# Oh, no. My testes! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 7, 2010, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-my-testes/538666 "2010-05-07T18:46:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2010, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-my-testes/538666/21 "2010-05-07T21:38:48Z")
I probably shouldn’t tell you about my husband’s experience. He had complications and missed 2 weeks of work, spent a night in the hospital, and was in a decent amount of pain for well over a month. I probably shouldn’t tell you about the puddles of blood we were cleaning off the bathroom floor and out of his car from right afterward either, since that was part of the complication and not normal, and therefore nothing you should worry about. (Seriously, his doctor said that those complications were extremely uncommon.) ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2010, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-my-testes/538666/22 "2010-05-07T22:06:57Z")
I am never, ever, _ever_ getting this done to me. Though in an interesting conversation with my friends we discussed a hypothetical utopia where all males are given vasectomies in their youth and apply for licenses to get the procedure corrected later in life. ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2010, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-my-testes/538666/23 "2010-05-08T01:40:58Z")
A friend reports with conviction that the day after the vasectomy is a bad day to drag a balled Christmas tree into the living room and set it up. By “balled Christmas tree” I mean with the big ball of dirt and burlap on it, so it can be planted afterwards. Though, by accounts, that’s kind of what my friend looked like the day AFTER the day after the vasectomy. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2010, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-my-testes/538666/24 "2010-05-08T01:45:00Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > Dude, you get to **keep** your testes. 😛 > > (Edit: The thread title was making me wonder. Then again, I could be biased since one of my rabbits is going in next week for a neutering. I keep calling it a “snip” around my husband since he was looking uncomfortable.) I thought it was a non-idiocracy way of shouting out to “Owww, my balls!” ---
**Author:** ![raventhief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raventhief/32/4_2.png) [@raventhief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raventhief)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2010, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-my-testes/538666/25 "2010-05-08T02:00:57Z")
Maybe I shouldn’t weigh in, as a girl, but one thing to look forward to (and tell your wife!) But… The taste seems improved! ---
**Author:** ![raventhief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raventhief/32/4_2.png) [@raventhief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raventhief)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2010, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-my-testes/538666/26 "2010-05-08T03:01:44Z")
Not that anything tasted BAD before… I’m just saying… ---
**Author:** ![Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/919ad9/32.png) [@Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siddhartha_Vicious)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2010, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-my-testes/538666/27 "2010-05-08T03:37:29Z")
> [@Ludovic](#): > > I thought it was a non-idiocracy way of shouting out to “Owww, my balls!” Pretty much. I thought “balls” in the title may be frowned upon. So, procedure is over, and while it wasn’t pleasant, it wasn’t anything to really be that nervous about. Two shots in the sack and some unsettling tugging sensations. And the obligatory hot nurse to make sure my junk was shaved. Thanks for the advice and words of encouragement, all. ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2010, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-my-testes/538666/28 "2010-05-08T04:11:15Z")
wearing a jock for a day or so might help you feel better. keeps them from swinging around. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2010, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-my-testes/538666/29 "2010-05-08T05:40:20Z")
My balls hurt just reading this thread… Oww ow ow! ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2010, 10:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-my-testes/538666/30 "2010-05-08T10:51:24Z")
> [@raventhief](#): > > Not that anything tasted BAD before… I’m just saying… Of course, dearie. Think nothing of it. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2010, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-my-testes/538666/31 "2010-05-08T11:50:34Z")
> [@](#): > > Believe me, you haven’t lived until you have seen smoke issuing from your own crotch. I think I’ll pass on living, then. I’ve seen smoke issuing from my own fingertips, does that count? > [@Siddhartha\_Vicious](#): > > Pretty much. I thought “balls” in the title may be frowned upon. > > So, procedure is over, and while it wasn’t pleasant, it wasn’t anything to really be that nervous about. Two shots in the sack and some unsettling tugging sensations. And the obligatory hot nurse to make sure my junk was shaved. > > Thanks for the advice and words of encouragement, all. I hope you have an ice pack in your lap at all times. From what I’ve heard, this can make the difference between a quick recovery and a painful recovery. ---
