# Oh come on!! No doctor on the planet has ever said that!! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 6, 2009, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-come-on-no-doctor-on-the-planet-has-ever-said-that/512770 "2009-10-06T03:01:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2009, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-come-on-no-doctor-on-the-planet-has-ever-said-that/512770/1 "2009-10-06T03:01:52Z")
This cracks me up. Cancer [Center.com](http://Center.com) has a commercial out. In it a guy claims he was waiting in the doctors office when he says “A big burly doctor comes in and says to me ’ What are you smiling at? you have cancer, you got six months to live’ then he turns and walks away.” Come on cancer [center.com](http://center.com), I think you’re pulling my leg. I also love the added touch “He’s a big burly doctor man.” I mean, what’s that got to do with anything? ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2009, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-come-on-no-doctor-on-the-planet-has-ever-said-that/512770/2 "2009-10-06T03:27:14Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > This cracks me up. > > Cancer [Center.com](http://Center.com) has a commercial out. In it a guy claims he was waiting in the doctors office when he says “A big burly doctor comes in and says to me ’ **What are you smiling at? you have cancer, you got six months to live** ’ then he turns and walks away.” > > Come on cancer [center.com](http://center.com), I think you’re pulling my leg. > > I also love the added touch “He’s a big burly doctor man.” I mean, what’s that got to do with anything? “I’m smiling because I won’t have to pay your bill.” ---
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2009, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-come-on-no-doctor-on-the-planet-has-ever-said-that/512770/3 "2009-10-06T04:09:43Z")
I’m sure that’s what it FEELS like to the patient. Or it could be taken out of context. Perhaps the big burly doctor said Doc) Sorry to tell you this but you have cancer. Man) Oh no Doc) Yes and with this type of cancer is almost always fatal Man) How can I have cancer, I feel fine? Doc) Now you feel fine, but it’s unusual to live more than six months Man) Aw come on you’re kidding me Doc) No I’'m not Man) You got to be Doc) We need to start treatment Man) Why you said I’d die Doc) There’s always a slim chance Man) Ah forget it I think I’m fine, I don’t want no chemo [and this continues for ten minutes] when the doctor says Doc) Stop laughing you only got six months to live. Now the man with cancer probably forgot all the parts in the middle. Perhaps the doctor felt walking away would shock this man into taking it seriously. ---
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2009, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-come-on-no-doctor-on-the-planet-has-ever-said-that/512770/4 "2009-10-06T04:10:52Z")
> [@runner pat](#): > > “I’m smiling because I won’t have to pay your bill.” That’s the only upside I see to dying, you can say to your creditors, “Yeah well just try to collect now.” 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2009, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-come-on-no-doctor-on-the-planet-has-ever-said-that/512770/5 "2009-10-06T04:10:56Z")
I haven’t seen that one yet, but my favorite line from an earlier commercial for Cancer Treatment Center is when one of their doctors tells a female patient “Jane\*, we looked and we couldn’t find an expiration date stamped on you.” I wasn’t aware that this was a side effect of cancer… \*not her real name, because I haven’t seen it in a while. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2009, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-come-on-no-doctor-on-the-planet-has-ever-said-that/512770/6 "2009-10-06T04:14:47Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > What are you smiling at? you have cancer, you got six months to live. I’ve been to eleven other doctors who said the same thing. Now I’m up to six years! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2009, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-come-on-no-doctor-on-the-planet-has-ever-said-that/512770/7 "2009-10-06T04:22:57Z")
I know I could look but I won’t, but I am curious as to what the porn at ‘bigburlydoctordotcom’ is like. Do they only have videos or do they have text stories as well? ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2009, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-come-on-no-doctor-on-the-planet-has-ever-said-that/512770/8 "2009-10-06T04:38:41Z")
“He was a beastly… _Buldging_… Doctor!” ---
**Author:** ![dba\_Fred](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c37758/32.png) [@dba\_Fred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dba_Fred)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2009, 10:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-come-on-no-doctor-on-the-planet-has-ever-said-that/512770/9 "2009-10-06T10:42:11Z")
> [@LurkMeister](#): > > I haven’t seen that one yet, but my favorite line from an earlier commercial for Cancer Treatment Center is when one of their doctors tells a female patient “Jane\*, we looked and we couldn’t find an expiration date stamped on you.” \ Well sure, everybody knows it’s the “ **best when used by** ” date that _matters_! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2009, 11:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-come-on-no-doctor-on-the-planet-has-ever-said-that/512770/10 "2009-10-06T11:31:26Z")
From Markxxx’s dialogue I was expecting: Patient: Surely you can’t be serious! Doctor: I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley. ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2009, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-come-on-no-doctor-on-the-planet-has-ever-said-that/512770/11 "2009-10-06T16:21:19Z")
> [@dba\_Fred](#): > > Well sure, everybody knows it’s the “ **best when used by** ” date that _matters_! 😉 _makes note to start checking for **best when used by** on his dates_ ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2009, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-come-on-no-doctor-on-the-planet-has-ever-said-that/512770/12 "2009-10-06T16:36:05Z")
