# Oh, godammit, I have to lose 25 pounds the Lazy Bitch way **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 27, 2006, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-godammit-i-have-to-lose-25-pounds-the-lazy-bitch-way/385704 "2006-12-27T03:01:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2006, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-godammit-i-have-to-lose-25-pounds-the-lazy-bitch-way/385704/1 "2006-12-27T03:01:42Z")
I’m having a bunch of blood tests done tomorrow and my doctor is going to talk to me like a Dutch Uncle when the results come in and the upshot is I really have to start eating nothing but sticks and twigs and dust or I’ll be dead pretty darned soon. Mind you, I’m not huge, I’m a size 12 (though I do hate the way I look at this weight–one’s suits simply don’t _hang_ right!). But, due to various health problems (thanks, dad), my doctor told me, “Well, you’re going to have a heart attack–it’s up to you _when_.” Not that a good quick heart attack doesn’t sound like a restful way out, but I’ve got my elderly mother to take care of, and she might well live _forever_. _Crap_. Well, I am not going to start exercising, I know myself too well for that. I’ll walk up the three flights of stairs to work, and that’s about it. But I have Lazy Bitch Syndrome, which does not allow me to exercise. Which means no good food again, ever. Anyone know any sensible non-hippie nutritional websites? Please don’t suggest that I Get To Know Weight Watchers. Not that I have anything against it (despite its creepy cultlike qualities), but it all boils down to common sense and portion control anyway. I’d debelop an eating disorder, but my fashion editor friend Lois tells me, “Oh, hon, if you haven’t developed an eating disorder by _your age_, you’re never going to.” Of course, if the leukemia test comes out positive, the pounds will simply _fall_ away. “Oh, you probably don’t have leukemia,” says my doctor, “it’s probably just stress. So calm down and don’t worry about anything. _While we test you for leukemia_.” Crap. ---
**Author:** ![foxymoron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d26b3c/32.png) [@foxymoron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foxymoron)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2006, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-godammit-i-have-to-lose-25-pounds-the-lazy-bitch-way/385704/2 "2006-12-27T03:06:17Z")
I’m sorry I don’t have any helpful links for you. I just had to pop in and say that was a delightful post! Fingers crossed for No Lukemia! ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2006, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-godammit-i-have-to-lose-25-pounds-the-lazy-bitch-way/385704/3 "2006-12-27T03:06:40Z")
Sorry, Eve. I wish you could get 25 pounds worth of Motivated Active Bitch. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2006, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-godammit-i-have-to-lose-25-pounds-the-lazy-bitch-way/385704/4 "2006-12-27T03:11:50Z")
I find soup very helpful. Lots of chicken soup, most of the fat skimmed off. It’s filling and, paired with an entree, usually decreases my desire for dessert. Good luck! ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2006, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-godammit-i-have-to-lose-25-pounds-the-lazy-bitch-way/385704/5 "2006-12-27T03:17:26Z")
Lots of soup: dilute! dilute! dilute! ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2006, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-godammit-i-have-to-lose-25-pounds-the-lazy-bitch-way/385704/6 "2006-12-27T03:17:48Z")
[QUOTE=Shoshana] I find soup very helpful. Lots of chicken soup, most of the fat skimmed off. It’s filling and, paired with an entree, usually decreases my desire for dessert. Good luck! [/QUOTE] That’s good . . . mind you, I eat like an _idiot_ now, so any reasonable change will help. I’m thinking stopping at Whole Foods (dodging hippies all the way) and picking up some grapes and strawberries and such to munch on through the day . . . Drink lots of no-cal stuff like tea . . . But, goddammit, I get hungry. Stick-figure Cloris Leachman once said she brushed her teeth instead of snacking, but my teeth will be worn down to the nubbins in a _week_. What does one do when one gets _hungry?_ ---
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2006, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-godammit-i-have-to-lose-25-pounds-the-lazy-bitch-way/385704/7 "2006-12-27T03:19:13Z")
How about just taking NyQuil at regular intervals and sleeping through a few months? I’ve heard that hibernation is a great diet plan. You’ll wake up hungry, though, when you finally come out of it, so get to your doc real quick afterwards for the weigh-in before you have time to find bagels. ---
