# Oh, That Wacky, Zany O.J.! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 4, 2004, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-that-wacky-zany-o-j/248623 "2004-06-04T14:34:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-that-wacky-zany-o-j/248623/1 "2004-06-04T14:34:58Z")
That zenith of the Respectable Publishing World, _The NY Post_, has a front-page article today (slow news day?) about O.J. Simpson’s interview with Scientologist/Tee-Vee Hostess Greta Van Susteren: June 4, 2004 – LOS ANGELES — In an interview marking the 10th anniversary of Nicole Brown Simpson’s murder, O.J. Simpson virtually blames his ex-wife for her own slaying . . . The disgraced grid legend makes the offhanded comments in a TV interview with Fox News Channel’s Greta Van Susteren. During the interview, which airs Monday at 10 p.m., Simpson shamelessly plugs a prank reality-TV show he claims to be developing. Simpson compared it to MTV’s show featuring actor Ashton Kutcher pulling stunts. “It’s a takeoff on something called ‘Punk’d.’ It’s me doing gags as, as Juice. Juice. What they call ‘juicing’ people,” he said. “[On a scale of 1-10], it’s 7 or 8, that it’s gonna happen.” [_I guess a “10” would be him slashing contestants to death?_] In commenting on Kobe Bryant’s case, Simpson appeared to mock the concept of date rape, saying “no” doesn’t always mean “no.” “I have certainly in my life, had girls come to the room, and say ‘no’ or say whatever. And when I was a kid growing up, just about every girl said ‘no’ once,” a laughing Simpson said. “You know, they had to, because you’d think they were a slut or something. In my opinion, ‘date rape,’ and ‘stranger rape,’ are two different things entirely.” With the grisly June 12 anniversary next week, Simpson said he and the two children he had with Nicole — Sydney, 18, and Justin, 16 — have already toasted their mom’s memory. I don’t look at the anniversary. I regret the fact that we even had to know that this is the anniversary. I did [mark the occasion] a few days ago. I did have my kids at dinner, at a Benihana-type place," Simpson said. "And, I said, ‘OK, we gotta toast. This would have been your mother’s 45th birthday.’ " [_“Hey, kids—to celebrate your Mom’s birthday, let’s go to a restaurant where they hack up meat right in front of you!”_] ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-that-wacky-zany-o-j/248623/2 "2004-06-04T14:37:32Z")
Dare we hope that this interview is the first prank in his new show? ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-that-wacky-zany-o-j/248623/3 "2004-06-04T14:51:24Z")
That O.J., he sure is funny. Always the prankster. OJ: “Hey, they planted my blood. That LA PD sure is funny. What’s that? They tested some blood and the DNA matches mine? Wait a minute, my lawyer has shown that there was mishandling and that it skewed the DNA results. There is no way that blood is mine!” “But, O.J., you said they planted your blood, so it should match yours.” OJ: “Oh, man, I’m gonna make this a sketch. Who is on first…” ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-that-wacky-zany-o-j/248623/4 "2004-06-04T14:51:39Z")
I’d say move this to the Pit so I can say what I really think about OJ, but it’s all been said before. I will say this however: “O.J.! Go away! You got off lucky! Just slink away never to be seen or heard from again!” :wally ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ea5d25/32.png) [@Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Scrappy_Hero_Pup)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-that-wacky-zany-o-j/248623/5 "2004-06-04T15:42:06Z")
The best part is where he expresses anger at Nicole for not being there for the children. “There are times I am angry at her… There are things that she could [have been] doing with the kids better than I, you know?” I want to make a more layered joke than “Should’ve thought of that before you killed her,” but that’s all I can get out before the thought loops back around. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-that-wacky-zany-o-j/248623/6 "2004-06-04T16:01:08Z")
Some people still defend him. Some women still flock to him. The mind absolutely freakin’ boggles. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-that-wacky-zany-o-j/248623/7 "2004-06-04T16:05:47Z")
I rarely wish a crippling, debilitating disease on someone, but O.J… Where is Sweeney Todd when you really _need_ him? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-that-wacky-zany-o-j/248623/8 "2004-06-04T16:12:53Z")
He should just crawl right back under that rock of his and stay there this time. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-that-wacky-zany-o-j/248623/9 "2004-06-04T16:17:21Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > That zenith of the Respectable Publishing World, _The NY Post_, has a front-page article today (slow news day?) about O.J. Simpson’s interview with Scientologist/Tee-Vee Hostess Greta Van Susteren This totally pissed me off. The director of the CIA resigns, yet both the Post and the Daily News have OJ on front page. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-that-wacky-zany-o-j/248623/10 "2004-06-04T16:19:38Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > I did [mark the occasion] a few days ago. I did have my kids at dinner, at a Benihana-type place," Simpson said. Dear God. :eek: I pray the irony is lost on those poor kids. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-that-wacky-zany-o-j/248623/11 "2004-06-04T16:25:11Z")
