# Oh the ongoing saga of being divorced with a kid **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 24, 2012, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-ongoing-saga-of-being-divorced-with-a-kid/623006 "2012-05-24T21:21:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Gleena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b3f665/32.png) [@Gleena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gleena)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2012, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-ongoing-saga-of-being-divorced-with-a-kid/623006/61 "2012-05-26T01:26:58Z")
> [@astro](#): > > I was divorced in 94 and paid CS until 2009 when my youngest became 18. My ex would push my buttons and keeps trying to do it to this day. I’m saying this to establish I know where you are coming from re the tension of shuttling kids between two households and empathize re having to deal with an irrational or undependable spouse. > > Having said all this you are, in all honesty, acting like a huge, huge jerk. Trying to drag your financially hapless ex into the question of how to come up with this money is like making fun of a retarded child. She’s a financial tard, she’s irresponsible, she doesn’t spend your CS contribution in appropriate and responsible ways… we get it… he gets it. She sucks because she won’t or can’t step up with half the required amount. You have won the debate! > > Really… you should be ashamed of yourself for putting your kid in this position. It’s not his fault his mom’s a financial idiot. You chose her and married her, not him. Putting him on the spot for an attractive opportunity he cannot possible undertake without you more or less underwriting the financial end of this is cruel. > > Put on your dad pants and pay for the trip. If you want him to kick in some cash after the fact work it out with him man to man. Stop trying to drag your financially incompetent ex into this decision it’s petty, stupid and controlling. This is 100% QFT. This is me, except I have primary custody now. When he did, I pais CS plus, because he couldn’t make rent. In the 8 years I have had primary, he has paid exactly $100 dollars of CS. He is financially retarded and can’t keep a job and will not take a job beneath him, quote unquote. I just suck it up and pay for things. I used to mention it, but I stopped for the reasons astro mentioned, its like teasing a retarded child. I pay for private school, I will pay for his o/seas senior trip, all of it. Why bother his dad? They boy is nearly 17, he is pretty painfully aware his dad is filled with fail, without any extra pressure from me. Plus, his dad tends to withdarw from the boy when I pressure him to keep up with his responsibilities. His son loves him, so why would I hurt the boy? I just put on my Mom pants (which are not Mom jeans, I assure you), keep a mantra in my own head, and not out loud, that this is the price I pay for youthful stupidity and fairness isn’t going to happen, and I pay for it. Suck it up, Omar, and do the same. ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2012, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-ongoing-saga-of-being-divorced-with-a-kid/623006/62 "2012-05-26T02:15:11Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > With all of your psychological expertise and vast knowledge of my family that you’ve garnered in about 250 words, please tell the lesson he’s going to learn. The most polite way I can put it is that you are quite willing to use your own son as a tool to punish your ex and try to get even with her. It’s a dick move. ---
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2012, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-ongoing-saga-of-being-divorced-with-a-kid/623006/63 "2012-05-26T03:39:47Z")
> [@Sam\_I\_Am](#): > > IMO this is a want, not a need, and so it doesn’t fall under the 50/50 umbrella at all. > > Also, given that it is a want, not a need, I think it is perfectly reasonable for a 17 year old to take responsibility themselves, ask whoever might possibly contribute (mother, father, grandparents, godparents, whoever), and figure out how to come up with the rest. > > It is perfectly reasonable for you to give what you are comfortable giving, and for your ex to do the same. > > But it being a want, not a need, also means that the issue of child support, and of your ex’s financial responsibility or lack thereof, has nothing to do with this issue. I think this nails it. OP never said the kid had to ask mom; he said the kid had to come up with a plan to pay his half. That’s a good thing. AND mom’s finances are not the point. I think OP erred in letting his feelings about her make him sound a lot worse than he really is with his kid on this. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2012, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-ongoing-saga-of-being-divorced-with-a-kid/623006/64 "2012-05-26T04:15:51Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > And PunditLisa you are classicly reading things that aren’t there. I have no notion that I can control what my ex does with the child support I pay, but I definitely can have an opinion on what is fair and what is not. What you did fail to read is that I know for a fact that she doesn’t spend even half of what I give her on my son’s support. You do realize that you just contradicted yourself, right? And you know nothing “for a fact” because there is no way to separate the mother completely from the child. Putting a roof over her head and food in her mouth is, indeed, supporting HIM, whether you like it or not. Besides, whether she spends 10% or 500% is irrelevant. This vacation has nothing to do with child support. It is neither appropriate nor reasonable of you to suggest that she set aside $83 a month or even 83 CENTS a month of child support to cover ANYTHING. It isn’t your business how she spends HER money, any more than it’s your employer’s business how you should spend your paycheck because they signed the check. Quit trying to force your priorities on her. Quit putting your child in the middle of this. And quit putting your self-imposed woes on a public board if you can’t take criticism like an adult. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2012, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-ongoing-saga-of-being-divorced-with-a-kid/623006/65 "2012-05-26T05:42:05Z")
