Z")
[QUOTE=olmrfu]
The trick to hole punchers is you have to shake them now and then while you are punching a lot, or the chads just stay under the holes and jam right away.
[/QUOTE]
Best to wait for a rainy day, and empty the chad into the folded umbrella of an office tool that doesn’t work.
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### Author:  [@Savannah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Savannah)
#### Post date: [March 22, 2007, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/office-tools-which-dont-work/396954/8 "2007-03-22T01:53:56Z")
[QUOTE=Kevbo]
Best to wait for a rainy day, and empty the chad into the folded umbrella of an office tool that doesn’t work.
[/QUOTE]
Damn it. Why does April 1 have to be on the weekend this year?
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### Author:  [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)
#### Post date: [March 22, 2007, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/office-tools-which-dont-work/396954/9 "2007-03-22T04:52:46Z")
[QUOTE=Mama Tiger]
Staple removers. The staple remover that can remove a staple without tearing up the paper hasn’t been invented, although [this type](http://www.acco.com/productdetail.aspx?s=0&pid=S7037141P) does a bit better job than the traditional four-pronged paper ripper-upper.
[/QUOTE]
I’ve never had a problem with mine. But here’s a trick, on big, heavy staples, or papers you really don’t want to rip, first take the four pronged thing and do it on the back of the staple, this will open it up, then do it on the front to pull it out.
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### Author:  [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)
#### Post date: [March 22, 2007, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/office-tools-which-dont-work/396954/10 "2007-03-22T05:27:01Z")
When I have gotten a staple remover at work that works well, I guard it with my life. Nobody touches my staple remover!
Those correction tape things are halfway to useless in my opinion, too. You know what happens if you accidentally break the paper roll? You get to toss the whole thing away. And they often won’t grab onto the paper, so the unused correction stuff just gets wound onto the used roll. Bleah.
And pens - all I want is a nice, fine-tipped, reliable ballpoint that doesn’t leave blots of ink all over the place. Not too much to ask, is it?
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### Author:  [@if6was9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/if6was9)
#### Post date: [March 22, 2007, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/office-tools-which-dont-work/396954/11 "2007-03-22T07:20:30Z")
Windows[sup]®[/sup].
Nuff said.
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### Author:  [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)
#### Post date: [March 22, 2007, 7:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/office-tools-which-dont-work/396954/12 "2007-03-22T07:24:51Z")
Staplers. Combine full-sized staplers with less strength than a baby one with ridiculous mounds of paperwork that need to be stapled and well, I do hope it counts as exercise, cos when I’m finally done my arms hurt.
If your office is going to produce piles of 50 pages that need to be stapled together, and filing them in ring folders isn’t acceptable “for integrity reasons”… maybe you should consider using wire and two pieces of cardboard instead?
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### Author:  [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)
#### Post date: [March 22, 2007, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/office-tools-which-dont-work/396954/13 "2007-03-22T16:12:33Z")
[QUOTE=featherlou]
When I have gotten a staple remover at work that works well, I guard it with my life. Nobody touches my staple remover!
[/QUOTE]
I used to work in a law office, and the clerks never let their staple removers out of their sight.
Around here, the thing that never works is the fax, mainly because nobody knows which department owns it and is responsible for its upkeep.
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### Author:  [@dwc1970](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwc1970)
#### Post date: [March 22, 2007, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/office-tools-which-dont-work/396954/14 "2007-03-22T16:41:14Z")
[QUOTE=Savannah]
Damn it. Why does April 1 have to be on the weekend this year?
[/QUOTE]
All the more reason to save the chads in a jar and then use them _next_ year. 😃
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### Author:  [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)
#### Post date: [March 22, 2007, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/office-tools-which-dont-work/396954/15 "2007-03-22T16:52:03Z")
[QUOTE=olmrfu]
The trick to hole punchers is you have to shake them now and then while you are punching a lot, or the chads just stay under the holes and jam right away.
[/QUOTE]
I’ve done this, and it doesn’t really help when it’s both stuck in “punch” mode and hasn’t actually fully punched through one section of holes. Good hole punchers will work with that, but not the crappy ones at work. I also hate the ones that have the “helper bar” that is made of plastic while the rest of the puncher is made of metal. Nothing like bad design, eh?
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### Author:  [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)
#### Post date: [March 22, 2007, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/office-tools-which-dont-work/396954/16 "2007-03-22T16:56:17Z")
[QUOTE=if6was9]
Windows[sup]®[/sup].
Nuff said.
[/QUOTE]
Microsoft Works.
---
### Author:  [@Mama\_Tiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Tiger)
#### Post date: [March 22, 2007, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/office-tools-which-dont-work/396954/17 "2007-03-22T16:58:50Z")
[QUOTE=Nava]
Staplers. Combine full-sized staplers with less strength than a baby one with ridiculous mounds of paperwork that need to be stapled and well, I do hope it counts as exercise, cos when I’m finally done my arms hurt.
[/QUOTE]
My mother has a 50-year-old (at least) stapler that is heavy and sturdy and all metal, and works perfectly every single time, like they simply _do not make_ any more. I have actually persuaded her to put a codicil in her will that I get her stapler. Everyone else thinks I’m crazy, but you guys understand, right?
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### Author:  [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)
#### Post date: [March 22, 2007, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/office-tools-which-dont-work/396954/18 "2007-03-22T17:21:55Z")
I’m joining the stapler crowd. We had some staplers that once they start jamming they’re toast and they could never handle a lot more than 8 pages. And if you drop them, forget it. So I bought one of those big heavy duty ones for our records with lots of pages. Lasted about a month and went into permanent jam mode. Finally, I tried a new brand I found at Office Despot, I think it’s called a Paper Pro. So far, so good. They work effortlessly, they can staple lots of sheets, not as much as a heavy duty is supposed to but a lot more than the other crap staplers, and they haven’t jam yet. My only complaint about them is a complaint I had with the old ones, NO ONE REFILLS THEM! They will go retrieve staplers from every other place in the clinic so that there are numerous empty staplers in one spot. The instructions for refilling are on the bottom of the stapler, with pictures and everything! :mad:
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### Author:  [@cowgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cowgirl)
#### Post date: [March 22, 2007, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/office-tools-which-dont-work/396954/19 "2007-03-22T17:25:02Z")
Bloody stupid evil _heavy duty_ staplers.
Because, when you have a small pile of papers to staple together, even though it’s annoying, you can usually find one ordinary stapler. And even if you can’t, you can make do with a paper clip or one of those clear plastic sleeve things.
But in every office I’ve ever been in, there has been only one heavy duty stapler, and it has never, ever worked. And there’s no alternative.
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### Author:  [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)
#### Post date: [March 22, 2007, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/office-tools-which-dont-work/396954/20 "2007-03-22T17:42:11Z")
[QUOTE=Wile E]
Finally, I tried a new brand I found at Office Despot, I think it’s called a Paper Pro. So far, so good. They work effortlessly, they can staple lots of sheets, not as much as a heavy duty is supposed to but a lot more than the other crap staplers, and they haven’t jam yet.
[/QUOTE]
Are those the ones that you squeeze and nothing happense until \ it fires out a staple like a staple gun? Those are definitely better than the old Bostitch or Swingline types.
I’ve noticed the recurring theme of one tool that never, EVER works in an office - the refiller. Whether it’s the copy paper refiller, the printer paper refiller, the pop machine refiller or the coffee pot refiller, that device is always broken.
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