# Oh, just go to hell now, Mr. Creationist Biology teacher. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 31, 2008, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-just-go-to-hell-now-mr-creationist-biology-teacher/435762 "2008-01-31T20:15:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2008, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-just-go-to-hell-now-mr-creationist-biology-teacher/435762/1 "2008-01-31T20:15:25Z")
Jesus fucking Christ! I, I’m sure many of you know, bent over backwards giving this fuckwit the benefit of the doubt in [this recent thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=453126) about the possibility of my bio teacher not believing in evolution (and not having a syllabus prepared, as \*\*susan \*\*feels that’s the far greater crime. 😉 ) Anyhow, back on Saturday, he told us he’d email the syllabus, along with a picture of “an ecosystem” that he wanted us to write about. Now, at this point, all he taught us about an ecosystem is “cells make up tissues, tissues make up organs, organs make up systems and individuals, individuals make up populations, populations make up ecosystems and ecosystems make up biospheres.” What, exactly, he wanted us to write beyond that was unclear. Sunday…Monday…Tuesday…Wednesday…no email. So I emailed him last night with a politely worded email that I didn’t know if maybe I wrote down the wrong email address or not, but I still haven’t gotten the syllabus or picture for the homework, and I’d really like to get on it, so if he could maybe sorta **DO HIS FUCKING JOB** I’d really appreciate it. (okay, I didn’t say that bolded part.) About an hour ago, I got the following email, as a group email (meaning no, he hadn’t sent it to the wrong email, he just hadn’t done it yet.): > [@](#): > > Hi All: Pl find enclosed the cartoon of the ecosystem that I wanted you all to elaborate on and write your thoughts about it. Pl note that there is no book for the labs and we will learn some of the basics about , microscope,weight and measurements. > > best wishes > > [Fuckwit McFuckerston], PhD Pl note that there was no mention of, nor attachment of, a syllabus. Just so \*\*susan \*\*knows. 😉 Are ya ready for this? [Here’s the picture.](http://www.flickr.com/photos/9460062@N07/2232610507/) (sorry for the size and quality, he sent it as a .pdf and I converted it to a bitmap using ancient PrintShop software. I’m sure there was a better way to do it, but I don’t know how.) Here’s a rough transcript of my thoughts while looking at the picture: > [@](#): > > What? > > What the fuck? > > What the fuckety fuck? On first glance, it appears as if it was painted by Napoleon Dynamite, only he left off the unicorn horns. On second glance, one notices the unlikely combination of ripe apple, grapes and roses, and wonders why the brown horse is smelling the white horse’s ass while a lion is half a leap away. On third glance, one might notice the nekkid couple in the mid background, count the animals, make note of their pairedness, and conclude that this is A FUCKING PAINTING OF THE GARDEN OF EDEN!!! And a rather shitty one at that, to the eye of this non-art history major. I expected to see it signed in the corner by Brandi-with-an-i, only with a little heart instead of a dot over the i. :rolleyes: What on earth would you write about with this picture? Have fun with it. Help me vent here, since I can’t there. Here’s my boring, almost snark-free answer, lest anyone think I’m asking for homework help; I hope he doesn’t expect more than two paragraphs, 'cause I don’t know what else to drain out of this corpse: > [@](#): > > While this painting is entirely laughable for it’s biological and natural inaccuracies, as a cartoon we can see the components of an ecosystem on display. A natural water source with clouds in the sky indicate a water cycle, wherein water evaporates from the river, losing many contaminates to the distillation process, gathers in cloud formations and then condenses to fall again as clean water. This water dissolves minerals and brings nutrients to the cells of the plants and animals we can see, including grasses, trees, and vines (let us attempt to overlook the fact that ripe apples, grapes and roses are incompatible in nature due to their different growth seasons.) Herbivores such as horses and deer and some insects feed on the plants and small omnivores such as the…I’m not sure what they’re supposed to be - really big shrews? Really small capybaras?..feed on the plant matter and one another. Larger omnivores like the humans and carnivores like the lions feed on these herbivores and small omnivores, and the omnivores also feed directly on some of the plants. When these omnivores and carnivores die, their bodies feed both scavengers and, when decomposed, feed the plants and trees. > > My thoughts are that while this is a pretty picture of a religious myth, it is, in fact, a terrible illustration of a working ecosystem. There are far too many creatures in a small area for the resources to be stable, there are animals standing in proximity that do not share habitats in nature, predator and prey behaving in completely unnatural manners, and plants at stages of development that are never contemporaries in nature. ---
