# Official "First Words Out of Your Mouth After Waking This Morning" Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 4, 2006, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/official-first-words-out-of-your-mouth-after-waking-this-morning-thread/363156 "2006-07-04T14:55:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Doom\_Slinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9d8465/32.png) [@Doom\_Slinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doom_Slinger)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2006, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/official-first-words-out-of-your-mouth-after-waking-this-morning-thread/363156/61 "2006-07-05T02:41:43Z")
[QUOTE=dre2xl] Dunno about the first words _after_ waking, but my first words, period, are almost always some form of “Jabez, go away”, Jabez being my cat who thinks he has to start the process of waking me up about an hour before my actual wake-up time. [/QUOTE] I feel your pain. My cats are used to being fed every morning around 6 AM, due to Mrs. Slinger’s normal work schedule. When she’s not working and we get to sleep in, the cats are most displeased. One of them will start licking any of my exposed skin at about 6:30 in an attempt to rouse me. Fingers, ears, elbow, whatever he thinks will speed up the crawling-out-of-bed time. Although (not to hijack my own thread), I can’t say that having my ears thoroughly cleaned by a cat’s tongue is entirely unpleasant. Is that wrong? ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2006, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/official-first-words-out-of-your-mouth-after-waking-this-morning-thread/363156/62 "2006-07-05T03:03:46Z")
“Ugh…still too hot”. The “real” Alaskans must be cooking to death, I’m of the always cold “Chilli Willi” variety. ---
**Author:** ![dogbutler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogbutler/32/428_2.png) [@dogbutler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dogbutler)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2006, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/official-first-words-out-of-your-mouth-after-waking-this-morning-thread/363156/63 "2006-07-05T03:19:11Z")
“I must kill the cat” ---
**Author:** ![ZebraShaSha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/eada6e/32.png) [@ZebraShaSha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZebraShaSha)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2006, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/official-first-words-out-of-your-mouth-after-waking-this-morning-thread/363156/64 "2006-07-05T03:26:21Z")
[QUOTE=Least Original User Name Ever] Mmmmmrph. _yawn_ _reach down to scritch beagle-shaped lump under the covers_ [/QUOTE] If _mine_ was beagle-shaped, I think my first words would be more like, “virgin my pasty white ass.” ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2006, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/official-first-words-out-of-your-mouth-after-waking-this-morning-thread/363156/65 "2006-07-05T03:48:37Z")
Muttered to myself, in the shower: “Yeah, she’s good.” Total non-sequitur. Apart from that – “Good morning, Steve,” as near as I can recall. (I leave the house before anyone else wakes up. Poor me.) ---
**Author:** ![Lionne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Lionne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lionne)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2006, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/official-first-words-out-of-your-mouth-after-waking-this-morning-thread/363156/66 "2006-07-06T15:27:58Z")
“Hey, pretty baby.” My bird flew over to say good morning with a wolf whistle. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2006, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/official-first-words-out-of-your-mouth-after-waking-this-morning-thread/363156/67 "2006-07-06T15:54:13Z")
“WOOF!” A friend sent me a particularly umm… stirring bit of burly man on man Pr0n during the night. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2006, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/official-first-words-out-of-your-mouth-after-waking-this-morning-thread/363156/68 "2006-07-06T15:58:01Z")
“Maddy. Outside. [long pause] Man, are you ugly!” Taking the dog outside for her morning poop… ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2006, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/official-first-words-out-of-your-mouth-after-waking-this-morning-thread/363156/69 "2006-07-06T16:05:36Z")
Nearly every day its “Hello,” if I answer the phone before I go out or “Good Morning,” to whoever I meet first. ---
**Author:** ![Crazy\_Canuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crazy_canuck/32/5282_2.png) [@Crazy\_Canuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crazy_Canuck)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2006, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/official-first-words-out-of-your-mouth-after-waking-this-morning-thread/363156/70 "2006-07-06T16:08:01Z")
I’m pretty sure mine were “Good morning, do you need to go potty?” The oldest kidlet has only been potty-trained for a couple of weeks, so sometimes she needs to be reminded. ---
**Author:** ![Barrels](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b5a626/32.png) [@Barrels](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barrels)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2006, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/official-first-words-out-of-your-mouth-after-waking-this-morning-thread/363156/71 "2006-07-06T16:10:11Z")
“You have to be f-ing kidding me! Tell me that is not pubic hair on my bathroom floor! BUZZ!!! Get your a\*& up here now!” Reason # 967,413 why we are no longer engaged, now if I could just get him out of my house! Barrels ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2006, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/official-first-words-out-of-your-mouth-after-waking-this-morning-thread/363156/72 "2006-07-06T16:24:56Z")
[QUOTE=Barrels] “You have to be f-ing kidding me! Tell me that is not pubic hair on my bathroom floor! BUZZ!!! Get your a\*& up here now!” Reason # 967,413 why we are no longer engaged, now if I could just get him out of my house! Barrels [/QUOTE] Dump his stuff on the lawn and change the locks. ---
**Author:** ![Barrels](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b5a626/32.png) [@Barrels](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barrels)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2006, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/official-first-words-out-of-your-mouth-after-waking-this-morning-thread/363156/73 "2006-07-06T16:48:22Z")
Tempting, very tempting! However there is this little thing called money. I need his portion until I find a new renter. I have ads everywhere. Barrels ---
**Author:** ![August\_West](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/august_west/32/18069_2.png) [@August\_West](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/August_West)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2006, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/official-first-words-out-of-your-mouth-after-waking-this-morning-thread/363156/74 "2006-07-06T17:27:26Z")
My first words this morning (at 1:48 AM) were “Aaaah, what the fuck! Ow!” because a goddamned Paper Wasp somehow was between my pillow and bed and stung me when I put my hand under my pillow in my sleep. It is not a particularly pleasant way to be awakened. ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2006, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/official-first-words-out-of-your-mouth-after-waking-this-morning-thread/363156/75 "2006-07-06T17:29:27Z")
Upon hearing the alarm: “Crap. I am NOT getting up now” Then I got up. ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2006, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/official-first-words-out-of-your-mouth-after-waking-this-morning-thread/363156/76 "2006-07-06T17:34:45Z")
“Aw, hell.” ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2006, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/official-first-words-out-of-your-mouth-after-waking-this-morning-thread/363156/77 "2006-07-06T17:44:08Z")
[QUOTE=Taters] Hi Cap’n. Do you need to go potty? [/QUOTE] Wait, you know Cap’n Crunch? Even more importantly, he’s incontinent? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2006, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/official-first-words-out-of-your-mouth-after-waking-this-morning-thread/363156/78 "2006-07-06T17:58:53Z")
I think it was probably me casting some mild obscenity or insult my way for walking through the room, forgetting what I was supposed to be getting, walking out again and then remembering. “Stupid dummkopf” or something along those lines. ---
**Author:** ![Encinitas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@Encinitas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Encinitas)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2006, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/official-first-words-out-of-your-mouth-after-waking-this-morning-thread/363156/79 "2006-07-06T18:01:18Z")
“Hey Boo-Boo.” To the cat. ---
**Author:** ![lisacurl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/41988e/32.png) [@lisacurl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lisacurl)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2006, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/official-first-words-out-of-your-mouth-after-waking-this-morning-thread/363156/80 "2006-07-06T18:07:24Z")
“I think I’m really really late for work.” I was. I was 9:15am, and I was supposed to have been there at 8am. Thank god I’m civil service. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/official-first-words-out-of-your-mouth-after-waking-this-morning-thread/363156.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/official-first-words-out-of-your-mouth-after-waking-this-morning-thread/363156.md?page=5)