# OH THE HORROR! Is this some sick joke? What have you done to these poor children? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 30, 2007, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711 "2007-07-30T17:32:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2007, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/101 "2007-07-31T15:42:21Z")
Jeebus! The second link looks like some anime monster child that’s gonna bite me! ---
**Author:** ![Sunrazor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sunrazor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunrazor)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2007, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/102 "2007-07-31T16:02:06Z")
The photographer has destroyed the very things that make these children so adorably beautiful in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2007, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/103 "2007-07-31T16:15:09Z")
[QUOTE=Struan] _sends off script_ [/QUOTE] Who’s the genius behind this service? [Mary Shaw](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0455760/)? _Must not scream, or she’ll rip out my tongue out at the roots_ ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2007, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/104 "2007-07-31T16:23:44Z")
[QUOTE=Mama Tiger] I think that of all the creepy photos on all the pages that have been linked to here, [this one](http://www.kelsphotocreations.com/images/retouch1lowres.jpg) is the one that makes me want to go hide in a bomb shelter somewhere and not come out until all the retouchers have been nuked into eternity! Who the FUCK puts that kind of lipstick on a BABY? 😕 [/QUOTE] Holy hemorrhaging Christ. What the hell is that? I mean, I know it’s a baby – but a baby _what?_ I feel like entombing it in a cave in the middle of nowhere and barring its entrance with a landslide so paleontologists can dig it up a hundred hears from now and accidentally unleash the hell within. ---
**Author:** ![Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/bc8723/32.png) [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unauthorized_Cinnamon)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2007, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/105 "2007-07-31T16:33:13Z")
Even if this particular site were a parody, it seems from the links to other retouching businesses that it’s not far off the mark. Sweet merciful crap, it is so sad to realize that there are infant beauty pageants (NOT “cutest baby” contests, but “make your three month old look fuckable” competitions), and that people think that a photo of a child too young to eat food really needs the addition of false eyelashes and lipstick. It’s funny, but whether children or adults, I liked the original pictures better (even on the non-insane retouching sites). Making people entirely unblemished, unfreckled, without wrinkles, and with perfectly even teeth robs them of the humanity that makes looking at them engaging. The only pics I liked were the ones where the original was unnaturally green, and the retouch corrected the color. **Mama Tiger** , that baby picture is proof that there is no loving god. Holy shit. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2007, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/106 "2007-07-31T17:26:53Z")
Wubba… I’m with those who’ve suggested that this would be a great Dr. Who story arc. The Master Returns!!! ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2007, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/107 "2007-07-31T20:47:40Z")
[QUOTE=Hal Briston] Geez…dude, stick to your talents – you’re passably good with retouching [wedding photos](http://www.naturalbeautiescontest.homestead.com/retouchaa.html), so stay in your niche. [/QUOTE] Hey! That looks like one of those [toilet paper cozies!](http://www.whowouldbuythat.com/images/toilet.paper.doll.poodle.jpg) My grandma had one. It freaked me out. (The Barbie kept staring at Mr. Pinky when I peed.) ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2007, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/108 "2007-07-31T21:20:26Z")
[QUOTE=OtakuLoki] Wubba… I’m with those who’ve suggested that this would be a great Dr. Who story arc. The Master Returns!!! [/QUOTE] Or the Nestene. ---
**Author:** ![Marlitharn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marlitharn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marlitharn)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2007, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/109 "2007-07-31T21:30:53Z")
[QUOTE=psychobunny] Unfortunately, that crazy lady is not the only one doing this. I thought this was an adequate retouching site until I scrolled down to [the third picture](http://phojoe.com/portrait_retouching.html). Or check out [this](http://www.grafphotodesign.com/glam14.htm), or the ones you can mouseover at the bottom the the page [here](http://www.kelsphotocreations.com/pageantretouching.htm). They’re taking over!!! [/QUOTE] Oh dear gods, the mouseovers! _I can’t unsee the mouseovers!!_ Seriously, they’re more disturbing seen that way than in the side-by-side before and after pics. And if I ever caught my daughter (who is cute as a button) walking around my house looking like one of those afterpics, I’d lock her in her room and call an exorcist. What kind of freako parent wants pictures of their kids that look like photos of plastic dolls, anyway? One of my favorite portraits of my daughter was taken right after she gave herself a black eye by being a froggy in the bathtub (she was 2). The merrily obnoxious grin and ornery glint in her eye eclipse the shiner, and her personality comes through crystal clear. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2007, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/110 "2007-07-31T21:47:21Z")
