# Oh noes, we're surrounded! Chuck Norris is going to kick our asses! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 10, 2009, 7:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932 "2009-03-10T07:57:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2009, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932/141 "2009-03-11T21:31:51Z")
> [@Equipoise](#): > > The bluest city in the universe, man! Obamatown! (Chicago)\*\* Chicago? Well you get way more than a hug, baby! > [@](#): > > (though I was born and raised in red, red Kansas, but don’t hold that against me. I got better.) I grew up in St. Louis. You can hold that against me if you want. I’m still trying to shake it off. ---
**Author:** ![R.P.McMurphy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7993a0/32.png) [@R.P.McMurphy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/R.P.McMurphy)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2009, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932/142 "2009-03-11T23:26:24Z")
> [@sqweels](#): > > Getting back on-topic, is Chuck Norris saying that people are–to put it one way–“bitter” and thus “clinging to guns and religion”? Wait a minute. Refresh my memory. Didn’t Obama get roasted and toasted during the campaign for saying something similar to that? He said it in front of a small group, the media picked up on it and the conservatives ran with it. Maybe that’s what you’re referring to and, if so, I admit to getting whooshed. ---
**Author:** ![Merijeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f05b48/32.png) [@Merijeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merijeek)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2009, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932/143 "2009-03-12T00:40:08Z")
> [@sqweels](#): > > Getting back on-topic, is Chuck Norris saying that people are–to put it one way–“bitter” and thus “clinging to guns and religion”? No, they’re just “angry” and “patriotic”. Totally different. \*\*Sparty, \*\*you got whooshed. -Joe ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2009, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932/144 "2009-03-12T01:08:22Z")
> [@Ogre](#): > > Uh huh. Majority? Prove it, and while you’re at it, you’d better add Colorado to that list, since the Front Range is now pretty much the nation’s hotbed of fundamentalism and racism. Actually, if you limit that to Colorado Springs, you might be able to argue - win or lose, but at least argue. The district based on Ft Collins elected a Democrat last year, the district based on Aurora elected (and re-elected) a Democrat in 2006, the district based on Denver has been Democratic for ages, the district based on Boulder has been Democratic since God was shitting in his diapers, the district based on Pueblo is also represented by a Democrat. Perhaps you’re using a different definition of Front Range than Colorado does. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2009, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932/145 "2009-03-12T02:17:06Z")
> [@sqweels](#): > > Getting back on-topic, is Chuck Norris saying that people are–to put it one way–“bitter” and thus “clinging to guns and religion”? That was rather beautiful. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2009, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932/146 "2009-03-12T02:40:20Z")
> [@elucidator](#): > > Joe Bob ' **luc** says “Check it out!”…) Y’know, Ol’ Joe Bob is also associated with [The Wittenburg Door"](http://www.wittenburgdoor.com/) (spelling incorrect since the first issue and NEVER corrected), the only religious satire magazine, and a pretty funny read. Even before Joe Bob, whose “NPR: National Communist Public Radio” I never tire of stealing. ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2009, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932/147 "2009-03-13T20:58:25Z")
> [@Shawn1767](#): > > How come when a Republican was in the White House, conservatives were all “Even if you don’t like him, you still have to respect that he’s out leader and our president,” yet, I really don’t hear that coming from any conservative right now about a Democrat in the White House. It never happened. The last 8 years never existed. We are at war with Oceania. We were never at war with Oceania. We are at war with Oceania. We were never at war with Oceania. ---
**Author:** ![Equipoise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/equipoise/32/151_2.png) [@Equipoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Equipoise)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2009, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932/148 "2009-03-14T03:19:14Z")
So, did anyone hear the Beckbark? I had almost considered infiltrating one of the loonfests, but decided that I wouldn’t be able to control my sneering and guffawing. ---
**Author:** ![Squink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5e925/32.png) [@Squink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Squink)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2009, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932/149 "2009-03-14T03:42:39Z")
> [@](#): > > The 12 Values: > > ``` > * Honesty > * Reverence > * Hope > * Thrift > * Humility > * Charity > * Sincerity > * Moderation > * Hard Work > * Courage > * Personal Responsibility > * Gratitude > > ``` > > The Nine Principles > > ``` > * 1. America is good. > * 2. I believe in God and He is the Center of my Life. > * 3. I must always try to be a more honest person than I was yesterday. > * 4. The family is sacred. My spouse and I are the ultimate authority, not the government. > * 5. If you break the law you pay the penalty. Justice is blind and no one is above it. > * 6. I have a right to life, liberty and pursuit of happiness, but