# Oh, My Freaking God! (Looong!) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 13, 2003, 7:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-freaking-god-looong/188128 "2003-07-13T07:55:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 23
**Author:** ![White\_Ink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c0e974/32.png) [@White\_Ink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/White_Ink)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2003, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-freaking-god-looong/188128/441 "2003-08-07T23:33:23Z")
[delurk] Does that mean that part of **Wyatt** is cool and everything, and the other part is but… ? or how does that work? [/delurk] ---
**Author:** ![Simple\_Dreamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@Simple\_Dreamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simple_Dreamer)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2003, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-freaking-god-looong/188128/442 "2003-08-07T23:38:18Z")
So, I’m curious… what constitutes a good tummy? I’ve heard you meantion this more than once Dave. _wonders if my tummy would qualify as “good”_ ---
**Author:** ![Wyatt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b19c9b/32.png) [@Wyatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wyatt)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2003, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-freaking-god-looong/188128/443 "2003-08-07T23:38:44Z")
**Wyatt** leans HARD on the tiller to steer the good ship OM’Fing’G back nearer to its _primary_ topic. ---
**Author:** ![Simple\_Dreamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@Simple\_Dreamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simple_Dreamer)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2003, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-freaking-god-looong/188128/444 "2003-08-07T23:44:22Z")
ROFL Wyatt, both ya’ll are gonna have to lean way harder than that. ---
**Author:** ![Wyatt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b19c9b/32.png) [@Wyatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wyatt)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-freaking-god-looong/188128/445 "2003-08-08T00:06:27Z")
Perfect, **Simple Dreamer**! We’ll start a personal evaluation service, sorta a “new-age-self-awareness” kinda thing! All you gals email pictures of your tummies to **Davebear** , **Wyatt** and **Robot Arm** , the ‘monk boys,’ and for Absolutely No Charge, What so Ever, we’ll each send you our very own personal evaluation and rating of your tummy, and whether or not we think **D.Bear** would enjoy running his tender, yet strong, sensitive fingers across your tummy, whilst nibbling on your neck, and tracing your the lobe of your ear with the tip of his tongue … whoops, got carried away there … And, **Tanookie** , you’re welcome, of course, to send in before and after _“your shelves got hung”_ pictures! and **Wyatt** Looses his grip on the tiller and the Good Ship OM F’ing G spins away, her direction at the mercy of the tides … Ya know, **D.Bear** if you can get That idea floating for a 22 page thread, we’ll be “having to look at and evaluate” a LOT of photos!!! What civic minded generous guys, the three of us are, dedicated to charity and all! Heck, we might even have to suffer through photos that showed Other body parts, trying to influence our evaluations! _sigh_ Oh, the humanity of it … the generosity of spirit … ---
**Author:** ![Wyatt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b19c9b/32.png) [@Wyatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wyatt)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-freaking-god-looong/188128/446 "2003-08-08T00:13:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by White Ink \* > \*\*[delurk] > > Does that mean that part of **Wyatt** is cool and everything, and the other part is but… ? > [/delurk] \*\* LOL, I think you might be “on” to something, there, **White Ink**. That could explain quite a lot, here! … since you’ have relatively limited post numbers, allow me to pass along to you, things I’ve learned at the feet of my _Sensei_, the **Legendary D.Bear** , one must be careful about spelling and typos … there are 2 “t’s” in Butt … ---
**Author:** ![White\_Ink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c0e974/32.png) [@White\_Ink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/White_Ink)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-freaking-god-looong/188128/447 "2003-08-08T00:26:03Z")
Ahh… I try to keep my butt jokes purely self-referential. Anything else might end up unintentionally half-assed. Much like typos. but thanks for the tip! (one day I will have a sig, it will say “got ytpos?”) ---
