# Oh, dear God, please don't let this be true. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 20, 2004, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052 "2004-07-20T19:11:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052/1 "2004-07-20T19:11:20Z")
[Report: Michael Jackson to Be Father of Quadruplets](http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=638&u=/nm/20040720/en_nm/people_jackson_dc&printer=1) :eek: ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052/2 "2004-07-20T19:14:25Z")
Oh, please God, no. ---
**Author:** ![Wolfian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/7ea924/32.png) [@Wolfian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wolfian)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052/3 "2004-07-20T19:16:42Z")
[Mr. Jefferson]That’s ignorant.[/MJ] ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052/4 "2004-07-20T19:16:48Z")
I don’t think there’s any suggestion here that Mr. Jackson is “fathering” children in the normally accepted context, involving the usual interconnection of generative apparatus, i.e., fucking. I would caution Mr. Jackson as to Scriptural injunctions, to wit, “Spare the rod and spoil the child.” You could look it up. ---
**Author:** ![Metacom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecae2f/32.png) [@Metacom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Metacom)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052/5 "2004-07-20T19:25:55Z")
Can we get a pool going on what creepy names he’s going to assign to his shiny new test-tube fruit? Prince Michael III, IV, V, and VI? Comforter, Pillow, Sheet, and Mattresspad? ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Moto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de0a6/32.png) [@Mr.Moto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Moto)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052/6 "2004-07-20T19:31:16Z")
You know, there’s very little that unites us as a board. I know **Diogenes** , **elucidator** , and myself agree on almost nothing. It’s good to know we have this in common, a shared disgust in the conduct of Michael Jackson. It ain’t much, but it’s a start. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052/7 "2004-07-20T19:35:32Z")
Too bad it wasn’t quintuplets cuz then we could call them the Jackson Five. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052/8 "2004-07-20T19:37:06Z")
> [@Metacom](#): > > … Comforter, Pillow, Sheet, and Mattresspad? Finally, a Blanket generalization anyone could love. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052/9 "2004-07-20T19:37:47Z")
> [@Mr. Moto](#): > > You know, there’s very little that unites us as a board. I know **Diogenes** , **elucidator** , and myself agree on almost nothing. > > It’s good to know we have this in common, a shared disgust in the conduct of Michael Jackson… Hmmmmm. Well, now that I think about it, “Thriller” was pretty cool. And a guy who’s willing to have his hair set on fire for a Pepsi commercial shows a dedication to the American entreprenuerial spirit otherwise sadly lacking. Might be I should re-think my position on this… ---
**Author:** ![GIGObuster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gigobuster/32/421_2.png) [@GIGObuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GIGObuster)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052/10 "2004-07-20T19:42:04Z")
[Bender] Oh your god!! [/Bender] Even agnostics can despair with news like this one. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052/11 "2004-07-20T19:45:14Z")
> [@elucidator](#): > > I would caution Mr. Jackson as to Scriptural injunctions, to wit, “Spare the rod and spoil the child.” You could look it up. This may be the single most tasteless and offensive play on words I’ve ever seen on this board. Well done, sir. ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052/12 "2004-07-20T19:46:00Z")
It’s the “buying” aspect of it that bothers me. It’s like, “I’ll have the bones of Paul Merrick, a hyperbaric chamber, and four babies. Do you take American Express?” That’s the part that bugs me. That and the fact that he’s a child-molesting freak. And don’t get me started on the “selling” part. Who _are_ these women? ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052/13 "2004-07-20T19:49:41Z")
I fear we may be witnessing the re-birth of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, and the End of the World will soon follow. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052/14 "2004-07-20T19:55:35Z")
I suspect Jackson is the Antichrist. If we don’t get the barfy smiley for THIS thread, we’ll never get it. :eek: :smack: :rolleyes: 😕 :mad: :wally ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052/15 "2004-07-20T19:57:12Z")
What will this do to his court case, if anything? Would a court frown upon an accused child molester suddenly acquiring four kids? Should his past behavior and his ongoing case cause a judge to stop him from doing this? I love this quote: > [@](#): > > . “I used a surrogate mother and my own sperm cells,” he told British interviewer Martin Bashir. “She doesn’t know me.” His own sperm cells. You know, to differentiate them from all the other sperm cells he’s used that haven’t been his own. ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052/16 "2004-07-20T19:58:01Z")
God _damn_, I can’t even type anything witty. I’m laughing so hard I’m crying. You guys are brilliant. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052/17 "2004-07-20T20:02:18Z")
So far, all the news is citing the same US Weekly article as the source for this. That’s only slightly better than citing The National Enquirer, IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052/18 "2004-07-20T20:04:14Z")
Q: What would Michael Jackson say after having sex with a surrogate mother? A: Thanks, you can keep the tip. ---
**Author:** ![Agrippina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8797f3/32.png) [@Agrippina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agrippina)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052/19 "2004-07-20T20:42:05Z")
> [@Jodi](#): > > It’s the “buying” aspect of it that bothers me. It’s like, "I’ll have the bones of Paul Merrick That’s “Joseph Merrick”. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052/20 "2004-07-20T20:48:50Z")
Quadruplets, huh? Doesn’t he already have 2 or 3? I think he’s trying to get one for every day of the week so he can keep the rotation straight. So to speak. It would be cool if he married Courtney Love to provide a “motherly influence” to the household. * * * So many trainwrecks, so few train junkyards. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052.md?page=2)