there is no guarantee of equal results. > * 7. I work hard for what I have and I will share it with who I want to. Government cannot force me to be charitable. > * 8. It is not un-American for me to disagree with authority or to share my personal opinion. > * 9. The government works for me. I do not answer to them, they answer to me. > > ``` [The 912 project](http://military.rightpundits.com/2009/03/13/the-912-project-glenn-beck-principles-and-values-video/) Comparing the 12 conservative values to [BoyScout Law:](http://www.scouting.org/en/Media/FactSheets/02-503a.aspx) > [@](#): > > Scout Law > > TRUSTWORTHY > A Scout tells the truth. He keeps his promises. Honesty is part of his code of conduct. People can depend on him. > > LOYAL > A Scout is true to his family, Scout leaders, friends, school, and nation. > > HELPFUL > A Scout is concerned about other people. He does things willingly for others without pay or reward. > > FRIENDLY > A Scout is a friend to all. He is a brother to other Scouts. He seeks to understand others. He respects those with ideas and customs other than his own. > > COURTEOUS > A Scout is polite to everyone regardless of age or position. He knows good manners make it easier for people to get along together. > > KIND > A Scout understands there is strength in being gentle. He treats others as he wants to be treated. He does not hurt or kill harmless things without reason. > > OBEDIENT > A Scout follows the rules of his family, school, and troop. He obeys the laws of his community and country. If he thinks these rules and laws are unfair, he tries to have them changed in an orderly manner rather than disobey them. > > CHEERFUL > A Scout looks for the bright side of things. He cheerfully does tasks that come his way. He tries to make others happy. > > THRIFTY > A Scout works to pay his way and to help others. He saves for unforeseen needs. He protects and conserves natural resources. He carefully uses time and property. > > BRAVE > A Scout can face danger even if he is afraid. He has the courage to stand for what he thinks is right even if others laugh at or threaten him. > > CLEAN > A Scout keeps his body and mind fit and clean. He goes around with those who believe in living by these same ideals. He helps keep his home and community clean. > > REVERENT > A Scout is reverent toward God. He is faithful in his religious duties. He respects the beliefs of others. I can’t help but notice the absence of “cleanliness” from the list of conservative values. I hope this does not mean that they are going to go around stinking like hippies for the next 8 years. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2009, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932/150 "2009-03-14T03:56:25Z")
Stink to high heaven, they still won’t qualify. Standards. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2009, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932/151 "2009-03-14T03:58:23Z")
You know, when I read his first couple of posts, I figured that **LonesomePolecat** was just saying that he personally knew of some people who felt this way-not that he necessarily agreed with them. Guess I was wrong. That’s what I get for giving people the benefit of the doubt. (Then again, wasn’t he the one who warned us about the white race being in danger of shrinking?) > [@Jack\_Batty](#): > > Maybe many of them were Chuck Norris’s ancestors. And we all know that Chuck Norris counts as two people: Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris’s balls. Too bad that’s also where his brains seem to be. I say J.R. Ewing should be President of Texas. Southfork Ranch would make a kickass Presidential residence. And let’s face it-who WOULDN’T want the _Dallas_ theme as a national anthem? > [@Calatin](#): > > I actually listen to Glenn Beck on my 45 minute drive to work, and last week, he had an interview with Chuck Norris. I remember it being a little more… delusional than [this transcript](http://www.glennbeck.com/content/articles/article/196/22220/) denotes, but I really think that Chuck Norris thinks he **is** the characters he portrays. Maybe ol’ Chucky read the fact that the Bush administration had warning that Al Qaeda was going to attack and ignored it…and somehow came up with some goofy plan for a really, REALLY shitty movie? (As for Northern bigots, I’m in Pennsylvania. It’s only been about four years since we ousted [Santorum](http://spreadingsantorum.com/). So I hear ya. ---
**Author:** ![tumbleddown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@tumbleddown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tumbleddown)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2009, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932/152 "2009-03-14T04:12:02Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > (As for Northern bigots, I’m in Pennsylvania. It’s only been about four years since we ousted [Santorum](http://spreadingsantorum.com/). So I hear ya. Yes, but when we elected Santorum at first, I don’t think we knew what a hate-steeped, loathesome little toad he really is. He hid his true reptilian nature until he was a couple of years in the Senate, then it was like “HAHA SURPRISE LOON!” all over us. And the dems couldn’t muster a decent opponent (Ron Klink?!) and there we were. ---
**Author:** ![Nicolas\_Bourbaki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecc23a/32.png) [@Nicolas\_Bourbaki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nicolas_Bourbaki)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2009, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932/153 "2009-03-14T04:39:39Z")
> [@](#): > > The Nine Principles > > - > 1. America is good. > > - > 1. I believe in God and He is the Center of my Life. > > - > 1. I must always try to be a more honest person than I was yesterday. > > - > 1. The family is sacred. My spouse and I are the ultimate authority, not the government. > > - > 1. **If you break the law you pay the penalty. Justice is blind and no one is above it.