**Author:** ![Davebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@Davebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davebear)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-freaking-god-looong/188128/448 "2003-08-08T00:34:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Optihut \* > \*\*Yes. You should start by not correcting your typos when you´re drunk. Hey, it worked for me 😛 \*\* But, then people might mistake me for Wyatt. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Maureen \* > \*\*FBMC: “Geez, mom. Relax. Davebear prolly still doesn’t have a date.” \*\* Fabulous! First a rebel without a clue invades my thread. Now, I’m being dissed by a snot-nosed kid. Maybe it **is** time to end this thread. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Robot Arm \* > \*\* Yo, Dave, you gonna let FBMC talk about you like that? \*\* Given that it’s a six hour flight, with no sex awaiting me at the end of it, I’m sorry to say that the answer is probably yes. Unless I can bribe Mr. Maureen to kick the little punk’s ass for me. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Wyatt \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > … having sex, which has never happened for me, without a relationship … > > GasP!!! N e v e r ? ? ? ? \*\* Well, I misspoke. (Another thing I do, both drunk and sober, along with unabashed flirting and correcting my typos. I think the kiss blowing was a first, though.) That should have read “has never happened for me, on a regular basis…” But, I actually haven’t had many one-night stands. I’ve been in relationships most of my adult life, and they were not the open kind of relationships. (Well, my first wife’s was, but I didn’t know that, at the time.) > [@](#): > > \*\* Uh, company party you forgot about … before the party? or forgot about after the 6th margarita? And … and … and … if ya forgot about the party, before the party, how’d you end up AT the party? And None of the women at the party got drunk enough for Patrick Stewartish (Stewartesk?) you to end up accidentally gettin’ non-relationshiply-(uh, to use Maureen’s word here)-laid? \*\* I forgot it was scheduled for yesterday, until someone at work reminded me. And, it was at the office, so it wasn’t hard to end up there. Actually, they rounded us up and shooed us to it. And, no, no interest whatsoever shown in me, other than the married lady already mentioned. Besides, I didn’t get so drunk as to forget what a horrible idea casual sex with a coworker can be. Almost as bad as sex with a coworker’s wife. I don’t date coworkers, either. > [@](#): > > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > I’m not actually either a “glass half full” or a “glass half empty” guy. It’s both! I can’t see it one way or the other… > > Must admit, this gets MUCH funnier now that we understand the “glass” was actually a pitcher… \*\* Glad ya liked it, but it wasn’t a joke. > [@](#): > > \*\*Uh, Careful, D.Bear a Mere 7 margarita capacity may not get you by, here!{see challenge to duel, page 7 this thread} \*\* I didn’t say 7 was my capacity. I just lost count, somewhere around there, not consciousness. That was before I got my paws on my very own pitcher. Prior to that, I had to wait in line, so it was slowing me down, a bit. > [@](#): > > \*\*Whaaaaat? All we get is “a nice response?” \*\* Yup. > [@](#): > > **Sh\*t, I’m supposed to have 3 Voices in there???** At least! The total depends on which _other_ voices are in town, on any given day. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Maureen \* > \*\* I shouldn’t grouse. He is now as engrossed in this thread as I am \*\* :rolleyes: > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by peritrochoid \* > \*\* You two look like a dangerous pair! \*\* Should I? Nah! 😃 > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Wyatt \* > \*\* SOooooo, BTW, Dave, we never really Got a description of Harmony’s tummy \*\* Noticed that, did ya? I’ll be. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by White Ink \* > \*\* Does that mean that part of Wyatt is cool and everything, and the other part is but… ? \*\* No. Two thirds of him is butt. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Simple Dreamer \* > \*\* So, I’m curious… what constitutes a good tummy? I’ve heard you meantion this more than once Dave. > > _wonders if my tummy would qualify as “good”_ \*\* Well, that could really be its own thread. But, for me, it means not too flabby or too fat (not necessarily the same), with silky soft skin, a nice innie (with or without jewelry), with smoothly flowing lines (no angular “boxy” hips protruding to ruin the flow), and either with or without that sexy little line of hair that some women have running from their navel on down. Washboard abs look interesting, but not very sexy. I think the key, for me, is that smoothly flowing concept. Anything that disrupts it is a negative. A little padding is fine, too. There should be some curve, there; just not too much. Sensitivity is good, but extreme ticklishness is not. Do you qualify? I don’t know. How would you actually look, in that little harem girl outift? 