# Oh noes, we're surrounded! Chuck Norris is going to kick our asses! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 10, 2009, 7:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932 "2009-03-10T07:57:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![R.P.McMurphy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7993a0/32.png) [@R.P.McMurphy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/R.P.McMurphy)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2009, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932/41 "2009-03-10T19:18:12Z")
> [@](#): > > GLENN: Chuck’s the author of Black Belt Patriotism: How to Reawaken America. Chuck, you know what? I was talking about General Petraeus the other day. I mean this sincerely: I would love to have General Petraeus go up to Washington and clean that hornet’s nest out. I’d like him to set up a military tribunal and call them in one by one, okay, going to have a little interview with you. Find out if they’re guilty or innocent of being involved in, you know, all kinds of the scandals that are going on and kick them out. > > NORRIS: I want to go with General Petraeus myself and be next to him and when he finds out who’s guilty and, you know, dishonest, then I will take care of it for him. Took him out. I’ll choke them out, the ones that he finds dishonest, I will choke them out and stick them into a pile. Isn’t is amazing how guys that are always talking about “Constitution this and Constitution that” are the first ones to want to call in a military General and administer “justice” with no due process. Based on the quote it sounds like Norris wants to be the one running the torture chamber. That’s the kind of country Chucky wants to raise his kids and grand kids in. That’s Chucky’s America. ---
**Author:** ![Cagey\_Drifter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@Cagey\_Drifter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cagey_Drifter)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2009, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932/42 "2009-03-10T19:23:05Z")
I checked out this quasi new-age book by Chuck Norris from the library not too long ago, called “The Secret Power Within: Zen Solutions to Real Problems.” Contained within its pages were, among other things, heart-rending stories about Chuck’s experiences talking to kids with cancer and AIDS whose last wishes before they died involved having Walker, Texas Ranger hovering ominously in their hospital rooms, next to their dialysis machines and iron lungs, administering Miyagi-style Eastern wisdom and B-list platitudes to them before their untimely deaths. But Chuck, ever the philosopher, soon discovers that it is not he who is the teacher, but these innocent childen, whose transcendental deathbed mutterings pierce his armor-plated ego with profound lessons about the world, whereupon he realizes that there’s more to life than beating up communist invaders and murdering drug dealers. Get this book; the earnestness of his words will change your life, I promise. ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2009, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932/43 "2009-03-10T19:41:10Z")
> [@elucidator](#): > > Just not here, OK? You wouldn’t believe how many recovering Texans we got here in MN. And its cold! Godawmighty cold! Sure, long leggedy Nordic beauties everwheres, but you got your ice spiders, you got your “Bar B Que” made with _tomato sauce_! Blasphemy! > > Iowa. Iowa’s nice. Don’t worry. I’m allergic to snow. 😉 My brother teaches in Iowa. The Mexican food sucks but the steaks were amazing. I was thinking Nevada/California border. Barbecue with TOMATO sauce? Y’all need help. ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2009, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932/44 "2009-03-10T19:50:29Z")
I am “sort of” stuck on one thing. Beck wants Petraeus to violate the oath all military people take (to support and defend the Constitution), and wants him to overthrow the government? And Chuck, who took the oath in the Air Force, wants to “go along for the ride”? Sorry, but in my book, to do that would be treason, in a very literal sense. ---
**Author:** ![LonesomePolecat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a88e57/32.png) [@LonesomePolecat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LonesomePolecat)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2009, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932/45 "2009-03-10T20:11:07Z")
> [@SteveG1](#): > > I am “sort of” stuck on one thing. > > Beck wants Petraeus to violate the oath all military people take (to support and defend the Constitution), and wants him to overthrow the government? And Chuck, who took the oath in the Air Force, wants to “go along for the ride”? > Sorry, but in my book, to do that would be treason, in a very literal sense. Well, here’s a Marine who’d go along for the ride, too. I don’t know if you’re aware of it or not, but a lot of people are talking about armed rebellion these days. I’m hearing it from people whom I never thought would ever advocate such a thing. It may–in fact, it probably will–come to nothing, but I think a lot of people underestimate just how ugly the country’s mood is these days. ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2009, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932/46 "2009-03-10T20:12:24Z")
Interesting that Professor Norris quoted Sam Houston in his argument for the legality and wisdom of secession. If I may quote General Houston as well: > [@](#): > > “To secede from the Union and set up another government would cause war. If you go to war with the United States, you will never conquer her, as she has the money and the men. If she does not whip you by guns, powder, and steel, she will starve you to death. It will take the flower of the country-the young men.” > > “Fellow-Citizens, in the name of your rights and liberties, which I believe have been trampled upon, I refuse to take this oath. In the name of the nationality of Texas, which has been betrayed by the Convention, I refuse to take this oath. In the name of the Constitution of Texas, I refuse to take this oath. In the name of my own conscience and manhood, which this Convention would degrade by dragging me before it, to pander to the malice of my enemies … I refuse to take this oath. I love Texas too well to bring civil strife and bloodshed upon her.” This was shortly before he was evicted from office as Governor of Texas in 1861 for refusing to take an oath to the Confederacy and thereby secede from the Union. Behind Chuck Norris’ beard, there is no chin. There is only another idiot. ---
**Author:** ![Simplicio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c37758/32.png) [@Simplicio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simplicio)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2009, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932/47 "2009-03-10T20:16:28Z")
> [@SteveG1](#): > > I am “sort of” stuck on one thing. > > Beck wants Petraeus to violate the oath all military people take (to support and defend the Constitution), and wants him to overthrow the government? And Chuck, who took the oath in the Air Force, wants to “go along for the ride”? > Sorry, but in my book, to do that would be treason, in a very literal sense. Well, I don’t think he’s actually calling for this as a real proposal. Still, it’s pretty crazy to be on national TV vocalizing such a vivid fantasy about choking people to death and stacking their bodies as part of a military coup. Especially since it’s not really clear what he’s angry about. “All kind of scandals” is pretty vague, and absent the Blago/Burris thing there haven’t been any wildly reported recent scandals out to the Capitol. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2009, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932/48 "2009-03-10T20:18:22Z")
