# Oh, Dear Lord, Brandine wants to Be Friends **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 30, 2004, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739 "2004-05-30T01:51:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2004, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/61 "2004-05-31T20:13:38Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > Why, yes, I am, dear, thank you for noticing! Though I would be ever so much more blessed if I had one of [these](http://www.harrietcarter.com/Detail.cfm?pth=33&Cat=9&prod=2168&sr=1) in my gracious home. I think one of my SIL’s has one of those things on her toilet. If you want, I could see if she’d be willing to part with it. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2004, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/62 "2004-05-31T21:57:34Z")
So, on Friday night, Brandine came up here to tell me she got an order of protection out against Cletus, pointed to her black eye and told me if I ever see him or his truck anywhere nearby I am to call the police . . . Just now, Cletus’ truck pulled up and Cletus and Brandine got out together and went into the house. Someone explain these relationships to me? ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2004, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/63 "2004-05-31T22:07:08Z")
**Eve** No. Then you’d have to move the fish from the wall in the living room into the bathroom and redecorate. If you want to add that certain something to your bathroom, I suggest either the Bates Motel shower curtain (white with a trim of Bates Motel in blue letters) or the Mad Mother shower curtain (white with a lifesize silhouette of Mrs Bates, knife raised for the kill). Yes, they really did make these. I don’t know if they still do. I’ve been trying to find them since I got my own apartment. Re Tiki It’s not IMHO Tiki enough. It looks more like an Easter Island Moai than A standard tiki bar tiki. Where are the ornamental ridges? Where is the comically undersized body? ---
**Author:** ![AmyG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6bbea6/32.png) [@AmyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AmyG)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2004, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/64 "2004-05-31T22:08:28Z")
You know, she _did_ ask you to call the police if you saw Cletus or his truck anywhere nearby… It might make living near her utterly miserable, but you may not have to worry about her trying to be your friend anymore. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2004, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/65 "2004-05-31T22:11:24Z")
> [@DocCathode](#): > > It’s not IMHO Tiki enough. It looks more like an Easter Island Moai than A standard tiki bar tiki. Where are the ornamental ridges? Where is the comically undersized body? It really looks more like [Jack Palance](http://www.filmnight.org/jackpalance.htm) than a Tiki Head. And I _really_ don’t want to pull my Kleenexes out of Jack Palance’s nose . . . ---
**Author:** ![AveDementia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc8723/32.png) [@AveDementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AveDementia)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2004, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/66 "2004-05-31T22:25:05Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > So, on Friday night, Brandine came up here to tell me she got an order of protection out against Cletus, pointed to her black eye and told me if I ever see him or his truck anywhere nearby I am to call the police . . . Just now, Cletus’ truck pulled up and Cletus and Brandine got out together and went into the house. > > Someone explain these relationships to me? Well, if you’re serious, [this](http://www.bennett.com/ptv/) is a pretty good place to start. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2004, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/67 "2004-05-31T22:53:46Z")
**Eve** , sometimes I feel like I know you. Not only because you post about your personal life so much, but because I think I’d respond the same way you generally do. > [@](#): > > She wants me to help her write a book. “A kinda, uplifting, positive book, like Jonathan Linvingston Seagull” (!!). Why is it when people find out I’m a writer, they haul out their manuscripts and expect me to sit down and start editing? But what she _really_ wants to do is direct. > [@](#): > > The cynical atheist This is another reason, **Eve** , since those words would probably crop up pretty early in most people’s descriptions of me. **Devilsknew** , get real- nobody is nice to everybody all the damn time, and no matter who you are, some people will put you off and you’ll try to avoid them. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2004, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/68 "2004-05-31T23:00:41Z")
> [@JayElle](#): > > Check out the [Harriet Carter](http://www.harrietcarter.com) website, if you dare. > > **Eve** , does Brandine sport a [Tiki Head Tissue Box](http://www.harrietcarter.com/Detail.cfm?pth=33&Cat=9&prod=3181&sr=24) in her home? Oh, now that is PURE CLASS!!! I wonder if the Kennedys have one? The [laundrybasket/hamper thing](http://www.harrietcarter.com/Detail.cfm?prod=9815&udc=Y) though looks pretty practical. My sister could probably use that in college. As for the book, **Eve** , just tell her you know next to nothing about fiction and getting it published, as you write non-fiction bios of interesting and semi-obscure Hollywood starlets. That being said, one of my Barbies is Audrey from _Breakfast at Tiffanys_. