# Oh no! I've become that douche at Starbucks with the complicated drink **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 27, 2011, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508 "2011-07-27T17:16:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508/21 "2011-07-27T20:37:57Z")
> [@](#): > > Here’s my issue: I get a mocha (it’s my favorite thing) and most places that aren’t Starbucks put WAY. TOO MUCH. MILK. in it. Like, way way way too much. Obscenely so. It always ends up tasting like chocolate milk. So, while Starbucks might be bitterish, at least their bitter espresso actually tastes like espresso when mixed with the milk. That’s why I favor them. > > DD milk to espresso ratio is all off. Well, either that or their caffeine juice is too weak to be mixed with the milk. Panera doesn’t do an awful mocha, but it’s not amazing either. Surprisingly, the absolute best mocha I’ve ever had the pleasure of chugging was last week in Fiji of all places. Mmmm, delicious. I did take note of your comment that you don’t make your own coffee, but that has been my solution to this problem. I agree – there’s often far too much milk, and not enough umph in coffee. I use Gevalia in a french press and if I need mocha, then it gets a little squirt of Hershey’s extra dark choco syrup. The other bonus to making my own is there is an ample supply of Kaluha and Bailey’s at my house, neither of which I can get out at any of the places we’ve mentioned. 😉 If I’m on a road trip or something, I’ll take whatever I can get to get caffeine, grimacing and bitching the entire time I’m drinking my substandard, burnt, tastes-like-ass coffee. Hey, it beats a kick in the head. ---
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508/22 "2011-07-27T20:38:07Z")
Well, not exactly, although it did occur to me (5 minutes and 1 second after I hit enter) that my post may sound douchy. Can you get Coke at Starbucks? If you go to Sonic you can tell them you want a chocolate/cherry/coke with light ice. StG ---
**Author:** ![typoink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecb155/32.png) [@typoink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/typoink)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508/23 "2011-07-27T20:40:13Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > I was right there with you until you asserted that Starbuck’s coffee is tasty. And then your words ceased making sense. I think Starbucks tastes like ass, no matter where I get it. The coffee tastes like the beans were burnt and then the coffee is made too weak, so everything ends up tasting like vaguely burnt coffee flavored water. Bleargh. Dunkin Donuts has great coffee if there’s one near you. Just sayin’. Wait, what? I can understand coffee snobs putting down Starbucks, since their standard fare is overroasted and usually uninteresting, and their espresso drinks are generally mediocre. I can’t fathom complaining about Starbucks and praising Dunkin. Dunkin’s coffee is drinkable, but it’s bland and thin. The Pike Place Roast as Starbucks is handily better. ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508/24 "2011-07-27T20:51:37Z")
I’m sorry, but I have to take the cake here. My order at Starbucks is by far douchier than yours. It completely throws the barista off their game and makes them leave their station and go to another one where they have to work with equipment they don’t touch often and sometimes open specialized containers to fulfil. I order water.Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508/25 "2011-07-27T20:54:12Z")
> [@Mtgman](#): > > I’m sorry, but I have to take the cake here. My order at Starbucks is by far douchier than yours. It completely throws the barista off their game and makes them leave their station and go to another one where they have to work with equipment they don’t touch often and sometimes open specialized containers to fulfil. > > I order water.Enjoy, > Steven Strange. I get that all the time at Starbucks. They fill an iced, venti cup with ice and your special liquid, then hand it right over to me. ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508/26 "2011-07-27T20:59:16Z")
At mine they go get a plastic cup, go to the ice machine in the back of the bar, then open a fridge with gallon bottles to pour from. The straws are on the opposite side too. Other Starbucks may be laid out better, but it’s quite the production at the one I occasionally visit. Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![Jamaika\_a\_jamaikaiake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7993a0/32.png) [@Jamaika\_a\_jamaikaiake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jamaika_a_jamaikaiake)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508/27 "2011-07-27T20:59:39Z")
