# Oh, Sir! Let me introduce you to a nice knothole... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 20, 2014, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sir-let-me-introduce-you-to-a-nice-knothole/688817 "2014-05-20T11:57:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2014, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sir-let-me-introduce-you-to-a-nice-knothole/688817/1 "2014-05-20T11:57:23Z")
…because our ATM is busy right now: > **[Man held after attempting sex with ATM, picnic table](https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2014/05/20/man-arrested-sex-attempt-atm-picnic-table/9315677/)** > > Police said man charged was with public intoxication after bizarre incident. ---
**Author:** ![AnthonyElite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@AnthonyElite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnthonyElite)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2014, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sir-let-me-introduce-you-to-a-nice-knothole/688817/2 "2014-05-20T12:47:44Z")
Pfffffffffft everyone **knows** atms don’t put out unless you push the right buttons. ---
**Author:** ![Simplicio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c37758/32.png) [@Simplicio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simplicio)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2014, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sir-let-me-introduce-you-to-a-nice-knothole/688817/3 "2014-05-20T13:09:44Z")
Wasn’t this one of the things Rick Santorumn warned us would happen if we legalized gay marraige? ---
**Author:** ![CheshireKat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheshirekat/32/1207_2.png) [@CheshireKat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CheshireKat)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2014, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sir-let-me-introduce-you-to-a-nice-knothole/688817/4 "2014-05-20T13:45:54Z")
This poor man. Obviously he was responding to his current situation through the fog of alcohol. The wife is unresponsive so he goes out and tries to buy sex. That doesn’t work, so he returns to her wooden body for relief. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2014, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sir-let-me-introduce-you-to-a-nice-knothole/688817/5 "2014-05-20T14:19:21Z")
That guy has morning wood and is proud of it. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2014, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sir-let-me-introduce-you-to-a-nice-knothole/688817/6 "2014-05-20T14:30:31Z")
He was trying to score off the bench. ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2014, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sir-let-me-introduce-you-to-a-nice-knothole/688817/7 "2014-05-20T14:33:58Z")
I worry about the guy’s mental health. I don’t think we was completely (s)table. ---
**Author:** ![CheshireKat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheshirekat/32/1207_2.png) [@CheshireKat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CheshireKat)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2014, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sir-let-me-introduce-you-to-a-nice-knothole/688817/8 "2014-05-20T14:35:52Z")
It’s no picnic dealing with poor mental health. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2014, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sir-let-me-introduce-you-to-a-nice-knothole/688817/9 "2014-05-20T14:41:14Z")
Looking for a knotty good time? ---
**Author:** ![hotflungwok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/edb3f5/32.png) [@hotflungwok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hotflungwok)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2014, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sir-let-me-introduce-you-to-a-nice-knothole/688817/10 "2014-05-20T14:50:05Z")
Sheesh, what does he think the night deposit box is for? ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2014, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sir-let-me-introduce-you-to-a-nice-knothole/688817/11 "2014-05-20T15:04:47Z")
> [@hotflungwok](#): > > Sheesh, what does he think the night deposit box is for? Maybe he thought he was at the sperm bank. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2014, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sir-let-me-introduce-you-to-a-nice-knothole/688817/12 "2014-05-20T15:15:27Z")
> [@running\_coach](#): > > Maybe he thought he was at the sperm bank. That’s it, thread over. Everyone pack up and go home. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2014, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sir-let-me-introduce-you-to-a-nice-knothole/688817/13 "2014-05-20T15:27:45Z")
I hope he used a condomint. You don’t know where that table has been. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2014, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sir-let-me-introduce-you-to-a-nice-knothole/688817/14 "2014-05-20T15:34:19Z")
_When I was young and in my prime I used to jack off all the time But now I’m older and have more sense I use a knothole in the fence!_ ---
**Author:** ![CheshireKat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheshirekat/32/1207_2.png) [@CheshireKat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CheshireKat)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2014, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sir-let-me-introduce-you-to-a-nice-knothole/688817/15 "2014-05-20T15:49:23Z")
Now I’m old and I drink too much. Anything goes when in a clutch. At the bank, a park or a bar - Out _ **he** _ comes out for a Love Bizarre. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2014, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sir-let-me-introduce-you-to-a-nice-knothole/688817/16 "2014-05-20T18:54:02Z")
Yo! Where the sexy benches at? ---
**Author:** ![CheshireKat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheshirekat/32/1207_2.png) [@CheshireKat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CheshireKat)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2014, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sir-let-me-introduce-you-to-a-nice-knothole/688817/17 "2014-05-20T18:58:48Z")
> [@CheshireKat](#): > > Now I’m old and I drink too much. > Anything goes when in a clutch. > At the bank, a park or a bar - > Out _ **he** _ comes out for a Love Bizarre. Out _ **he** _ comes for a Love Bizarre. :smack: My OCD made me fix this. Sorry! Carry on with the woodworking class… ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2014, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sir-let-me-introduce-you-to-a-nice-knothole/688817/18 "2014-05-20T19:02:04Z")
Not Florida? I’m shocked. ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2014, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sir-let-me-introduce-you-to-a-nice-knothole/688817/19 "2014-05-20T19:38:49Z")
dood just wanted to get lathed. ---
**Author:** ![Flywheel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Flywheel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flywheel)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2014, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sir-let-me-introduce-you-to-a-nice-knothole/688817/20 "2014-05-20T20:07:47Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > He was trying to score off the bench. > [@Hypno-Toad](#): > > Yo! Where the sexy benches at? He’ll have his chance at the trial…but only if he requests permission. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sir-let-me-introduce-you-to-a-nice-knothole/688817.md?page=2)