# Oh no! I've become that douche at Starbucks with the complicated drink **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 27, 2011, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508 "2011-07-27T17:16:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508/41 "2011-07-28T00:35:32Z")
> [@Steophan](#): > > I just want black coffee. In this sort of coffee shop, this can be harder than you imagine - I **don’t** want an espresso with water! At least Starbucks has filter coffee, but I do sometimes get a surprised look for just wanting coffee… I drink at Starbucks far more often than I ever thought I would, but it’s a convenient place for me to meet potential clients. I always order the same thing, either a grande or venti coffee, black. I have never received any sort of surprised look. There’s never been any confusion. About all they ask is very, very occasionally (less than 10% of the time) they ask me what roast I want, but normally, since I don’t specify, they correctly assume I want the Pike’s Place. And, you know what? For a long while (and still occasionally), I would just phrase my order as “medium black coffee” and I’d get exactly what I want. Nobody was confused that I didn’t say “grande.” Nobody was shocked that I didn’t get an espresso drink. I was so disappointed because, coming from an independent coffeehouse background, I _sooooo_ wanted to hate this place, and I wanted to join the pile-on blasting their supposed “$5 coffees” (not true) or being forced to use their silly size nomenclature. (Also not true. Shocker of shockers, the baristas are not, in fact, morons but actually do understand standard English orders.) I’m not a huge fan of their coffee or espresso, but they do a reasonable enough job, and I’ve always gotten good service there. ---
**Author:** ![moejoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@moejoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moejoe)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508/42 "2011-07-28T00:42:08Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > I always get a short coffee. Maybe we balance each other out. I usually order a why bother, AKA short decaf. ---
**Author:** ![ENugent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4af34b/32.png) [@ENugent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ENugent)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508/43 "2011-07-28T00:43:10Z")
I was totally that douche while I was pregnant and had gestational diabetes. “Grande whole-milk sugar-free vanilla decaf cappuccino, dry.” Nowadays I can generally omit the “sugar-free” and “decaf” qualifiers, and I leave off the “dry” if I see that the place is really busy, since it seems to make some baristas feel that they have to foam two pitchers of milk just to make my one drink. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508/44 "2011-07-28T01:17:25Z")
Damn, and I thought the wife’s Iced skinny grande caramel machiato, add shot was a pain. ---
**Author:** ![Apollyon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/apollyon/32/4238_2.png) [@Apollyon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apollyon)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508/45 "2011-07-28T01:22:58Z")
> [@Steophan](#): > > I just want black coffee. In this sort of coffee shop, this can be harder than you imagine - I **don’t** want an espresso with water! At least Starbucks has filter coffee, but I do sometimes get a surprised look for just wanting coffee… Interesting, I prefer the opposite – expresso with extra hot water aka “Americano” to the Starbucks folk. A couple of actual Americans came into the Starbucks just after me the other day and asked for filter coffee… which the barista then had to make because they don’t keep a pot of it around (obviously insufficient demand which would mean the pot sat around for ages and got manky). Venti 3 sugar Americano for me… although they know me now at my local so I don’t actually have to order. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508/46 "2011-07-28T01:23:07Z")
“Give me a great big latte” [holds hands far apart to indicate biggyness] ---
**Author:** ![Apollyon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/apollyon/32/4238_2.png) [@Apollyon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apollyon)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508/47 "2011-07-28T01:25:12Z")
> [@ENugent](#): > > “Grande whole-milk sugar-free vanilla decaf cappuccino, dry.” Dry? What means dry please? (No whiskey?) 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508/48 "2011-07-28T01:34:32Z")
> [@Apollyon](#): > > Dry? What means dry please? (No whiskey?) 🙂 Light on the vermouth…😉 ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508/49 "2011-07-28T01:43:49Z")
See, this is another reason I don’t drink coffee…I’d have to carry a little index card around with me to remember what to order! But I’m giddy to hear that Hershey’s has extra dark chocolate syrup somewhere out there in the world. Writing out a list right now… ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508/50 "2011-07-28T01:47:02Z")
short fat cap. easy peasy lemon squeezy as my 6 year old would say ---
