# "Often, when I rush a bowel movement, tactical errors are made." **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 17, 2012, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/often-when-i-rush-a-bowel-movement-tactical-errors-are-made/641330 "2012-11-17T17:54:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2012, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/often-when-i-rush-a-bowel-movement-tactical-errors-are-made/641330/1 "2012-11-17T17:54:29Z")
I overheard this yesterday. I can’t help but wonder what sort of tactical errors are being committed. And I wonder how this affects the person’s overall strategy? Thoughts? ---
**Author:** ![Enter\_the\_Flagon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Enter\_the\_Flagon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enter_the_Flagon)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2012, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/often-when-i-rush-a-bowel-movement-tactical-errors-are-made/641330/2 "2012-11-17T18:11:57Z")
Oh, c’mon, you know - forgetting to pull the pants down, forgetting to raise the lid on the toilet sea, sitting on the trash can… Really, doesn’t everybody do this? Y’know, all the time? ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2012, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/often-when-i-rush-a-bowel-movement-tactical-errors-are-made/641330/3 "2012-11-17T18:48:19Z")
Splattering on the exposed rear portion of the bowl (instead of a nice gentle water landing). Failure to properly align one’s anus with the hole in the seat. Bearing down too soon, and spraying all over the tank (or wall behind the toilet if no tank). Bearing down to hard so as to fire the turds forcefully into the water, causing backsplash. Selecting a toilet/restroom that would not be one’s first choice under less urgent circumstances. See for example [Trainspotting.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyiC3x6-Kzk) ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2012, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/often-when-i-rush-a-bowel-movement-tactical-errors-are-made/641330/4 "2012-11-17T19:16:10Z")
Straining too hard and causing tears or fissures to form or increase in the anal mucosa. This can cause heavy bleeding too. Straining so hard as to cause a reflex fall in blood pressure and resultant loss of consciousness. Inducing a fatal arrhythmia by straining too hard. You guys never see the dark side of poor planning/bad tactics for BMs. I do. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2012, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/often-when-i-rush-a-bowel-movement-tactical-errors-are-made/641330/5 "2012-11-17T19:16:57Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > Inducing a fatal arrhythmia by straining too hard. :eek: Like I didn’t have _enough_ to worry about! ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2012, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/often-when-i-rush-a-bowel-movement-tactical-errors-are-made/641330/6 "2012-11-17T19:38:33Z")
apparently I am not as old as I thought because I didn’t realize there was “strategy” involved. as for Qadgop’s post, let’s all remember that oatmeal and fruit are our friends. in so many ways… ---
**Author:** ![Iggy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iggy/32/3364_2.png) [@Iggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iggy)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2012, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/often-when-i-rush-a-bowel-movement-tactical-errors-are-made/641330/7 "2012-11-17T20:01:30Z")
It’s amazing how many of the “grandma passed out” 9-1-1 calls have her located on the toilet when it happened. No one wants to see grandma that way. Proper planning prevents poor poop performance. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2012, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/often-when-i-rush-a-bowel-movement-tactical-errors-are-made/641330/8 "2012-11-17T20:07:51Z")
The bottom line, people, is we’re losing the Toilet War. ---
**Author:** ![Pacific420](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Pacific420](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pacific420)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2012, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/often-when-i-rush-a-bowel-movement-tactical-errors-are-made/641330/9 "2012-11-17T20:11:24Z")
There’s a reason some stalls have handles on the walls, to brace yourself while straining vigorously, as for backsplash…an old logger once said after a night of rye he made ‘islands’ out of folded tp which absorbed the initial torrent ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2012, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/often-when-i-rush-a-bowel-movement-tactical-errors-are-made/641330/10 "2012-11-17T21:41:01Z")
> [@VanIsleScott](#): > > There’s a reason some stalls have handles on the walls, to brace yourself while straining vigorously, as for backsplash…an old logger once said after a night of rye he made ‘islands’ out of folded tp which absorbed the initial torrent Now that is a well-thought-out mission, a great tactician if ever there was one. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2012, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/often-when-i-rush-a-bowel-movement-tactical-errors-are-made/641330/11 "2012-11-17T21:50:35Z")
I do check to see if there’s a square to spare. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2012, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/often-when-i-rush-a-bowel-movement-tactical-errors-are-made/641330/12 "2012-11-17T22:33:57Z")
> [@Happy\_Lendervedder](#): > > I can’t help but wonder what sort of tactical errors are being committed. Wiping back to front? Toilet paper hung in improper overhand fashion? Magazines 2 years out of date? ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2012, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/often-when-i-rush-a-bowel-movement-tactical-errors-are-made/641330/13 "2012-11-17T23:09:19Z")
Who does Number 2 work for? ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2012, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/often-when-i-rush-a-bowel-movement-tactical-errors-are-made/641330/14 "2012-11-17T23:12:14Z")
> [@VanIsleScott](#): > > There’s a reason some stalls have handles on the walls, to brace yourself while straining vigorously, as for backsplash…an old logger once said after a night of rye he made ‘islands’ out of folded tp which absorbed the initial torrent I have heard of folded TP dropped into the water like that as a “life raft.” ---
**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2012, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/often-when-i-rush-a-bowel-movement-tactical-errors-are-made/641330/15 "2012-11-17T23:44:05Z")
[This](http://cheezburger.com/6758876928) seemed appropriate for this thread. Link is to a facebook post directed to Charmin from a poor lost soul stuck in the bathroom due to a lack of toilet paper. Definitely a tactical error. ---
**Author:** ![Seanette](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/seanette/32/9139_2.png) [@Seanette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seanette)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2012, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/often-when-i-rush-a-bowel-movement-tactical-errors-are-made/641330/16 "2012-11-17T23:44:59Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > Inducing a fatal arrhythmia by straining too hard. Isn’t that what happened to Elvis Presley? ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/often-when-i-rush-a-bowel-movement-tactical-errors-are-made/641330/17 "2012-11-18T00:08:08Z")
How about when you think you’re all finished, wiped yourself nice and clean, pulled your pants up, buckled your belt, and whammo! Here comes another van with a load of kids to drop off at the pool. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/often-when-i-rush-a-bowel-movement-tactical-errors-are-made/641330/18 "2012-11-18T00:11:57Z")
I usally forget to make sure I have toilet paper handy. ---
**Author:** ![Mdcastle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/958977/32.png) [@Mdcastle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mdcastle)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/often-when-i-rush-a-bowel-movement-tactical-errors-are-made/641330/19 "2012-11-18T01:08:41Z")
> [@Machine\_Elf](#): > > Splattering on the exposed rear portion of the bowl (instead of a nice gentle water landing). > > Failure to properly align one’s anus with the hole in the seat. > > Bearing down too soon, and spraying all over the tank (or wall behind the toilet if no tank). > > Bearing down to hard so as to fire the turds forcefully into the water, causing backsplash. > > Selecting a toilet/restroom that would not be one’s first choice under less urgent circumstances. See for example [Trainspotting.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyiC3x6-Kzk) This explains the condition of the typical gas station restroom. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/often-when-i-rush-a-bowel-movement-tactical-errors-are-made/641330/20 "2012-11-18T01:37:15Z")
> [@Machine\_Elf](#): > > Splattering on the exposed rear portion of the bowl (instead of a nice gentle water landing). that’s simply because when you use a western-style crapper, your “tailpipe” doesn’t point down. it points rearward. probably why squat toilets are the norm elsewhere. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/often-when-i-rush-a-bowel-movement-tactical-errors-are-made/641330.md?page=2)