**Author:** ![UncleRojelio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unclerojelio/32/3160_2.png) [@UncleRojelio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleRojelio)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2008, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-just-go-to-hell-now-mr-creationist-biology-teacher/435762/2 "2008-01-31T20:20:23Z")
[QUOTE=WhyNot] Here’s my boring, almost snark-free answer … [/QUOTE] Bravo! ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2008, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-just-go-to-hell-now-mr-creationist-biology-teacher/435762/3 "2008-01-31T20:39:54Z")
I felt it appropriate that I have Lynyrd Skynyrd playing in my head while I read your thread. The picture looks a Paint by Numbers, which suggests your next assignment will be a Paint by Deuteronomy. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2008, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-just-go-to-hell-now-mr-creationist-biology-teacher/435762/4 "2008-01-31T20:43:07Z")
_laughable for **its**._ No apostrophe. I think you need to share this assignment with the dean. Holy cow. I love your response though. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Call\_Me\_Shirley](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Don\_t\_Call\_Me\_Shirley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Call_Me_Shirley)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2008, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-just-go-to-hell-now-mr-creationist-biology-teacher/435762/5 "2008-01-31T20:43:09Z")
What did you think was going to happen when you attended Bob Jones University? What? Oh. Never mind. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2008, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-just-go-to-hell-now-mr-creationist-biology-teacher/435762/6 "2008-01-31T20:43:27Z")
Friendly edit: Your answer has “it’s” for “its” in the first line. You might also add that the horses are a good example of a creature whose appearance has been altered by selective breeding, mimicking natural selection which is the mechanism by which evolution occurs. The painting also illustrates creatures who evolved in rather disparate ecosystems: I see horses (large plains herbivores), macaws (South American jungle birds), humans (African savannah), swans (none of the above)… ---
**Author:** ![Trollhaugen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/43a26b/32.png) [@Trollhaugen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trollhaugen)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2008, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-just-go-to-hell-now-mr-creationist-biology-teacher/435762/7 "2008-01-31T20:44:19Z")
My (insert leader of religious myth here), what the hell is that all about. I think your answer is pretty good considering the insanity of the picture, but it is certainly not snark free. If you turn that in you should have a pretty good read on if the prof will grade down due to a difference in belief. Good luck to you. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2008, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-just-go-to-hell-now-mr-creationist-biology-teacher/435762/8 "2008-01-31T20:49:08Z")
Maybe he’s testing to see who the idiot creationists are. Maybe next Saturday, he’ll call off the names of everyone who approved of the picture and tell them they’re too stupid to do anything but drool. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2008, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-just-go-to-hell-now-mr-creationist-biology-teacher/435762/9 "2008-01-31T20:53:09Z")
As a biology professor, I want to apologize on behalf of all those in my profession. You are being screwed. Sorry to put it so bluntly, but hearing about biology profs teaching this way makes me angry and frustrated beyond words. I wish I could invite you into my class. It’s a good class- we’d have fun. To be honest, you have cause to go to the chair to ask what the hell is going on. You have to go to nursing school and work in the medical environment and are not being prepared. Realistically, complaining won’t do much good. The chair has heard it beofre, I’m sure. Try to get through the class and learn the material and hold your head high- you’re the better scientist already. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2008, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-just-go-to-hell-now-mr-creationist-biology-teacher/435762/10 "2008-01-31T20:56:24Z")
I don’t Parrots and Penguins belong in the same ecosystem. ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2008, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-just-go-to-hell-now-mr-creationist-biology-teacher/435762/11 "2008-01-31T20:56:41Z")
A jehovah’s witness tries to force one of these on me each time they knock on my door. It’s looks like a picture straight out of The Watchtower. ---
