# Oh no no no. Of all people in the world, not HER. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 28, 2005, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-no-no-of-all-people-in-the-world-not-her/337483 "2005-12-28T20:38:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![cher3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cher3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cher3)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-no-no-of-all-people-in-the-world-not-her/337483/41 "2005-12-28T22:12:57Z")
What are you hoping to accomplish with this meeting? It doesn’t sound like she wants to be pals. In any case, it would be hard even to be pals with someone you can’t even mention to your wife. (I also think it sounds like your wife needs to get past a few issues, but if she read your OP, she’d be right to be concerned.) ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-no-no-of-all-people-in-the-world-not-her/337483/42 "2005-12-28T22:14:51Z")
Do NOT go. No good will come of it. Ever. Men are weak. They also enjoy fornicating, and you may loose the ability to perform this function if the wifey ever finds out. ---
**Author:** ![Nic2004](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/4491bb/32.png) [@Nic2004](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nic2004)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-no-no-of-all-people-in-the-world-not-her/337483/43 "2005-12-28T22:16:20Z")
You may start out with the best of intentions but, if you’re at all like me, once there all you can hear is > [@](#): > > Mmmm, Mr. Happy LIKE! **Mrs. Bus Guy** never know!" And you know he has had a mind of his own in the past. The best way to stay out of trouble is to avoid it to begin with. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-no-no-of-all-people-in-the-world-not-her/337483/44 "2005-12-28T22:17:37Z")
> [@Mr Bus Guy](#): > > I am weak. I am male. > > Start there. The year before I met the Future Bus Wife, I spent time dating the most beautiful woman I’ve ever had the pleasure of seeing close up. No, really, that’s not my heart talking, I mean I was in way, way over my head. > > Drop Dead Gorgeous. And, as fate would have it, beautiful inside as well. Smart, easy going, we shared the same weird sense of humor and everything just fit liike a glove. Why, **Bus Guy** -you old flatterer, you! I thought this was about me until we got to the dentist (did anyone else immediately think of Hermy, from the Rudolph special? No? God, I’m sick). Oh, and I have blue eyes, too! :bats those baby blues: OK-enough fun at your expense. I think you should go and you should tell MBG about it. You will always wonder. And frankly, MBG should not have this hold over you. What if Antoine re-appeared from HER past? Wouldn’t she want to see him? Unless you are truly afraid that you will let Mr Happy gain control over you again, I don’t see a problem. Now, if Ms Exotic from Bus Guy’s past starts making moves–time to drag out the pics or say it’s time to go do X (name some incredible loving thing that you would do for your wife) and exit stage left. And come back and tell us all about it. Some of us are living vicariously thru you, ya know… ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-no-no-of-all-people-in-the-world-not-her/337483/45 "2005-12-28T22:23:48Z")
> [@Duke of Rat](#): > > Get a wig and a fake beard and go check her out incognito. Then you can see if she’s fat without being tempted into a room at the No Tell Motel. Yes, because that always worked so well in all those Laurel & Hardy movies… ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-no-no-of-all-people-in-the-world-not-her/337483/46 "2005-12-28T22:26:46Z")
Usually, I’d be the first person to say not to worry about it. My wife, bless her heart, has been kind enough to endure me being friends with ex-girlfriends in the past, and I have a wealth of female friends that she puts up with. However, as has been said often in this thread already, you obviously still have a deep weakness when it comes to this woman. It almost seems like you (or a part of you, at least) are looking for an excuse for something to happen. Let me make this absolutely clear: **NO GOOD CAN COME OF THIS MEETING** Call it off. And don’t dally about it, either. I think you’re putting your marriage in jeopardy for no good reason. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-no-no-of-all-people-in-the-world-not-her/337483/47 "2005-12-28T22:30:52Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > What if Antoine re-appeared from HER past? Wouldn’t she want to see him? If I may paint with the big brush for a moment, I gotta say that this attitude is universal among wimmin. At least the ones I’ve known. It’d be totally acceptable for _them_ to meet their old flame over champagne and candlelight just to catch up on the last 20 years–after all, that was in the past, right? They wouldn’t mention it to you beforehand because it didn’t feel like any wrong was being done. Can’t they be allowed to grow beyond past relationships and choose their own friends? Eventually this turns into an argument against the _guy_ for being controlling. Yeah, but just you reverse the tables and it’s understood that the guy is up to no good. Wimmin… I know it’s an unfair generalization. No need to pile on. - Wanders off grumbling bitterly to self \* ---
