# Oh so -that's- what's wrong with me. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 2, 2001, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-so-thats-whats-wrong-with-me/74628 "2001-08-02T13:27:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-so-thats-whats-wrong-with-me/74628/41 "2001-08-27T22:56:15Z")
Hey Deiket, How are you doing? Are you going back to school this fall? ---
**Author:** ![Deiket](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce7236/32.png) [@Deiket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Deiket)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-so-thats-whats-wrong-with-me/74628/42 "2001-08-28T03:24:07Z")
I am doing very well, actually. I start my senior year of High School on Wednesday, and I really can’t wait! I missed all of my friends so much, and this is our year. I’ve been going through therapy to help with organization and time management stuff, as a matter of fact, I just went tonight. It’s been kinda tough because of issues with my father. He very nearly left me in Boston and told me that I’d “ruined our relationship forever”. But, Jester’s been a really big comfort to me, and a marvelously patient shoulder to cry on. I thank him for that, because without him with me, I know this would be a lot more difficult. I’m over the initial shock, and I’m not depressed! I’m just really ready to start school again. Make this year the best yet! Thanks for asking, I really do appriciate it!! ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-so-thats-whats-wrong-with-me/74628/43 "2001-08-28T03:58:12Z")
Best of everything to you, **Deiket**. ---
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-so-thats-whats-wrong-with-me/74628/44 "2001-08-28T04:51:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by AHunter3 \* > \*\* > a) most diagnostic categories of this type do NOT answer the question “what’s wrong with me”; you may enjoy a momentary sense of relief at the thought that your situation has finally been understood, but the diagnosis doesn’t mean much more than “stressed over parents’ divorce” and actually contains less explanatory power. (it’s a description of a behavioral pattern that has been observed to exist in the general population. period.) > > \*\* I have to disagree with this, AHunter3. If you get in-depth information, you find some useful, specific, _non-judgemental_ descriptions. It may not be explanatory, but often knowing _what_ the problem is, is half the battle. It is certainly better than “stressed over the parents’ divorce” when that isn’t the problem, because you aren’t getting frustratingly useless treatments. It is **much** better than “you’re not trying hard enough”, “you’re just being lazy”, “you’re being immature”, etc… When I found out about ADD (no hyperactive element here) I felt a great relief because I realized all those people had criticized me unfairly… they were _wrong_. I keep that feeling to this day. BTW, I was diagnosed as having “the worst case of passive-aggressive behavior” the therapist had ever seen. This was in the early 70s when I was in 4th grade. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by AHunter3 \* > \*\* > c) there may not be anything intrinsically WRONG with you. you may be DIFFERENT (statistically speaking) from the majority of folks, which may have both disadvantages and advantages, which I believe is a better way of conceptualizing it than thinking of it as a disease, even if you are mainly aware of the negative results of this difference. there may be positive trade-offs that you aren’t as conscious of, though–people just don’t tend to sit around mulling over what’s good and working well, and we tend to think of “difference” mainly in negative terms. but you may (for example) have better imagination and be better at thinking “outside the box” than other folks for the same reasons that make it hard for you to mesh with others. \*\* But I have to agree whole-heartedly on this with you. It’s not an intrinsic problem, just that I don’t fit well into the way our world works. OTOH, I am very creative, think always in a non-linear fashion, and see connections between wildly unrelated subjects that others miss among other things. But ADD/ADHD does cause secondary problems - just what you would expect from living in an environment where you can never quite meet the expectations of the people you respect, namely low self-esteem and depression. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by bdgr \* > \*\* > Actually, most ADD or ADHD last until adult, its just most people learn how to deal with it enough to hide the symptoms. ITs not residual add, but just plan old ADD. > \*\* Thank you. And the adult world handles ADD a little better than early school. Look at how regimented most elementary schools are. Sadly, some people don’t handle it, they just escape into addiction. So that I actually add something to the discussion I have a couple of theories on what ADD/ADHD really is. The first is that controlling focus is a skill, like playing the piano. Skills have two components: natural talent and training. The natural talent aspect follows a bell-curve distribution. Some people can sit down at the piano when they’re 4 and start playing classical music. A lot of people can learn to play moderately well if they work at it long enough. And some people could spend every day at the piano for the rest of their life and never get very good. Because focus control is so important to survival, most people have a decent amount of natural talent at it. But since most people don’t need much training, our culture doesn’t know how to train the few of us that need more help in this area. My other theory is dependent upon a personality theory called social styles: [http://academic.emporia.edu/wcb/schools/LAS/cta/emcglone/13/files/social\_styles.htm](http://academic.emporia.edu/wcb/schools/LAS/cta/emcglone/13/files/social_styles.htm) This theory describes 4 basic styles that people have of interacting with others. What I’ve found is that people who fit into the Expressive style tend to have ADD traits. Check out the link and see if you don’t fit into that style. Dieket - I’m glad to hear that things are going well, and sorry about your father. ---
**Author:** ![Koldanar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dbc845/32.png) [@Koldanar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koldanar)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-so-thats-whats-wrong-with-me/74628/45 "2001-08-28T13:43:46Z")
/minor hijack I find it may be a possibility that i have ADD, where would i go to find this out? /minor hijack ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2001, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-so-thats-whats-wrong-with-me/74628/46 "2001-09-05T22:24:11Z")
Thanks for the update, Deiket. Have a good senior year and I hope your father gets better (or something, you know what I mean). ---
**Author:** ![Godfrey\_Daniels](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Godfrey\_Daniels](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Godfrey_Daniels)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2001, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-so-thats-whats-wrong-with-me/74628/47 "2001-09-05T23:04:00Z")
My daughter is 17 and was diagnosed borderline ADD three years ago. In no way does it make her less valued in my eyes; she will always be loved and considered a valuable family member. She has to work a little harder than most to achieve the same results, and it can be frustrating at times, but there are many who reach out to help her. Deiket, don’t ever let anyone tell you that because you have ADHD, that you’re incapable. You may see things a little differently, but you have as much potential and are as able as the next person. Take advantage of those who are willing to help you, and hang in there. ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2001, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-so-thats-whats-wrong-with-me/74628/48 "2001-09-05T23:10:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Koldanar \* > \*\* > /minor hijack > > I find it may be a possibility that i have ADD, where would i go to find this out? > > /minor hijack \*\* Just in case you’re still wondering, do a search for ADHD in GQ. You should find some resources there. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-so-thats-whats-wrong-with-me/74628.md?page=2)