# OH THE HORROR! Is this some sick joke? What have you done to these poor children? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 30, 2007, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711 "2007-07-30T17:32:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![The\_Chao\_Goes\_Mu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_chao_goes_mu/32/3191_2.png) [@The\_Chao\_Goes\_Mu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Chao_Goes_Mu)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2007, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/21 "2007-07-30T18:11:34Z")
Great Og! What the hell _was_ that? I think I’m about to have a seizuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2007, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/22 "2007-07-30T18:12:50Z")
[QUOTE=lieu] [Hot to not.](http://www.naturalbeautiescontest.homestead.com/retouch1aaa.html) [/QUOTE] The "before"picture is a good photo of a very attractive young woman; the “after” picture looks like a bad painting of her with a fancy wig attached. I don’t know why anyone (including the subject) would prefer the re-touched version. ---
**Author:** ![ShelliBean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f9ae1b/32.png) [@ShelliBean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShelliBean)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2007, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/23 "2007-07-30T18:25:58Z")
See, now that’s just not right. Those lazy parents should be keeping those kids on a strict gym and skin care regimen to even out those lumpy “baby fat” (yeah right, more like milk binging!) and unsightly uneven skin tones (hello? facial peel). And really, it’s not like those kids are going to be getting pregnant so I don’t see how a little propecia would hurt. Then we wouldn’t need those silly photoshoppers. ---
**Author:** ![Borborygmi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/borborygmi/32/217_2.png) [@Borborygmi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Borborygmi)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2007, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/24 "2007-07-30T18:30:29Z")
[QUOTE=Struan] I think the next series of Doctor Who could use that website as inspiration [/QUOTE] With me, my mind went to _Batman_ instead (after picking my jaw off the floor, of course): “Hurry, Robin, we’ve got to find out who’s responsible for this… Gotham won’t be safe until this fiend is safely locked up in Arkham. Robin? Oh no, old chum… don’t tell me they’ve gotten you, too!” ---
**Author:** ![beowulff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beowulff/32/542_2.png) [@beowulff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beowulff)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2007, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/25 "2007-07-30T18:35:26Z")
[QUOTE=lieu] The latter. The also advertise being able to repair tears and damaged photos so it appears their intent is legit even if it’s weird beyond compare. [Hot to not.](http://www.naturalbeautiescontest.homestead.com/retouch1aaa.html) [/QUOTE] It looks to me like someone just discovered the “Healing Brush” in Photoshop… ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2007, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/26 "2007-07-30T18:43:16Z")
[QUOTE=beowulff] It looks to me like someone just discovered the “Healing Brush” in Photoshop… [/QUOTE] That’s not the “healing brush”. That’s the “slather on makeup” brush. Hot to not, indeed. ---
**Author:** ![beowulff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beowulff/32/542_2.png) [@beowulff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beowulff)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2007, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/27 "2007-07-30T18:44:57Z")
[QUOTE=Sunspace] That’s not the “healing brush”. That’s the “slather on makeup” brush. Hot to not, indeed. [/QUOTE] Ahh… That must be in the Mary Kay signature edition of Photoshop. ---
**Author:** ![ShelliBean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f9ae1b/32.png) [@ShelliBean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShelliBean)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2007, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/28 "2007-07-30T18:46:29Z")
[QUOTE=beowulff] Ahh… That must be in the Mary Kay signature edition of Photoshop. [/QUOTE] Yeah, just think: somebody got a pink Cadillac out of that crappy work. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2007, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/29 "2007-07-30T18:47:00Z")
[QUOTE=beowulff] Ahh… That must be in the Mary Kay signature edition of Photoshop. [/QUOTE] Now _that’s_ a scary thought. Especially if you combine it with 3-D modeling software like “Poser”. ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2007, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/30 "2007-07-30T18:47:25Z")
Geez…dude, stick to your talents – you’re passably good with retouching [wedding photos](http://www.naturalbeautiescontest.homestead.com/retouchaa.html), so stay in your niche. ---
**Author:** ![badbadrubberpiggy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/57b2e6/32.png) [@badbadrubberpiggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badbadrubberpiggy)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2007, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/31 "2007-07-30T18:48:21Z")
[QUOTE=Giles] The "before"picture is a good photo of a very attractive young woman; the “after” picture looks like a bad painting of her with a fancy wig attached. I don’t know why anyone (including the subject) would prefer the re-touched version. [/QUOTE] Exactly. The “after” is just awful. They didn’t just retouch her, they made her look like a bad paint-by-number. And the re-toucher uses the same doll-eyes for every single person, kid & adult. Her wedding retouches aren’t bad, but still fake looking. At least she let the brides keep their own eyes. ---
