# OH THE HORROR! Is this some sick joke? What have you done to these poor children? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 30, 2007, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711 "2007-07-30T17:32:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Bambi\_Hassenpfeffer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Bambi\_Hassenpfeffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bambi_Hassenpfeffer)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2007, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/81 "2007-07-31T02:50:01Z")
[Yeeesh](http://www.naturalbeautiescontest.homestead.com/retouch1aaaa2.html). _Those_ are not baby eyelashes. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2007, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/82 "2007-07-31T03:23:49Z")
[QUOTE=stretch] I can’t show this site to my mom…it would kill her. She was a professional retoucher for years; she even had a retouch machine at home. If she saw these I think her head would explode. [/QUOTE] Don’t show her the pictures. Just send her a link to this thread. Let _her_ make the leap into the Uncanny Valley. ---
**Author:** ![Cuckoorex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Cuckoorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cuckoorex)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2007, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/83 "2007-07-31T03:38:22Z")
Yeah, they have prices but no address to send money and the “Paypal” buttons on the page are nonfunctional. It’s a parody site, most likely to point out how horrible it is that we impose such demand for perfection on kids or something. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2007, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/84 "2007-07-31T03:40:35Z")
The only positive thing I can say about that website is thank god this woman became a photo retoucher instead of a plastic surgeon. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2007, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/85 "2007-07-31T03:41:54Z")
These people are making a living at this, and I’m not? Life is so damned unfair. I could do SO MUCH BETTER! ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Tiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Mama\_Tiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Tiger)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2007, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/86 "2007-07-31T03:49:01Z")
I think that of all the creepy photos on all the pages that have been linked to here, [this one](http://www.kelsphotocreations.com/images/retouch1lowres.jpg) is the one that makes me want to go hide in a bomb shelter somewhere and not come out until all the retouchers have been nuked into eternity! Who the FUCK puts that kind of lipstick on a BABY? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2007, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/87 "2007-07-31T03:56:11Z")
[QUOTE=Mama Tiger] I think that of all the creepy photos on all the pages that have been linked to here, [this one](http://www.kelsphotocreations.com/images/retouch1lowres.jpg) is the one that makes me want to go hide in a bomb shelter somewhere and not come out until all the retouchers have been nuked into eternity! Who the FUCK puts that kind of lipstick on a BABY? 😕 [/QUOTE] Holy \*&^#. That looks like the Star Baby from 2001 and the Sun Baby from the Teletubbies had evil animatronic progeny, one of whom was recruited to be a villain on the original Star Trek. Dolls, indeed. They want their children to be dolls. Fashion accessories. Decorations. Not human beings at all. Children should be seen and not heard… ---
**Author:** ![Spacegirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47774/32.png) [@Spacegirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spacegirl)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2007, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/88 "2007-07-31T05:40:50Z")
[QUOTE=Mama Tiger] I think that of all the creepy photos on all the pages that have been linked to here, [this one](http://www.kelsphotocreations.com/images/retouch1lowres.jpg) is the one that makes me want to go hide in a bomb shelter somewhere and not come out until all the retouchers have been nuked into eternity! Who the FUCK puts that kind of lipstick on a BABY? 😕 [/QUOTE] That “baby” looks like one of my sim people! Hmm… ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2007, 8:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/89 "2007-07-31T08:06:12Z")
[QUOTE=Tranquilis] But these kids… they don’t look like dolls, and they don’t look like humans, and they don’t look like paintings… they look _alien_. [/QUOTE] Possibly [Zogg?](http://www.whatisdeepfried.com/zogg/zogg1.html) ---
**Author:** ![badbadrubberpiggy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/57b2e6/32.png) [@badbadrubberpiggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badbadrubberpiggy)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2007, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/90 "2007-07-31T13:49:12Z")
[QUOTE=Pullet] [This is the worst](http://www.naturalbeautiescontest.homestead.com/retouch1aa.html) They claim that they are keeping her “all natural,” and “perfecting the photo without changing the child” But they gave her a completely different eye color, and made her eyes bigger!!! I guess they just can’t stop themselves. [/QUOTE] \ ***Extra catch lights removed from eyes** Yes, remove the light in the kid’s eyes, that’s really going to make her look better! :eek: Instead of a happy kid, she now looks like a death mask. ---
