# Oh Cripes, I'm going to hell
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-cripes-im-going-to-hell/177201
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [May 24, 2003, 7:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-cripes-im-going-to-hell/177201 "2003-05-24T07:33:08Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@JamesCarroll](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JamesCarroll)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2003, 7:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-cripes-im-going-to-hell/177201/1 "2003-05-24T07:33:08Z")
I have a part time job at a place where all the other employees, except a very small few, are also part timers. Also given the nature of our jobs we don’t really interact all that much if at all, even though we all work together to create the end product.
Well, one of my co workers caught my 34 year old eye. Not your typical “hottie”, but she seemed to have a certain “verve” that was very attractive. mmmmm…
Yes, I’ve thought thoughts. Some better than most, but mostly of the prior. So on the rare occasion that I could find out some info I find out that the object of my affliction is
17 years old !!!
ARRRGGH!!!
I keep getting older and they keep getting younger.
---
### Author:  [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2003, 8:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-cripes-im-going-to-hell/177201/2 "2003-05-24T08:04:09Z")
Move to Tennessee.
---
### Author:  [@Mr.Hand](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Hand)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2003, 9:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-cripes-im-going-to-hell/177201/3 "2003-05-24T09:58:01Z")
Totally random, but I just learned the other day about Grant’s General Order No. 11, issued after the taking of Memphis by Union troops. General Order No. 11 banned all Jews – I kid you not – from the state of Tennessee. Some petitioning to Lincoln resulted in the order’s rescission, and Grant had some ‘splainin’ to do when he ran for president, but there you go.
And this concludes the Random Facts about Tennessee Hijack of the Thread.
---
### Author:  [@kniz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kniz)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2003, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-cripes-im-going-to-hell/177201/4 "2003-05-24T12:39:42Z")
**Mr. Hand** IMHO that was not a story about Tennessee, but rather a story about General Grant that involved Tennessee.
[ul]😕 [sup] **How did Tennessee get included in a thread about going to hell. Shouldn’t it be El Paso?** [/sup][/ul]
---
### Author:  [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2003, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-cripes-im-going-to-hell/177201/5 "2003-05-24T13:05:55Z")
Well hey, it’s not like you went _looking_ for an underaged girl to have sexual fantsies about. You found yourself attracted to someone, THEN found out the age (among other things, I’m sure), and now you’re feeling a little icky about it. Pretty normal, I think.
Say 14 _Hail Cecils_, genuflect towards your computer, and go surf for some online porn.
You are absolved.
–NoClueBoy, Right Reverend, Church of Cecil–
---
### Author:  [@Davebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davebear)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2003, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-cripes-im-going-to-hell/177201/6 "2003-05-24T13:12:17Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by JamesCarroll \*
> \*\*Yes, I’ve thought thoughts. Some better than most, but mostly of the prior. So on the rare occasion that I could find out some info I find out that the object of my affliction is
>
> 17 years old !!! \*\*
Well, you’ll have plenty of company. You bring the cards, I’ll bring the cribagge board.
---
### Author:  [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2003, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-cripes-im-going-to-hell/177201/7 "2003-05-24T18:20:13Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Davebear \*
> \*\*Well, you’ll have plenty of company. You bring the cards, I’ll bring the cribagge board. \*\*
Yeah, look for me getting off the express elevator with a not-very-surprised look on my face.
---
### Author:  [@Searching\_For\_Truth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Searching_For_Truth)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2003, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-cripes-im-going-to-hell/177201/8 "2003-05-24T18:23:39Z")
It could be worse. No, really. Honestly. _Much_, much worse. When I think of how, I’ll let you know. Besides, like **Dave** said, there will be company. Plenty of Dopers, I’m sure. 😉 I’m headed towards the 5th Level of Hell, for the Wrathful and Gloomy. I’ll be sure to wave on my way through.
---
### Author:  [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2003, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-cripes-im-going-to-hell/177201/9 "2003-05-24T19:14:17Z")
Actually, it looks like [you’re in the clear.](http://www.ageofconsent.com/delaware.htm) I’ve heard tell that cigarettes and Zima work wonders. (And \*\*NO JOKES ABOUT MY LOCATION, M’KAY? \*\*) You’re also [not alone at all](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=124928).
**Searching For Truth** , it _could_ have been worse. If he’d have found out _after_ his fantasy came true. A buddy and I have a standard comment we make when one of us spots an underage hottie, “Will the defendant please rise.” 😃
You might want to check out a song by the The Fugs entitled “Dirty Old Man.” It’s a goal to achieve, truly.