[QUOTE=Lute Skywatcher] Or the Nestene. [/QUOTE] _That’s_ who I was trying to remember. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2007, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/111 "2007-07-31T22:24:29Z")
[QUOTE=lieu] The latter. The also advertise being able to repair tears and damaged photos so it appears their intent is legit even if it’s weird beyond compare. [Hot to not.](http://www.naturalbeautiescontest.homestead.com/retouch1aaa.html) [/QUOTE] Is it just me or was this picture different yesterday? I remember seeing a picture of a woman wearing a cowboy hat. Now it’s a different woman, in a tropical motif. [QUOTE=Tranquilis] OMG! You’re _right!_ This lady is an agent of the Zogg! :eek: [/QUOTE] Wow. I had no idea what kinds of folks I had on my payroll. ---
**Author:** ![cher3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cher3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cher3)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2007, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/112 "2007-07-31T22:30:28Z")
I’m not getting the pageant aspect here. I think children’s pageants must be a very freaky world, but would even they accept such a radically altered photo as a entry of some kind? Why? What happens when the child gets to the pageant and doesn’t look anything like that? I must be missing something about the whole culture. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2007, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/113 "2007-07-31T22:33:41Z")
[QUOTE=Zoggie] Is it just me or was this picture different yesterday? I remember seeing a picture of a woman wearing a cowboy hat. Now it’s a different woman, in a tropical motif. [/QUOTE] Nope, definitely not just you. This new one is actually not bad. ---
**Author:** ![Licentious\_Ectomorph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/5e9695/32.png) [@Licentious\_Ectomorph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Licentious_Ectomorph)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2007, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/114 "2007-07-31T23:01:09Z")
I still see the woman in the cowboy hat. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2007, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/115 "2007-07-31T23:03:39Z")
Interesting. I see a dead-eyed creature from a distant dimension that wants to chew through my face and suck out my spinal column from the inside. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2007, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/116 "2007-07-31T23:05:09Z")
[QUOTE=Cervaise] Interesting. I see a dead-eyed creature from a distant dimension that wants to chew through my face and suck out my spinal column from the inside. [/QUOTE] I’ll have what (s)he’s having. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2007, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/117 "2007-07-31T23:37:20Z")
[QUOTE=Bambi Hassenpfeffer] [Yeeesh](http://www.naturalbeautiescontest.homestead.com/retouch1aaaa2.html). _Those_ are not baby eyelashes. [/QUOTE] I find it hysterical that “aaaa” is part of the page name, as if they knew that was going to be the reaction of anyone who saw this. I also want to say that even in the _before_ picture, that is one ugly baby. Don’t hurt me. Someone _really_ needs to do a “lolcats”-style site for pictures like that. “Iz zukkin yer sul!!!” Do you think that people go up to that kid and say, in that weird voice everyone uses to talk to babies, “Who’s a creepy baby? Who’s a creepy baby? You are! Yes, you are! You’re a very creepy baby!” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2007, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/118 "2007-07-31T23:53:18Z")
Ooooooooooh! I just had a great idea! The next time someone trots out that tired old saw of, “Won’t someone please think of the children?” The _best_ response will be, “You mean like [this?](http://www.kelsphotocreations.com/images/retouch1lowres.jpg)” 😃😃😃 ---
**Author:** ![koeeoaddi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/koeeoaddi/32/408_2.png) [@koeeoaddi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/koeeoaddi)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2007, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/119 "2007-08-01T00:27:09Z")
[QUOTE=Marlitharn] Oh dear gods, the mouseovers! _I can’t unsee the mouseovers!!_ [/QUOTE] My index finger’s been screaming _REDRUM!_ ever since I clicked the damn thing. ---
**Author:** ![straight\_man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/straight_man/32/3027_2.png) [@straight\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/straight_man)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2007, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711/120 "2007-08-01T05:31:08Z")
[QUOTE=Pullet] [This is the worst](http://www.naturalbeautiescontest.homestead.com/retouch1aa.html) They claim that they are keeping her “all natural,” and “perfecting the photo without changing the child” But they gave her a completely different eye color, and made her eyes bigger!!! [/QUOTE] Actually, I think the original photo is a bit creepy-looking too. The eyes started out saying Stepford Wives – how well could they end? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-horror-is-this-some-sick-joke-what-have-you-done-to-these-poor-children/413711.md?page=7)