**Author:** ![Surly\_Chick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Surly\_Chick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surly_Chick)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2007, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/32 "2007-07-30T18:58:26Z")
[QUOTE=Hal Briston] Geez…dude, stick to your talents – you’re passably good with retouching [wedding photos](http://www.naturalbeautiescontest.homestead.com/retouchaa.html), so stay in your niche. [/QUOTE] What the heck is up with the first bride’s dress? She looks like one of those dolls with the crocheted dresses that your grandma used to put over the spare roll of toilet paper. ---
**Author:** ![Long\_Time\_Lurker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/2bfe46/32.png) [@Long\_Time\_Lurker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Long_Time_Lurker)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2007, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/33 "2007-07-30T18:59:29Z")
You may find this amusing: [Something Awful vs. Crazy Doll Lady](http://www.somethingawful.com/d/legal-threats/crazy-doll-lady.php) ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2007, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/34 "2007-07-30T19:15:24Z")
If you’re going to replace all the original features in the face, it might be a good idea to learn where they’re supposed to go. Oh, and can you at least use the gradient tool instead of the paintbucket? ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Tiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Mama\_Tiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Tiger)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2007, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/35 "2007-07-30T20:08:15Z")
Okay, this one is really, _really_ disturbing. While the link was entitled “Ultra Glamour Photos,” it presents us with [these horrifying shots](http://supremepageantphotos.homestead.com/glams.html). I won’t mock the ones of the children by saying what I’m thinking, but the adult woman at the bottom? Uh, who’s in line for the next blow job? And on the wedding photos page – as Dave Barry says, I swear I am not making this up – she includes the following line in her description of what she’s done to the photo: > [@Freaky Photoshop Lady](#): > > \*Wrinkle in bodice (udder bust) removed I rest my case, Your Honor. ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2007, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/36 "2007-07-30T20:18:24Z")
OK, those are some of the absoulte _worst_ re-touches I’ve _ever_ seen. The one Redbook did on Faith Hill was _far_ better, and I thought _that_ one was pretty crappy. Oh, and creepy? Gah! Nightmare-inducing! Stepford Kids, indeed! ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2007, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/37 "2007-07-30T20:36:48Z")
[QUOTE=Tranquilis] OK, those are some of the absoulte _worst_ re-touches I’ve _ever_ seen. The one Redbook did on Faith Hill was _far_ better, and I thought _that_ one was pretty crappy. Oh, and creepy? Gah! Nightmare-inducing! Stepford Kids, indeed! [/QUOTE] The Faith Hill one was creepy because of what it says about objectification of women and unattainable body types (even Faith Hill doesn’t look as “good” as Faith Hill!) But the photoshopping itself, with the exception of the really bizzarely long upper arm and lack of an elbow, isn’t terrible. These kids, OTOH, are just so badly Photoshopped, I can’t even work myself up into a lather about the objectification and sexualization of young children. I can’t get there because I keep bumping up against, “God DAMN, that’s some bad Photoshopping!” And these are, presumably, her BEST pieces? The ones she’s displaying to try and get more business? Damn! I had some brief hope for humanity and searched and searched to find something saying that her cite is all a hoax on par with the painted cats book. Unfortunately, it appears to be real and legit. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Fat\_Chance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8baadc/32.png) [@Fat\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fat_Chance)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2007, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/38 "2007-07-30T20:38:22Z")
Was anyone else immediately reminded of when George had to get Kruger replaced in the beach photo after he was airbrushed out? “Hey, I had to draw that guy from memory!” These don’t look like re-touches, they look like very bad paintings. ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2007, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/39 "2007-07-30T20:40:34Z")
What the _fuck?_ Those are ridiculous, but that first one, Jesus. It looks flat, and plastic and covered in foundation and lipstick like some psychopath dressed up a mannequin so he could pretend it was his late daughter, who died in a tragic multiple stabbing accident that he’s really sorry for but it’s okay now because she’s back, she’s back, you see? Isn’t she pretty? :: pets wig :: That third one, too – the retouch looks like pinching her dimples would produce a squeak toy noise. I think I’m not going to sleep very well tonight. ---
**Author:** ![ShelliBean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f9ae1b/32.png) [@ShelliBean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShelliBean)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2007, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/40 "2007-07-30T20:44:22Z")
[QUOTE=Mindfield] Those are ridiculous, but that first one, Jesus. It looks flat, and plastic and covered in foundation and lipstick like some psychopath dressed up a mannequin so he could pretend it was his late daughter, who died in a tragic multiple stabbing accident that he’s really sorry for but it’s okay now because she’s back, she’s back, you see? Isn’t she pretty? :: pets wig :: [/QUOTE] Yes, my first thought when I saw the pics was of a CSI-type person in a computer lab saying “this is what we think she looked like after the reconstruction.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711.md?page=3)