# Oh, sweet Jesus how I hate zombies **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 22, 2004, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sweet-jesus-how-i-hate-zombies/235645 "2004-03-22T01:28:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Wabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ba9def/32.png) [@Wabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wabbit)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2004, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sweet-jesus-how-i-hate-zombies/235645/1 "2004-03-22T01:28:13Z")
So–I saw ‘Dawn of the Dead’ last night and the first thing I though of was [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=185964) thread from awhile back. Then I was overcome with loathing for self-ambulating cannibalistic corpses. Holy SHIT do I hate those lazy, non-hygenic ass clowns! Always shambling around, causing traffic problems, and forcing me to spend a good chunk of my monthly income on shotgun shells and plywood. I can’t even go to the goddamned mall anymore without having to drive through hordes of stinking zombies. There outta be a law… (it’s a good movie, by the way, sort of a combo action/horror type of deal–well worth it IMO). ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2004, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sweet-jesus-how-i-hate-zombies/235645/2 "2004-03-22T01:32:49Z")
Let’s see: _The Passion of the Christ_: movie about a guy who dies and comes back to life. _Dawn of the Dead_: movie about some guys (and gals) who die and come back to life. I see a trend. ---
**Author:** ![Squink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5e925/32.png) [@Squink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Squink)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2004, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sweet-jesus-how-i-hate-zombies/235645/3 "2004-03-22T01:43:28Z")
[Zombies push Jesus from top of American box office](http://www.reuters.com/locales/newsArticle.jsp;:405e2a8c:1383fe5faf4f471f?type=entertainmentNews&locale=en_IN&storyID=4614149) ---
**Author:** ![Last\_Will\_of\_Threon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Last\_Will\_of\_Threon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Last_Will_of_Threon)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2004, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sweet-jesus-how-i-hate-zombies/235645/4 "2004-03-22T02:53:20Z")
> [@](#): > > Another reason to hate Zombies > > Zombies push Jesus from top of American box office Sweet Zombie Jesus! ---
**Author:** ![JonScribe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/3be4f8/32.png) [@JonScribe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JonScribe)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2004, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sweet-jesus-how-i-hate-zombies/235645/5 "2004-03-22T02:57:37Z")
[Zombie Jesus] Take, eat, these are my BRAINS, DELICIOUS BRAINS. [/Zombie Jesus] I’m going to Hell, now, aren’t I? ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2004, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sweet-jesus-how-i-hate-zombies/235645/6 "2004-03-22T03:17:23Z")
[Zombie Jesus] Must…eat…brains…of…moneychangers… or Must…eat…brains…of…non-believers… [/Zombie Jesus] ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2004, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sweet-jesus-how-i-hate-zombies/235645/7 "2004-03-22T03:42:55Z")
How could you have forgotten [Mmmm… Brains!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=214023), hmm? ---
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2004, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sweet-jesus-how-i-hate-zombies/235645/8 "2004-03-22T03:48:45Z")
I don’t care if it rains or freezes, long as I got my Zombie Jesus, eatin’ all those sweet and tasty brains… ---
**Author:** ![MikeG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mikeg/32/4329_2.png) [@MikeG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MikeG)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2004, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sweet-jesus-how-i-hate-zombies/235645/9 "2004-03-22T03:55:37Z")
**JonScribe**. that is the first post to make me actually laugh out loud in ages! Thanks! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Slacker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@Slacker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slacker)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2004, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sweet-jesus-how-i-hate-zombies/235645/10 "2004-03-22T04:23:04Z")
A joke thread in the pit? Uh oh… ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2004, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sweet-jesus-how-i-hate-zombies/235645/11 "2004-03-22T04:34:22Z")
Aw, c’mon. Zombies need love, too. ---
**Author:** ![pencilpusher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d6d6ee/32.png) [@pencilpusher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pencilpusher)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2004, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sweet-jesus-how-i-hate-zombies/235645/12 "2004-03-22T04:39:45Z")
Oh GREAT now I went and woke up the kids by laughing so loud. THANKS. :rolleyes: Does anyone remember the Michael Jackson video with the zombies? I think it was his Beat It video… Night Of The Living Dead was GREAT!! I LOOOOOOVE grade B zombie movies!! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Slacker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@Slacker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slacker)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2004, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sweet-jesus-how-i-hate-zombies/235645/13 "2004-03-22T05:15:39Z")