**Author:** ![Quiddity\_Glomfuster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/c4cdca/32.png) [@Quiddity\_Glomfuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quiddity_Glomfuster)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2006, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-godammit-i-have-to-lose-25-pounds-the-lazy-bitch-way/385704/8 "2006-12-27T03:21:17Z")
[QUOTE=Eve] Anyone know any sensible non-hippie nutritional websites? . [/QUOTE] You don’t even need a site. There’s not that much to it. 1. Ditch junk/fast food. Be Very Afraid of the word ‘fried’. Eat nothing that is. 2. Go to any ‘calories in food’ chart and memorize the most calorie-laden items. Avoid them. Ice cream is really bad so if you must have it, have a tiny bit very rarely (as in 1/4 cup every couple months). 3. Go hunting for lower-cal substitutes for food you enjoy. And learn to love some new ones. I’m finding I’m really liking some soy/tofu ‘substitutes’ like soy 'meat’balls. They don’t taste like meat but they’re tasty in themselves. I’ve found a wonderful non-meat patty that I like way more than burger. It takes a bit of experimenting but you end up finding yummy things to enjoy w/o guilt. 4. Make sure you get whole grains, good carbs (fruits & veg) and protein. Don’t buy any ‘low-carb’ or other fad talk. 5. Ditch pop. 6. Memorize ‘normal’ portion sizes and stick to them (a serving of meat is supposed to be the size of a deck of cards). 7. Make sure you stay well-hydrated. 8. Eat only when you’re hungry and stop as soon as you stop being hungry. Never eat until you feel ‘full’ - that’s too much. Mind you, you shouldn’t go too long without eating so if for some reason you’re not very hungry, have a glass of low-fat milk or a yogourt to get some protein w/o taking in a ton o’ calories. Don’t snack all night when you watch the tube either. Stop eating as habit if that’s what you do. 9. Don’t think of it as denial. Have little bits of treats from time to time. You can make your own ‘pizza’ that’s far less greasy and way tastier than takeout, for instance. I use pitas or premade pizza shells and load them with vegies and then add some low-fat feta. They’re great. I wasn’t huge but I had to lose some weight at one point and I found the secret was finding foods I just love that haven’t as many calories as other stuff. Now I can’t really face potato chips or big greasy plates of fried appies. You realy do get used to a different eating style and then you don’t miss the less-healthy stuff at all. ---
**Author:** ![Triskadecamus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b19c9b/32.png) [@Triskadecamus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triskadecamus)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2006, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-godammit-i-have-to-lose-25-pounds-the-lazy-bitch-way/385704/9 "2006-12-27T03:27:29Z")
It’s such a bitch when the doctors start that “you’re gonna die” crap. I had to give up coffee, and I really liked coffee. Then I got fat from the soft drinks, so I had to give them up too. Finally, the doctor wanted me to give up tea, and start taking my blood pressure every day. So, I gave up modern medicine. I found out that even if I did give up all the stuff, I was going to die anyway. I quit letting the nurses at work take my blood pressure, but I did stick with the tea instead of coffee. (It’s lots cheaper, since I have never developed expensive tastes in tea. I don’t even know what the tea equivalent of Jamaican Blue Mountain is.) I am not suggesting that you do what I did, but when offered the advice, “Do this, or your’re gonna die.” I think you owe it to yourself to really consider both options. Lots of luck on the Leukemia thing, though. Tris ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2006, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-godammit-i-have-to-lose-25-pounds-the-lazy-bitch-way/385704/10 "2006-12-27T03:44:51Z")
[QUOTE=Eve] What does one do when one gets _hungry?_ [/QUOTE] One _eats_. Sensibly. When I was at loose ends when I started dieting, I ate a ton of vegetables and fruit. Now that I know how to eat properly (and by god after all of this time I’d better know it), it’s just second nature to know what is low calorie and high fibre. ---
**Author:** ![InternetLegend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/internetlegend/32/13154_2.png) [@InternetLegend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InternetLegend)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2006, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-godammit-i-have-to-lose-25-pounds-the-lazy-bitch-way/385704/11 "2006-12-27T04:35:43Z")
I used to have Lazy Bitch Syndrome too, but when I realized I had to make the same choice you have in front of you, I went with exercising (bitching all the way) instead of starving. I hate to exercise, but I love to eat more. If I ever figure out _how_ I managed to do it, I’ll let you know, but you might consider that is _can_ be done, and exercising is going to do a whole lot more for you than dieting when it comes to preventing that heart attack. As for deciding to die fat and happy instead of living healthy, **Tris** , if it were that clear-cut I might have chosen the first option. Unfortunately, you often don’t just die from unhealthy habits - you get progressively more decrepit and miserable over the course of years and years. I’d rather cut out junk food and get up and move around regularly than live like that when I’m old (which is coming right up). ---