**Author:** ![ShelliBean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f9ae1b/32.png) [@ShelliBean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShelliBean)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2007, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/91 "2007-07-31T14:15:19Z")
[QUOTE=Cuckoorex] Yeah, they have prices but no address to send money and the “Paypal” buttons on the page are nonfunctional. It’s a parody site, most likely to point out how horrible it is that we impose such demand for perfection on kids or something. [/QUOTE] Really? I guess I got intarwebwooshed! Of course, I didn’t check your facts either. Go on, spoon feed me. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![BaneSidhe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c5a1d2/32.png) [@BaneSidhe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BaneSidhe)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2007, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/92 "2007-07-31T14:30:04Z")
I clicked the first link, screamed, and closed the browser window. Holy geebus, but what is the world coming to?? ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2007, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/93 "2007-07-31T14:31:32Z")
[QUOTE=Cuckoorex] Yeah, they have prices but no address to send money and the “Paypal” buttons on the page are nonfunctional. It’s a parody site, most likely to point out how horrible it is that we impose such demand for perfection on kids or something. [/QUOTE] When I clicked on the paypal button it took me to the paypal site. It also gave me the option of picking howmuch I wanted to send. I am so going to see if my wife wants to send a picture to her grandmother, she might love something like this. ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2007, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/94 "2007-07-31T14:35:16Z")
[QUOTE=Cuckoorex] Yeah, they have prices but no address to send money and the “Paypal” buttons on the page are nonfunctional. It’s a parody site, most likely to point out how horrible it is that we impose such demand for perfection on kids or something. [/QUOTE] I dunno, there’s an AOL e-mail address, and the guy over at Something Awful (heh, how appropriate) claims to have had an extended e-mail exchange with Crazy Doll Lady (see post #33 of this thread). She also says to e-mail her for an order form. Maybe she’s just using the PayPal logo for artwork/advertising. ---
**Author:** ![rucciface](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ba9def/32.png) [@rucciface](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rucciface)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2007, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/95 "2007-07-31T14:51:58Z")
All of these pictures have me laughing uncontrollably. Kind of like the way I laugh on the scariest thrill rides. ---
**Author:** ![Triskadecamus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b19c9b/32.png) [@Triskadecamus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triskadecamus)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2007, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/96 "2007-07-31T14:57:16Z")
The Child Beauty Pageant is nothing but Legal Child Abuse, and the industry that supports is as evil as anything that happens in the world, short of war. But, it is very popular in America, and after all, your children are your property, and are only considered to be individuals with rights before they are born. Fuck. Tris ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2007, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/97 "2007-07-31T15:05:22Z")
[QUOTE=Mama Tiger] I think that of all the creepy photos on all the pages that have been linked to here, [this one](http://www.kelsphotocreations.com/images/retouch1lowres.jpg) is the one that makes me want to go hide in a bomb shelter somewhere and not come out until all the retouchers have been nuked into eternity! Who the FUCK puts that kind of lipstick on a BABY? 😕 [/QUOTE] Sweet blisterin’ clusterdoodle, that’s something STASI would use in an interrogation. I think I’ll print it, stick it on my office door like it’s my own child and count the number of passers by that urp when they see it. Little crop of horrors. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2007, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/98 "2007-07-31T15:15:10Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp] Why even bother to send her a photo of your child? Why not just say, “Hey, will you make a picture of my kid? She’s two years old, brown hair, brown eyes. See what you can do.” [/QUOTE] “Oh, and can you make sure she’s _super_ fuckable? I’ll pay extra for the Plastic Tart package. Thanks so much.” ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2007, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/99 "2007-07-31T15:22:54Z")
[QUOTE=MrDibble] Possibly [Zogg?](http://www.whatisdeepfried.com/zogg/zogg1.html) [/QUOTE] OMG! You’re _right!_ This lady is an agent of the Zogg! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2007, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/100 "2007-07-31T15:24:59Z")
[QUOTE=Cervaise] “Oh, and can you make sure she’s _super_ fuckable? I’ll pay extra for the Plastic Tart package. Thanks so much.” [/QUOTE] Yes, if you ever go to meet a girl at her house and she turns out to be Chris Hansen from Dateline NBC, you should whip out one of these pictures for him. He’d be forced to let you go, owing to the clear case of entrapment. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711.md?page=6)