# Oh my God, somebody call the Church Lady! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 31, 2001, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-god-somebody-call-the-church-lady/90671 "2001-10-31T06:03:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![rushtopher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e47774/32.png) [@rushtopher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rushtopher)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-god-somebody-call-the-church-lady/90671/21 "2001-10-31T14:30:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Joyfulgirl \* > \*\*… > That site (the masturbation one) has _got_ to be a joke. “Medical science proves that chronic Masturbation causes weakness, depression, forgetfulness and nearsightedness.” > \*\* Crap, I forgot what I was going to say, and I find it really hard to read those words again. Gosh can’t the Chicago Reader make the type bigger. I’m tired…and pathetic. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-god-somebody-call-the-church-lady/90671/22 "2001-10-31T14:54:18Z")
The testimony link appears to be broken, so I can’t read how spankin’ the monkey ruined some kid’s life. If Jesus rocks, why can’t He heal the Web page’s crappy construction? I mean, moving, blinking text and music on your Web page is so 1996. ---
**Author:** ![Waverly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/57b2e6/32.png) [@Waverly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waverly)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-god-somebody-call-the-church-lady/90671/23 "2001-10-31T15:19:14Z")
Hello. My name is Waverly. I am 30 years old. When I was in my 20’s, I went from being a sexual immoral young man headed strait to torment in fiery hell, to being a devout follower of the Big J. I used to engage in fellatio, cunnilingus, intercourse. I used to attempt to go from missionary to woman on top to doggie style without slipping out. I’d to it on the lawn, the floor, the counter top, the _bar_ top, _anywhere_… for hours at a time. I’ve used toys, honey, whipped cream, ropes, porn, candles, and various slippery substances. Who showed me the error of my ways? Who made me renounce sexuality to become a repressed, troubled, anxiety and guilt ridden adult? Jesus H. Christ. I can’t even masturbate anymore without thoughts of the J-man making me go limp. I want you to know that Jesus FUCKING ROCKS!- W :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![magdalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@magdalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magdalene)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-god-somebody-call-the-church-lady/90671/24 "2001-10-31T16:30:46Z")
Okay, I’m going to hell…I signed it too. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Pucette](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/278dde/32.png) [@Pucette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pucette)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-god-somebody-call-the-church-lady/90671/25 "2001-10-31T16:38:19Z")
Very funny, **magdalene**! **’Boobs** , please keep us in the loop if he emails you in outrage… ---
**Author:** ![Caiata](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e56c9b/32.png) [@Caiata](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caiata)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-god-somebody-call-the-church-lady/90671/26 "2001-10-31T16:48:55Z")
Is anyone else concerned by the sheer volume of people who popped into his guestbook to say how cool his site was? I have my speakers turned off so I didn’t have to hear the music (I get the feeling I’m lucky) … but scrolling text? Black background with bold white words? In Times New Roman font? Oh yes, how _very_ revolutionary! _twitch_ Come on. I barely know how to turn on my computer and _I_ can make a better page than that! ---
**Author:** ![Venoma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c4cdca/32.png) [@Venoma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Venoma)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-god-somebody-call-the-church-lady/90671/27 "2001-10-31T17:01:18Z")
ohboy. Someone posted the link to this thread in the guestbook. Run for it! We’re going to hell! ---
**Author:** ![Monster104](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Monster104](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monster104)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-god-somebody-call-the-church-lady/90671/28 "2001-10-31T17:20:57Z")
I contributed to his guest book as well. What a loser. And I see Satan has responded to Mr. Christianity. ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-god-somebody-call-the-church-lady/90671/29 "2001-10-31T17:29:43Z")
is it just me, or does the name “Jam with Ham” sound sexually immoral? Have you ever jammed the Ham? ---
**Author:** ![magdalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@magdalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magdalene)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-god-somebody-call-the-church-lady/90671/30 "2001-10-31T17:53:49Z")
Nah, Twisty, I prefer “shaking hands with the unemployed.” I wish someone hadn’t posted a link over here on his site. ---