😃 > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Wyatt \* > \*\* Perfect, Simple Dreamer! We’ll start a personal evaluation service, sorta a “new-age-self-awareness” kinda thing! \*\* **STOP POSTING SO FAST! I can’t catch up!** Actually, I’m even _more_ of a butt fan (no, not _your_ type of butt, **Wyatt** ). If we could get _that_ evaluation service going…well, I’d probably never get to work, again. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Wyatt \* > \*\* there are 2 “t’s” in Butt … \*\* Beat me to it, dammit. Well, I’m leaving mine in here, anyway. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by White Ink \* > \*\* Ahh… I try to keep my butt jokes purely self-referential. Anything else might end up unintentionally half-assed. Much like typos. \*\* We don’t mind half-assed, around here. It’s the half-_wits_ that get on our nerves. 😛 Okay, **Wyatt** , start counting. 😉 And, you may now resume your previous frantic posting rate. ---
**Author:** ![White\_Ink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c0e974/32.png) [@White\_Ink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/White_Ink)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-freaking-god-looong/188128/449 "2003-08-08T00:56:32Z")
**D’b** Said: > [@](#): > > We don’t mind half-assed, around here. It’s the half-wits that get on our nerves. Why thankee, I’ll take that as a welcome. _courtesy_. I usually have at least two wits to rub together, although they don’t always generate a spark. Hopefully, I won’t let anyone down. ---
**Author:** ![Wyatt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b19c9b/32.png) [@Wyatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wyatt)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-freaking-god-looong/188128/450 "2003-08-08T01:15:48Z")
**17!!!** _with shiver_ **2** quotes embedded within quotes! Prostates himself at his legendary master’s feet, quivering with idolization … the courage … the style … ---
**Author:** ![Davebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@Davebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davebear)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-freaking-god-looong/188128/451 "2003-08-08T01:23:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by White Ink \* > \*\*Why thankee, I’ll take that as a welcome. _curtsey_. I usually have at least two wits to rub together, although they don’t always generate a spark. Hopefully, I won’t let anyone down. \*\* Oooh! We have a new player in the house! Welcome, indeed! You should have decloaked sooner, and more often. But, don’t worry about sparks. Even if “sparky” finally takes the hint and takes a hike, we’ve been known to generate a few sparks of our own. D’ja know that, for two wits, you could get a shave and a haircut? (C’mon! It’s not like you didn’t have plenty of warning.) Although, I’m guessing you don’t often go to a barber for a shave. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Wyatt \* > \*\*… the courage … the style … \*\* Not to mention the sheer hard work. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Simple\_Dreamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@Simple\_Dreamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simple_Dreamer)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-freaking-god-looong/188128/452 "2003-08-08T01:35:16Z")
> [@](#): > > Well, that could really be its own thread. But, for me, it means not too flabby or too fat (not necessarily the same), with silky soft skin, a nice innie (with or without jewelry), with smoothly flowing lines (no angular “boxy” hips protruding to ruin the flow), and either with or without that sexy little line of hair that some women have running from their navel on down. Washboard abs look interesting, but not very sexy. I think the key, for me, is that smoothly flowing concept. Anything that disrupts it is a negative. A little padding is fine, too. There should be some curve, there; just not too much. Sensitivity is good, but extreme ticklishness is not. > > Do you qualify? I don’t know. How would you actually look, in that little harem girl outift? Hmm… Gimme a few months and I _know_ I’d qualify… still getting back into shape after the last baby… but I **know** I’ve got a great ass. 😃 LOL Not that that really makes a difference for you Dave. Just needed to affirm that for myself 😉 As for the harem girl outfit… 😃😉 ---