I can’t help but wonder how the children can look at the same evidence we looked at (now that they’re older) and still be able to be in the same room with him. I almost feel like they’re afraid to doubt his integrity through this. Like they’re going to get the same treatment if they defy him the way she did. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-that-wacky-zany-o-j/248623/12 "2004-06-04T16:34:40Z")
I remember back during the trial reading about how Simpson date raped Nicole on their first date. She returned home with her clothes actually ripped and tattered from the attack, according to a (I believe) family friend of the Browns. He’s just about as despicable as they get. ---
**Author:** ![koeeoaddi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/koeeoaddi/32/408_2.png) [@koeeoaddi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/koeeoaddi)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-that-wacky-zany-o-j/248623/13 "2004-06-04T17:03:41Z")
I heard that the interview is an _hour_ long. What on earth could this guy have to say that anyone would want to actually take time out of their lives and listen to? I’m not even sure I’d tune in if he booked five minutes of air time to broadcast his confession. ---
**Author:** ![malkabat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@malkabat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/malkabat)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-that-wacky-zany-o-j/248623/14 "2004-06-04T18:44:45Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > Where is Sweeney Todd when you really _need_ him? 😃 I hear he used to play for the Bills… (The Demon Running Back of Rockingham Ave.?) ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-that-wacky-zany-o-j/248623/15 "2004-06-04T19:33:24Z")
> [@malkabat](#): > > (The Demon Running Back of Rockingham Ave.?) **O.J. as Mrs. Lovitt** : A customer! Wait, want a plate-oh? What’s your hurry? You gave me such a fright I thought you was Kato Half a minute count to six Sit you down Sit All I meant is that I haven’t had a film offer in years Did you come here for a pie, sir? Do forgive me if me head’s all a-chuckle. What is that? But you’d think me Fatty Arbuckle From the way the people Keep avoiding No you don’t sir Heaven knows I try sir But there’s no one comes in to my garden Right you are sir. Would you like a taste of Darden? Mind you I can’t hardly blame them These are probably the worst pies in Brentwood I know why nobody cares to take them I should know, I make them But good know The worst pies in Brentwood They might bark The worst pies in Brentwood Tastes just like Marcia Clarke? Is that just disgusting? You have to concede it. It’s nothing but crusting. Here drink this, you’ll need it The worst pies in Brentwood And no wonder with the price of gloves What you eat Who you loves Never thought I’d live to see the day Meant to think it was a trick Finding poor waiters What? A dyin’ in the street Robert Blake has a pie shop Does a business, but I’ve noticed something weird His new wife’s disappeared ‘Ave to hand it to him What a cause Enterprise Poppin’ wifies into pies Wouldn’t do in my shop Just the thought of it’s enough to make you sick And I tell you them bleached blondes is quick No denying times is hard, sir Even harder than the worst pies in Brentwood Only lard and nothing more is That just revolting All greasy and gritty It looks like it’s molting And tastes like… Well, pretty . . . A man alone With limited wind And the worst pies in Brentwood Ah, sir, times is hard! Times is hard! ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-that-wacky-zany-o-j/248623/16 "2004-06-04T19:35:47Z")
\*\*Brava! Encore! Bravissima! \*\* 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-that-wacky-zany-o-j/248623/17 "2004-06-04T20:26:40Z")
He also criticizes the Goldmans and Browns for _profitting_ on the murders. Uhhh…O.J. what’s putting your sorry over-the-hill murdering ass on TV and the front page. Why don’t you just accuse Fred Goldman and the Browns of committing the murders? ---
**Author:** ![ccwaterback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@ccwaterback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ccwaterback)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-that-wacky-zany-o-j/248623/18 "2004-06-04T20:36:00Z")
That crazy OJ, he sure is one cut-up isn’t he. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-that-wacky-zany-o-j/248623/19 "2004-06-04T20:46:58Z")
From an AOL message board: Kill Your wife - 5 Million in Attorney Fee’s Kill her Friend - lose 3 Million Civil suit Play around of Golf - 125 Dollars Get off scott free - PRICELESS ---
**Author:** ![malkabat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@malkabat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/malkabat)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-that-wacky-zany-o-j/248623/20 "2004-06-04T20:54:21Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > **O.J. as Mrs. Lovitt** : _snif_ Oh, Eve, I’m so touched! _dabs eyes with hankie_ And this thread has most definitely been forwarded to my Sondheim-fanatic friend, for whom I played Johanna back in the day… [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-that-wacky-zany-o-j/248623.md?page=2)