# "Oh, Mr. De Mille, I'm NOT Ready For My Close-Up!" **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 6, 2004, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-mr-de-mille-im-not-ready-for-my-close-up/238556 "2004-04-06T15:09:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-mr-de-mille-im-not-ready-for-my-close-up/238556/1 "2004-04-06T15:09:50Z")
I was interviewed for two documentaries (one on the history of burlesque, one on silent-film star Olive Thomas) and I received rough cuts of both videos this week. And _yikes_, but I am one fat, ugly old broad! OK, that’s a bit harsh, let me rephrase. I am not as photogenic as the burlesque and silent-move beauties I am talking about. And extreme close-ups do no favor to my hawklike (umm, dowager Empress-like) nose and my plentitude of chins. “Oh, stop—you come off as chic and intelligent and well-spoken, so what if you don’t look like Nicole Kidman? So what if you look like the unholy offspring of Fanny Brice and Frank Zappa?” Anyone else ever seem themselves onscreen or on TV and go “_Jesus_, who the hell is _that?!_” ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-mr-de-mille-im-not-ready-for-my-close-up/238556/2 "2004-04-06T15:20:14Z")
While I’ve never been fortunate enough to have anyone actually want to record anything I have to say, one of my in-laws likes to take unflattering pictures of everyone at family gatherings. My god…I actually gasped out loud upon seeing some of them. Luckily, my fright shots weren’t quite as bad as the “Fat Ass” shots he took of the other women, including his _wife_ and _daughter_. I’d have beaten him within an inch of his life if he was my husband. But I’ve seen pictures of you from last year’s graveyard stroll, and you are way too hard on yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-mr-de-mille-im-not-ready-for-my-close-up/238556/3 "2004-04-06T15:29:06Z")
When I was making student films (well, student _videos_), I quickly learned not to let any of my talent see any of the footage before editing was complete. I don’t think _anyone_ likes the way they look on camera, and of course if you don’t have professional quality equipment the effect is even less pleasant. “I’m a ghoul!” were the exact words of one of my friends. If it’s any comfort to you, I’ve read interviews with drop-dead-gorgeous movie stars who said they couldn’t watch their own work without thinking about how ugly they looked. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-mr-de-mille-im-not-ready-for-my-close-up/238556/4 "2004-04-06T15:37:38Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > I was interviewed for two documentaries (one on the history of burlesque, one on silent-film star Olive Thomas) and I received rough cuts of both videos this week. And _yikes_, but I am one fat, ugly old broad! > > Anyone else ever seem themselves onscreen or on TV and go “_Jesus_, who the hell is _that?!_” I was on a TV quiz show as a kid and was horrified when it was shown. I have had the same experience with tapes of my speaking voice - Richard Burton it ain’t. Now I can achieve shock at my appearance by glancing sideways while walking past any reflective surface. I don’t go swimming for fear of Ahab and harpoons. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-mr-de-mille-im-not-ready-for-my-close-up/238556/5 "2004-04-06T15:57:53Z")
Of course, it didn’t help that I was talking about the incredibly gorgeous [Olive Thomas](http://www.silentladies.com/PThomas1.html) while they had an extreme close-up of _my_ mug. Oh, I know I am a perfectly presentable middle-aged lady, and I don’t _want_ a wee little nosey, and I’m not _that_ much overweight . . . But it was a bit of a stunner to the central nervous system to see two videos of myself and realize, gee, I’m looking more and more like Edna May Oliver with every passing day . . . ---
**Author:** ![rjk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ed655f/32.png) [@rjk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjk)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-mr-de-mille-im-not-ready-for-my-close-up/238556/6 "2004-04-06T16:08:40Z")
I saw the pics **Kalhoun** mentions, and you are certainly far better-looking than “perfectly presentable”. Now if you look at my old high-school pics … ---
**Author:** ![Ashes\_Ashes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/db5fbb/32.png) [@Ashes\_Ashes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashes_Ashes)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-mr-de-mille-im-not-ready-for-my-close-up/238556/7 "2004-04-06T16:12:51Z")
Goodness, yes, I look absolutely horrible on film. I majored in photography and hung around a photo studio and am still amazed at the difference lighting makes though. After good lighting, there’s also something that some folks have that makes them come alive on film. Rather plain women would come in, we’d fiddle with the lights and they would be not just beautiful, but more alive and compelling. It was being on paper or video that somehow changed them. Old fashioned star quality that I definitely don’t have. I try not to beat myself up since the vast majority of the public doesn’t have it either. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-mr-de-mille-im-not-ready-for-my-close-up/238556/8 "2004-04-06T16:14:38Z")
> [@rjk](#): > > Now if you look at my old high-school pics … Hell, if you look at _my_ old high-school pics . . . ! ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-mr-de-mille-im-not-ready-for-my-close-up/238556/9 "2004-04-06T16:16:40Z")
Eons ago, the A Capella Choir in my high school recorded a concert to be shown on Christmas Eve. It was a 30 minute concert, so along with lots of group footage, they made sure they got everyone in at least one closeup. I almost didn’t recognize myself - that great round face was mine?? :eek: It was one of the few times I saw the resemblance to my dad’s side of the family very clearly. And it didn’t help that I insisted on wearing my hair straight and parted down the middle as was so fashionable in the early 70s. Plus they caught me with my mouth wide open singing “Aaaaahh” - probably part of an allelujah. No doubt that recording has been long destroyed… ---