**Author:** ![White\_Ink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c0e974/32.png) [@White\_Ink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/White_Ink)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-freaking-god-looong/188128/453 "2003-08-08T01:43:06Z")
and **Wyatt** indicated: > [@](#): > > Prostates himself at his legendary master’s feet, quivering with idolization … Ahem. Given that Mr. **(d)Bear** noticed something that you didn’t … > [@](#): > > Although, I’m guessing you don’t often go to a barber for a shave. I’ll go ahead and confirm that the proper way to address me is _Mistress_. And sadly, he is correct, I don’t go to the barber for a shave. Proper barbers don’t offer that service, but even if they did, I think it’d be way too expensive. Oh well, nothing like a a good ripping out by the roots to get rid of unsightly curlies. Ah well. This may be even too much of a hijack for such a well diversified thread. Carry on! ---
**Author:** ![Simple\_Dreamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@Simple\_Dreamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simple_Dreamer)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-freaking-god-looong/188128/454 "2003-08-08T01:46:09Z")
> [@](#): > > This may be even too much of a hijack for such a well diversified thread. Somehow I don’t think Dave will mind 😉 ---
**Author:** ![deb2world](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7cd45c/32.png) [@deb2world](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/deb2world)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-freaking-god-looong/188128/455 "2003-08-08T01:56:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Davebear \* > \*\* OOH! Can I play? I love big, loud toys! I’ll be your best friend! 😉 \*\* Of course you can play. **deb passes DB his very own Howitzer** So now bestest friend, let’s talk. What is your opinion of George Clooney, is he cute or not. Personally I vascillate on this subject. He was a doll in that military movie he did, but I didn’t particularly think he was attractive when he was on TV. Kotex or Tampons? I firmly believe men get PMS, of course you, being my new bestest friend have to agree. My officemate invariable get grumpy like once a month as regular as…maybe I just say he is regular. Did you seeeee the looks Wyatt has been giving you, heehee, isn’t he a cutie pie, what with being cute and everything, but. I would suggest we go to the movies but there aren’t any good chick flick out right now, so we will have to wait on that fun activity. TTFN My New Bestest Friend. (Dave, did you realize your initials have gain) ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-freaking-god-looong/188128/456 "2003-08-08T02:00:06Z")
aaaaaaaargh, **White Ink** , please don’t remind me of that ungodly pain! Bad enough when it happens, flashbacks are unnecessary. **Simple Dreamer** , I love those harem outfits. If you can belly dance, I’d be willing to pay good money for lessons… **Davebear** , the boy cannot help his 13yo attitude, although it earned him a place in his room tonight, having crossed the line with Mama Maureen. Soap works at 13 as well as it did at 6, happy to say. ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-freaking-god-looong/188128/457 "2003-08-08T02:04:06Z")
oooooh, but **Deb** , “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” is out on video, we can rent that and Steel Magnolias and watch from **Dave’s** couch. I bet he’d even let us paint his toenails. ---
**Author:** ![Simple\_Dreamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@Simple\_Dreamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simple_Dreamer)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-freaking-god-looong/188128/458 "2003-08-08T02:28:29Z")
**Maureen** , nope, can’t belly dance, but I hear it’s not only sexy but a great workout. 😃 Think I might like to learn. Sounds like a girl party at Dave’s house! I’ll bring a big batch of brownies and my all time fav movie _Dirty Dancing_. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Davebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@Davebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davebear)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 11:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-freaking-god-looong/188128/459 "2003-08-08T11:13:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Simple Dreamer \* > \*\*but I **know** I’ve got a great ass. 😃 LOL \*\* Ah, but you don’t have an official inspection sticker. Yet. 