# Oh, dear God, please don't let this be true. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 20, 2004, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052 "2004-07-20T19:11:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Muad\_Dib](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/35a633/32.png) [@Muad\_Dib](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muad_Dib)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052/21 "2004-07-20T20:58:39Z")
Even less attention for poor, poor blanket. ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052/22 "2004-07-20T21:02:37Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > I suspect Jackson is the Antichrist. . . . Wait–then who’s John Ashcroft? > [@Rabid Child](#): > > That’s “Joseph Merrick”. BZZZT! It’s \*John \* Merrick. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052/23 "2004-07-20T21:07:16Z")
Joseph Carey Merrick (1862-1890) ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052/24 "2004-07-20T21:18:58Z")
In discussing this with a co-worker, I suddenly had a image of Michael Jackson on a hotel balcony juggling four babies. ---
**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052/25 "2004-07-20T21:20:03Z")
First: Ewwwwwwww. second: > [@gatopescado](#): > > Doesn’t he already have 2 or 3? I think he’s trying to get one for every day of the week so he can keep the rotation straight. So to speak. He has three. I suspect they’re getting a little old for his tastes. ---
**Author:** ![Jurhael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/cab0a1/32.png) [@Jurhael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jurhael)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052/26 "2004-07-20T21:32:53Z")
> [@](#): > > Joseph Carey Merrick (1862-1890) That’s the Elephant man, right? ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052/27 "2004-07-20T21:41:20Z")
> [@wring](#): > > First: Ewwwwwwww. > > second: > He has three. I suspect they’re getting a little old for his tastes. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Agrippina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8797f3/32.png) [@Agrippina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agrippina)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052/28 "2004-07-20T22:08:49Z")
> [@lissener](#): > > Wait–then who’s John Ashcroft? > > BZZZT! It’s \*John \* Merrick. For some reason, Dr. Frederick Treves referred to Joseph as “John” in his memoirs, despite knowing that wasn’t his real name. And since the movie was based partly on the memoirs of Treves, it also used the name “John”. And yes, Joseph was The Elephant Man. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052/29 "2004-07-20T22:13:36Z")
[A dissenter has appeared among the news outlets](http://www.eonline.com/News/Items/0,1,14552,00.html). E! is saying that this _was_ originally an Enquirer story and that his publicist is claiming it’s not true. ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052/30 "2004-07-20T22:27:17Z")
Thank you all for the corrections. I appreciate the snot out of them. ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052/31 "2004-07-20T22:39:01Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > Too bad it wasn’t quintuplets cuz then we could call them the Jackson Five. well, with quads, he can name them after his brothers (Tito II, Jermaine II, etc) and then he can reform the Jackson5 with himself! Tito being a butthead about wanting to wear a certain outfit? Well, replace him with Tito II! It’s genius, really. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2004, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052/32 "2004-07-21T01:44:34Z")
As I said in the MPSIMS thread, I think the news story is wrong. Jackson isn’t actually having four separate children; he himself will be twice experiencing mitosis. ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2004, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052/33 "2004-07-21T02:13:47Z")
> [@Cervaise](#): > > As I said in the MPSIMS thread, I think the news story is wrong. Jackson isn’t actually having four separate children; he himself will be twice experiencing mitosis. Drawn and quartered? ---
**Author:** ![Gest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9d8465/32.png) [@Gest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gest)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2004, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052/34 "2004-07-21T02:58:49Z")
I understand that in an attempt to make amends, he has donated his body to Mattel for them to melt it down and make it into plastic toys. Then children will be able to play with HIM. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2004, 6:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052/35 "2004-07-21T06:32:22Z")
I’m surprised he hasn’t gone to the Ralians to have himself cloned-so they can manipulate the genetic material and make the child look like His Hideousness. (Dear God, look at his CHEEKBONES!!!) ---
**Author:** ![Apos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/838e76/32.png) [@Apos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apos)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2004, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052/36 "2004-07-21T06:40:27Z")
If there’s one dirty trick I could seriously imagine playing during this election season, it would be doing Pro-Bush robocalls with a Michael Jackson impersonation on them: (in high pitched voice) “Hi, this is Michael Jackson and I want you to support George Bush. He’s a great man: I don’t believe all these allegations and you shouldn’t either. That’s just ignorant. His No Child’s Left Behind plan is just what our Nation needs today, and it’s just sickening the way people have been spreading unfair and ignorant rumors about him. I don’t believe he’d ever hurt anybody, he loves everybody.” Of course, then it would have to end with a “Paid for by (my real name)” and I’d get pelted with rotten fruit: but it’s fun to imagine. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2004, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052/37 "2004-07-21T13:59:21Z")
> [@Bad News Baboon](#): > > Well, replace him with Tito II! Dorothy: Tito II? GWOTW: Tito II! ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Moto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de0a6/32.png) [@Mr.Moto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Moto)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2004, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052/38 "2004-07-21T15:03:20Z")
I don’t know why people think Michael Jackson’s a sick freak. I have it on good authority he likes having sex with twenty six year olds. You know, because there are twenty of them. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2004, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052/39 "2004-07-21T15:12:14Z")
“Hey, guess who has more kids with more women than you? Michael Jackson!” _“Get the fuck outta here!”_ “No, it’s true. He really, really does!” _“No, I’m really, really serious. Get the fuck outta here!”_ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-god-please-dont-let-this-be-true/256052.md?page=1)