# Oh, Dear Lord, Brandine wants to Be Friends **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 30, 2004, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739 "2004-05-30T01:51:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Albert\_Rose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9de053/32.png) [@Albert\_Rose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Albert_Rose)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 11:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/101 "2004-06-02T11:07:02Z")
> [@](#): > > You see this creature with her curbstone English. The English that will keep her in the gutter till the end of her days. Well, sir, in six months, I could pass her off as a duchess at an Embassy Ball. I could even get her a job as a lady’s maid or a shop assistant, which requires better English…[To Eliza] Yes, you squashed cabbage leaf. You disgrace to the noble architecture of these columns! You incarnate insult to the English language! I could pass you off as, ah, the Queen of Sheba. So _My Fair Lady_ is a ripoff of _The Opening of Misty Beethoven_, then? ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/102 "2004-06-02T22:37:41Z")
Actually, no, it’s a rip-off of [this](http://www.familyguyfiles.com/episodes/episodes.php?id=32) _Family Guy_ episode. ---
**Author:** ![Motorgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e36b37/32.png) [@Motorgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Motorgirl)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/103 "2004-06-02T22:47:18Z")
> [@JayElle](#): > > Check out the [Harriet Carter](http://www.harrietcarter.com) website, if you dare. I am so ashamed to admit it, but… I totally want that [John Deere nightlight](http://www.harrietcarter.com/Detail.cfm?pth=33&Cat=9&prod=2349&sr=1) . :eek: It comes with a bulb! ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2004, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/104 "2004-06-03T22:52:28Z")
The other downstairs neighbor tells me I missed quite a brouhaha. Seems the cops were here, guns drawn, and hauled Brandine off to drug rehab (“It was either that or jail”). Little Brandi-Sue Condoleezza was turned over to Cletus (who, it will be recalled, blackened Brandine’s eye last week!!). I don’t know who is taking care of the two giant dogs or the Barbie dolls. _Yikes._ ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2004, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/105 "2004-06-03T23:43:02Z")
> [@Motorgirl](#): > > I am so ashamed to admit it, but… > I totally want that [John Deere nightlight](http://www.harrietcarter.com/Detail.cfm?pth=33&Cat=9&prod=2349&sr=1) . :eek: > > It comes with a bulb! Well so does a tulip but you wouldn’t want to be plugging it in in your bathroom. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/106 "2004-06-04T02:28:36Z")
**Eve** You probably think that your Life Sucks ™ and that you are Surrounded by Idiots 24/7 aren’t we all? , and I think I can speak for a vast majority of the dopers here, your little life stories just make my day. It makes me wish I lived next to a Brandine or worked with a Pwecious Pwincess. Your stuff is like Pringles. Addictive, delicious and fun noises are made down the tube when it’s empty. 🙂 And on behalf of the Barbie Twins ™ on board here who came out of the closet in a Big Fat Breakfast at Tiffany’s kinda way {Yeah, you, Guin and Faire Beth}, you need to break into Brandine’s place ( ala Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible) steal the Barbie Collection and send them to Guin and Faire Beth. Then, when Brandine gets out of rehab and goes postal, it will be all over Cletus and she’ll end up either in jail or rehab again, giving you a couple more months repreive. It’s virtually failproof. ---
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/107 "2004-06-04T02:37:23Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > It’s virtually failproof. Under the circumstances, I’d be much happier with a plan that was _fool_proof. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/108 "2004-06-04T02:55:24Z")
Where is the embarrassed smilie when you need it? Fool proof. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 7:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/109 "2004-06-04T07:18:20Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > And on behalf of the Barbie Twins ™ on board here who came out of the closet in a Big Fat Breakfast at Tiffany’s kinda way {Yeah, you, Guin and Faire Beth}, I now await the thread in which **Guinastasia** finally reveals her extensive My Little Pony and Rainbow Brite collections. ---
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/110 "2004-06-04T11:44:47Z")
I wonder if Brandine has a unicorn t-shirt. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/111 "2004-06-04T13:44:45Z")
Well, this morning I saw Cletus’ pick-up parked in the driveway, on my way to the train. So I guess he is taking care of the Two Huge Dogs; lord only knows where Little Brandi-Sue Condoleezza is—I _hope_ with Brandine’s sister Lurlene, and not with gal-beatin’ Cletus or NJ Children’s Protective Services (“Only 23 Kids Starved to Death This Month!”). ---
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/112 "2004-06-04T14:13:00Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > …or NJ Children’s Protective Services (“Only 23 Kids Starved to Death This Month!”). [Serious Looking NJ CPS Officer in Beige-on-Beige Uniform] New Jersey’s Child Protective Services are perfectly safe, Mam. Why, forty children drown in five-gallon buckets every year, across the nation… ahem! So you can see that New Jersey’s Child Protective Services is a great way to keep kids safe. Carry on. [/SL NJ CPS OiBoBU] ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/113 "2004-06-04T14:27:24Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > Well, this morning I saw Cletus’ pick-up parked in the driveway, on my way to the train. So I guess he is taking care of the Two Huge Dogs; lord only knows where Little Brandi-Sue Condoleezza is?I _hope_ with Brandine’s sister Lurlene, and not with gal-beatin’ Cletus or NJ Children’s Protective Services (“Only 23 Kids Starved to Death This Month!”). But won’t someone think of the Barbies!? ---
**Author:** ![Purd\_Werfect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e47c2d/32.png) [@Purd\_Werfect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Purd_Werfect)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2004, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739/114 "2004-06-10T04:27:34Z")
My son has one of those Tiki tissue dispensers. He quite likes it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-dear-lord-brandine-wants-to-be-friends/247739.md?page=5)