6k is a hell of a lot of money. That’s “I’m quitting my job and spending six months bumming around Thailand” money, not a two week hop to Europe. Even after a (high-side) $1,500 plane ticket, that’s $280 a day. A bed in a top rated youth hostel in a major city runs around $50. Add another $50 for a picnic lunch and decent dinner, and he’s got $180 every single day to spend on…bottle service? daily flights? designer clothes? Older people can burn through that on nice hotels and top-rated meals, but young travelers are usually happier in lively youth hostels full of their peers. People-to-People type trips can be okay for less mature teens who need the structure and the built-in peer group. But they provide almost zero cultural immersion (you’ll end up experiencing Europe through the eyes of your American trip-mates), a superficial “if it’s Tuesday we’re in Rome” overview, and none of the independence that travel is so good at fostering. What they are good for is awakening curiosity in timid, less exploratory youngsters. But for a normal kid, it’s pretty much very expensive summer camp with hotels. I work with college admissions, and be aware that these programs don’t “look good on a college applications.” Colleges are well aware they are pay-for-play arrangements, and so they don’t really reflect anything special on the participant’s part. It’s better than spending the summer staring at the walls, but pretty much equal to spending the summer working at McDonalds. And that goes the same for the kids who are going up against your kid and have dropped 18k on the Harvard run trips to exotic places where they work with name-value trip leaders to personally save orphans from the plague (or whatever). It doesn’t impress them if it’s pay for play and not part of a situation that shows sustained dedication, leadership and independence. Anyway, I’d do it the old fashioned way- tell the kid you’ll buy him a plane ticket and Eurail pass for his graduation. He’ll have a lot more fun, learn some real independence budgeting, planning and arranging his trip, and it will cost half as much if that. It’d be a real adventure. Let him cover his expenses, but keep the leftover from your 3k to bail him out and/or help him with a study abroad later in college. You’ll be the coolest dad ever, the family drama won’t need to happen, and he’ll have a longer, more in-depth, more immersive, and more fun trip. ---
**Author:** ![loshan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ce73a5/32.png) [@loshan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/loshan)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2012, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-ongoing-saga-of-being-divorced-with-a-kid/623006/66 "2012-05-26T07:29:12Z")
Sven. Really. Is that helpful? Maybe to someone who asks “What is the best way to travel on a budget?”. But that isn’t the question here. You may have done it differently, but not everyone wants or needs to slum their way around Europe or impress a college admissions board. This may be the only comfortable way for the kid to see and experience Europe. Not everyone needs to go the pseudo-peace corp way. The issue here is that Dad is trying his best to emphasize the failures of Mom and not the type of European trip that is planned. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2012, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-ongoing-saga-of-being-divorced-with-a-kid/623006/67 "2012-05-26T11:47:48Z")
> [@](#): > > When she doesn’t live up to her side of the bargain, she’s cheating my son and me. No one is objecting to you feeling cheated by your ex already, calm yourself. But to take every opportunity to impress this boy with how _ **he’s** _ being cheated is ridiculously bad parenting, no matter how righteous you feel. Decide whatever portion you are willing to pay, and tell him. Keep your opinion, about who else should contribute what, to your damn self. Either he’ll find a way (his savings, his Mom, his other relatives, whatever!) or he won’t. Everything else is your freaking issue, keep it to yourself. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2012, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-ongoing-saga-of-being-divorced-with-a-kid/623006/68 "2012-05-26T12:12:58Z")
In the sense that cutting out half of the budget of the trip removes a lot of the conflict here, yeah, it is useful. $6,000 is not an average ballpark price for a “high school senior trip to Europe,” which is not some bizarre alternative way to travel, but a tried and true institution that is so normal that people have built literally thousands of youth hostels, European governments offer discount Eurail passes to accomdate it, and edgy, wacky stations like PBS have long running shows about it. That is how young people normally travel in Europe. Personally, I do get upset when programs such as People-to-People misrepresent what they are to parents by implying that they are selective or that that they represent a substantial learning opportunity. They are very nice bus tours for teens with a few guest speakers and brief, often weekend-long “host family experience”, which is exactly what some kids need to awaken a curiousity inside of them, and can certainly be fun in the way that a busful of teens staying in hotels can be fun and exciting. But