**Author:** ![Oreo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/c57346/32.png) [@Oreo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oreo)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-god-somebody-call-the-church-lady/90671/31 "2001-10-31T18:08:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Monster104 \* > \*\* > And I see Satan has responded to Mr. Christianity. \*\* Was this THE Satan? I mean, not the red guy with horns and a fork, but the guy who used to post here? I guess I could just say Brian. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Bird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Little\_Bird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Bird)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-god-somebody-call-the-church-lady/90671/32 "2001-10-31T18:10:05Z")
I knew a girl in High School, she used to be one of my best friends, who decided God didn’t want her to kiss boys. Ever. Until marrage. She got kind of scary after that point. ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-god-somebody-call-the-church-lady/90671/33 "2001-10-31T18:18:08Z")
Yes, but was it all right for her to kiss girls? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![abuse\_angel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d07c76/32.png) [@abuse\_angel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/abuse_angel)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-god-somebody-call-the-church-lady/90671/34 "2001-10-31T18:22:35Z")
i can’t help but feel it’s a little bit childish for everyone to be ganging up on this kid. it’s one thing for fireunderpantsboob to be upset, to vent here, to confront him if she chooses. but it’s quite another for the members of the sdmb, a supposedly mature group of people, to descend on some stupid misguided kid and spam his guestbook unmercifully. fireunderpantsboob, it doesn’t seem to me that this guy is accusing _you_ of anything. i don’t understand why you are upset. isn’t it entirely possible that there is something you don’t know? and even if there’s not, if he’s not blaming anyone but himself, why do you care? if he’s happier this way, let him be. if he’s not, he’ll grow out of it. ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-god-somebody-call-the-church-lady/90671/35 "2001-10-31T18:49:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\*I wish someone hadn’t posted a link over here on his site. \*\* I suppose it’s only fair. He’s catching some fairly intense heat in his guestbook, it’s not right to leave him clueless as to “why”. [sup]Glad it wasn’t me, though.[/sup] ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-god-somebody-call-the-church-lady/90671/36 "2001-10-31T20:30:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Monster104 \* > \*\*I contributed to his guest book as well. > > What a loser. > > And I see Satan has responded to Mr. Christianity. \*\* No, Monster, I’m the loser. I wrote some really nice things in your guest book some time ago. I’m the loser for having written them. * * * FUB, Is it at all possible that the fellow, in the years that intervened after you dated him, met someone else or two or three or ten? And is this what you had hoped to accomplish? Having strangers crash his website and sling their feces all over his walls? I don’t know who linked back to this page, except that they were an angel of mercy. ---
**Author:** ![Joyfulgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f04885/32.png) [@Joyfulgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joyfulgirl)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-god-somebody-call-the-church-lady/90671/37 "2001-10-31T20:41:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by abuse angel \* > \*\*i can’t help but feel it’s a little bit childish for everyone to be ganging up on this kid. \*\* I kind of agree, as far as the guesbook goes. That much critiscism that quickly has got to hurt. But on the other hand, he did choose to voice his opinions on a _public_ webpage. And when you link a site to the TM, that site usually gets some criticism, along with huge amounts of traffic. I just hope he doesn’t take it out on **FireUnderpantsBoobs** for posting the link. ---
**Author:** ![abuse\_angel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d07c76/32.png) [@abuse\_angel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/abuse_angel)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-god-somebody-call-the-church-lady/90671/38 "2001-10-31T22:13:12Z")
well i was wondering if the spamming isn’t actually against board rules? those of you who were here for the left behind message board incident, remember how well that went over? isn’t this pretty much the same thing, only picking on someone smaller? ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-god-somebody-call-the-church-lady/90671/39 "2001-10-31T22:19:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Libertarian \* > No, Monster, I’m the loser. I wrote some really nice things in your guest book some time ago. I’m the loser for having written them. You’re right, Lib: because Monster got carried away by the moment, and joined in the piling-on in this kid’s guestbook, he’s no longer a nice guy, so you definitely shouldn’t have written good things in _his_ guestbook. I think that’s a pretty good system for morally evaluating one’s fellow human beings: find a moment where they don’t live up to your standards (they’re human; such a moment will have occurred), and judge them on the basis of it. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-god-somebody-call-the-church-lady/90671/40 "2001-10-31T22:24:19Z")
Where does he have a link to this board? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-god-somebody-call-the-church-lady/90671.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-my-god-somebody-call-the-church-lady/90671.md?page=3)