# Oh GOD no!! Gummy bears! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 7, 2013, 8:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-god-no-gummy-bears/675737 "2013-12-07T08:38:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2013, 8:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-god-no-gummy-bears/675737/1 "2013-12-07T08:38:27Z")
[http://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummy-Candy-Sugarless-5-Pound/dp/B000EVQWKC](http://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummy-Candy-Sugarless-5-Pound/dp/B000EVQWKC) > [@](#): > > …Maybe it was because I was mentally refreshing my language lessons, but it suddenly struck me how much pre-diarrheal grumblings sound like German words. > “ENTSCHULDIGUNG!” was the next thing uttered by my rapidly clenching stomach. Appropriately, Andrea looked up in response. > “Sind Sie Kaffee machen?” she asked. > Am I making coffee? > I thought I must have mistranslated her at first, then finally I realized that yes, the loud, ominous gurgling coming from my gut could easily be mistaken for the percolating of some bachelor’s crappy coffeemaker. > It’s remarkable how quickly one knows that one is about to have a traumatic pottymaking experience. Maybe that’s the body’s way of buying you the precious seconds you need. I was already calculating the number of steps to the bathroom, speculating on whether I would have time to lift the lid to the toilet, when my own voice cried out loudly in my head. > She’s going to hear EVERYTHING!.. Okay, I’m the last person to enjoy potty humor, but OMG. (and the guy who did the “review” partially quoted above has GOT to be one of our dopers…too clever). ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2013, 9:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-god-no-gummy-bears/675737/2 "2013-12-07T09:34:17Z")
I binged on sugar free chocolates once. Once. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2013, 10:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-god-no-gummy-bears/675737/3 "2013-12-07T10:55:14Z")
> [@Cheesesteak](#): > > I binged on sugar free chocolates once. > > Once. 😃 You know? I’ve tried those as well, and while I did notice some very slight distress (a bit of grumbling, maybe a stomachache), it was nothing like some of those poor people were describing. The one with the preacher about killed me. “Oh my heavenly father, I’m not gonna make it”! And “apocalyptic murder bears”. 😃 Some of these folks were quite creative. And then the other commenters who were trying to be helpful, or even slightly scolding “sugar free candy has been proven to cause digestive issues, you really should pay attention to the warnings” and were just completely oblivious to the fact that these other reviews were done tongue in cheek… Somehow that just made it funnier. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2013, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-god-no-gummy-bears/675737/4 "2013-12-07T16:23:16Z")
> [@CanvasShoes](#): > > Okay, I’m the last person to enjoy potty humor, but OMG. (and the guy who did the “review” partially quoted above has GOT to be one of our dopers…too clever). The German is, I’m pretty sure, wrong. It should be “Machen Sie Kaffee?” ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2013, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-god-no-gummy-bears/675737/5 "2013-12-07T16:26:58Z")
At least now I know what I should eat if I should ever have to get back on Abilify. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2013, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-god-no-gummy-bears/675737/6 "2013-12-07T18:51:50Z")
> [@Cheesesteak](#): > > I binged on sugar free chocolates once. > > Once. I believe I have recounted one attempt by a lady in a previous job to make a cake for my birthday [me being diabetic and always refusing to eat office party cake] - she made the ganache for the icing from sugarless chocolate. The bathroom was _very_ popular for a few hours that afternoon … :eek:😛 ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2013, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-god-no-gummy-bears/675737/7 "2013-12-07T19:30:21Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > The German is, I’m pretty sure, wrong. It should be “Machen Sie Kaffee?” You’re right of course, “our” Dopers would have gotten it right. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![James\_Toothpaste](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e56c9b/32.png) [@James\_Toothpaste](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/James_Toothpaste)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2013, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-god-no-gummy-bears/675737/8 "2013-12-07T19:58:01Z")
> [@CanvasShoes](#): > > [Amazon.com](http://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummy-Candy-Sugarless-5-Pound/dp/B000EVQWKC) > > Okay, I’m the last person to enjoy potty humor, but OMG. (and the guy who did the “review” partially quoted above has GOT to be one of our dopers…too clever). Actually, I also enjoy potty humor. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/bc8723/32.png) [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unauthorized_Cinnamon)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2013, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-god-no-gummy-bears/675737/9 "2013-12-07T20:47:10Z")
You have enriched my life with this. While some of the more rococo entries are a lot of fun, I really enjoyed the succinct review referencing ceiling fans! ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2013, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-god-no-gummy-bears/675737/10 "2013-12-07T22:31:31Z")
> [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](#): > > You have enriched my life with this. While some of the more rococo entries are a lot of fun, I really enjoyed the succinct review referencing ceiling fans! I liked that one as well! It put me in mind of our own “prehensile rectum” thread. ---
**Author:** ![shantih](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f6c823/32.png) [@shantih](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shantih)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2013, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-god-no-gummy-bears/675737/11 "2013-12-07T23:24:39Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > The German is, I’m pretty sure, wrong. It should be “Machen Sie Kaffee?” Close! The correct question would be, “Kochen Sie einen Kaffee?” ---
**Author:** ![SerafinaPekala](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecae2f/32.png) [@SerafinaPekala](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SerafinaPekala)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2013, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-god-no-gummy-bears/675737/12 "2013-12-07T23:41:58Z")
Hilariously witty! Love the ideas for gifting “Dad’s fiance” with them too. Come to think of it, I know some frenemies who’d benefit from a lethal dose. ---
**Author:** ![Pai325](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Pai325](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pai325)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2013, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-god-no-gummy-bears/675737/13 "2013-12-08T04:19:30Z")
I can eat sugar free stuff with no problem except that I hate the taste and go for the sugared stuff. I loved the reviews! I shouldn’t laugh at giving it to unsuspecting people, but I do.