😉 > [@](#): > > \*\*Not that that really makes a difference for you Dave. \*\* Of _course_ it matters! Not enough to cause me to reject an otherwise attractive woman (I’m not _that_ insane!), but it matters. > [@](#): > > \*\*Just needed to affirm that for myself 😉 As for the harem girl outfit… 😃😉 \*\* Hmmm…maybe you really _are_ my Dream Girl. 😃 > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by White Ink \* > \*\*Proper barbers don’t offer that service, but even if they did, I think it’d be way too expensive. \*\* I can’t claim to be a “proper barber”, but I can offer you a great rate. 😉 > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Simple Dreamer \* > \*\*Somehow I don’t think Dave will mind 😉 \*\* 😃 (She knows me so well!) > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by deb2world \* > **deb passes DB his very own Howitzer** Yeeha! Time to rocket and roll! 😃 > [@](#): > > **So now bestest friend, let’s talk. What is your opinion of George Clooney, is he cute or not. Personally I vascillate on this subject. He was a doll in that military movie he did, but I didn’t particularly think he was attractive when he was on TV.** Oh, I think he’s cute, but I’ve heard he doesn’t treat women very well. So, as long as you’re only using him for sex, I’d say go for it. > [@](#): > > **Kotex or Tampons? I firmly believe men get PMS, of course you, being my new bestest friend have to agree. My officemate invariable get grumpy like once a month as regular as…maybe I just say he is regular.** Ew! Kotex are gross! Tampons, definitely! And, I’ve known guys like that, too. I think it’s the moon cycles. > [@](#): > > **Did you seeeee the looks Wyatt has been giving you, heehee, isn’t he a cutie pie, what with being cute and everything, but.** Hmph! As IF! > [@](#): > > **I would suggest we go to the movies but there aren’t any good chick flick out right now, so we will have to wait on that fun activity.** Direct quote from my Match profile; “I can even tolerate “chick flicks”, with enough cuddling.” > [@](#): > > **(Dave, did you realize your initials have gain)** Ooh! An engineering joke! Wanna ride gain on me, baby? They _are_ handy initials though, as witnessed by my (now dormant) consulting company DB[sup]3[/sup], aka DataBase Designs By DaveBear. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Maureen \* > \*\*aaaaaaaargh, White Ink, please don’t remind me of that ungodly pain! Bad enough when it happens, flashbacks are unnecessary. \*\* Ah, but soothing the pain is so much fun. 😛 > [@](#): > > **Simple Dreamer, I love those harem outfits. If you can belly dance, I’d be willing to pay good money for lessons…** Hell, I’d pay good money to _watch!_ and I’m not even a fan of belly dancing. All the belly dancers I’ve seen were …ummm… less than gorgeous, shall we say? And, I know **Wyatt** will be along, looking to scoop the video rights, soon. > [@](#): > > \*\*Davebear, the boy cannot help his 13yo attitude, although it earned him a place in his room tonight, having crossed the line with Mama Maureen. Soap works at 13 as well as it did at 6, happy to say. \*\* Soap? As in washing out his mouth? 😃 **Maureen, Deb, and Dreamer** , come on down! If you’re all wearing your belly dancing/harem girl outfits, you can watch and/or paint anything you want. I probably won’t even notice, till you’re gone. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Davebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@Davebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davebear)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-freaking-god-looong/188128/460 "2003-08-08T11:39:58Z")
Oh! I forgot the morning update. Things are looking up, with Harmony. She apparently like the email I sent, which contained a description of our first meeting that was uncannily similar to **Wyatt’s**. And, she asked where I “stand on oral sex”! 😃 Bahahahaha! Damn near choked on an ice cube! Anyone (or _every_one) wanna answer that one, for me? “Where do I stand? Where ever she wants me to!” I hope she wasn’t asking because she hates it. If she was, I think my reply will terminate that potential relationship, in a hurry. 😉 Oh, and I got my first two winks on Match. Of course, they’re both over 65 miles away. ☹ That’s worse than Hampton Beach! But, they both smoke. Maybe that’s how far from Boston you have to go before smoking becomes acceptable behavior, again. I’m not sure I want to get involved with another woman that far away, though. Oh, and an email from one lady who doesn’t even have a profile visible, which just said mine was among the best she’d seen. Dunno what that means. Just a fan of expository writing? Or, interested? :shrug: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-freaking-god-looong/188128.md?page=22) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-freaking-god-looong/188128.md?page=24)