the way they carefully skirt language in their promotional materials often implies that they are academic programs or rare opportunuties, rather than a bus tour you buy off the shelf, and I think this is wrong to play on parent’s hopes and willingness to invest what it takes to give their kids opportunities that will get them ahead in applying for college. They sell these tours at a steep markup, and a lot of that is from parents who think they are buying an academic enrichment opportunity as a once-in-a-lifetime investment in their kid’s future rather than a personal enrichment vacation. That said, they can be exactly the right thing for some kids. But IMHO the average 18 year old is going to be looking longingly out the bus windows at the kids with the Eurail passes, wondering if it makes sense to pay $3,000 a week for the privldege of being herded around with a bunch of Americans. If that doesn’t speak to you, it’s fine to say “naw, that’s not for me.” But you don’t see me getting huffy and resentfuly when someone suggests I take a luxury cruise or spend a week in an all-inclusive. Different strokes for different folks. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2012, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-ongoing-saga-of-being-divorced-with-a-kid/623006/69 "2012-05-26T12:51:07Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > In the sense that cutting out half of the budget of the trip removes a lot of the conflict here, yeah, it is useful. $6,000 is not an average ballpark price for a “high school senior trip to Europe,” which is not some bizarre alternative way to travel, but a tried and true institution that is so normal that people have built literally thousands of youth hostels, European governments offer discount Eurail passes to accomdate it, and edgy, wacky stations like PBS have long running shows about it. That is how young people normally travel in Europe. > > Personally, I do get upset when programs such as People-to-People misrepresent what they are to parents by implying that they are selective or that that they represent a substantial learning opportunity. They are very nice bus tours for teens with a few guest speakers and brief, often weekend-long “host family experience”, which is exactly what some kids need to awaken a curiousity inside of them, and can certainly be fun in the way that a busful of teens staying in hotels can be fun and exciting. But the way they carefully skirt language in their promotional materials often implies that they are academic programs or rare opportunuties, rather than a bus tour you buy off the shelf, and I think this is wrong to play on parent’s hopes and willingness to invest what it takes to give their kids opportunities that will get them ahead in applying for college. They sell these tours at a steep markup, and a lot of that is from parents who think they are buying an academic enrichment opportunity as a once-in-a-lifetime investment in their kid’s future rather than a personal enrichment vacation. > > That said, they can be exactly the right thing for some kids. But IMHO the average 18 year old is going to be looking longingly out the bus windows at the kids with the Eurail passes, wondering if it makes sense to pay $3,000 a week for the privldege of being herded around with a bunch of Americans. If that doesn’t speak to you, it’s fine to say “naw, that’s not for me.” But you don’t see me getting huffy and resentfuly when someone suggests I take a luxury cruise or spend a week in an all-inclusive. Different strokes for different folks. Do you think it would? Seriously? Because I think it would simply turn an unattainable $3k for Mom into an unattainable $1.5k for mom. And Europe is more expensive than Thailand. I bummed around Europe for 6 weeks twenty five years ago and it cost $2k then - Eurail tickets weren’t cheap. I also bummed around Thailand twenty years ago. The two are not really comparable. I’ve also done the tour bus through Europe, and while at 22 I’d really rather my kids got a Eurail pass and a iPhone app that got them to hostels, at 17, they’d have to be amazingly mature to do so. Also, because our tour guides were natives, and our bus driver was native, and the tour was structured to surround us with native food and native experiences, surprisingly, my tour bus experience was as immersive than staying in hostels in a room with eleven other Americans and riding Eurail trains with other Americans and grabbing either McDonalds or food we recognized off the grocery shelves. To Omar, I have friends who are in a similar situation as your ex - except they are married and hard workers. But their daughter has been invited to participate in one of these student leader things and despite working hard and being married, its a thousand dollars they can’t find in the budget. So they’ve said, “sorry, no.” And their daughter won’t be able to participate in the student leader thing. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2012, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-ongoing-saga-of-being-divorced-with-a-kid/623006/70 "2012-05-26T16:35:48Z")
