# Oh, Aunt Flo, you bitch, such a sense of humor you have! (warning: whiny) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 26, 2006, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-aunt-flo-you-bitch-such-a-sense-of-humor-you-have-warning-whiny/354370 "2006-04-26T22:45:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Marlitharn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marlitharn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marlitharn)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2006, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-aunt-flo-you-bitch-such-a-sense-of-humor-you-have-warning-whiny/354370/1 "2006-04-26T22:45:41Z")
My period is two weeks late. Note that the cramps and the bloating were _not_ two weeks late; no, they showed up right on fucking time, and hung around, Aunt Flo’s advance guard, laying seige to my patience and well-being until the bitch finally deigned to surf in on her crimson wave and complete the misery. Which she did, today. And I’m convinced she purposely waited until now to show up because I go to the dentist tomorrow morning to have all my wisdom teeth pulled, and it’s her idea of a joke to dump cramps and bloatyness and the worrying feeling that my ass is sliding down the backs of my legs and my insides are slowly dropping out of my hoo-ha on top of the mouth pain I’ll be going through. Bitch. The joke’s on you. I’ve got prescription painkillers and I’m not afraid to use them. And someday sweet sweet menopause will come and you and your cramps will be all like “I’m melting! Mellltiiinggg!” and you’ll shrivel up and die and I’ll giggle because life is good. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2006, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-aunt-flo-you-bitch-such-a-sense-of-humor-you-have-warning-whiny/354370/2 "2006-04-26T23:01:23Z")
**Pitting To Which OneCentStamp Is Least Able To Relate!** \ Carry on. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![WOOKINPANUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wookinpanub/32/132_2.png) [@WOOKINPANUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WOOKINPANUB)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2006, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-aunt-flo-you-bitch-such-a-sense-of-humor-you-have-warning-whiny/354370/3 "2006-04-26T23:47:27Z")
**Marlitharn** , I really had to take pause before responding to this because I have absolutely nothing against you, and, by virtue of being a fellow Doper, I consider you kin in a way. Please try to take the following in the spirit in which it is offered; not a slam on you but a comment about women in general (and I _am_ one, in case you didn’t know). (Ahem) Why does anyone think it is new or interesting to complain about your menstrual complications? Women have been having periods, obviously, since the fucking dawn of time. Uncomfortable? Yup. Messy? Sometimes. Plays havoc on your emotions? Check. I can’t believe the number of women who make it a practice of detailing how heavy their flow is. How they’re doubled over in pain. How they have to change their pads every hour. Sounds pretty par for the course to me. All of us with uteruses (uteri?) go through the same damn drill every month, just as we’ve done since our tender teens. If your histrionics are accurate, get thyself to a doctor. If this is your favorite dramatic role, find a new agent because nobody else give a rat’s ass about the particulars of your period. It’s a fact of being a female; it’s not new, it’s not life threatening or even abnormal and it’s definitely not a good (or original) way to garner sympathy. Again, **Marlitharn** , this is not directed at you, per se . You aired your complaint with a touch of humor and aknowledged a possible whine factor. I do truly hope you feel better. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2006, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-aunt-flo-you-bitch-such-a-sense-of-humor-you-have-warning-whiny/354370/4 "2006-04-26T23:57:14Z")
Dude, you are sooooo dead! Never say anything under these conditions except “Can I get you anything, honey?” while slowly backing away. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![WOOKINPANUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wookinpanub/32/132_2.png) [@WOOKINPANUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WOOKINPANUB)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2006, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-aunt-flo-you-bitch-such-a-sense-of-humor-you-have-warning-whiny/354370/5 "2006-04-27T00:03:19Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > Dude, you are sooooo dead! Never say anything under these conditions except “Can I get you anything, honey?” while slowly backing away. 😃 You talkin’ to _me?_ Huh? You talkin’ to _me_ ? Cause I don’t see anybody else here… Yeah, I know my response won’t go over too well with a lot of those that indulge in the behavior I described. So be it. We can have a Wenches with PMS death match 😉 ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2006, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-aunt-flo-you-bitch-such-a-sense-of-humor-you-have-warning-whiny/354370/6 "2006-04-27T00:06:14Z")
