Suck my Jagon
My doctor told me I have either amnesia or insomnia. I can’t remember which one, and it’s making me lose sleep.
I can’t listen to bodies of water, rain, or any of that either. For some reason water depresses me. I hate all bodies of water, shores of any stripe. The only places I can swim are indoor pools. I’d rather get wet in a rain, than listen to the water hitting an umbrella.
One exception is the sound of a humidifier. I’m not sure why. I had one in my room most nights when I was a little kid, before I was an insomniac, so I probably am just trained to fall asleep to it. I could never find the exact one I used as a child, but apparently I’m not the only person who falls asleep to the sound of a humidifier, because there are about 25 different 10-hr recordings on YouTube that one can play all night.
My white noise machine has a couple of different “fans” (it’s a 3cm x 10cm x 10cm blue box, with an on/off switch, a volume control, an on/off switch for a nightlight, and a front panel with 9 buttons of different noise choices; it plugs directly into an outlet, or into an adapter, if you want it in the middle of the room, say) though, and one sounds a lot like the humidifier I had as a kid, so that’s what I usually play. I’ve tried the humidifiers on YouTube, and they work, though. There are a couple of channels of various white noises-- guys who post a different mix of fans, running or boiling water, and other low-key appliances every couple of days.
Voices still work really well for me, though. But they need to be repetitive. Episodes of TV shows I’ve seen several times, or whatever.
Audiobooks that were new would never work; I’d get caught up in what was happening. Besides, I listen to audiobooks on long drives, and getting into the habit of falling asleep to them would not be a good idea.
Oddly, something boring, like a physics lecture or football game, wouldn’t work. It would make me crazy. Repetitive things that are engaging are not boring to me. It’s more like listening to the same piece of music for the 100th time-- but music I like. I’ve got a 10-hr playlist of Big Bang Theory episodes I like that I practically know by heart-- but they aren’t boring me to sleep. Familiarity is just soothing, I guess.
You too, huh? I seem to be starting one right now, with truly appalling timing; I’ve been off work (paid) since March, with almost nothing to do since May. I start back at work in person next week- and have an online training thingy tomorrow- so of course my body decides this is a smashing time to require about 14 hours of sleep a day, after months of barely sleeping.
Yup.
About the only time I needed “normal” amounts of sleep for an extended period of time was the third trimester of pregnancy, when I needed to sleep about nine hours a day, and I’d pass out, and stay out, except for getting up to pee, after which I’ go right back to sleep. Only problem was that I wanted to sleep from about 3am-noon. I quit working about halfway through pregnancy, because I was so screwed up from being off my insomnia meds.
For the first couple of months, it was just hell, then my OB said that Benadryl was a really safe pregnancy med. I’d go a couple days with 2-3 hours of sleep a night, then I’d take Benadryl, and get maybe 5 hours, but I’d crash so hard, it would feel like 10.
That’s one amazing thing about not sleeping for a long time. When you finally do sleep, you sleep REALLY efficiently. You might miss 12 hours of sleep over several days, but you don’t need to sleep 12 hours to make up for it. Even six hours can make you feel significantly better, if it’s twice as much as you’ve been sleeping at once.
I have a lot of trouble managing to stay asleep, so even on nights I slept 7 hours, it was really 1.5 + 1.5 + 1 + 2 + 1. At some point, and it’s often the last hour, I have REALLY vivid dreams, and then wake up suddenly not tired. Apparently, you get the kind of sleep that makes you feel refreshed when you dream.
YouTube has an amazing number of different 10 hour videos. I swear I saw one that was 10 hours of an art restorer chipping old varnish off of an old oil painting. Click - skritch - click - click.
Wow. If I ever need to test the effectiveness of an antipsychotic…
When my now-grown daughter was an infant, I made an hour-long cassette tape of the vacuum cleaner running to get her to sleep for any length of time. Best white noise ever for her.
In case you need it, here it is. Although it’s only 40 minutes. There’s also a regular version where he talks through the whole restoration.
Got maybe 90 minutes last night, all shallow no REM sleep. But I am in such excellent physical shape that I am still alert and active here this evening.
I’m not sure what being in physical shape has to do with it. I am in good physical shape, but it still gets me down.
The only advantage to starting out in physical shape is that a protracted bout, where you can’t work out due to exhaustion, is less of a set-back because you started ahead.
A car that’s out of gas won’t go, whether it’s a 2019 6-spd Audi with a turbo booster, or a 1963 VW Beetle 3-spd, missing a fender, and sticking in second, with different-sized tires.
I hear ya on the simple knowledge that you have a remedy, can often remove enough stress that you can relax and sleep without it. I have a bit of Sonata (zaleplon?) on hand for just that reason. I may take it 4 or 5 times a year - but just knowing it’s there helps.
