# Oh, GREAT. Telekinetic Monkeys. Just What We Needed. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 13, 2003, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-great-telekinetic-monkeys-just-what-we-needed/207228 "2003-10-13T18:40:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![butter\_pie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aca169/32.png) [@butter\_pie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/butter_pie)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2003, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-great-telekinetic-monkeys-just-what-we-needed/207228/21 "2003-10-14T14:14:07Z")
Maybe if they learn how to do this for humans, my dream of having four arms can finally come true! ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2003, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-great-telekinetic-monkeys-just-what-we-needed/207228/22 "2003-10-14T14:29:38Z")
Telekinetic Monkey Butlers! Is there anything thay can’t do? ---
**Author:** ![MonkeyMule](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc348/32.png) [@MonkeyMule](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MonkeyMule)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2003, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-great-telekinetic-monkeys-just-what-we-needed/207228/23 "2003-10-14T22:17:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sunspace \* > \*\*Telekinetic Monkey Butlers! Is there anything thay can’t do? \*\* yes…invite us into your homes, trusts us around your children, yes yes. ::mentaly rubs mechacnical hands in a decisively evil manner:: Learn much will, kill humans all we must, World ours to rule Muhaha Muhahahahahahaha **MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA** ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2003, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-great-telekinetic-monkeys-just-what-we-needed/207228/24 "2003-10-15T02:38:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Eve \* > \*\*Have you peppered in God’s lo mein by creating a rice of pipple?! \*\* I tried to create a rice of pipple, but all that I got was a rass of papple. Is that worth anything? ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2003, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-great-telekinetic-monkeys-just-what-we-needed/207228/25 "2003-10-15T02:55:21Z")
Think what this will do for reality TV shows like Survivor! I can see it now… “Next week on… Survivor: The Mad Monkey’s Lab. Rufus and Jane form an alliance to hoard all the extra gruel in their body cavities for future bargaining. One Ear and Toofus plot yet again to snag the keys from the ape guards, which result in horrifying repercussions. The Hatfield tribe flings insults at the neighboring McCoy tribe in the adjacent cage, proving that once again, humans really are funny animals with primitive intellects. Who will be voted out of the cage next to suffer the painful, gruesome, yet somehow erotic surgical tortures of their simian masters?” ---
**Author:** ![StanDup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e5b9ba/32.png) [@StanDup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StanDup)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2003, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-great-telekinetic-monkeys-just-what-we-needed/207228/26 "2003-10-15T02:58:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MonkeyMule \* > \*\*yes…invite us into your homes, trusts us around your children, yes yes. > > ::mentaly rubs mechacnical hands in a decisively evil manner:: > Learn much will, kill humans all we must, > World ours to rule > > Muhaha > > Muhahahahahahaha > > **MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA** \*\* No, no… it’s: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA! ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2003, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-great-telekinetic-monkeys-just-what-we-needed/207228/27 "2003-10-15T04:30:40Z")
“Soon, we will no longer be spanking the monkeys. The monkeys will be spanking us.” ---
**Author:** ![Fish\_Cheer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fish_cheer/32/17179_2.png) [@Fish\_Cheer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish_Cheer)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2003, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-great-telekinetic-monkeys-just-what-we-needed/207228/28 "2003-11-07T14:59:31Z")
In Durham, monkey spanks you. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2003, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-great-telekinetic-monkeys-just-what-we-needed/207228/29 "2003-11-07T16:36:53Z")
At last, now I can open that 24 hour All-You-Can-Peel Banana buffet. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2003, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-great-telekinetic-monkeys-just-what-we-needed/207228/30 "2003-11-07T16:44:03Z")
I can _take_ your damn dirty apes! Lookey what **I’m** packin’! [http://www.brotron.com/pics/images/elux4.jpg](http://www.brotron.com/pics/images/elux4.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![MonkeyMule](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc348/32.png) [@MonkeyMule](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MonkeyMule)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2003, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-great-telekinetic-monkeys-just-what-we-needed/207228/31 "2003-11-07T17:26:06Z")
MY GOD!!! Its the electrolux model ND-437 Rapid Fire Death-ray with swivel mount!!! When you think 1920’s Style Death-ray, you think electrolux ND-437! ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-great-telekinetic-monkeys-just-what-we-needed/207228/32 "2003-11-10T03:02:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sunspace \* > \*\*Telekinetic Monkey Butlers! Is there anything thay can’t do? \*\* Fly, you fools! ---
**Author:** ![MonkeyMule](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc348/32.png) [@MonkeyMule](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MonkeyMule)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-great-telekinetic-monkeys-just-what-we-needed/207228/33 "2003-11-10T03:29:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by AndrewT \* > \*\*Fly, you fools! \*\* You say that now, but give it 10 years… ---
**Author:** ![umop\_ap\_sdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/dbc845/32.png) [@umop\_ap\_sdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umop_ap_sdn)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-great-telekinetic-monkeys-just-what-we-needed/207228/34 "2003-11-10T05:30:19Z")
Sign me up for a prehensile tail, robotic wings, and an extra set of arms. ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-great-telekinetic-monkeys-just-what-we-needed/207228/35 "2003-11-10T06:23:38Z")
Telekinetic they might be, but their administrative powers are still woefully lacking… ::signs **cityboy916** up for his new prehensile nose, robotic ears, and an extra set of fingernails:: BTW, I have already registered at our new masters’ highly moderated, no tolerance message board: the ABMB (Almighty Banana Message Board). ---
**Author:** ![Maura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Maura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maura)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-great-telekinetic-monkeys-just-what-we-needed/207228/36 "2003-11-10T16:24:15Z")
Soon overheard around text to speech programs in research labs everywhere: **Shock this!** And you thought you were getting _lazy_ when you didn’t get up to change the channel when you couldn’t find the remote. Turns out you were just a few years ahead of the game…and missing a few dozen EEG wires. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Airman_Doors_USAF)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-great-telekinetic-monkeys-just-what-we-needed/207228/37 "2003-11-10T18:08:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Horseflesh \* > \*\*Eep-opp-ork-ah-ah! \*\* Nice to meet you, fellow Jetsons fan. Orbitee rules! ---
**Author:** ![MonkeyMule](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc348/32.png) [@MonkeyMule](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MonkeyMule)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-great-telekinetic-monkeys-just-what-we-needed/207228/38 "2003-11-10T18:25:35Z")
Welcome to the Boards Maura. I see you’ve been lurking for a few months now. May this be the first of many. And now back to the continuing Saga of THe SuperPowered Simians and their quest for world domination… ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-great-telekinetic-monkeys-just-what-we-needed/207228/39 "2003-11-10T20:51:31Z")
“How many telekenetic monkeys will there be?” “One, at first, but he’ll train others.” ---
**Author:** ![umop\_ap\_sdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/dbc845/32.png) [@umop\_ap\_sdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umop_ap_sdn)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-great-telekinetic-monkeys-just-what-we-needed/207228/40 "2003-11-10T22:21:01Z")
You mean we’ll live like @#$% kings? 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-great-telekinetic-monkeys-just-what-we-needed/207228.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-great-telekinetic-monkeys-just-what-we-needed/207228.md?page=3)