Does anyone else find that Starbucks finds a way to mess up a simple order surprisingly often? Or is this just for us tea drinkers? The thing is that they have really good black tea. In fact, it’s hard to find the strong shit I like in the US except for at Starbucks. I usually get “tall awake tea with lots of room.” (I put in a lot of whole milk) It’s just a bag and water in a cup. Easy? 1. They fill it up all the way and then pour out some of the water. This dilutes my poison. 2. They put 12 ounces in a grande (16oz) cup instead of 8 ounces in a tall (12oz) cup. (“This way you get more room!”) This dilutes my poison. 3. They just fill it all the way. Then I proceed to dilute _my own_ poison and drench their garbage so I can drink my poison with milkfat. Appendix. I don’t need 2 cups _and_ a sleeve thingy. Especially back when there was a staple in the teabag paper which the barrista would inevitably put _between the cups_ so that I couldn’t remove the bag without spilling precious poison all over myself. ---
**Author:** ![Claire\_Beauchamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ec9cab/32.png) [@Claire\_Beauchamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Claire_Beauchamp)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508/28 "2011-07-27T21:06:09Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > I’ve regularly go to Starbucks in two different states, four major metropolitan areas and none of them offer a skinny mocha. The reason is that Starbucks stopped making their “skinny” chocolate syrup a while ago. Are you _sure_ it’s an actual skinny mocha? They make skinny caramel and stuff, but not mocha. . . fuckers. Trust me, I’ve done serious research on this matter :D. Hmmm … when I was last at my SB a week and a half ago, it was still on the menu board. I’ll look when I go in on Sunday. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508/29 "2011-07-27T21:27:11Z")
> [@typoink](#): > > I can’t fathom complaining about Starbucks and praising Dunkin. Dunkin’s coffee is drinkable, but it’s bland and thin. The Pike Place Roast as Starbucks is handily better. It depends on what you like in coffee. In specific, I think it depends on how strongly you taste bitter and/or acidic flavors. I pick them up a lot more strongly than other people seem to, to the point that one of Starbucks’s candy-bar-in-a-cup drinks is still undrinkably bitter and acidic to me. Those aspects are so strong they cover up all the actual, you know, _coffee_ flavors. DD coffee isn’t great, but what you perceive as blandness comes through to me as a refreshing mildness that lets me really taste the coffee. ---
**Author:** ![chiroptera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508/30 "2011-07-27T21:34:36Z")
LOL. Quad shot grande caramel sauce latte, light on the caramel sauce. I sort of hate myself sometimes for being the sort of douche who asks for - nay, demands (I’ll return it if it isn’t done right) - a complex, foo-foo Starbucks confection. But there you go. I like it, it’s an occasional indulgence, I can live with being a douchebag sometimes. I also am picky about the coffee I buy for home use - Starbucks Sumatra, or from Peace Coffee or Freeds. Dunkin Donuts and Tim Hortons…ewww. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508/31 "2011-07-27T21:51:54Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > I did take note of your comment that you don’t make your own coffee, but that has been my solution to this problem. I agree – there’s often far too much milk, and not enough umph in coffee. I use Gevalia in a french press and if I need mocha, then it gets a little squirt of Hershey’s extra dark choco syrup. The other bonus to making my own is there is an ample supply of Kaluha and Bailey’s at my house, neither of which I can get out at any of the places we’ve mentioned. 😉 > > If I’m on a road trip or something, I’ll take whatever I can get to get caffeine, grimacing and bitching the entire time I’m drinking my substandard, burnt, tastes-like-ass coffee. Hey, it beats a kick in the head. I don’t like drinking coffee away from home, mrAru makes it exactly the way I like it, with coffee that tastes good. Starcrap has burnt weak nasty shit brown water they call coffee. Everywhere else they want to put lots of nasty crap in it and pretty much anything is jaw-wrenchingly sweet. We prefer to make our own coffee drinks. The [URL=“[http://www.mrcoffeecafefrappe.com/default.aspx](http://www.mrcoffeecafefrappe.com/default.aspx)”]cafe frapppe machine at home is also worlds cheaper. I may not be able to drink coffee any more [gives me heart palpitations and hypers my BP up too high] but stash makes a decaf chai that is amazing when turned into a hot or cold chai latte. _And_ i can use splenda in it. Chai lattes out in the world seem to always have way too much sugar in the syrup. ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508/32 "2011-07-27T23:27:59Z")