I just think it’s weird she names her period. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2006, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-aunt-flo-you-bitch-such-a-sense-of-humor-you-have-warning-whiny/354370/7 "2006-04-27T00:07:55Z")
> [@sturmhauke](#): > > I just think it’s weird she names her period. Every woman I’ve ever known well enough to discuss this with has named her period. ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2006, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-aunt-flo-you-bitch-such-a-sense-of-humor-you-have-warning-whiny/354370/8 "2006-04-27T00:15:39Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > Every woman I’ve ever known well enough to discuss this with has named her period. Most of us name them or come up with some sort of euphemism as a courtesy to guys who get squeamish when we say “my period”. ---
**Author:** ![WOOKINPANUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wookinpanub/32/132_2.png) [@WOOKINPANUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WOOKINPANUB)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2006, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-aunt-flo-you-bitch-such-a-sense-of-humor-you-have-warning-whiny/354370/9 "2006-04-27T00:24:15Z")
> [@Anne Neville](#): > > Most of us name them or come up with some sort of euphemism as a courtesy to guys who get squeamish when we say “my period”. I understand what you’re saying and I have to ask, in what situation would you _ever_ be discussing your period around someone that you weren’t intimate enough to just say the dreaded “p word”? Your spouse or lover would undoubtedly be familiar with that subject and all it entails. Even if you’re talking to close guy friends, if they’re close enough to be talking about your period, why the need for the faux coy? ---
**Author:** ![Susie\_Derkins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47774/32.png) [@Susie\_Derkins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Susie_Derkins)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2006, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-aunt-flo-you-bitch-such-a-sense-of-humor-you-have-warning-whiny/354370/10 "2006-04-27T00:48:37Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > Every woman I’ve ever known well enough to discuss this with has named her period. I name all mine individually. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2006, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-aunt-flo-you-bitch-such-a-sense-of-humor-you-have-warning-whiny/354370/11 "2006-04-27T01:22:45Z")
> [@WOOKINPANUB](#): > > Why does anyone think it is new or interesting to complain about your menstrual complications? Women have been having periods, obviously, since the fucking dawn of time. Uncomfortable? Yup. Messy? Sometimes. Plays havoc on your emotions? Check. OTOH, there have been a number of other threads from Dopers male and female complaining about minor, and seemingly routine (if not quite so regular) health problems. I don’t see anything wrong with that. (Of course, I’ve done it, myself.) And if a woman cares to kvetch here about her ‘Evil Friend’ that’s nothing I’ll complain about. After all, the threads are well marked, and if it were to squick me too badly, I’d have only myself to blame. I just am not about to say that **this** is the only subject people can’t kvetch about. ---
**Author:** ![Xploder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/a183cd/32.png) [@Xploder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xploder)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2006, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-aunt-flo-you-bitch-such-a-sense-of-humor-you-have-warning-whiny/354370/12 "2006-04-27T01:27:22Z")
See? That’s what you get for being a woman! ---
**Author:** ![Elza\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2006, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-aunt-flo-you-bitch-such-a-sense-of-humor-you-have-warning-whiny/354370/13 "2006-04-27T01:27:59Z")
> [@Susie Derkins](#): > > I name all mine individually. Oh, like Elliott names her eggs on _Scrubs_ when she ovulates! 😃 “Last month’s was named Cassie.” “Oh, that’s pretty!” I get away without getting AF for another four months or so…hoping it’ll stay away longer…but yes, I’m going to complain about it when she returns. It’s my god-given right as a woman. We put up with the bitch for 30-40 years. I think a day or so of complaints when she arrives isn’t going to make the world come tumbling down. E. ---
**Author:** ![ladybug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/46a35a/32.png) [@ladybug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladybug)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2006, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-aunt-flo-you-bitch-such-a-sense-of-humor-you-have-warning-whiny/354370/14 "2006-04-27T01:33:30Z")
If I may hijack this thread for a second … Good luck with the wisdom tooth extraction, **Marlitharn**. I had mine pulled three weeks ago, and it wasn’t as bad as I’d expected. Sending good thoughts your way! ---