**Author:** ![ENugent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4af34b/32.png) [@ENugent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ENugent)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508/51 "2011-07-28T01:54:52Z")
> [@Apollyon](#): > > Dry? What means dry please? (No whiskey?) 🙂 No whiskey while pregnant. But “dry” in a cappuccino means less milk, more foam. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508/52 "2011-07-28T02:11:50Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > Light on the vermouth…😉 So they just wave it toward France, then? ---
**Author:** ![Apollyon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/apollyon/32/4238_2.png) [@Apollyon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apollyon)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508/53 "2011-07-28T02:52:04Z")
> [@ENugent](#): > > But “dry” in a cappuccino means less milk, more foam. Oh, OK… thank you. (Hadn’t heard the term used outside of prohibition / alchohol-free… or as _Brut_ for wine… but since you’d specified sugar-free that option didn’t make sense). ---
**Author:** ![Apollyon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/apollyon/32/4238_2.png) [@Apollyon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apollyon)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508/54 "2011-07-28T02:57:59Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > Light on the vermouth…😉 “Venti caramel macchiato… shaken not stirred”. I think it loses something in the translation. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508/55 "2011-07-28T03:09:40Z")
I’ll have a twist of lemon. [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/z-CrML0BzOA/hqdefault.jpg "LA Story Ordering Coffee") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-CrML0BzOA) The Outlier likes an oil slick in a cup ---
**Author:** ![Jamaika\_a\_jamaikaiake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7993a0/32.png) [@Jamaika\_a\_jamaikaiake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jamaika_a_jamaikaiake)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508/56 "2011-07-28T05:44:21Z")
> [@gaffa](#): > > No. > > If they give you a mf’ing **tea bag** , they may as well spit in your face! It is as if they gave all their coffee customers Sanka. > > Tea, lose or in a bag, needs to be hit with boiling water (some argue _nearly_ boiling). Handing you anything less than brewed tea is a rip-off and an insult to one of the worlds great beverages. I’m confused as to how this is a response to my post. What’s wrong with a tea bag, if the tea in it is of good quality? Who said they don’t put boiling water on my tea? ---
**Author:** ![Jules\_Andre](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jules_andre/32/9334_2.png) [@Jules\_Andre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jules_Andre)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508/57 "2011-07-28T06:52:48Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > I’ve regularly go to Starbucks in two different states, four major metropolitan areas and none of them offer a skinny mocha. The reason is that Starbucks stopped making their “skinny” chocolate syrup a while ago. Are you _sure_ it’s an actual skinny mocha? They make skinny caramel and stuff, but not mocha. . . fuckers. Trust me, I’ve done serious research on this matter :D. For a while Starbucks did have a “skinny” chocolate syrup, which is just a fancy way of saying sugar free (it tasted a little like a tootsie roll, but foul). They still offer sugar free hazelnut and caramel (and maybe some others now) as a default, but that sugar free mocha syrup went away years ago. Perhaps some unscrupulous locations still have expired sugar free mocha that they use (or the licensed stores in a supermarket may have other supplies), but if you order a skinny mocha nowadays, **DiosaBellissima** is right. It ain’t the same. That said, if you order a skinny mocha, you’re getting a non-fat no whip mocha. Any other response means a poor barista. Or a dumb one. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508/58 "2011-07-28T14:55:02Z")
> [@Jamaika\_a\_jamaikaiake](#): > > I’m confused as to how this is a response to my post. What’s wrong with a tea bag, if the tea in it is of good quality? Is it possible you and **gaffa** are working with different definitions of the term “tea bag”? ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508/59 "2011-07-28T16:10:33Z")
> [@Jules\_Andre](#): > > That said, if you order a skinny mocha, you’re getting a non-fat no whip mocha. Any other response means a poor barista. Or a dumb one. You’re exactly right in that, that’s what they give me, but it’s the whole inevitable discussion prior I’m trying to avoid: Me: I’d like a tall, skinny mocha please. Starbucks employee: We. . don’t have, like, skinny mochas. Me: Right, I mean, I know you don’t have skinny syru– Starbucks employee: The best I can do is make it non fat, no whip. Is that alright? If not we have skinny caramel, skinny hazelnut. . . I know they’re trying to be helpful, but that whole discussion sort of defeats the purpose of me trying to shorten my order :). ---
**Author:** ![GargoyleWB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gargoylewb/32/199_2.png) [@GargoyleWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GargoyleWB)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508/60 "2011-07-28T22:53:02Z")
First it was the Rhineland, then the Sudetenland, then it was the ground nutmeg… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-ive-become-that-douche-at-starbucks-with-the-complicated-drink/590508.md?page=4)