I’m going to pop this over to Cafe Society for you\* \*Sorry, moving to CS with extra mocha, whipped moving not available. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508/33 "2011-07-27T23:32:50Z")
Venti nonfat sugar-free caramel latte with an extra shot. Please. ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508/34 "2011-07-27T23:42:25Z")
I don’t drink coffee at all, but the OP made me laugh. ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508/35 "2011-07-28T00:03:11Z")
I just want black coffee. In this sort of coffee shop, this can be harder than you imagine - I **don’t** want an espresso with water! At least Starbucks has filter coffee, but I do sometimes get a surprised look for just wanting coffee… ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508/36 "2011-07-28T00:04:49Z")
> [@Sigmagirl](#): > > In a dirty glass. …with a hair in it. > [@Jamaika\_a\_jamaikaiake](#): > > The thing is that they have really good black tea. In fact, it’s hard to find the strong shit I like in the US except for at Starbucks. I usually get “tall awake tea with lots of room.” (I put in a lot of whole milk) It’s just a bag and water in a cup. Easy? No. If they give you a mf’ing **tea bag** , they may as well spit in your face! It is as if they gave all their coffee customers Sanka. Tea, lose or in a bag, needs to be hit with boiling water (some argue _nearly_ boiling). Handing you anything less than brewed tea is a rip-off and an insult to one of the worlds great beverages. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508/37 "2011-07-28T00:09:04Z")
> [@Steophan](#): > > I just want black coffee. In this sort of coffee shop, this can be harder than you imagine - I **don’t** want an espresso with water! At least Starbucks has filter coffee, but I do sometimes get a surprised look for just wanting coffee… It’s not hard at all to get black coffee at Starbucks. My brother-in-law drinks black coffee and has gone to Starbucks with me dozens of times. The exchange, nearly without fail, goes like this: BIL: Grande black coffee please. Barista: Grande black, that’ll be $\_\_\_\_. Have a nice day, sir. ---
**Author:** ![antonio107](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/7ea924/32.png) [@antonio107](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/antonio107)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508/38 "2011-07-28T00:18:20Z")
I order just a large Latte. It seems to throw off the Baristas. 😃 There was a phase when I had lost a little bit of weight from playing squash instead of eating lunch on my break (it’s usually my smallest meal of the day anyway), so I decided to treat myself to a whole milk latte, as the God you may or may not believe in intended. You have not LIVED until you’ve tried one of these. But this also seemed to be met with disgust with the baristas and my friends, who didn’t like to see me drink foam thick enough to shave with…yeah, I’m a glutton, what can I say? ^\_\_\_^ ---
**Author:** ![antonio107](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/7ea924/32.png) [@antonio107](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/antonio107)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508/39 "2011-07-28T00:19:46Z")
> [@Steophan](#): > > I just want black coffee. In this sort of coffee shop, this can be harder than you imagine - I **don’t** want an espresso with water! At least Starbucks has filter coffee, but I do sometimes get a surprised look for just wanting coffee… Yeah, if I just want coffee, it’s a “Venti Pike Place (their house roast).” No chit chat, cash and carry. And I don’t have to deal with the silly people and their double whipped soy milk, lol. ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508/40 "2011-07-28T00:31:54Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > It’s not hard at all to get black coffee at Starbucks. My brother-in-law drinks black coffee and has gone to Starbucks with me dozens of times. The exchange, nearly without fail, goes like this: > > BIL: Grande black coffee please. > > Barista: Grande black, that’ll be $\_\_\_\_. Have a nice day, sir. Yeah, Starbucks is fine for it, but there’s other coffee shops I’ve been to that only have espresso. But then, I’m in England where quality coffee isn’t something most people care about… (Not that espresso isn’t quality coffee necessarily, it’s just not my cup of, er, tea, so to speak). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508.md?page=3)