**Author:** ![gum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bbe5ce/32.png) [@gum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gum)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-mr-de-mille-im-not-ready-for-my-close-up/238556/10 "2004-04-06T16:20:21Z")
I’ve seen some pics of you, **Eve**. You’re one sexy lady. I love your eyes and hair. Nothing wrong with your nose either. I couldn’t see your figure very well, but what I saw looked _good_. Congratulations on the interviews. btw: Did you know that everyone seems a size larger on video? ---
**Author:** ![Engel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/53a042/32.png) [@Engel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Engel)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-mr-de-mille-im-not-ready-for-my-close-up/238556/11 "2004-04-06T16:59:04Z")
> [@](#): > > Did you know that everyone seems a size larger on video? Heh. I’ve seen pictures of myself where my first thought was (to paraphrase “Friends”) “If the camera adds 10 pounds, how many cameras were on me?” :eek: **Eve** , I’ve seen pictures of you and I think you’re quite beautiful! I saw a picture of you on your website, and you remind me of my aunt, so I’ll take no lip from you, missy! 😉 But I sympathise. I usually hate how I look in pictures, and I especially hate how I tend to look on film. Thankfully I’ve been going through a fairly photogenic phase lately, and I haven’t been videotaped in a long time, so my ego is slowly starting to recover. 😃 One thing I want to know is, how does it work where you look at yourself in the mirror and you’re apparently wearing a very flattering outfit. But when you get your pictures back you look like Quasimoto’s less-attractive sister??? I recently had a blouse that I **thought** was flattering, sexy, and very stylish, which I wore to a family function. When I got the pictures back I was horrified at the results…and promptly put the blouse in the “Give To Goodwill” bag. :eek: Engel ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-mr-de-mille-im-not-ready-for-my-close-up/238556/12 "2004-04-06T17:02:15Z")
Thanks for all the compliments, but believe me, in close-up, on video . . . _Not_ a pretty sight. I guess it could be worse, I could have that Joan Rivers “monkey in a wind tunnel” look . . . ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-mr-de-mille-im-not-ready-for-my-close-up/238556/13 "2004-04-06T17:19:38Z")
Anybody ever read one of **Eve’s** comments and then one of their own and say _“Jesus, what the hell was that?!”_ ---
**Author:** ![NicePete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ee7513/32.png) [@NicePete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NicePete)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-mr-de-mille-im-not-ready-for-my-close-up/238556/14 "2004-04-06T17:52:21Z")
I’m looking forward to seeing my overweight self on national television in three weeks. I have lost 15 pounds since then… ---
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-mr-de-mille-im-not-ready-for-my-close-up/238556/15 "2004-04-06T18:07:44Z")
There’s a right way and a wrong way to do a closeup. Zooming is good, dollying up so the camera is in the subject’s nose is bad. It’s all about perspective and that is determained by camera distance. Get too close and the apparent size of near facial features is exxagerated. Not a lot but enough to be unflattering. In still photography a common mistrake is to try to shoot headshots with a normal lens (50mm on a 35mm film camera). Of course no lens can keep my ass from looking like an oil drum when I’m being filmed from behing. They say the camera adds ten pounds but for me it isn’t a significant percentage. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-mr-de-mille-im-not-ready-for-my-close-up/238556/16 "2004-04-06T18:12:59Z")
I’m reminded of Tallulah Bankhead’s words: “If they shot Shirley Temple through gauze, they should shoot _me_ through linoleum!” . . . I look like Madame put on weight after Waylon Flowers died . . . ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-mr-de-mille-im-not-ready-for-my-close-up/238556/17 "2004-04-06T18:44:57Z")
As long as you don’t look like someone has his forearm stuffed up your backside, you should be fine. I take all the photos for family events and such. Why? To avoid being _in_ the photographs. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-mr-de-mille-im-not-ready-for-my-close-up/238556/18 "2004-04-06T18:46:54Z")
Gods, yes, happens to me all the time. I see pictures or home movies and my charmingly warm and fluffy appearance has been rendered walrusesque by the cruelties of film. ---
**Author:** ![ShelliBean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f9ae1b/32.png) [@ShelliBean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShelliBean)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-mr-de-mille-im-not-ready-for-my-close-up/238556/19 "2004-04-06T21:03:55Z")
> [@Engel](#): > > One thing I want to know is, how does it work where you look at yourself in the mirror and you’re apparently wearing a very flattering outfit. But when you get your pictures back you look like Quasimoto’s less-attractive sister??? I recently had a blouse that I **thought** was flattering, sexy, and very stylish, which I wore to a family function. When I got the pictures back I was horrified at the results…and promptly put the blouse in the “Give To Goodwill” bag. :eek: > > Engel Happened to me, too. I had a cute little shirt I bought at the thrift store that I used to wear alot. I thought it looked cute and fit perfectly. And then I wore it to my boyfriend’s Thanksgiving family dinner. They take lots of pictures there and a couple months later we were visiting his mother when I noticed the picture on the refrigerator. The “cute, wonderfully fitting” shirt made me about 8 sizes larger. They all stood around and said “Damn! You look so fat in this!” and I’m not that big a girl in person! It was just that big of a change. I haven’t worn it since. My future plans include photographing myself in every outfit before it is worn in public. ---
**Author:** ![cards](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecd19e/32.png) [@cards](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cards)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-mr-de-mille-im-not-ready-for-my-close-up/238556/20 "2004-04-06T21:15:56Z")
**Eve,** be glad it wasn’t HDTV. People could look deep into your pores! :eek: [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-mr-de-mille-im-not-ready-for-my-close-up/238556.md?page=2)