> [@](#): > > My son’s birthday is this week. In one year he will turn 18, at which point I will no longer be required to pay child support to his mother. I think that the first two sentences of your OP, speak volumes. It screams you need to address **your** issues, to me. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2012, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-ongoing-saga-of-being-divorced-with-a-kid/623006/71 "2012-05-26T16:42:16Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > You parrots have the reading comprehension of four year olds. More interested in jumping to conclusions, probably based upon your own life experiences, instead of asking questions. > > As I have said upthread, is that she does have the money to help with this request of my son. I fail to see anyone demanding anything other than me for you to get a clue. If you need me to piece together the source of her funds for this purpose because you’re too lazy to go back to my post and read them without interjecting your psychobabble into them, just ask. Yes reading comprehension is important. Let me take you back to your OP which I am quoting in full. > [@](#): > > My son’s birthday is this week. In one year he will turn 18, at which point I will no longer be required to pay child support to his mother. We share joint physical custody, so he is with us 50% of the time and with his mom and stepdad 50% of the time. My son also has a half brother there as well. He loves his family, both sides and he worries about his mom’s household financial condition. The disparities between the financial where-with-all of our two households is significant. > > We have been divorced for about 11 years now. My ex received a 6 figure settlement from me at the time of our divorce including one of the houses we owned, as well as alimony and child support. She re-married within a year of our divorce, which stopped the alimony, and she and her new husband blew through all of the cash; sold the house and blew through all of the equity within 18 months of getting married. > > She borrows money from my son frequently for gas and other misc. expenses. The child support I pay her represents about 30% of their family monthly income. I too worry about their situation, especially after next year when the monthly stipend from me comes to an end. > > We were married for 14 years at the time of our divorce. Deep down I still care about her, but at the same time I’m very glad we are no longer together. She knows how to push my buttons, and as such I try to limit the amount of communication I have with her, to only what is necessary. > > My son has been honored to be selected as a student ambassador from our state to travel with about 200 other students to Europe next summer (2013) for about 16 days. I think this would be a wonder experience for him prior to going off to college. The cost of the trip will be about $6,000, which is actually a really good deal for a two week trip to London, Paris, Geneva, Venice, Munich, and Frankfurt. > > We have to make a decision if he’s going to be able to go and put down a non-refundable deposit by the end of next week. I told him that he needs to figure out how he’s going to pay for the whole trip before we put down the deposit. I also told him that I would be willing to pay for half of the cost of the trip, and that he should consider how much he himself would pay for out of his own pocket, and ask his mother how much she would be willing to contribute. > > She receives about $15,000 a year from me (tax-free) for him living with her 50% of the time. I know that she doesn’t spend even half of that amount on him. So I do not feel that I am unreasonable in expecting her to consider committing some amount of money for his trip. But my son is worried that they won’t be able to afford it and doesn’t want to broach the subject with her because of the apparent financial difficulties they always seem to have. > > I’m torn between wanting to help my son have this experience, and teaching him to take more of a responsibility for his own goals. You establish that she is a presumed spendthrift, has always been incompetent at handling money going on decades, and spends to the absolute maximum she receives to the point she is borrowing money from your son for everyday expenses. To a reasonable person this vignette would suggest that regardless of the 1250 a month in CS you pay those funds are gobbled up by whatever existing expenses she spends them on household use. As an aside 1250 a month is not a tremendous sum of money. If it is actually 30% of their total family income as you indicate that’s $ 50,000 a year before taxes supporting a 4 person family. If they are not good with money to begin with I have no problems believing that every spare penny in that household is currently committed to existing debt. If this is the case regardless of your CS payments _operationally_ there is no spare money to commit to this trip. Yes, maybe if they completely reordered the family finances to accommodate this trip it would be possible to do this, but as you have clearly pointed out, this would be very difficult for them to do as a proportion of their income, and she has no history to date of being able to do this. And then you have this in post # 8 > [@](#): > > My son clearly understands the financial arrangement between his mother and I. He’s 17. He also knows that she is responsible for half of his support via what I pay her each month. I don’t believe that he should disregard those facts, simply because his mom is terrible with money. So not only is his financially incompetent “shitbag” of a mother very unlikely to be able to provide these funds, you need to let him know in no uncertain terms the extent of her shitbaggery. “But… but” you sputter “She could pay! She should pay!” - This is a family of of four persons headed by financial morons getting by on 35,000 a year plus your CS and you want your son to push his mom for 3,000 for a trip to Europe. To be frank per your note at the top of this post I think our reading comprehension is just fine. From every angle in this scenario you look like a vindictive and controlling person determined to humiliate his financially hapless ex-wife and her family. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2012, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-ongoing-saga-of-being-divorced-with-a-kid/623006/72 "2012-05-26T16:42:50Z")
Truly pathetic behaviour on your part. Stop playing mind games with your son in which you play him off between you and your ex-wife. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2012, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-ongoing-saga-of-being-divorced-with-a-kid/623006/73 "2012-05-26T22:52:09Z")