No doctor on the planet would say that? I don’t buy it. A doctor in my state (Terry Bennett) got sued for telling his patient to lose weight because “men don’t like fat women,” so obviously there are doctors severely lacking in bedside manner. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2009, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-come-on-no-doctor-on-the-planet-has-ever-said-that/512770/13 "2009-10-06T18:48:18Z")
I’m familiar with plenty of shockingly insensitive/insulting things that doctors and other medical professionals have said to friends of mine. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2009, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-come-on-no-doctor-on-the-planet-has-ever-said-that/512770/14 "2009-10-06T18:59:45Z")
> [@matt\_mcl](#): > > I’m familiar with plenty of shockingly insensitive/insulting things that doctors and other medical professionals have said to friends of mine. I got told to my face that i was lazy and just sitting on my ass popping candy all day, which explained the 150 lb weight gain in 3 years … didnt explain the dry scaley skin or falling out hair, or my body temp being 94 fahrenheit or my fingernails delaminating … and there was nothing medically wrong with me. Of course it took me almost 10 years for me to force the navy to put me into the diabetic control program…and they never did satisfactorily explain my thyroid symptopms, and they totally missed the hyperparathyroidism for _who_ knows how many years. I got to where I basically waited until my condition was about ready to put me into the ER before bothering to make a basic appointment. Too may fucking years of being treated like a hypochondriac like all the other female dependants. I have a real doc now … and am doing a hell of a lot better. Of course now we are working on repairing all the damage the navy negligence did. ---
**Author:** ![tom\_burn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e0b2c6/32.png) [@tom\_burn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tom_burn)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2010, 8:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-come-on-no-doctor-on-the-planet-has-ever-said-that/512770/15 "2010-05-09T08:02:23Z")
what’s odd is that the guy in the ad looks big and burly himself, doesn’t he? it’s like a small, skinny, nerdy guy in glasses saying “this little nerdy doctor comes in and tells me i have six months to live…” i agree with earlier post – there must have been something from that initial consultation with Dr. Burly that he left out. ---
**Author:** ![BaconAndEggs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f4b2a3/32.png) [@BaconAndEggs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BaconAndEggs)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2010, 8:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-come-on-no-doctor-on-the-planet-has-ever-said-that/512770/16 "2010-05-09T08:21:35Z")
Zombie thread! Ahhh! ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2010, 9:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-come-on-no-doctor-on-the-planet-has-ever-said-that/512770/17 "2010-05-09T09:06:34Z")
> [@BaconAndEggs](#): > > Zombie thread! Ahhh! What are you Ahhhing about? You only have six months to live. ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2010, 9:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-come-on-no-doctor-on-the-planet-has-ever-said-that/512770/18 "2010-05-09T09:09:43Z")
> [@BaconAndEggs](#): > > Zombie thread! Ahhh! Not nearly as crusty as the diarrhea thread going right now, from 2003. ---
**Author:** ![monavis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e0b2c6/32.png) [@monavis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monavis)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2010, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-come-on-no-doctor-on-the-planet-has-ever-said-that/512770/19 "2010-05-09T11:59:03Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > This cracks me up. > > Cancer [Center.com](http://Center.com) has a commercial out. In it a guy claims he was waiting in the doctors office when he says “A big burly doctor comes in and says to me ’ What are you smiling at? you have cancer, you got six months to live’ then he turns and walks away.” > > Come on cancer [center.com](http://center.com), I think you’re pulling my leg. > > I also love the added touch “He’s a big burly doctor man.” I mean, what’s that got to do with anything? I am with you on that. Why would the size of a doctor have anything to do with it,it makes it sound phoney to me! I know of a friends daughter who went to the Cancer Center in Zion, Il. She didn’t live any longer than what another doctor had figured, but if it helped her relax about her condition it wasn’t bad. I think most of their people in the ad are actors, I could be wrong, but anything that gives someone hope isn’t too bad. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2010, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-come-on-no-doctor-on-the-planet-has-ever-said-that/512770/20 "2010-05-09T17:13:22Z")
If you believe alternative medicine/scam practitioners, physicians are always telling patients “You’ve got a year/six months/a few days to live/don’t buy any long-playing records\*”, only to have the patients use some miracle remedy the doc scoffed at and live another thirty years. I won’t say that _no_ physician in history has _ever_ told a patient “You’ve got six months to live”, but what typically happens is that a physician will discuss the average life expectancy for people having a particular condition, expectations with or without treatment etc. People generally want to know these things so they can make plans. For example, I take part in oncology conferences on a regular basis, where a great variety of cases and situations are discussed, and I’ve never heard anyone flat-out state that a particular patient has only X months to live. It would be foolish and unprofessional. \*this line would obviously need updating. Maybe “don’t start downloading any _really long_ digital files.” Doesn’t have the same ring to it, though. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-come-on-no-doctor-on-the-planet-has-ever-said-that/512770.md?page=2)