# Oh, Dear Lord, Brandine wants to Be Friends **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 30, 2004, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739 "2004-05-30T01:51:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2004, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/21 "2004-05-30T21:45:35Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > She wants me to _help her write a book_. “A kinda, uplifting, positive book, like _Jonathan Linvingston Seagull_” (!!). That right there was the moment you should have made a dive for the nearest window. Right between “Livingston” and “Seagull.” ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2004, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/22 "2004-05-30T22:07:42Z")
What exactly is _Jonathan Livingston Seagull_? Is it one of those glurgy things like _Chicken Soup for the Soul_ or _Embraced by the Light_? Cheer up, **Eve**. Why not introduce her to Pwecious Pwincess? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2004, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/23 "2004-05-30T22:09:46Z")
Hey, I have collectible Barbies! Damn! I guess I should be banished from **Eve** threads? ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2004, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/24 "2004-05-30T22:21:37Z")
[J.L. Seagull](http://www.42.dropbear.id.au/jls.html) Wretched. Just wretched. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2004, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/25 "2004-05-30T22:23:26Z")
Now, I’m going to go out on a limb here, and tell you **Eve** , that you should _really_ let the soul-sucking vampire latch on good and tight before hitting her with the holy water, jamming a clove of garlic in her mouth and then polishing her off with a crucifix shaped stake through the heart. This is the _funniest_ damn thread I’ve read all day, and the Dope _needs_ funny threads (and we’ll _really_ need them the closer we get to November). So do your part. Think of it as a real life version of _My Fair Lady_! ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2004, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/26 "2004-05-30T22:24:49Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > What exactly is _Jonathan Livingston Seagull_? Is it one of those glurgy things like _Chicken Soup for the Soul_ or _Embraced by the Light_?.. Message: Be what you think you were meant to be, and screw they naysayers of whatever caste you were born into, aka, “I’m a falcon trapped in a seagull’s body”. Neil Diamond wrote the soundtrack to the movie. Title song: “Be”. That’s it. “Be.” screech “deep, deep down, I’m a whooping crane” -owl ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2004, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/27 "2004-05-30T22:37:04Z")
> [@Otto](#): > > [J.L. Seagull](http://www.42.dropbear.id.au/jls.html) > > Wretched. Just wretched. So’s that site you linked to, it kept trying to hijack my browser and make me pay attention to _it_ and not my other windows. Bad, **Otto**! Bad! Bad! ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2004, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/28 "2004-05-30T22:38:25Z")
> [@Otto](#): > > [J.L. Seagull](http://www.42.dropbear.id.au/jls.html) > > Wretched. Just wretched. Holy shit, that sucked. I kept waiting for him to get sucked into a jet engine. Damn. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2004, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/29 "2004-05-30T22:48:24Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > I kept waiting for him to get sucked into a jet engine. See, that makes up for the Collector’s Barbies. ---
**Author:** ![TeaElle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8491ac/32.png) [@TeaElle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TeaElle)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2004, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/30 "2004-05-30T23:06:03Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Holy shit, that sucked. No kidding. Somehow I avoided that piece of crap until now. When it said that he stalled out while flying (in the 3rd paragraph!) I found myself thinking “Good, fall into the ocean. DROWN! Put us both out of our misery!” ---
**Author:** ![Briny\_Deep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/briny_deep/32/17188_2.png) [@Briny\_Deep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Briny_Deep)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2004, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/31 "2004-05-30T23:06:37Z")
> [@Tuckerfan](#): > > Think of it as a real life version of _My Fair Lady_! Damned if you haven’t hit upon the solution. **Eve** , you must bring Brandine up in the ways of the sophisticated. Start training her in art, literature, film, dress, and of course “decor.” In six months you take her to the Algonquin and pass her off as a genuine member of the round table. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2004, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/32 "2004-05-30T23:06:48Z")
So I guess now we know the airspeed velocity of an unladen seagull. ---
**Author:** ![AngelicGemma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@AngelicGemma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelicGemma)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2004, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/33 "2004-05-30T23:18:58Z")
> [@masonite](#): > > Damned if you haven’t hit upon the solution. **Eve** , you must bring Brandine up in the ways of the sophisticated. Start training her in art, literature, film, dress, and of course “decor.” In six months you take her to the Algonquin and pass her off as a genuine member of the round table. There’s got to be a bet with someone too, about if you can pull it off or not. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2004, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/34 "2004-05-30T23:23:37Z")
> [@masonite](#): > > Damned if you haven’t hit upon the solution. **Eve** , you must bring Brandine up in the ways of the sophisticated. Start training her in art, literature, film, dress, and of course “decor.” In six months you take her to the Algonquin and pass her off as a genuine member of the round table. Okay, I didn’t see this post until I saw **AngelicGemma** quote it. First thought: “It’ll be like _My Fair Lady_ all over again!” What does this mean? Only that I am NOT a totally uncultured hick. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2004, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/35 "2004-05-30T23:27:18Z")
> [@AngelicGemma](#): > > There’s got to be a bet with someone too, about if you can pull it off or not. I’m bettin’ she can’t! I’m bettin’ that with all her highfalutin’ edumacation and whatnot **Eve** won’t be able to stomach it for more than a month! 😉 (Is that how the bet’s supposed to go? It’s been a long time since I saw _My Fair Lady_.) ---
**Author:** ![AngelicGemma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@AngelicGemma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelicGemma)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2004, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/36 "2004-05-30T23:36:55Z")
> [@Tuckerfan](#): > > I’m bettin’ she can’t! I’m bettin’ that with all her highfalutin’ edumacation and whatnot **Eve** won’t be able to stomach it for more than a month! 😉 > > (Is that how the bet’s supposed to go? It’s been a long time since I saw _My Fair Lady_.) _Wispers_ I’ve never actually seen it. I made that comment based on every other “lets educate/make pretty that girl!” film I’ve seen. _Stops wispering_ Erm… yeah! Thats exactly how the bet is supposed to go! ---
**Author:** ![AveDementia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc8723/32.png) [@AveDementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AveDementia)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2004, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/37 "2004-05-30T23:42:21Z")
Here, **Gemma** , you dropped your ‘h’. ---
**Author:** ![Briny\_Deep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/briny_deep/32/17188_2.png) [@Briny\_Deep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Briny_Deep)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2004, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/38 "2004-05-30T23:47:48Z")
> [@](#): > > You see this creature with her curbstone English. The English that will keep her in the gutter till the end of her days. Well, sir, in six months, I could pass her off as a duchess at an Embassy Ball. I could even get her a job as a lady’s maid or a shop assistant, which requires better English…[To Eliza] Yes, you squashed cabbage leaf. You disgrace to the noble architecture of these columns! You incarnate insult to the English language! I could pass you off as, ah, the Queen of Sheba. Rex Harrison as Henry Higgins On second thought, **Eve** , if you just call her a squashed cabbage leaf, that ought to do the trick a lot faster. ---
**Author:** ![AngelicGemma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@AngelicGemma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelicGemma)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2004, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/39 "2004-05-30T23:48:00Z")
> [@AveDementia](#): > > Here, **Gemma** , you dropped your ‘h’. I meant to do it. Honest! ---
**Author:** ![AveDementia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc8723/32.png) [@AveDementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AveDementia)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2004, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/40 "2004-05-30T23:56:17Z")
I’m just teasing you. If you haven’t seen the movie, well, in it Eliza drops her H’s at the beginning when she has a horrible accent. “Just you wait, 'enry 'iggins, just you wait!” Just a silly little joke. _sigh_ Sometimes I even whoosh myself. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739.md?page=3)