Aside from all the usual advice about sleep hygiene, not lying awake in bed (getting up and doing something else) etc. which I’m sure you’ve heard hundreds of times, I got nothin’, except my sympathies. I’ve been severely sleep deprived like that only once or twice in my life and it truly sucked. The one time I ever had visual hallucinations was when I’d been awake for well over 48 hours with only brief snoozes, and finally I broke down and took the Sonata - had been holding off because I was down to my last dose. Then I didn’t put the computer down right away - which would normally not be a problem, but that evening… well, I’m pretty sure there was NOT a black-and-white sketch of a polar bear ambling across a blank part of the screen.
When I’m stressing, white noise will do nothing for me. I’ve mentioned this many times here, but something real to listen to does the trick. It has to be something interesting enough to keep my mind from latching onto stressors, but something not TOO interesting or it’ll demand my attention. There are a lot of podcasts that do the trick (history etc.) and audiobooks often do it for me.
Oh my gawd.
Was exhausted last night, and called in at work. Took all me meds, and my PRNs. Went to bed at 6:30, new, weighted blanket (second night with it-- it’s comforting, but the jury is still out on whether comforting = soporific); AC cranked; perfect snack; blood sugar at 90; soothing noise on white noise machine; got plenty of exercise during the day, but none in the last two hours. Watched some calming TV for an hour; read a book (The Shakespeare Claimants, engrossing, but have read before) while soaking in warm tub; then went to bed.
Short of taking morphine, I don’t know what else I could have done.
Fell asleep around 7:15. Woke up at 11.
Been awake since.
I have finished all the work I need to do for school preparation for a couple of weeks. I really can’t do anymore until I see where the kids are, because there will be too much redoing and backtracking otherwise.
Gotta be up at 5am. It is now 1:30am. That means taking zolpidem (Ambien) is out of the question. I could try Benadryl, or melatonin and half a clonazepam. That works sometimes.
The real problem is that I feel fine right now. I’m not at all tired. If I don’t get sleep now, while I have the chance, I will have that head-full-of-sand feeling set in by about 9am, and still have six hours of work ahead, including a drive across town during rush hour, which starts early on Fridays.
Calling into work two days ago was not a big deal, because I didn’t have a room assignment, and would either have been given busywork, or the option to go home, most likely, anyway, but today I have a room assignment.
I could not bake for Shabbat, and then I could set the alarm later.
Or I could go make the dough right now, and just leave it to rise like crazy until I get up-- it won’t matter that much-- then I can knead and braid it, which takes like 5 mintes, and put it in the fridge for second rise while I’m at work, and bake it when I get home. Maybe I’ll do that-- or even make the dough, and do something during the first rise (it’s only an hour), and then put it in the fridge. I suppose I could even take the dog out and shower while it rises. It’s awfully early to shower, and it will mean taking the dog out again while the bread bakes, which I don’t like to do-- leaving something in the oven while I’m out. But nothing has ever happened, and I’ve done it before. Showering and going back to bed? Is that allowed?
I need to do something besides post to the Dope and watch Law & Order reruns, though.
I have some favorite audiobooks that I have definitely been using for sleep aids lately. I don’t know why I never thought of it before. But, like you say, NEW would never work.
But now, I throw on one of my favorites, set my audible sleep timer for 15 minutes, and would venture to guess I’m generally out within five.
I sympathize completely though. I do go through terrible bouts of insomnia. And usually I wind up in a fugue state, where I’m just laying there, not asleep enough to rest, not awake enough to DO anything… one of the least desirable parts of life.
I want to believe everything is ok with you. Insomnia sucks, that is true. I have some advice which help to fall asleep easier. First of all you should make an ideal climate in the room where you sleep. I mean, you need fresh air, humidifier (if air in your house is dry), air purifier and conditioner if you need it. After that you need dark blackout curtains. It is really helpful to find a good meditation for you. I have several meditation courses and sometimes they help me to fall asleep in several minutes(it’s not a joke).
No offense, because I know you have good intentions, but I’ve been dealing with this my entire adult life, and you didn’t name anything I haven’t tried already, a long time ago.
Meditation does not do a thing for me. I have tried it several different ways, styles, in groups, by myself, during the day, right before bed, etc., etc. Doesn’t make a dent in things.
Have all sorts of climate controls in place. Babies in the NICU don’t have the climate control I have.
Just throw on some Cowboy Junkies.
I don’t have any advice or suggestions you haven’t already heard, (I play youtube play lists from a select few “science communicators” at low volume on my phone and like beckdawrek, I gave up and just sleep whenever I can) my insomnia isn’t as severe as yours either, but I do sympathize. I’ve had that pain. That whole body ache with the occasional sharp jab at random times and random body parts and a throat that feels like sandpaper brought on by lack of sleep. When I have a bad bout it’s worrisome because driving is an integral part of my job.
At least I tried. But yes, I sympathize you. I’d like to help with something, but I may just support you and to tell you to be brave and keep struggling with this problem. Please, inform us about the results.
Regards Carolina,
you may find me here: https://houseweather.org/
Also Jandek is good for the sleepytime too. 