**Author:** ![Triskadecamus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b19c9b/32.png) [@Triskadecamus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triskadecamus)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2006, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-godammit-i-have-to-lose-25-pounds-the-lazy-bitch-way/385704/12 "2006-12-27T05:34:56Z")
[QUOTE=InternetLegend] As for deciding to die fat and happy instead of living healthy, **Tris** , if it were that clear-cut I might have chosen the first option. [/QUOTE] Yeah. If I had realized I was going to live this long, I would have been much more careful about my health. Tris ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2006, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-godammit-i-have-to-lose-25-pounds-the-lazy-bitch-way/385704/13 "2006-12-27T06:01:00Z")
You could do what [AuntiePam’s husband](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=401232) and [I](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=401063) have done, which is to mostly give up bread, crackers, & pasta. (I have **not** given up chocolate, ftr) It was hard at first because I love love love bread, but it’s been worth it. Nothing warms the heart like someone saying “How did you manage to lose weight over Thanksgiving? I hate you.” 😃 If you don’t absolutely hate them, bananas are almost as filling as a sandwich. Add some applesauce and something dairy like yogurt or string cheese, and you won’t die of hunger before dinner. Soup sounds like a good idea, but have you ever looked at the sodium contents? Some of them are 8oz yet 46% of your daily salt content! I’m young enough not to have to worry about high blood pressure, yet, but my family has a propensity for it, so I’m not starting a bad habit now. ---
**Author:** ![Stinkum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Stinkum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stinkum)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2006, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-godammit-i-have-to-lose-25-pounds-the-lazy-bitch-way/385704/14 "2006-12-27T06:20:51Z")
I’m a porkette, so I probably shouldn’t be posting. I need to lose about 20ish, according to me. I haven’t been given The Lecture by the doc yet, but I sense it’s coming. Anyhoo, Eve, cutting back a bit on junk food, and stepping up the exercise a little bit – gradually – sometimes works. Starting with drastic measures (suddenly pitching the chips and Coke and going to the gym three times a week) doesn’t work for me – I lose steam and it’s all such a bother. Start with stretching exercises after work. I work in publishing as well, and know how cramped and inactive it is. I added small hand weights to the bending and stretching exercises and that’s helped a lot especially with lower back tension. Then eat a little less at dinner – maybe instead of two bunches of chips, just a smaller bunch. Sub out some baby carrots. You get the idea. Good luck with the leukemia test. ---
**Author:** ![threnodyangelfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@threnodyangelfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/threnodyangelfire)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2006, 7:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-godammit-i-have-to-lose-25-pounds-the-lazy-bitch-way/385704/15 "2006-12-27T07:43:56Z")
I lost 40kg a while ago on my ownsome. And I actually worked for one of the big weight loss companies for a while - Eve, I understand your sentiments exactly. That 18 months was enough to make me want to eat double my points a day. 🙂 I just decided that enough was enough. That i was going to get “thin” no matter what. I put thin in quotes there, as I’m a tall girl and even at my thinnest I’m usually going to be the heaviest girl in the room. I started out by getting a personal trainer. The reason I did this was because I’m a lazy, lazy biatch, and need motivation. My trainer rocked. She pushed me only as far as I wanted to be pushed. She was motivational and gentle. It was winter here in Australia, so I started to make soups at the beginning of each week, with everything in them. Pumpkin, zucchini, onion, shallots, potato, corn (off the cob), broccoli, even brussel sprouts. I’d add curry powder and chili and things to make it different each time. I would allow myself to eat as much of that for dinner as I wanted. Lunches were things like awesome salads made with sundried tomatoes, and I’d buy 2 bocconcini, or 4 prawns. I learnt to love things like lemon juice for dressings instead of creamy stuff. I swapped beer (which i LUURVE) for wine and soda. Still does the trick, half the kilojoules. By this time, I’d gotten to a decent fitness level level and my trainer (who was also a friend of mine), had gotten too busy with full paying clients to keep me up, but I’d gotten sufficient confidence up by now to jump on the treadmill 3 times a week by now, and running in the end for up to an hour and a half at a time. I found the feeling of being alive that it gave me more than made up for the “oh damn, do i have to go for a run”. I know that sounds cliche, but it’s true. I discouraged friends from joining me, but