The assumptions made in regard to me in this thread are magnaminous. 1 - Yes, I think his mom is a total shit heel, but he doesn’t hear that from me. I believe you presume that he’s stands over my shoulder as I type. His knowledge of his mom’s weaknesses are from his own eyewitness. 2 - His knowledge of the financial arrangement between us came from his mom, detailing it out to him when I sued her to reduce the child support about 4-5 years ago. He was the first person she told. 3 - My knowledge of how she spends her money, came out of that legal process as well. We both were required by the court to detail out our income and our monthly expenditures. 4 - I have not demanded that he ask her. I only suggested it to him. I asked him last night again, what his plan was. He asked if I would cover it all. I told him no. I have not raised the issue of asking his mom again. I suggested that in addition to the the $1k that he consider kicking in the other $2k himself. He said he’d think about it. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2012, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-ongoing-saga-of-being-divorced-with-a-kid/623006/74 "2012-05-26T23:11:59Z")
omar, two wrongs don’t make a right, particularly when it comes to raising a child. Stop playing mind games with your son. ---
**Author:** ![ENugent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4af34b/32.png) [@ENugent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ENugent)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2012, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-ongoing-saga-of-being-divorced-with-a-kid/623006/75 "2012-05-27T03:16:58Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > The assumptions made in regard to me in this thread are magnanimous. That word - I do not think it means what you think it means. ---
**Author:** ![Enkel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/df705f/32.png) [@Enkel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enkel)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2012, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-ongoing-saga-of-being-divorced-with-a-kid/623006/76 "2012-05-27T03:39:17Z")
My 2 cents (and for free!) Go open a savings account in the boy’s name. Tell him that you’ll match the amount in the account when the bill comes due (so if he gets 1500, you’ll match it to make the 3000). Maybe even say you’ll match up to 2000 so he has spending money. Your son can do what ever he wants to get the amount into the savings account. If he wants to ask mom for $20/week for ‘stuff’ and plunk it in there or if he sells stuff or gets a job. That’s up to him. Honestly, in some areas, he could earn the whole $3K with a $120 mower over the course of the summer. But either way, he’ll learn to set a goal and save toward it without the goal being totally beyond his abilities given the time frame. Congrats of your boy’s accomplishments. You must be very proud. ---
**Author:** ![Nametag](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nametag/32/406_2.png) [@Nametag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nametag)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2012, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-ongoing-saga-of-being-divorced-with-a-kid/623006/77 "2012-05-28T06:27:59Z")
“I hate the idea of causes, and if I had to choose between betraying my country and betraying my friend, I hope I should have the guts to betray my country.” –E.M. Forster Same goes for principles. ---
**Author:** ![legalsnugs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/45deac/32.png) [@legalsnugs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/legalsnugs)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2012, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-ongoing-saga-of-being-divorced-with-a-kid/623006/78 "2012-05-28T14:48:27Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > (snip) I’m torn between wanting to help my son have this experience, and teaching him to take more of a responsibility for his own goals. Since this seems to be the initial question, you really didn’t need to put in one single word about your ex’s financial situation. Your quandary is really: 1) do I pay for the whole thing to give my son this experience? or 2) do I make the kid pay for 1/2 so he learns to earn the luxury items he wants? Right? If you decide to make him pay 1/2, a decision at which you seem to arrived, it shouldn’t matter to you where he gets the other half, as long it was in an honest endeavor, right? You pay child support. Good for you. That has nothing to do with anything here. This is an “extra” that you, and your son, both know your ex cannot afford. Move on. Further, you don’t say why you moved the court to reduce your child support obligation, or if it was indeed reduced, but if your son knows about that, to him you could well be just a greedy dipship who’s been shorting him for years. Just sayin’. ---
**Author:** ![manila](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e5b9ba/32.png) [@manila](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manila)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2012, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-ongoing-saga-of-being-divorced-with-a-kid/623006/79 "2012-05-28T15:57:14Z")
Wow just wow. Sorry **Omar Little** Seems you just have the wrong set of genitals to pose this question here. I have no doubt next year as soon as she doesn’t see your son as another source of income she will be kicking his butt out of the house and to the curb. Sorry for your predicament [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-the-ongoing-saga-of-being-divorced-with-a-kid/623006.md?page=3)