It’s all socialism’s fault. ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2009, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932/49 "2009-03-10T20:19:20Z")
> [@LonesomePolecat](#): > > Well, here’s a Marine who’d go along for the ride, too. > > I don’t know if you’re aware of it or not, but a lot of people are talking about armed rebellion these days. I’m hearing it from people whom I never thought would ever advocate such a thing. It may–in fact, it probably will–come to nothing, but I think a lot of people underestimate just how ugly the country’s mood is these days. Well good luck to them, after they get arrested and face the judge, they will need some luck. There are plenty of us (not that it will ever happen) who were/are in some branch of service and do remember our oath - to support and defend the Constitution of the United States, against all enemies foreign AND DOMESTIC. But it won’t come to that. There aren’t enough wingnuts to pull it off, and if they tried, the law would take care of them right away. If they somehow DID start a war, plenty of former (and active) military would be against them. ---
**Author:** ![LonesomePolecat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a88e57/32.png) [@LonesomePolecat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LonesomePolecat)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2009, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932/50 "2009-03-10T20:20:12Z")
:smack: Missed the edit. Here’s a link that actually works. [![]( " - YouTube") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGHlvnqPdH0) ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2009, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932/51 "2009-03-10T20:40:58Z")
If only Chick and Sarah Palin had met a few years back. They could have bred a new race of super beings. Unfortunately Sarah’s eggs seem to have gone sunny side down recently, but still, maybe they breed some super zombies or somethin’. ---
**Author:** ![LonesomePolecat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a88e57/32.png) [@LonesomePolecat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LonesomePolecat)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2009, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932/52 "2009-03-10T20:58:21Z")
> [@SteveG1](#): > > Well good luck to them, after they get arrested and face the judge, they will need some luck. > > There are plenty of us (not that it will ever happen) who were/are in some branch of service and do remember our oath - to support and defend the Constitution of the United States, against all enemies foreign AND DOMESTIC. > > But it won’t come to that. There aren’t enough wingnuts to pull it off, and if they tried, the law would take care of them right away. If they somehow DID start a war, plenty of former (and active) military would be against them. Whatever. I said myself that it’ll probably come to nothing this time around. But if you think it’s only a few “wingnuts” on the lunatic fringe, you’re sadly mistaken. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2009, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932/53 "2009-03-10T20:59:37Z")
> [@LonesomePolecat](#): > > I don’t know if you’re aware of it or not, but a lot of people are talking about armed rebellion these days. Against who? The rich? Certainly not the government, now that there is a liberal administration that will work toward populist goals that two thirds of the country supports. Or maybe you are listening to the one third that is still cranky about the election, and wants to impose their ideology on everyone else. Not much of a platform to base a ‘rebellion’ on. The proletariat will mop them up like so much gravy on a biscuit. ---
**Author:** ![Khampelf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Khampelf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khampelf)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2009, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932/54 "2009-03-10T21:35:11Z")
> [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](#): > > Wrong. The rest were in the basement. Playing with Pee Wee Herman’s bicycle? I can understand that. ETA - I see I was beaten to it. But I knew who’s bike it was. Nyah! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tao_s_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2009, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932/55 "2009-03-10T21:43:47Z")
> [@Fear\_Itself](#): > > Against who? The rich? Certainly not the government, now that there is a liberal administration that will work toward populist goals that two thirds of the country supports. > > Or maybe you are listening to the one third that is still cranky about the election, and wants to impose their ideology on everyone else. Not much of a platform to base a ‘rebellion’ on. The proletariat will mop them up like so much gravy on a biscuit. All fear the sore losers army! ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2009, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932/56 "2009-03-10T21:54:50Z")
I want someone from that side to explain why are they so angry and just who they want to kill. Are they angry at the greedy banksters and corporate leeches who have stolen all of us blind? Are they angry at the government policies that have drained our treasury, strained our military, and enabled unscrupulous financial activity all in the name of Freedom? Are they angry at themselves for allowing all the above to happen for the last eight years without saying nary a word? I’m all for warfare as long as we pick the correct targets. ---
**Author:** ![Wallenstein](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5a626/32.png) [@Wallenstein](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wallenstein)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2009, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932/57 "2009-03-10T22:15:27Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > I’m all for warfare as long as we pick the correct targets. The French? Can’t go wrong with the French. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2009, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932/58 "2009-03-10T22:34:42Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > I want someone from that side to explain why are they so angry and just who they want to kill. Those godless commie liberal socialist pinko pigs, of course. Because apparently letting a Democrat into office is high treason. ---
**Author:** ![Shawn1767](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Shawn1767](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shawn1767)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2009, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932/59 "2009-03-11T02:56:40Z")
How come when a Republican was in the White House, conservatives were all “Even if you don’t like him, you still have to respect that he’s out leader and our president,” yet, I really don’t hear that coming from any conservative right now about a Democrat in the White House. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2009, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932/60 "2009-03-11T04:07:57Z")
I strongly suspect American conservatives have a different definition of treason than the rest of the world. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932.md?page=4)