** > > - > 1. I have a right to life, liberty and pursuit of happiness, but there is no guarantee of equal results. > > - > 1. I work hard for what I have and I will share it with who I want to. Government cannot force me to be charitable. > > - > 1. It is not un-American for me to disagree with authority or to share my personal opinion. > > - > 1. The government works for me. I do not answer to them, they answer to me. You know, this sort of talk is going to hamstring an insurrection from the get-go, and I’m not even getting into the fact that it directly contradicts 4, 7, and 9. Methinks this crop of Angry White Men have yet to find the courage of their convictions. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2009, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932/154 "2009-03-14T05:10:36Z")
> [@tumbleddown](#): > > Yes, but when we elected Santorum at first, I don’t think we knew what a hate-steeped, loathesome little toad he really is. He hid his true reptilian nature until he was a couple of years in the Senate, then it was like “HAHA SURPRISE LOON!” all over us. And the dems couldn’t muster a decent opponent (Ron Klink?!) and there we were. Well, I was too young to vote when he ran initially. HA HA-can’t blame me!!! ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2009, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932/155 "2009-03-14T05:21:31Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > (As for Northern bigots, I’m in Pennsylvania. It’s only been about four years since we ousted [Santorum](http://spreadingsantorum.com/). So I hear ya. I’m in Pennsylvania too. Thing is, we _did_ vote him out by a whopping 59% to 41% margin. Yeah, he served two terms, but only two. ---
**Author:** ![C3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/c3/32/3108_2.png) [@C3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C3)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2009, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932/156 "2009-03-14T15:52:57Z")
> [@Nicolas\_Bourbaki](#): > > You know, this sort of talk is going to hamstring an insurrection from the get-go, and I’m not even getting into the fact that it directly contradicts 4, 7, and 9. Methinks this crop of Angry White Men have yet to find the courage of their convictions. No, no, no. It says if _you_ break the law, not if \*I \*break the law. ---
**Author:** ![Squink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5e925/32.png) [@Squink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Squink)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2009, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932/157 "2009-03-14T17:02:21Z")
> [@C3](#): > > No, no, no. It says if _you_ break the law, not if \*I \*break the law. I noticed that distinction too. Given the close parsing the Republicans have done this past eight years, it may well be significant. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2009, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932/158 "2009-03-15T02:33:58Z")
> [@C3](#): > > No, no, no. It says if _you_ break the law, not if \*I \*break the law. HA! I hadn’t noticed that the first time 'round. Rather telling, isn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![Equipoise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/equipoise/32/151_2.png) [@Equipoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Equipoise)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2009, 11:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932/159 "2009-03-15T11:00:11Z")
[This is hilarious.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9JE5SBm9UU) Shep Smith of Fox News obviously thinks Glenn Beck is whacked, and can barely keep from sneering and gaffawing himself. Someone put together a bunch of clips from Friday of him being snarky and mocking Beck during the lead up to the Beckbark. At one point Chris Wallace looks like he wants to smack him. “He will be joining us from his Fear Chamber di-rectly” “We are here to celebrate, worship and adore” Reading an e-mail on-air: “‘Shepard needs to change his snotty attitude. Obviously he is jealous of Glenn Beck.’ _with a barely straight face_ Everyone is.” I don’t watch Fox. Is Smith always snarky like this? I wonder if he really needs to get out of there and join The Daily Show. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2009, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932/160 "2009-03-15T12:07:52Z")
> [@Equipoise](#): > > [This is hilarious.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9JE5SBm9UU) Shep Smith of Fox News obviously thinks Glenn Beck is whacked, and can barely keep from sneering and gaffawing himself. Someone put together a bunch of clips from Friday of him being snarky and mocking Beck during the lead up to the Beckbark. At one point Chris Wallace looks like he wants to smack him. > > “He will be joining us from his Fear Chamber di-rectly” > > “We are here to celebrate, worship and adore” > > Reading an e-mail on-air: “‘Shepard needs to change his snotty attitude. Obviously he is jealous of Glenn Beck.’ _with a barely straight face_ Everyone is.” > > I don’t watch Fox. Is Smith always snarky like this? I wonder if he really needs to get out of there and join The Daily Show. I’ve never seen him before, but it wouldn’t surprise me if he’s out on the street next week looking for a job. He took a shot at O’Reilly, even. He’d fit in well on TDS. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-noes-were-surrounded-chuck-norris-is-going-to-kick-our-asses/488932.md?page=9)