# Oh, I am so sad.... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 31, 2005, 8:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-i-am-so-sad/306191 "2005-05-31T08:29:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Pensandfeathers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a183cd/32.png) [@Pensandfeathers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pensandfeathers)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 8:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-i-am-so-sad/306191/1 "2005-05-31T08:29:45Z")
There was a spider on the roll of paper towels in my kitchen. Being too afraid to try and capture it myself and put it outside (my roommate is asleep, otherwise she’d do it) - I fall into a mild panic. I can’t possibly try to smash it, as I’m sure it will somehow dodge my attempted smite and attack me. I can’t just leave it alone either, because it will show up somewhere else and scare me… So I threw a paperbag over the roll, tied it quickly, threw it to the floor and stomped on it. It’s in the garbage now. I’m going to bed. ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 11:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-i-am-so-sad/306191/2 "2005-05-31T11:34:06Z")
Sounds quite reasonable to me. Well, it’s reasonable if you’re phobic about spiders and it isn’t even 4:30 in the morning yet, anyway. Happy sleeping. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-i-am-so-sad/306191/3 "2005-05-31T12:49:45Z")
Spiders and I have an agreement. As long as they don’t jump on me or do something like make me think they’re going to jump on me we get along fine. However, when one does something as blatant as your spider did this morning **Pensandfeathers** I assume the spider is going to jump on me, so swampy smash spider. Don’t feel bad. It was self defense. Spiders just need to stay in their little hidden spider places doing spider things. That one did not. It asked for it. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-i-am-so-sad/306191/4 "2005-05-31T13:08:11Z")
**Swamp** ’s absolutely right. In fact, you did a favor for spiders everywhere the way I look at it. See, spiders are predators. Predators are best served by ambush, traps, webs or other filthy, villanous tricks. A spider that is in the habit of crossing large open areas (living room floor), or hanging around high traffic areas in the domain of much more dangerous species than they (kitchens, bathtubs, pillow cases, bed sheets, towel closets, cereal boxes, toilet seats, the insides of gloves & shoes… \<\< blergh \>\> ) is a spider with inferior instincts and must be destroyed before it passes those instincts on. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-i-am-so-sad/306191/5 "2005-05-31T13:24:04Z")
OK, but paper bags are _opaque_ - how can you be sure you caught it? Are you certain it didn’t scuttle quickly out of the bag and up your arm; maybe right now it is crawling on your back, just below the neckline of your shirt, about to step onto the bare skin of your neck. Probably not though; sleep tight! ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-i-am-so-sad/306191/6 "2005-05-31T13:56:10Z")
Hairspray has saved me from many arguments with spiders. They just kind of… harden…and die. I love that. ---
**Author:** ![Flander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8c91f0/32.png) [@Flander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flander)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-i-am-so-sad/306191/7 "2005-05-31T16:09:28Z")
I seriously would have been scared the spider would try to stab me with his fangs through the paper bag! I wouldn’t have taken the risk of stomping on it. Instead, just fling the thing as far into the street as possible and hope a car hits it or something. ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-i-am-so-sad/306191/8 "2005-05-31T16:20:12Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > Hairspray has saved me from many arguments with spiders. They just kind of… harden…and die. I love that. Even better, add a lighter into that mix. Disclaimer: Neither Hal Briston, Briston Industries, the SDMB, the Chicago Reader, nor anyone with a brain advocates adding a lighter into that mix. ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-i-am-so-sad/306191/9 "2005-05-31T16:47:53Z")
> [@Hal Briston](#): > > Even better, add a lighter into that mix. Isn’t that how the hero (Jeff Daniels?) defeated the giant spider in _Arachnophobia_? By the way, that’s a good, fun horror movie, but between my recent thread on killing a giant spider with my coffee table and this thread, I think it might be too much for some arachnophobic Dopers. ---
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-i-am-so-sad/306191/10 "2005-05-31T17:13:06Z")
Ick! I had one too, a couple days ago. I was relaxing at the computer, and out of the corner of my eye, scurrying up the wall… BLECH! Spider. I thought he was a pretty big one, though not nearly as large as say, a barn spider, big for a regular old house-dwelling spider. He scurried across the ceiling and to the other side of the room. I was willing to leave the critter alone, and let the cats chase him around. Until I walked over to the wall where the cats were meowing at how unfair it was that they couldn’t quite reach it… and… the horror!.. it jumped. _Jumped_. Off the wall. And landed on my sock. I screamed. The cats screamed. My husband screamed. And yes, the spider screamed. (that’s for **Aesiron** , who seemed to enjoy the bee who screamed in another tale I posted - apologies for the repeat “joke”, but I’m trying to stick to the facts, here. And so the spider screamed.) Seriously, I thought jumping spiders was a myth. A Hollywood tall tale to scare you more in spidery movies. But then again, I thought the ice cream man was invented, too, until I heard the tinkling bells outside the apartment one day. But that was pleasant, like finding out Santa Claus was real. This was horrendous, like _spiders that can jump_. Great leaping arachnids, Batman. I squished that spider _good_. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-i-am-so-sad/306191/11 "2005-05-31T17:14:44Z")
Now I just _have_ to spray a spider with hairspray and get a lighter, just to see what happens! _shakes fist at **Hal Briston** _ ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-i-am-so-sad/306191/12 "2005-05-31T18:05:29Z")
> [@Anastasaeon](#): > > Seriously, I thought jumping spiders was a myth. A Hollywood tall tale to scare you more in spidery movies. I still can’t figure out why some spiders haven’t evolved a pair of wings out of one set of legs. Insects do fine with only s legs & a pair of wings. Maybe this is proof of a beneficient god? I for one would leave the planet if spiedeys got airborne. Can you imagine? Aerial ombats with spiders chasing flies, getting close & then firing of some web to knock 'em outta the air…cool. And very _not_ cool. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-i-am-so-sad/306191/13 "2005-05-31T18:06:42Z")
‘s’ of course, being the latin character for ‘6.’ :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Flander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8c91f0/32.png) [@Flander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flander)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-i-am-so-sad/306191/14 "2005-05-31T20:32:17Z")
> [@Inigo Montoya](#): > > I still can’t figure out why some spiders haven’t evolved a pair of wings out of one set of legs. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! If that happens, I’m finding all the agent orange and AquaNet hair spray I can find on ebay and living in a fucking bubble.