> [@pencilpusher](#): > > Oh GREAT now I went and woke up the kids by laughing so loud. THANKS. :rolleyes: > > Does anyone remember the Michael Jackson video with the zombies? I think it was his Beat It video… > > Night Of The Living Dead was GREAT!! I LOOOOOOVE grade B zombie movies!! 😃 That was _Thriller_. I should know, I memorized the whole damn dance routine. I must have been seven or eight years old? Who remembers. I do remember my mom always tried to get me to do it for guests. I ran and hid instead. Some of us weren’t meant for the spotlight. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![pencilpusher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d6d6ee/32.png) [@pencilpusher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pencilpusher)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2004, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sweet-jesus-how-i-hate-zombies/235645/14 "2004-03-22T05:22:42Z")
> [@Slacker](#): > > That was _Thriller_. I should know, I memorized the whole damn dance routine. I must have been seven or eight years old? Who remembers. I do remember my mom always tried to get me to do it for guests. I ran and hid instead. Some of us weren’t meant for the spotlight. 😃 Thanks **Slacker** I couldn’t for the life of me remember the name of it. Now ya got me thinking about teaching my 4 yo the dance moves LOL. Think 10 years of therapy would help him forgive me if I did? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Slacker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@Slacker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slacker)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2004, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sweet-jesus-how-i-hate-zombies/235645/15 "2004-03-22T05:26:37Z")
> [@pencilpusher](#): > > Thanks **Slacker** I couldn’t for the life of me remember the name of it. Now ya got me thinking about teaching my 4 yo the dance moves LOL. Think 10 years of therapy would help him forgive me if I did? 😛 lol - maybe only 5 years these days. (more powerful brain drugs available now). ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2004, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sweet-jesus-how-i-hate-zombies/235645/16 "2004-03-22T05:59:02Z")
There was another zombie thread I have been searching for but can’t find. The OP talked about sitting down to dinner, and his little girl started screaming because there were zombies at the window, so he had to fight them off, and so on. If anyone else can locate it I’m sure it would make a fine link. Now excuse me, but the cat is scratching to be let back in. ---
**Author:** ![Wabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ba9def/32.png) [@Wabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wabbit)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2004, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sweet-jesus-how-i-hate-zombies/235645/17 "2004-03-22T23:05:31Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > There was another zombie thread I have been searching for but can’t find. The OP talked about sitting down to dinner, and his little girl started screaming because there were zombies at the window, so he had to fight them off, and so on. If anyone else can locate it I’m sure it would make a fine link. Linked it in my OP dude, because I agree witcha. 😉 RE: ‘Dawn’ replacing 'Passion as the Top Movie this weekend, all I can say is a movie about 50,000 zombies beats a movie about 1 zombie any day of the week. ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2004, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sweet-jesus-how-i-hate-zombies/235645/18 "2004-03-23T01:38:29Z")
Those movies are totally unrealistic. Didja ever notice how every single person in that movie shoots like Annie Oakley? Zombie 50 yards away, pow, down with a headshot from a snubnose pistol while in a dead sprint. A few weeks ago I had a zombie running right at me, I hit the “Weaver stance” take careful aim…and miss him completely. The next shot hits him in the neck and would have stopped a non-zombie, but it doesn’t even hurt his feelings. By this time he’s right up on me, I figure I can’t miss…and blow his jaw off. Now I’m down on the ground wrestling with a stinky jawless zombie who is trying to bite me but can’t, thank God. I finally reach a screwdriver and get him in the eye…does it pierce his brain and kill him like in the movies? Hell no! I try again and again can’t pierce his skull or can’t do enough damage to the brain, and the smelly bastard goes on gumming me. Eventually I slip halfway loose and walk back over to where he knocked the pistol with him dragging on my leg like a little kid. I was never so happy to shoot something in the head. That that, you dead stinking fuck! Oh, and the molotov cocktail thing? Yeah, try _that_ one in real life. Now you’ve got a _flaming_ zombie chasing you, ya jackass! ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2004, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sweet-jesus-how-i-hate-zombies/235645/19 "2004-03-23T02:02:50Z")
> [@pravnik](#): > > … Now you’ve got a _flaming_ zombie chasing you, ya jackass! Hey! Great name for a drink! Bartender, I’d like a Flaming Zombie! ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2004, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sweet-jesus-how-i-hate-zombies/235645/20 "2004-03-23T02:40:53Z")
> [@Ponder Stibbons](#): > > Hey! Great name for a drink! > > Bartender, I’d like a Flaming Zombie! “MOE! That’s a Flaming MOE!” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-sweet-jesus-how-i-hate-zombies/235645.md?page=2)