**Author:** ![Duke\_of\_Rat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Duke\_of\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke_of_Rat)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-no-no-of-all-people-in-the-world-not-her/337483/48 "2005-12-28T22:32:26Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > Yes, because that always worked so well in all those Laurel & Hardy movies… Hey, they were Laurel & Hardy. This is that suave sophisticate we know as **Mr Bus Guy**! ---
**Author:** ![jlzania](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/67e7ee/32.png) [@jlzania](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jlzania)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-no-no-of-all-people-in-the-world-not-her/337483/49 "2005-12-28T22:32:36Z")
I’m with **eleanorigby** totally on this one. I would hate to think that 1) my husband was controlled by his “Mr. Happy” and that his dick impulse could overwhelm 22 plus years of a good marriage or 2) that he would always be wondering “What if…”. If what we’ve built together couldn’t hold up to a cup of coffee with an old lust, than it’s really not worth much at all. Now, that’s not to say that I would want him to see his Baby Blue Eyes on any sort of regular basis unless I was included but one meeting wouldn’t bother me. Ok, yes it would because I’d be jealous but that would be my problem and I’d keep my mouth shut about it. And hope she’d gained 100 pounds and become a raging Republican. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-no-no-of-all-people-in-the-world-not-her/337483/50 "2005-12-28T22:35:53Z")
> [@Inigo Montoya](#): > > They wouldn’t mention it to you beforehand because it didn’t feel like any wrong was being done. Can’t they be allowed to grow beyond past relationships and choose their own friends? I’m not piling on, believe me, but it sounds like there was no friendship in this relationship to begin with, and therein lies the problem. They had the hots for each over oh-so-many years ago, and it sounds to me like she’s saying in so many words that they ought to be making up for a lost opportunity. That’s not really the same thing as trying to regain a friendship with someone that you just happened to have been romantically involved with in the past. My apologies if I’m misreading what you’re getting at here. That’s just my take. ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-no-no-of-all-people-in-the-world-not-her/337483/51 "2005-12-28T22:36:39Z")
Fuck fear Bus, go in confident and strong. If you are weak going in, you’ll be weak about your feelings. You got a life and it’s a pretty good fucking life, and you got a chance to step into a coffee shop and peer into the godammed looking glass! How cool is that! Step in, take a lookl, step out and tell yourself “heh, that was kinda fuckin cool”. Then walk out. Timid makes for no memories. No imagination. No twists. Life is boring enough, give it a kick in the ass. My $.02 ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-no-no-of-all-people-in-the-world-not-her/337483/52 "2005-12-28T22:38:44Z")
> [@Inigo Montoya](#): > > If I may paint with the big brush for a moment, I gotta say that this attitude is universal among wimmin. \ Eventually this turns into an argument against the _guy_ for being controlling. Yeah, but just you reverse the tables and it’s understood that the guy is up to no good. Wimmin… > I know it’s an unfair generalization. No need to pile on. > > - Wanders off grumbling bitterly to self \* NO, indeed–I agree with you and think it is brutally unfair. (maybe I’m channelling catsix!). **Mrs Bus Guy** will need some nerve if she is to deny this meeting for her spouse and then want to go down memory lane herself…(I know that’s not the situation, but it bears saying). Hey, my husband has waved old GF under my nose many times --and I didn’t like it one bit. But then again, since he constantly compares me to them (not to my benefit, I might add) that is another topic in itself. I might also add that my situation has been the reverse of the typical. When I get so much as a Christmas card from my old flame–husband doesn’t like it, but makes fun of old flame’s name instead of admitting his feelings. Men. :rolleyes: Thanks, **jlzania** -nice to meetcha! ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-no-no-of-all-people-in-the-world-not-her/337483/53 "2005-12-28T22:40:36Z")
maybe it 'll be like High Fidelity–when Cusak realizes that one of his old flames is just a windbag of prententious Yuppie nonsense… And there is this: 16 year old twins would take the bloom off any rose. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-no-no-of-all-people-in-the-world-not-her/337483/54 "2005-12-28T22:42:13Z")
> [@Mr Bus Guy](#): > > I was led by Mr. Happy, and Mr. Happy loved Susan. **I think my other brain did too, because I was really over the moon for her**. > > I know she was in love with me, because she told me incessantly. Sounds like mutual love to me. True love, even. Not one couple in a century has that chance, and so I think not one couple in this century _shall._ MMmuuuaaaahahahahahaha! oh…wrong character… ---