**Author:** ![WOOKINPANUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wookinpanub/32/132_2.png) [@WOOKINPANUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WOOKINPANUB)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2006, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-aunt-flo-you-bitch-such-a-sense-of-humor-you-have-warning-whiny/354370/15 "2006-04-27T01:50:11Z")
> [@OtakuLoki](#): > > OTOH, there have been a number of other threads from Dopers male and female complaining about minor, and seemingly routine (if not quite so regular) health problems. I don’t see anything wrong with that. (Of course, I’ve done it, myself.) And if a woman cares to kvetch here about her ‘Evil Friend’ that’s nothing I’ll complain about. After all, the threads are well marked, and if it were to squick me too badly, I’d have only myself to blame. > > I just am not about to say that **this** is the only subject people can’t kvetch about. Well, it doesn’t “squick” me or I would have skipped over it. That is absolutely not the basis of my complaint. Quite the opposite; there is nothing gross or remarkable about menstruation. It is absolutely everyone’s right to kvetch ( good word; most appropriate) about any old thing they please, and it is my and your right to kvetch about the kvetcher. I’ve actually weighed in on this before, I believe it was in one of the mini rant threads. I’m hip to the fact that it’s a personal peeve of mine. Not earth shattering, not profound. Still, when I read someone indulging in the very thing that sets my teeth on edge, I’m gonna comment. Isn’t that the very purpose of this forum, if not the entire SDMB? ---
**Author:** ![Marlitharn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marlitharn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marlitharn)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2006, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-aunt-flo-you-bitch-such-a-sense-of-humor-you-have-warning-whiny/354370/16 "2006-04-27T05:03:59Z")
I’m kvetching more about the timing than anything else. Had the bitch arrived on schedule, 2 weeks ago, I’d have plugged it up, sucked down some fudge and ibuprofen, and moved on with life. The fact that she chose to wait and show up right before I’m scheduled to go in and endure some dentally induced ouchiness just convinces me that my period is a sentient entity full of evil and malice against everything right and decent in this world. You know how everyone has an Evil Little Guy and a Good Little Guy in their head that tells them what to do? I’m convinced the Evil Little Guy runs all bodily functions. That’s why you fart unexpectedly in socially unacceptable situations, and why sometimes you sneeze and blow a loogie on your boss, and it’s why Aunt Flo arrived to torture me at this particular time. I don’t know where the Good Little Guy is during all of this. Probably tied up in the corner wetting himself. > [@ladybug](#): > > Good luck with the wisdom tooth extraction, Marlitharn. I had mine pulled three weeks ago, and it wasn’t as bad as I’d expected. Sending good thoughts your way! Thanks. I’m keeping my fingers crossed everything goes okay; I’ve heard horror stories and happy stories, and I’m hoping I end up with a happy story. ---
**Author:** ![Mince](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecd19e/32.png) [@Mince](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mince)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2006, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-aunt-flo-you-bitch-such-a-sense-of-humor-you-have-warning-whiny/354370/17 "2006-04-27T05:46:50Z")
[Aunt Flo?](http://www.tvofyourlife.com/images/alicecastpic.jpg) Well kiss my grits. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2006, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-aunt-flo-you-bitch-such-a-sense-of-humor-you-have-warning-whiny/354370/18 "2006-04-27T06:20:25Z")
> [@OneCentStamp](#): > > **Pitting To Which OneCentStamp Is Least Able To Relate!** > > \ > > Carry on. 🙂 Heh…and WHAT, pray tell, did you think Aunt Flo, coupled with “Bitch”, meant? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2006, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-aunt-flo-you-bitch-such-a-sense-of-humor-you-have-warning-whiny/354370/19 "2006-04-27T13:38:07Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > Dude, you are sooooo dead! Never say anything under these conditions except “Can I get you anything, honey?” while slowly backing away. 😃 And this is the second oldest menstrual joke in the world. Not everyone turns into a raging bitch in accordance with their date with Redd Foxx ---
**Author:** ![Seven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Seven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seven)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2006, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-aunt-flo-you-bitch-such-a-sense-of-humor-you-have-warning-whiny/354370/20 "2006-04-27T14:14:29Z")
> [@Xploder](#): > > See? That’s what you get for being a woman! That’s what they get for eating the apple. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-aunt-flo-you-bitch-such-a-sense-of-humor-you-have-warning-whiny/354370.md?page=2)