encouraged them to exercise in other ways if they were so inclined. I work many hours a week, and have lots of stuff going on socially, so my running hours are guarded fiercely. They are my time alone in a hectic schedule. I had a dress that I bought off ebay (vintage clothes addict here…) that I aimed to get into. Well, I was too scared to put it on to see how I wasn’t doing and buy the time I got the courage up, I’d surpassed it. I know it’s not exactly what you were after, but I did this in a relatively short time, and healthily. I also decreased my meat intake and upped my fish and vegetables and legumes. And drank heaps of water. I still eat like this now (a little laxer, but still the same essentially. However, please do not ask me how many beers I drank Christmas day, it’s embarrassing. 😛 ) The way I did it seemed to instantly increase my vitality, while still allowing me an awesome social life. I hope this helps a little bit, and best wishes for your tests. – Thren. ---
**Author:** ![yellowval](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/919ad9/32.png) [@yellowval](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowval)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2006, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-godammit-i-have-to-lose-25-pounds-the-lazy-bitch-way/385704/16 "2006-12-27T14:21:40Z")
[QUOTE=InternetLegend] I used to have Lazy Bitch Syndrome too, but when I realized I had to make the same choice you have in front of you, I went with exercising (bitching all the way) instead of starving. [/QUOTE] I went with exercising too. It was painful at first, since I’m also stricken with Lazy Bitch Syndrome, but after the first week or so I just got used to it. Now even when I whine that I don’t feel like it, I end up doing it anyway. Personally, I’d rather exercise and be able to eat than not exercise and not be able to eat. YMMV of course. ---
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2006, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-godammit-i-have-to-lose-25-pounds-the-lazy-bitch-way/385704/17 "2006-12-27T14:52:22Z")
Start small with the exercising. Slap bellboys. Trample peasants. Sweep down staircases I have a feeling that really _making an entrance_ has to burn a lot of calories. StG ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2006, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-godammit-i-have-to-lose-25-pounds-the-lazy-bitch-way/385704/18 "2006-12-27T14:57:59Z")
Well, exercising is simply not going to happen, unless there’s a sale at Saks. I’ll just give up food, except as “medicine.” I hate most healthy foods: even typing “yogurt” and “salad” makes me gag. And everything I like is now verboten (well, will be after the doctor gets the blood results back). So I’ll just close my eyes and think of England as I choke back whatever crap I need to in order to stay healthy and lose some weight, so I can live long enough to see my mother safely out. After that, all bets are off. Hell, I gave up sex, there’s no reason I can’t give up food. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2006, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-godammit-i-have-to-lose-25-pounds-the-lazy-bitch-way/385704/19 "2006-12-27T15:05:17Z")
[QUOTE=elfkin477] You could do what [AuntiePam’s husband](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=401232) and [I](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=401063) have done, which is to mostly give up bread, crackers, & pasta. (I have **not** given up chocolate, ftr) It was hard at first because I love love love bread, but it’s been worth it. Nothing warms the heart like someone saying “How did you manage to lose weight over Thanksgiving? I hate you.” 😃 If you don’t absolutely hate them, bananas are almost as filling as a sandwich. Add some applesauce and something dairy like yogurt or string cheese, and you won’t die of hunger before dinner. Soup sounds like a good idea, but have you ever looked at the sodium contents? Some of them are 8oz yet 46% of your daily salt content! I’m young enough not to have to worry about high blood pressure, yet, but my family has a propensity for it, so I’m not starting a bad habit now. [/QUOTE] Give up pasta and take up bananas? You do realize that bananas have a ton of small sugars? Pasta is complex sugars, it takes longer to digest and therefore makes you un-hungry longer. This is if you don’t cook it until it starts breaking apart, like my grandma did… it oughta be al dente. Calling bananas a “diet meal” is like those stickers on Kellogg boxes that say “fat free!” Legally true but it implies a lie. (Bananas have lithium too, so it’s not like “aaaah you should never ever look at a banana ever agaaaaaain!” either) ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2006, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-godammit-i-have-to-lose-25-pounds-the-lazy-bitch-way/385704/20 "2006-12-27T15:07:14Z")
[QUOTE=Eve] Hell, I gave up sex, there’s no reason I can’t give up food. [/QUOTE] Mind you, sex is a wonderful way to burn calories. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-godammit-i-have-to-lose-25-pounds-the-lazy-bitch-way/385704.md?page=2)