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/69 "2004-06-01T00:16:39Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > As for the book, **Eve** , just tell her you know next to nothing about fiction and getting it published, as you write non-fiction bios of interesting and semi-obscure Hollywood starlets. I told her that, pretty much in those exact words, but it didn’t make a dent in her enthusiasm for “picking my brain” (my brain is already picked to the white meat). But, now that she seems to be back in her hellish, self-destructive relationship with Cletus, I guess any self-improvement projects are down the cow-head-covered toilet. ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/70 "2004-06-01T00:21:34Z")
**Eve** I don’t think I thanked you for making this all just a bit more interesting, even if you did try to blind me with that cow thing. If Cletus is back, you might not get your teeshirt. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/71 "2004-06-01T00:22:58Z")
By _this,_ I meant life in general. Even when I preview, I don’t ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/72 "2004-06-01T00:38:13Z")
**Eve** is under no obligation to be friends with all and sundry, let alone white trash neighbors who insinuate themselves into her life. She’s certainly been a great deal more gracious than I would be under the same circumstances. Hell, I’m white trash, and she has been very kind to me. **Eve** is a well-bred lady, and none will traduce her as long I have breath (and able fingers to type with). ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/73 "2004-06-01T01:12:06Z")
Anyone rising to the defense of Brandine must not have been around the Emotional Nosferatu type. They’re the sort of person you wouldn’t want to hang around more than once, though if they get their fangs in, you’ll be stuck with them. It’s like the cat that follows you home. Feed it even once and you’re stuck with it. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/74 "2004-06-01T02:09:04Z")
> [@gobear](#): > > **Eve** is a well-bred lady, and none will traduce her as long I have breath (and able fingers to type with). Ooooh, I feel just like a heroine in a Mrs. Henry Wood novel! ---
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/75 "2004-06-01T02:34:15Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > –… > > Oh, dear lord, _what_ am I going to do? I’ve got good news and bad news: Alt+0151 will beautify your punctuation; however, I can’t help you with Brandine. ---
**Author:** ![FaerieBeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e95f7d/32.png) [@FaerieBeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FaerieBeth)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/76 "2004-06-01T03:19:23Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > That being said, one of my Barbies is Audrey from _Breakfast at Tiffanys_. I have that Barbie! I think. Is yours the one in the black or the pink? And, I’d like to remind everyone that, in addition to bonnets, Kountry Geese always wear frilly little half circle aprons. FB ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/77 "2004-06-01T03:44:01Z")
The one in black. Your’s? ---
**Author:** ![JeffB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jeffb/32/188_2.png) [@JeffB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JeffB)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/78 "2004-06-01T04:12:15Z")
> [@DocCathode](#): > > **Eve** If you want to add that certain something to your bathroom, I suggest either the Bates Motel shower curtain (white with a trim of Bates Motel in blue letters) or the Mad Mother shower curtain (white with a lifesize silhouette of Mrs Bates, knife raised for the kill). > > Yes, they really did make these. I don’t know if they still do. I’ve been trying to find them since I got my own apartment. The wonders of eBay: [The Mad Mother Shower Curtain](http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=2312&item=4191550948&rd=1&ssPageName=WDVW) ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/79 "2004-06-01T04:40:37Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > The [laundrybasket/hamper thing](http://www.harrietcarter.com/Detail.cfm?prod=9815&udc=Y) though looks pretty practical. My sister could probably use that in college. You can get those at Kmart or WallyWorld, and there’s no shipping charge. ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/80 "2004-06-01T12:33:35Z")
> [@](#): > > **Devilsknew** , get real- nobody is nice to everybody all the damn time, and no matter who you are, some people will put you off and you’ll try to avoid them. Truly, but the difference here is that Brandine has done nothing wrong other than to come from a different socio-economic and cultural background than Eve. She seems like someone who could use a friend. What strikes me as shameful, nefarious, and deceitful in what Eve has committed here is she’s taking advantage of someone who seems to genuinely respect her and trust her. She derides this girls aspirations and furniture while pretending to help her and befriend her. Petty and sad, Eve. Petty and sad. She’s a freakin’ joke to you Eve! You steal people’s dignity and soon you lose yours. Indignant, Eve? :mad: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739.md?page=5)