**Author:** ![JohnnyMac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@JohnnyMac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnnyMac)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2010, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-my-testes/538666/32 "2010-05-08T11:55:24Z")
> [@Siddhartha\_Vicious](#): > > **Encinitas:** Immediately after I read that, I called my wife at the store to tell her to get some peas. > > **Algher** : Ouch moments? So it’s not totally numbed? > \*\* > Swallowed My Cellphone\*\*: That made me giggle like a schoolgirl. I read this as a conversation in script format, and was pretty confused for a while there. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2010, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-my-testes/538666/33 "2010-05-08T11:58:05Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > I think I’ll pass on living, then. I’ve seen smoke issuing from my own fingertips, does that count? ZipKicker by any chance? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2010, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-my-testes/538666/34 "2010-05-08T12:51:30Z")
I like to play with fire. Among other things, this involves pushing bits of candlewax into the pool of molten wax of a lit candle. On a couple of occasions, when I’ve had long painted nails, my nails have caught fire. Burning fingernails smell dreadful, as does burning hair. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2010, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-my-testes/538666/35 "2010-05-08T16:44:21Z")
> [@Siddhartha\_Vicious](#): > > \ Two shots in the sack and some unsettling tugging sensations.\ This is the part that my husband has been stuck on for the last, oh, eight years. Sigh. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2010, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-my-testes/538666/36 "2010-05-08T18:19:55Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > Yes. Believe me, you haven’t lived until you have seen smoke issuing from your own crotch. You had to get a vasectomy for this to happen? I always smoke after sex… ---
**Author:** ![Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/919ad9/32.png) [@Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siddhartha_Vicious)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2010, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-my-testes/538666/37 "2010-05-08T18:30:22Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > This is the part that my husband has been stuck on for the last, oh, eight years. Sigh. It really wasn’t that bad. Not great, obviously, but nowhere near as bad as you think a literal shot to the nuts would be. You’d think it’d be excruciating, but it’s not. I think “Ouch moments” like \*\*Algher \*\*said was a very good description. Not “OUCH! SWEET JESUS, JUST KILL ME! I CAN’T BEAR THE PAIN!” but just “Ouch” with a touch of “Ew. I’m getting a shot in my scrotum.” It’s really just the sack, and not actually your balls, anyway. And my doctor did give me something to relax me, though no pain pills afterwards. (Quick side note: When I got my wisdom teeth out, I had one of the best nights of my life. I was eating bloody mashed potatoes, watching a Dukes of Hazzard reunion, high as a kite on pain pills and loving life. But this time, they just told me to take Tylenol. C’est la vie.) There are far worst parts. Listening to my wife tell me how much more difficult giving birth was, going to the gynecologist is, and pretty much everything that includes women going to the doctor, and therefore, getting little to no sympathy hasn’t been great. Shaving my scrotum was also pretty bad. I’ve nicked myself shaving before, but never my wrinkled little buddies down below. But again, for me it was a lot of “Oh my God. I’m shaving my balls. I’m taking a razor to one of the most sensitive parts of my body.” So it was very disturbing, but hardly painful. And having the pretty nurse pull a jockstrap on me was very unpleasant. Well, unpleasant-ish. But I’ve got to sit on my ass for quite some time now and I’ve got quite a bit of reading done (and movie watching, of course). And I currently have my laptop resting on my ice pack resting on my nuts. And my children love being my little nursemaids, I bet. Frankly, I feel a little silly for being SO nervous about it. ---
**Author:** ![Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/919ad9/32.png) [@Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siddhartha_Vicious)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-my-testes/538666/38 "2010-05-08T18:50:18Z")
Oh, and I did get to bring my iPod. I had planned on listening to The Bugle, but I was afraid that I would laugh outloud, thus causing the doctor to sever one of my boys entirely, so I listened to Tweaker instead. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2010, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-my-testes/538666/39 "2010-05-10T14:05:40Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > I think I’ll pass on living, then. I’ve seen smoke issuing from my own fingertips, does that count? No, no, a thousand times no. Fingers are NOT the same as Mr. Happy. Glad it went well for you, **Sid**. Welcome to the Great World of Blank Shooters. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Tristan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tristan/32/18058_2.png) [@Tristan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tristan)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2010, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-my-testes/538666/40 "2010-05-11T01:58:16Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > You had to get a vasectomy for this to happen? I always smoke after sex… I recommend more lube. I had mine done 5 years ago. Given my unusualness, the doctor spent some time delving around, but all in all it turned out just fine. shaved (dry, ouch), shots (OUCH!), incision, probing and then _snip_, _scorch_, and a small metal bit clamping each already cauterized tube shut. My doc don’t fuck around. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-my-testes/538666.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-my-testes/538666.md?page=3)