---
### Author:  [@welby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/welby)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2003, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-cripes-im-going-to-hell/177201/10 "2003-05-24T20:41:33Z")
Don’t sweat it too much, look at the thread **Tuckerfan** posted, you’ll have all the support you need.
---
### Author:  [@Davebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davebear)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2003, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-cripes-im-going-to-hell/177201/11 "2003-05-24T22:33:57Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by voguevixen \*
> \*\*Yeah, look for me getting off the express elevator with a not-very-surprised look on my face. \*\*
Cool! There’ll be at least _one_ woman there!
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Searching For Truth \*
> \*\*It could be worse. No, really. Honestly. Much, much worse. When I think of how, I’ll let you know. Besides, like Dave said, there will be company. Plenty of Dopers, I’m sure. 😉 I’m headed towards the 5th Level of Hell, for the Wrathful and Gloomy. I’ll be sure to wave on my way through. \*\*
You? Wrathful and Gloomy? I doubt that. 🙂
---
### Author:  [@Mr.Hand](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Hand)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2003, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-cripes-im-going-to-hell/177201/12 "2003-05-24T23:30:23Z")
I lived in El Paso for several years, and didn’t think it was so bad. Probably not the entrance point to the Fiery Nether Regions.\* But there is a thread in GQ on statutory rape ([here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=185996)), in which I learned that even minors having sex with each other is illegal in some states. What this has to do with Tennessee, Alabama, or West Virginia, I’ll leave to your imagination.
\*No, this is not a euphemism for **lieu** ’s anal pustules.
---
### Author:  [@tempsbaby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tempsbaby)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2003, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-cripes-im-going-to-hell/177201/13 "2003-05-24T23:41:38Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by JamesCarroll \*
> [
> Yes, I’ve thought thoughts. Some better than most, but mostly of the prior. So on the rare occasion that I could find out some info I find out that the object of my affliction is
>
> 17 years old !!!
>
> ARRRGGH!!!
>
> I keep getting older and they keep getting younger. \*\*
Sorry this made me laugh… I am a bartender and see it all the time. I remember what I looked at 17…and how many times I said I was…ummmm…well more “mature”.NOW I am the mother of two. We went to my daughters dance recital and the 16 -18 yr old group??? Oy vey… belly piercings… and one had a small tattoo… shouldn’t they be playing with Barbie’s?? lol… sigh I am gettin more “mature” this is the payback for all the times I said I was older…= :smack:
---
### Author:  [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2003, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-cripes-im-going-to-hell/177201/14 "2003-05-24T23:44:27Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by JamesCarroll \*
> \*\*I keep getting older and they keep getting younger. \*\*
No, no, it’s “I love high school girls. I get older, they stay _the same age_!”
---
### Author:  [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)
#### Post date: [May 25, 2003, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-cripes-im-going-to-hell/177201/15 "2003-05-25T01:20:58Z")
She’s only Se-ven-teeeeeeeeen! _waves lighter_
---
### Author:  [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)
#### Post date: [May 25, 2003, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-cripes-im-going-to-hell/177201/16 "2003-05-25T01:24:15Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Zenster \*
> \*\*Move to Tennessee. \*\*
I am putting the Evil Eye on you.
---
### Author:  [@Dragonstar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragonstar)
#### Post date: [May 25, 2003, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-cripes-im-going-to-hell/177201/17 "2003-05-25T01:45:24Z")
I have reservations in Hell.
---
### Author:  [@Billy\_Rubin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billy_Rubin)
#### Post date: [May 25, 2003, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-cripes-im-going-to-hell/177201/18 "2003-05-25T02:09:59Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Dragonstar \*
> \*\*I have reservations in Hell. \*\*
In hell, they can never find your reservation. That’s why they call it HELL, after all.
Don’t worry, I’ll save you a seat. All my friends are gonna be there too.
b.
---
### Author:  [@BuckleberryFerry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BuckleberryFerry)
#### Post date: [May 25, 2003, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-cripes-im-going-to-hell/177201/19 "2003-05-25T03:06:53Z")
Save me a suite overlooking the flaming lake, would you?
---
### Author:  [@welby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/welby)
#### Post date: [May 25, 2003, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-cripes-im-going-to-hell/177201/20 "2003-05-25T14:27:28Z")
I’ve just gotten confirmation that my 5 bedroom condo overlooking the Lake of Souls and with a view of the Mountains of Doom is ready. Party at my place!
Since it’s hell, there will be chaperones.
[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-cripes-im-going-to-hell/177201.md?page=2)