**Author:** ![Squink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5e925/32.png) [@Squink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Squink)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2008, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-just-go-to-hell-now-mr-creationist-biology-teacher/435762/12 "2008-01-31T20:56:53Z")
[QUOTE=lieu] The picture looks a Paint by Numbers, which suggests your next assignment will be a Paint by Deuteronomy. [/QUOTE] It’s at the [Victoria and Albert Museum:](http://images.vam.ac.uk/indexplus/result.html?_IXFIRST_=1&_IXSS_=_IXFIRST_%3d1%26_IXINITSR_%3dy%26%2524%253dIXID%3d%26_IXACTION_%3dquery%26%2524%253dIXOBJECT%3d%26_IXMAXHITS_%3d15%26%252asform%3dvanda%26%2524%253dIXNAME%3d%26_IXSESSION_%3dufL4coTc5fv%26%2524%253dIXPLACE%3d%26_IXadv_%3d0%26search%3dsearch%26%2524%253dIXMATERIAL%3d%26%2524%253ds%3dbrueghel%26%2524%253dop%3dAND%26_IXFPFX_%3dtemplates%252ft%26%2524%253dsi%3dtext%26%2524%253dIXFROM%3d%26%2524%253dIXTO%3d&_IXACTION_=query&_IXMAXHITS_=1&_IXSR_=r8Dgx8JnyYn&_IXSPFX_=templates%2ft&_IXFPFX_=templates%2ft) > [@](#): > > Title > The Garden of Eden; in the background The Temptation > Date > ca. 1600 (painting (image-making)) > Techniques > oil on oak panel > Artist/designer > Brueghel, Jan (the Elder), born 1568 - died 1625 (painters (artists)) > Place > Antwerp (city), Belgium (painting (image-making)) ---
**Author:** ![wolf\_in\_second\_hand\_clothing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/9d8465/32.png) [@wolf\_in\_second\_hand\_clothing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_in_second_hand_clothing)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2008, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-just-go-to-hell-now-mr-creationist-biology-teacher/435762/13 "2008-01-31T20:56:58Z")
Wrong! What are these “carnivores” and “omnivores” that you speak of? There was no death in the Garden of Eden, everything ate apples and grapes. Also, where are the dinosaurs? ---
**Author:** ![fatgail](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fatgail/32/7285_2.png) [@fatgail](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fatgail)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2008, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-just-go-to-hell-now-mr-creationist-biology-teacher/435762/14 "2008-01-31T20:58:15Z")
Wait. WAIT… **WAIT**. Before we go any further, I’m going to have to ask who’s name is **RHIANNON DREAMSNAKE**. Is that YOU or the Professor? Respect hangs in the balance. Also, I now have a brand spanking new definition of cartoon! ---
**Author:** ![Sarahfeena](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarahfeena/32/519_2.png) [@Sarahfeena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarahfeena)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2008, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-just-go-to-hell-now-mr-creationist-biology-teacher/435762/15 "2008-01-31T20:58:28Z")
This guy sounds like a loon, he really does. I’d be tempted to turn the assignment around, and explain why this ISN’T a good example of an ecosystem. ---
**Author:** ![Ravenman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ravenman/32/2929_2.png) [@Ravenman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ravenman)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2008, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-just-go-to-hell-now-mr-creationist-biology-teacher/435762/16 "2008-01-31T20:58:36Z")
You may want to point out that the water source apparently is tainted with Rohypnol, which would explain why the scene does not depict the carnage…er… “circle of life” that would ensue with so many predators being within such close proximity of their prey. Obviously, every animal in that picture is stoned out of their fucking minds. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2008, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-just-go-to-hell-now-mr-creationist-biology-teacher/435762/17 "2008-01-31T21:06:29Z")
Of course, if it really is Eden, the carnivores were vegetarians, as there was no death before The Fall. **WhyNot** , I feel for you. I was an older adult college student. It sucks that you can’t drop the course. Even if you have to keep your head down now, I hope that you will make some noise after the class is over. I had to go to the Dean of Students over one of my professors, but at least my voice was heard. ---
**Author:** ![Defensive\_Indifference](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/defensive_indifference/32/6502_2.png) [@Defensive\_Indifference](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Defensive_Indifference)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2008, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-just-go-to-hell-now-mr-creationist-biology-teacher/435762/18 "2008-01-31T21:06:50Z")
Perhaps it’s a petting zoo? The naked people don’t want to tear their clothes. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2008, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-just-go-to-hell-now-mr-creationist-biology-teacher/435762/19 "2008-01-31T21:08:05Z")
What surprises me - aside from the heavy-handed religious overtones - is that this assignment is being set for _adults_. For, presumably, a degree. Did you accidentally enroll in elementary school? Love your response. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2008, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-just-go-to-hell-now-mr-creationist-biology-teacher/435762/20 "2008-01-31T21:08:54Z")
[QUOTE=Zebra] I don’t [think] Parrots and Penguins belong in the same ecosystem. [/QUOTE] That’s a [great auk](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Auk), I think, which provides another nice opportunity for a non-Creationist spin on things. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-just-go-to-hell-now-mr-creationist-biology-teacher/435762.md?page=2)