**Author:** ![Ludy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Ludy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludy)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-no-no-of-all-people-in-the-world-not-her/337483/55 "2005-12-28T22:55:27Z")
My boyfriend has this “friend” who was married when they worked together, and they would have been together if it weren’t for that. Ok, well actually they did get together and she ended up telling her husband :eek: Yhey are still married though. We were driving through the town where she lives and he called her up to visit (luckily she wasn’t home). I was so torn and I would have been sitting next to him. I know that he loves me but one of my biggest fears is that they will end up working together again (in our line of work it is not out of the question) and if she was willing to but her marriage on the line then what would stop her from trying again? So I guess what I am saying is that coming from a female who is (sort of) the same situation, I would let him go only so that I didn’t look like a controlling bitch and worry the entire time, and never know if he was a good boy or not. Trust is a very difficult thing, and you can say that nothing happened until you are blue in the face, but sometimes she’ll wonder. ---
**Author:** ![jlzania](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/67e7ee/32.png) [@jlzania](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jlzania)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-no-no-of-all-people-in-the-world-not-her/337483/56 "2005-12-28T23:01:53Z")
You’re welcome, **eleanorigby**. And no, **Inigo Montoya** , I don’t have one set of rules for my behavior and another for my husband’s. Same turf,same rules, same game. When my husband’s old college fuckbuddy/friend came to visit, I was exceeding gracious. To the point of being nauseatingly nice to her. I made sure they had ample time alone together to rehash old times. I included her in several activities with our mutual friends. We took her out to dinner a couple of times. If she was going to try and lure him back, I wanted her to feel damned guilty about her behavior. She turned out to be a nice person and if she had ulterior motives, she kept quiet about them. And of course, as soon as she left, I made sure my husband and I had a week of hot wild sex to guarantee that he had no regrets about being with me. ---
**Author:** ![Ludy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Ludy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludy)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-no-no-of-all-people-in-the-world-not-her/337483/57 "2005-12-28T23:06:51Z")
Hey I think that **jlzania** has the right idea. Tell your wife that you are going to coffee with her and also say that everytime you go meet with her you owe your wife three nights of hot sex. That way your wife is happy and you are too tired to have an affair 😃 Simles all around!!! ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-no-no-of-all-people-in-the-world-not-her/337483/58 "2005-12-28T23:18:48Z")
> [@anyrose](#): > > I have a question for those of you who think \*\*Mr BusGuy \*\* should take the meeting. Are you currently in a relationship? I am not in a relationship, no. I wouldn’t say I’m _recommending_ that he go. I’m saying that as long as Old Flame is expecting him at the scheduled time, he should be there — in a way that solidly expresses his married current married happily married situation married. 😃 If he brushes Old Flame off now, she may try again. Better to deal with it up front, rather than run. If Old Flame claims she just wants to catch up on the latest, there’s no harm at taking the conversation at face value. **Bus Guy** ought to catch her up on the latest, starting with his marriage. Should he have _made_ the appointment to see her? That’s tricky. If he made it clear up front on the phone that he was happily married, and she really did want to meet to catch up, I wouldn’t call it a problem. If **Mrs Bus Guy** gets insanely jealous when he acknowledges other women in the world exist, that’s a problem she’s going to have to learn to handle herself. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-no-no-of-all-people-in-the-world-not-her/337483/59 "2005-12-28T23:24:38Z")
> [@jlzania](#): > > And no, **Inigo Montoya** , I don’t have one set of rules for my behavior and another for my husband’s. > Same turf,same rules, same game. Didn’t mean to imply such. ---
**Author:** ![jlzania](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/67e7ee/32.png) [@jlzania](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jlzania)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-no-no-of-all-people-in-the-world-not-her/337483/60 "2005-12-28T23:28:59Z")
No worries, **Inigo Montoya**. I would _love_ to be able to hold him to a different standard but alas, I have an over abundance of the fair gene. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-no-no-of-all-people-in-the-world-not-her/337483.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-no-no-no-of-all-people-in-the-world-not-her/337483.md?page=4)